ChOcOLoLo's advice column | ChOcOLoLo's Advice About Love Life

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Q: okay so ive been bestfriends with this kid for about a year now.. but the problem is hes 11 and im 14. i went out with him before over the summer. and sometimes whenever he flirts with me or talks to me i start liking him again.. and he used to like me a little while ago but i dont think he does anymore but were like really good friends.. last time we broke up because he liked this other girl.. if he does ask me out i dont know if i should say yes to him and trust him this time or say no cause of the age difference? but when i like him i like him a lott! and i think its going to be happening soon and i need advice

please help mee!!!!!

hey there!
first off, this is not wrong, weird or queer, but normal. Relationships were the guy is slightly younger are not uncommon, and most of all, its the connection between both that matters, rather than some stupid age difference. However, your feelings toward him seem sort of like an infatuation, or you have a sense of insecurity because you are older. Don't let this get to you. I think if he is the kind of guy who can understand, connect, and inspire you at your level and you with his, he's definetly a keeper.

Q: 13/f
okay none of the guys at my school have touched my boobs or anythign like that
..they are like cool and stuff but they are hung up on this girl i mean she doesn't even have bug boobs i mean i have D's and i really want that attention. i mean like my two best friends ((girls)) have seen both grabbes my boobs but i want guys to

what could i do for them to touch my boobs?

I'm sorry, but excuse me? You are much higher than the degrading, disgusting false attention that guys may give you. Your desire to gain this kind of attention stems from your own low self-confidence. I mean, come-on. You don't need the stares from guys to define who you are or your personal value. You're WAYY HIGHER than that. Instead of focusing more on this, focus more on YOURSELF, and your own inner beauty and value, and the kind of person you want to be. You must have more self-respect for yourself, girl.

Q: how do i let a guy no that i like him? its kind of a complicated situation because theres another girl that likes him too. i want him to know but i dont want to be hurt if he doesnt like me back. should i tell his friend who im close to? or him directly?....in person or IM?

It's always best to get your feelings out in the open and tell him directly. If you avoid the situation, more time is lost, and plus, you'll get to know him much better by actually spending time and talking story with him in person. Does the other girl who also has a crush on the guy you like know how you feel for him? It may be hard, but you have to express how you feel for him because you never know--he may feel the same way too.

Q: what are things you can do for a one year anniversay? (guy who is planning for a girl)

i need to know for my friend so please help asap

Hey there! What your friend could do is obtain a bouquet of 12 roses, symbolizing 12 months of being together, or create a large collage of pictures (fun times) together of the entire year. They could also go to a quiet hilly place, where there are much stars at night, or have a picnic. Basically, everything is really valuable, as long as they have a good time =).

Q: I am 20, a little athletic but i could stand to lose 20 pounds (i'm just a shade under 6' tall, 221 lbs.). I show everyone respect, I'm always referred to as a 'great friend' or 'like a big brother', but no matter how much i try i cannot get past that image. i'm either not seen as a date-able person or everyone i try to get close to lies and leads me on instead of telling me the truth and letting me know why they're not interested or what i was doing wrong. Am i doomed to be forever in the hell that we guys call the "Friend-zone"?
Any and all suggestions are welcome, but I have had enough 'help' from other guys. please understand that i'm looking for the female's answer to my problem.
thank you,
Confused-&-Sad

Hey there! I know how you feel... The first thing I want to stress is that there is nothing wrong with you, and you should always continue to be yourself, because truly, your potential girlfriend should accept you for who you truly are, not who you attempt to change yourself to be =). Do you like someone right now? If so, tell her honestly how you feel. Girls really appreciate that guys are honest in showing how they feel. Also, I personally feel that you don't have to change in any way, because I'm sure that any girl would be fortunate to have a highly respected or great friend as their boyfriend. I truly hope everthing works out.
_Normie

Q: so here it goes
we started going out about 6 months ago. Everything was perfect. he loved me and he wanted to be the best boyfriend he could be. about a month into the relationship we had sex for the first time. i know it seems forward, but we were friends with benefits four months prior to going out.. after we had sex. we started fighting alot. he was trying to get involved with dealing drugs..and i thought he was doing drugs.. and yeah that was our first fight. we resolved it and then my best friend told me she had heard his friends talking about smoking weed with him and stuff.. so i flipped out on him again.. and he was really upset .. because he doesnt do that.. and he didnt want to lose me. we kept fighting over things.. soon my friend told me she hated him and he treats me like shit and i need to leave him. and i do admit.. he could have treated me with ALOT more respect. he always complained about what i looked like.. he never told me i was beautiful.. if i didnt wear something "sexy" i wouldnt get any sort of attention at all. where as he used to stare into my eyes and tell me how beautiful i was.. we were almost going out for 5 months when we got into a huge fight.. because i had his myspace password and he kept sending girls messages telling them how sexy they were. this hurt me.. and he ended up flipping out on me.. and im one of those kind of people who cant go to sleep at night knowing someones mad at them.. so i had him stay on the phone with me for 4 hours trying to resolve the problem...in the morning he apologised but i was still hurt and sick of the fighting .. so i sent him an email telling him how horrible he treats me. he ended up breaking up with me. it was dramatic.. he cried when he did it. so i know he didnt want to. the next day.. we didnt even look at eachother in school.. i came online when i got hoem and he begged for me back.. and i gave in. .we were just going to take a break and i gave in. the next day i asked him if we were still going to get back together eventually..and he said "idk i only said that to make you feel better" and i went to his house and screamed at him .. because he lead me on again. and then he said he'd go out with me until summer comes.. because he wants to do his own thing over the summer. stupidly i agreed. and we went out .. we've been going out.. but he's been different.. i say "i love you" and he either jokes around and makes sum dumb comment or he mumbles it back.. he tries to strangle me sometimes. .and i honestly cant tell if hes fooling around or not. we wrestled the other day.. just cutsy bf gf wrestling.. and then he started punching me.. and stuff.. and his friend saw and he was like "woah stop thats not cool" .. i have a huge buise on my arm from him punching me. and while we were wrestling i accidently kicked him in the balls.. he knew it was an accident but he still flipped out on me .. he wrapped his arm around my neck and put his hand over my mouth and nose. he held it there for a while too.. i started crying and he just kissed me better.. but still . we broke up today.. and we're supposed to be getting together next school year.. but i just want to know.. is this too serious? because i know when im in a bad situation i never notice how bad it REALLY is.. and i just want to be safe.

This is serious. Very serious. This guy seems to have great emotional control over you, and will furthermore abuse you emotionally, and is starting to physically. This guy is a jerk. It appears that he has lost genuine respect of you.. I feel that you should try to get out of this relationship as quickly as possible because it seems that lingering in it will cause you to be more hurt, and if given the chance again, I think that being in a relationship with someone like this who does not have genuine respect for you is a COMPLETE waste of your time! You deserve someone much better who will respect and care for you, and who will not take advantage of your feelings...

Q: a couple nights ago me and my freind met the most gorgeous guy in the world...
snakebites
longish hair
eyeliner
yeah anyways..
we really hit it off that night
so the next night we hung out again..
and i slept with him (didnt have sex just slept) and everyone was asleep and iwas to lazy to pull up my skirt because im like really open to everyone so im like hm whatever
anyways heres are conversation..
it wasl ike 4 in the morning..
and its WHISPERING so it was hot
dylan:ashley...?
me:yeah....?
dylan:are you awake...?
me:yeah.. are you..?
dylan:yeah...

(my heart was beating really fast because everytime i breathed in i had butterflys it was really bad because his hand was under my shirt (not in a perverted way)
anyways 10 minutes later..
dylan:ashley?..
me:yeah...?
dylan:have you ever had any serious relationships?
(we were like REALLY CLOSE)
me:no not really have you?..
dylan:one or two.
me:ohh
30 minutes later
dylan:ashley?...
me:yeah.?
dylan:(in a really serious whispering hot voice) do you like me?.
5 minutes later.
me:yeah

we never spoke again that night but got even CLOSER

and i havent seen him since
but he talks to me still

so my qustion is..
does he like me?..
i know this is long and sorry
i will give you 5s for taking your time and reading this and trying to answer it
thanks SO much.

Oh my gosh! He really does like you. Just continue to spend time with him and get to know him more =). Haha, so romantic, lol.

Q: 16/f

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 9 months. Well, the other day I asked him to take a break for a week because he had been really mean to me and was picking fights. I really have no feelings what so ever for him but he still thinks I love him. He tells me he has never told anyone he loves them but he tells me all the time and he said that we are meant for eachother. I really want to break up with him because I have never cried so much in my life or have ever been so angry. I am very unhappy with him and I want to break up. The only problem is, if I do break up with him he will move 6 hours from me and I'll never see him again. I don't know what to do!! Please help me I'm so confused on what to do!!

Hey there! If this relationship continues to make you feel degraded, or hurts you, then it's best to move on and end the relationship. Would you want to be stuck in a relationship where you're constantly feeling sad and angry, versus being apart from someone who continued to hurt you? You have also said that you no longer have feelings for him, so it is no use being stuck in a relationship where you are always getting hurt, and you hold no feelings whatsoever anymore, you know? Also, after you and your boyfriend may break up, it is a possibility that you and him may be still keep in touch as friends. If you decide to end the relationship, tell him straight-forwardly how you feel, and as gently as possible so that you both will not be even more pained, and it will end on good terms. With this, you will also have the chance to keep in close contact, even if 6 hours apart.

Q: Well here is the thing I like a girl in my grade and i have for like 4 months without telling her ( i was nervous) but she liked me for like 2 years i feel like im playin hard to get but i think im right for her, but here is the thing she is moving to Florida soon and i live in Massachusetts i really want to go out with her PLZ HELPP SOON!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there! The best thing to do is tell her how you feel....NOW! Don't continously wait and wait for the moment to arrive because before you know it, it will vanish and you'll always be regretting it and thinking of the "What if's", and "I should've's." Be honest with yourself, and straight-forwardly tell her how you feel. You can do it! I wish you the best of luck!

Q: so my boyfriend was a acting like a really big jerk. He took me out of his profile and replaced it with another girl saying wow i love ___. he was lso being really really rude. I got so frsihtrated and hurt and mad that i dumped him. After i did it i was like what did i jsut do . We went out a few times before and he dumped me. After that he got really mad at me and started to say stuff like i hope you die and i hate you. We made up but still not going out. We were gonna stop probllay before summer casye we weould never say see each other. But i just feel like everytihng is filled up inside of me and i jsut need to let it all out. Im kidna getting really sad cuase he keeps say well u blew it i relaly did love you. But i just am really sad and i feel like i jsut need to start crying to make it feel better.

Hey there! This guy is certainly not worth your time. Although he keeps saying that you personally caused the problem and that he really loved you, he disrespects you, and takes advantage of the fact that you will forgive him, and so continues to say and do hurtful things. Also, a relationship between two persons is a team-effort, where each contributes positively and accepts whatever actions are responsible for affecting the relationship in a negative way. This boyfriend saying that you blew it is a clear example of how immature he is of having a relationship, because he can't take responsibility for himself. The next time he happens to win you over again by saying that, be smart and don't accept it, because it will just result in more pain, you know? Although it is hard to get over this at first, the best thing is to go out, spend some time with friends, have fun and meet new people. Doing what you like to do best will help you get your mind off things.

Q: Okay, theres this guy that likes me, and i know he likes me cause he told all of his friends he did, but he didn't ask me out. He lives like 30 minutes away, and i'm not gonna see him all summer, but he told one of my friends to tell me to "not get a boyfriend over the summer" what should i do? should i wait for him?

The best thing to do is to try to get to know him more by talking to him, or possibly spending time together. Do you feel the same way? If so, you've found the answer to this question: Yes, but try to take the time to get to know him more.

Q: Okay well first of all I am 14/f and I have never had a boyfried. I have never even kissed a guy before. Well my question is why? I mean I'm not the prettiest but I have a great personality and I am fun to be around. Do guys only go for looks? What are some things that attract guys or what should I change to get a boyfriend?

Hey there! The first thing I want to point out is that you're BEAUTIFUL, and you shouldn't change just for the purpose of having a boyfriend. I mean, it is absolutely normal. (I haven't had a boyfriend yet,I'm nearly 16 but I'm still happy =D). Just continue to be confident in yourself and be who you are, because your potential boyfriend should accept you for who you are, not what you attempt to change yourself to be. =)

Q: okay 2 nights ago i had some friends over and we decided to drink, and we all got really really really drunk. anyway, i found out that i called the boy i have a huge crush on and left a message telling him i like him. right now im talking to him on aim and he hasnt said anything. do you think hes not bringing it up because he has no feelings for me? or he doesnt know what to say?
im not really sure if i should like ask him if he got the message or apologize or tell him whats going on or whatever.. what should i do?!

Hey there! I kind of think that the guy you like is not bringing up the phone call because he doesn't know what to say, or is still surprised and startled that he needs to take it all in at the moment. Slowly try to question him about the message, and how you feel about it. In the message, was it really how you feel? You should explain to him then genuinely how you feel, and straight-forwardly, because when drunk, people may not have as much control over their words. Review your feelings, and tell him how you sincerely feel. I truly hope this works out... I wish you the best of luck.

Q: Ok, two days ago (Wednesday) my boyfriend (Mike) wasn't at school because he was sick. Yesterday, he was at school. He was acting kind of wierd. Like, he wasn't doing things that he would normally do (such as walking up with me to my locker in the morning, talk to me the whole class that we have together, come up to my locker at the end of the day, and get out of class to go to the "bathroom" just to see me ). Then later yesterday online I told him about this guy that is one of my friends in Geometry class that played a little joke on me. I had my paper on his desk and I was turned around, so when I turned around again it said "Steph

Hey there! I personally believe there is an underlying problem in this that needs to be sort out with the help of you and your boyfriend. Set some private time for you guys to talk about what you feel about the relationship. It might not be just the note that triggered this problem, but maybe something else. It kind of appears that of you guys are being indifferent from lack of communication. Just need to clear the matter a bit on how both of you expect from each other in this relationship... If you need anything else, just hit me up in the inbox! Take care always, and I wish you the best of luck.
♥ normie

Q: Ive been really good friends with a guy for like 10 years, ever since we were 5. Lately, idk we're talking a lot more and getting along really well. Hes going to a dance with me and seems really excited. I told him one of my Lenten goals was to go to stations of the cross every friday night, and tonight he showed up too. I talked to him after and hes like "Oh, I decided to copy you:)" When he saw me he got this big smile on his face. Now my friends think he likes me. I like him. Does he like me? And how can i let him no i like him without actually telling him?

Hey there! Aww, hehe. I believe this is so cute. =DD Haha, but I believe that you can tell him how you feel through hanging out with him more, having a very genuine interest in the things he likes to do. Also, whenever you see him in the hallways at school, say "HI!" and smile, hehe. I do think that he feels the same way as he attended the Stations of the Cross after you had told him that's what you're planning to do. I wish you the best of luck! Take care always!

Q: I've been single for almost two years because all the guys like the "Popular girls" I really want a bf and cant seem to get one..can anyone help me ?

Ill rate 5's all the way♥
thanks=]

Hey there! I understand what you mean. But in actuality, all guys don't choose just the "popular girls". There's various qualities that guys like in girls besides status or looks that I've learned from my guy friends:

1) Personality-- If you are a friendly and confident person who is open to meeting new people, and understands their own capabilities and such, then this is a major plus! =DD

I've also learned that guys don't really favor girls who seem to be "emotionally dependent", as confidence is a MAJOR plus. So if you let others know that you're a very reliant and confident person, you're going far ahead, girl! Love is also kind of unexpected, as "it's like a butterfly, and you have to give it wings. the more you try to hold it down to you, the more it eludes you". So as you continue to be yourself, and being proud of yourself, then all will be fine.

Q: how do i kno when i'm over someone or not. i'm going out with a cool boy (going on 2 months) but idk if i like him still or not or if i should break up with him. How do you know these things?

p.s. I also think this other guy that doesnt know me is hott and awesome. but i dont kno how I know if i like my bf or not or want to break up....any help is appreciated

Hey there! The best thing is to follow your heart in this situation. Ultimately, it won't lead you in the wrong direction. If you sincerely feel that the relationship is not working, then you should follow it, and if it's going really good, then the best thing is to stay in it. In every situation though, your heart and head also need to guide and so if you know that this guy that you are going out thinks you are really cool too, then you should kind of consider being with someone who you don't really know well. But if you truely and deeply feel that it's not working out, and that you may be breaking this guy's heart by being with him and you don't really feel the same way, then you should also think about ending the relationship. Overall, only you know what's best for you. Look at both sides of the sitauation and make your decision. I wish you the best of luck.

Q: 14/female
ok like i reallly hate my life. But i live in a semi good neighborhood with a good famliy (mom, dad and sister) in a good house and everything but like nothing ever goes my way. Like i dont think im that pretty.. im 14 and only had 1 boyfriend (which only lasted 2 weeks ) and all my other friends have had manyy boyfriends and like all my friends that are girls are prettier than me in my opinion. and i dont really have a bestfriend. i used to but now someone else is her bestfriend. So now i just have like friends, but only like 4 really close friends. I'm naturally a very nice person.. but you know what they say: nice people finish last. Also, im a bit of a pushover. People sometimes just "walk all over me" and i cant really stand up for myself. I am very self-conscious about myself and im not that confident.
But then i think about the poor people or homeless people who probably have 20 times worse life than me and it makes me feel bad that i complain about my life when i should be thankful. So my question.. do you think my life is good or bad? is there anything i can do to improve my life? or should i be thankful instead?

Hey there! Life is not at all that bad. It's all in the perspective, and the way you take happenings that occur in life. A person once said: "Life is 10 percent of what happens to me, and 90 percent of how I view these happenings," and so, it's all in the perspective. If you wish to have a good life, make it so. If you want to begin standing up for yourself, get up and do it girl! Don't just sit around and feel sorry for yourself, and be angry at how life doesn't treat you well. When you immediately begin to realize that your life is in YOUR hands, and YOU alone are in the driver's seat, you're immediately going to get what you want for yourself, and meet the expectations you want to see yourself achieve.
And secondly, stop comparing yourself to other people. If you go through life this way, you're never going to see you for YOURSELF, because you're always seeing yourself in the images of other people. It's time to wake up and stop underestimating yourself, be the person you want to be, and live your life. Not the lives of the people around you. When you immediately begin to accept and realize YOUR own beauty and talents, you're gonna steer far ahead.
I know of a lot of people who are going through a lot of trouble, and I'm really inspired at seeing them smile and carrying on their lives, and making it work for themselves. And so, it's all up to you. Do you want to continue hating life, and keep on sitting and complaining? Or do you want to get up and know that you can do things, and you will do them? "First accept yourself, and when you see something you don't like, change it."

Q: okay well my friend went out with this guy and she treated him really bad, she played games with him and didnt really act like she liked him and they finally broke up cus he couldnt trust her cus she was always lieing to him && flirting wiht other guys and a few..weeks--maybe?--he started talking to me and we started liking eachtother and after a few weeks of talking and getting to know eachtoehr a little better, he ask me out and i said no cus i think my friend still likes you, but i talked to her and she said it wouldd be okay, so he asked me out again and i said yes this time and she was okay with it until after a few weeks,about 2 or 3 maybe, after i had started to really like him. she started getting mad at me and spreading rumors about me and everytime she saw him she would try to be all over him adn kiss him and all that and he'd be like get off of me i have a gf, and she would be like who cares about her? and she talked really bad abotu me behind my back but then around me shed be like ohh i love you! like she wanted to figth me at one point and then she took my best friend from me...and she doesnt like me anymore but she'll be all nice to me when she needs a ride somewhere or something ... so what should i do? i mean i want us to be friends but i dont want her to go on talkign about me behind my back. and dont say to break up with him cus we've been going out for a while now and i love him a whole lot. so please tell me what i can do to get her to stop spreading rumors about me and about him to break us up!

hey there! OMG. What kind of friend is that? She treats a guy badly, at the same time, spreads rumors about you, and doesn't care that you are in a relationship with this guy. AHEM, what kind of friend is that? The best solution to this problem is to end your friendship with this girl. All she's going to do is hurt your relationship and your reputaion more, and at the same time take advantage of you. And for all those stupid rumors she's spreading? Don't beleive them, and don't react to them because they're not true anyway, and she just wants to stab you in the back because she's just jealous of you. Seriously, don't consider her your friend anymore, and if it gets worse, be the mature person and don't turn around and start spreading rumors about her, because you'll be stooping down to her level--a very low place to be in.

Q: 16/m.-will rate- we met in a chat room, along with id say about 20 other kids. this was before the summer of 2003 and you know we were mostly from the same general area, east coast, but a few random people from cali n stuff. well anyways we all became pretty good friends, guys and girls all between 8th grade[where I was in at that time] and seniors and somehowI knew there was something different about one of them. well I thought you know: she didn’t notice me, she lives too far, blah blah blah. until I decided to, along with one of the guys there who was older, play a prank on her that id ask her out, and when she said no pretend to wanna kill myself.
at first it was hilarious, but then once I realized I hurt her feelings, I knew somethin was wrong
because I liked her as a friend nothing more, because I really didn’t know but I knew she liked me more than that so she felt terrible and then I felt bad too and I was like: wow I guess I must really care
so I told her everything n she told me everything how we felt n stuff. from then on we were...I guess u culd say closer friends. I asked her out everyday as a joke, n she always sed no and then I actually got serious, so I convinced her to believe me. after like 3 weeks and around august
she came around and sed yes. now ur thinkin, wtf is that, thats beyond insane.
she actually doesn’t live too far and yeah I know, we wer young n had no idea what we wer getting into it wasn’t like you know, something real, just for fun I guess. since then
shes been i guess... my 'gf'. now 2 things
1. she knew what i looked like and were i lived
2. i didnt know where she lived, or what she looked like. even crazier right? We actually met for the first time in person 3 days ago, still cant believe we pulled it off. Well what I wanna know is…would you consider this to be real love or a real relationship, why or why not. thanks

hey there! it's actually all up to you. do you love her, not like an infatuation for a person online or something, but where you actually accept her for herself, no matter how far she lives or even if you have only met her in person now? That may be true love, but overall, it's all about you.