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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Okay so i don't know why people are so mean to me.. Like my parents too. I'm nice and sweet and I give my everything, but I guess that's not enough. I'm a female I'm 15 years old. Everyone says that I can't do anything and that I'm useless. I try not to care but its my parents telling me I don't even get told that at school like wtf. But I wanted to know why are my parents so mean to me?

This is a very hard question to answer for two reasons. One I do not know you or your parents. Second your parents really don't hate you. They haven't changed your changing and this is natural for all children your age it's called puberty.

With puberty comes a host of new hormones floating through your plus you are female and your body is changing in many ways. You are older and want more freedom. You have more responsibilities especially in school. More is expected of you at home and in school. Your social life is changing. All of this puts a great deal of stress into your life.

You are going through what your grandparents called a phase when your parents went through what you are now going through. They expected and most children did grow out of it. When now know this is not a phase but a medical condition that doctors can help you with.

It is a medical condition that is a form of depression that strikes only teenagers during puberty. It is caused by a chemical imbalance and is not a mental illness. Now depression of any type caused us to perceive things differently then they are. Since we perceive them therefore they are meaning what we perceive is real even if it is wrong.

At 15 you are old enough to make your own doctors appointments. My advice is either ask mom to take you to the family doctor or make your own appointment. Ask to be screened for teenage depression. It is painless and consists of talking with the doctor and answering some questions. The doctor will probably want to do a complete physical and run some test. Let the doctor do so as this is to rule out any organic reason for the way you feel.

Your parents do not hate you and the are not being mean though I understand why you feel this way. As the saying goes your 15 going on 20. Slow down be a teenager and let your parents guide you this what they are here for. The teenage years can be a wonderful time if you slow down and enjoy them.

See the doctor and make sure you are not suffering from teenage depression then we can talk again if need be. I am 99% sure the problem you are having with your parent is hormonal causes by puberty and that can be fixed.

I had unprotected sex on December 23rd. He ejaculated already once before with oral sex and he ejaculated after he pulled out from sex. There's always a chance of pregnancy after unprotected sex, I'm aware of that but my question is how accurate will a pregnancy test be after these 3 days have passes since intercourse?

The answer to this question is either printed on the box under directions for use, or on the instructions packed into the package. Three days though is definitely not enough time. I would say at a minimum you need to wait 10 days before testing and maybe longer.

If you are this concerned since it is only 4 or 5t days since intercourse the Plan B pill is still an option. It may not be as effective as it would have been if taken within 48 hours though it has been known to work for up to 7 days after taking it. Given today is the 27th you have 3 days from today to take the plan B pill and have a good chance of it working.

If your are 14 or over under federal law you can not be refused the sale of the Plan B pill. The Law is called HIPPA.

I had a wonderful time with my family but I noticed I am sad when I came home. I have notice a pattern. Whenever, I spend time at my cousins I have so much fun. But, when I come home I am sad for a little bit. Well, it could be because when I am at my family member house I laugh, I have fun. But at home (with my mom and brother) we barely interact and we are all in separate rooms. So, I am I sad because I feel like I am missing that family time? Even though I don't live alone , I feel kind of alone.

I understand what you are saying and it is quite possible mom and your brother may feel the same way. What happens is we all get in a rut and we do things as we always do. We come home we go off and do our individual thing. You may go off to your room and play on your computer, your brother may do the same thing in his room.. Mom may go off to her room and read or watch TV or go about the 101 things moms need to do each day around the house.

IF you want change, if you want things somewhat like when you with family and friends then you have to make change happen. I would assume you all eat dinner together. This is the perfect time to say something. You could say you know it is really fun when we are with family and we are all together, then we come home and go off and do our individual things and it is somewhat of a let down. So you guys feel the same way? What do you say to some family time each week where maybe we play some games in the living room or maybe have a movie night. Things like that. Use your own words of course but make a suggestion to the types of family time you think you brother and mother would be open to.

Changes does not happen by itself someone has to be the catalyst for change. In this instance since you are wanting change you have to be the catalyst you have to do something to bring about the change you want.

get turned on when looked at by a female doctor/optometrist/dentist?

I have a number of female doctors. For the most parts such as my dentist I find there touch to be much lighter and they are more understanding than their male counter parts.

As for being turned on by them. Why, they are very professional in how they go about examining me and they take great care in protecting my modesty when having to examine my private parts. I once had a very beautiful Ophthalmologist who offered to do eye surgery on me to correct a cross eye problem. This was the only time I let a doctor’s sex or beauty come in to the conversation. I said to her, "Doc you’re beautiful but you’re not come near me with a knife." If her husband didn't get a new job in another state she would still be my eye doctor.

There is no reason to get turned on by a medical professional. Yes if you are a young man who is always in a constant state of sexual arousal you may get an erection while being examined. You should not be embarrassed as the doctor will not be. This is a normal reaction.

Of course if you are over 14 and your sexual organs are being examined you have the right under a law called HIPPA to request a male doctor. The reason for this is over the age of 14 this law gives you total medical confidentiality over your reproductive system. This means neither mom nor dad can be in the exam room if your reproductive system is being examine. The doctor cannot discuss anything related to these examinations to anyone including your parents without your expressed written permission including your parents.

Congress passed this law so that young people would seek out medical advice for questions or problems concerning their reproductive system they may be too embarrassed to ask a parent about.

All you need to say to the doctor is you invoke your rights under HIPPA. From that point on you are in charge of any medical exam that may include the examination or treatment of your reproductive system. If you wish to be seen by a male doctor you can ask for one there is nothing mom or dad can do to force you to be examined by any doctor as long as you are over 14 and the exam includes your reproductive system.

I feel like there are a lot of things that I want to articulate but it is so much. I want people to understand my feelings and experiences so I can get the best advice. Well I guess I will start and say I was abandon as a child, I was mostly raised by my grandma. Unfortunately, I experienced some traumatic experiences. Fast forward to today I live with my mom and I know at times its been unhealthy. In addition, she does not want to acknowledge that she abandon me and she has expresses that she does not want to hear about the traumatic stories. Today, I am someone who still struggle with her self-esteem because I did not get that unconditional love from my mom. My mom has attack my personality and looks. I know I am a beautiful person inside and out but there are scars my mom has created with her criticisms. I am someone who aspires to be someone "BIG" but at times I think I am completely unrealistic. I try to figure how to better myself and maybe I can't to that until I get away from my mom. I love my mom, she is not all bad but I realize that she is not ready to acknowledge the things she has done and it upset me and sometimes I become angry. Right now, our relationship is better but I am still fragile from the things she has said and done. I have tried to talk to her several times but I am not heard. I know that she is not ready so I probably won't tell her how I feel until later on in life. So how do I begin to heal from the trauma (every time I think about it I cry and I become angry). How do I love myself (since my mom could not show love). How do I believe in myself when my mom never seemed to.

It would be easier to answer your question if I knew your age. You say you were raised by your grandmother but now live with your mom. I would put your age at somewhere in your early teens to late teens; possibly over 18. Why is it important I know your age? The questions you while having much the same answer the way to help you or the mechanics of how to help you are different based on your age.

Lets start with the fact that we are all human and being human we do not like to admit our mistakes especially to our children. How important to you is it that your mother admit to you that she abandoned you? What is she telling why your grandmother raised you? Is there any sense to what she is telling you? An example would be something like; I was very young when I had you, maybe a teenager herself, and your grandmother took you from me. This would be something easily checked out as you know when you were born and all you need to do is look and see how old mom was when you were born. Birth certificates are public records you can look at hers if you wish to.

I ask this question for you did not give moms reason as to why your grandmother raised you or why you are now living with her. This is important information in order to help you.

The trauma of being abandoned can be very big and demeaning especially if constantly reminded by your grandmother. Now add to that the things your mother is saying to you. I can understand the self-esteem problems you have.

The problems with the help we can provide is it is a one way forum and you need a one on one forum with a professional who can work with you and ask the questions I have asked and others. Someone who can help you work through these issues and put them behind you and help you rebuild your self-esteem.

This person would be a licensed social worker or a psychologist. No you are not crazy. You have issues that need to be aired with someone who will keep your confidence. Someone who you can tell your deepest and darkest secrets to knowing they will never leave the room they are spoken in. Spoken to someone who is on your side to help you put your life back on track to where you want it to be. This is what licensed social workers and psychologists do.

This is what I am suggesting you do is find a social worker or a psychologist to help you. If you are under 21 you can call the help line I am providing below to speak with people who can help you and put you in touch with the very same people I am suggesting in your home town.

The help line is called Kids help Phone 1-800-668-6868. Give them a call.

(late teens female.)So I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and 2 months. We love and care for each other very much.
So we've done some exploring (no sex or oral) but we like to sext as a way to just let it out, and we come up with different situations etc.so my boyfriend really likes dragons. Which was okay, he likes dragons just like he likes music. No big deal.

But recently... he's asked if i'd like to pretend to be dragons and we do it. Or if he and i could please different dragons... I love him to death but this makes me feel uncomfortable. He says they don't turn him on UNLESS he thinks about them doing sexual acts... IS this a fetish? I thought it was just a horny teenage boy who finds anything doing it giving him the ability to get hard. I'm not sure.

I need help!! This makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and now he's upset and... I need answers. Please! (This is not a laughing matter right now so please answer respectfully...) Thank you

Yes this is a Fetish a role play type Fetish. When it comes to sex of any type which would includes making out or going all the way to intercourse there is one firm rule you should follow. That rule is; BOTH PARTNERS MUST BE WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT IS OR IT DOES NOT HAPPEN.

You are not comfortable with his role play fetish, you say NO. That is the end of it. Any further begging, pleading or even attempting to force you is sexual harassment or rape depending on what or how he does. No means NO and Stop means STOP these are the rules of sex between sexual partners in any type of sex play.

For sake of discussion; most girls have limits on what they will allow a boy to do. Lets say yours are he can touch your breasts over your bra. The second he tries to go under your bra you say stop. If he does not stop he is guilty of rape in a lower degree of the charge. The same goes for a guy if he allows a girl to feel his penis over his pants. The second she goes for his zipper if he says no or stop she is guilty of rape.

Sex of any type is a consensual act on the part of both parties. If either one say no or stop that is the end of whatever is happening. Explain this to your boyfriend. If he does not want to abide by these rules then you may want to find a boyfriend who has more respect for you.

My friend and I have been friends since elementary school, so this is someone I truly care for. Her boyfriend got arrested a month ago and this caused her to lose her mind practically. She is 21 and hanging out with her brother's 15 year old friends. It isn't that bad, until I realized she lets them drink alcohol, smoke weed (Her excuse is: they bring it themselves), AND co genders sleep in the same room. Her parents told her not to let her brother and his friends do that. She lives with her older brother who also stated not to let any of them in the house. When I went to visit her she snuck them in the back window. I asked her wth she was doing and she said that her family is just being assholes. I don't think she realises that if any of the KID'S (cause that what they are) parents find out what she is doing she could get into some serious trouble. I find this sad and pathetic, but I understand people go through problems. This is causing me to hate her. I don't want to be friends who supplies illegal substances to minors, because they boost her self-esteem, yet because of her state I am the only sane one she's got.

This is sad to say;if she is not listening to her parents why would she listen to you. She is 21, an adult and responsible for her own actions. It is understandable that as a friend you want to help her and keep her from getting in trouble. Sometimes the only thing you can do for a friend is be a friend.

By that I mean while you may want to distance yourself from her and her current activities; you should not abandon her altogether. There will come a time when she hits bottom. Until she does she will not accept help or wisdom from anyone. When she doe hit bottom is when she is going to need your friendship.

I wish I could tell you what the bottom is going to be for her. Everyone has their own bottom. Right now she is in a sense grieving for her boyfriend and is very possibly depressed. She may come out of this on her own after she has gone through the grieving process or it may continue as her boyfriend goes through the legal process.

She could very well be arrested herself for child abuse by allowing what you have written about to take place in her home. That of course should be the bottom for her and when she would need your help the most. Of course she may hit her bottom in many other ways which is something you as a friend need to watch out for.

The best thing you can do for her at the moment is to try and get her to see her doctor. To have her doctor screen her for depression. If she is suffering from a form of clinical depression there is medication she can take that will replace the hormones her body is not supplying enough of at this time. Once the hormonal imbalance is corrected she should be more open to suggestions and help.

At Walmart, it's pretty much impossible to get foundation in a shade darker than a "medium tan", aka somewhere between Mariah Carey and Rihanna's natural skin tone. Mind you, both women are mixed-race. Where does that leave the vast majority of black people, who aren't as fair skinned? I have to break the bank to afford upscale, specialist beauty brands, like IMAN, because my skin tone is deemed "too uncommon", despite there being more dark skinned people in the world than fair skinned? What else is there even, other than IMAN Cosmetics? IMAN is difficult to find as it is. Most Walmarts don't even carry the brand, even though when you walk through most Walmarts, you always see a diverse array of people. It's sad and ridiculous to me. I need foundation to even my skin tone, but I've literally never bought it before, or BB creams, and/or etc., because I haven't been able to find affordable ones in my complexion. The average black person's skin tone is closer to Lupita Nyongo'o's than Halle Berry's. If we can have makeup for the fairest of fair skin, why not a proper range from light to dark, and not just light to "medium tan"? I can't. Even the phrasing, "medium tan" is Euro-centric. According to these racist makeup companies, are celebrities like Mindy Kaling and Kelly Rowland just "super tanned"?

Dragonflymagic is correct in what she is saying concerning how individual locations of chain stores are marketed. Demographics play a large part in how they stock their shelves. I spent 30 years selling into the wholesale supply trades and the first thing I needed to do in looking for new distribution was find out the demographics of the trade a targeted account dealt with.

I do think though you have a good point in that the manufactures are missing a large portion of the population by not marketing makeup for the darker skin tones. Now it could be that their marketing surveys are not returning the information they need to invest in whatever it will cost them to bring this makeup to market. This maybe because the darker toned skinned people have settled for what is out there and not informed manufactures of what they want and need or where they wanted made available to them.

If a manufacturer were to receive enough letters or emails requesting more affordable and better colors and tones of make up be made available through Target, Wal-Mart and other such outlets. Then they may just see what they are missing or at the very least the errors of their marketing surveys.

What I suggest is start a writing campaign among your friends. Target one or two companies and go to their social media pages. Start a campaign of the different social media asking others to voice their opinion on the companies social media pages. You will be surprised how fast something like this can catch on.

I cannot guarantee they will come out with the makeup you want though you will get an answer.

My boyfriend at the time and I were having sex, used a condom, but cummed twice in one session. I checked the cobdom to see if it would leak but it didn't. This was on November 2nd. I don't remember when I had my period last but it was weeks before that date. Now it's two plus months later and I still don't have my period. I have no signs of pregnancy. And my period is never on time. Am I just worrying to much

Stress will cause you to miss a period. Of course the younger you are the more likely your periods are going to be irregular. Stress caused by worry over whether you pregnant is more than enough stress to cause a missed period.

If you are over 14 years of age, hopefully you are much older, you can purchase a home test kit which is what I suggest you do. Follow the package directions and test. If the results are negative you have nothing to worry about. If you want to double check the accuracy of the test wait ten days and test again. If the results are the same you are not pregnant.

NOTE: Since you are sexually active and hopefully 14 or older you can get birth control medication without parental permission if you want it.

Under a Federal Law called HIPPA Congress gave people 14 and older limited Medical Confidentiality. This Medical Confidentiality is limited to the Reproductive System. This was done so young people would seek medical advice for questions and problems concerning their reproductive systems they might be too embarrassed to go to their parents with.

Under this law a parent may not be in the exam room while a reproductive exam is being given. For a female this means mom cannot be in the room during any physical as it normally involves examination of the female reproductive system. You cannot be forced to have any examination of your reproductive system or have an abortion if pregnant. It is your body your call.

You need not fight with mom over any physical she wants you to have just inform the doctor you invoke your rights under HIPPA. Mom will be asked to leave the room. The doctor will not perform any exam you do not wish to have and the doctor cannot share any information about any exam or treatment relating to your reproductive system. To do so by the doctor or a member of staff will result in a fine and or 5 years in jail.

Because of this law you can ask for birth control medication and the doctor must supply it unless their are medical reasons not to. The pharmacist is under the same guidelines regarding any prescriptions. You must give written permission for the release of any information regarding your reproductive medical treatment. Once you reach age 18 your parent no longer have any legal right to your medical information at all even if you are still on their health insurance because you are legally and adult at age 18.

Me-23/F
Boyfriend-25/M

I took an at home pregnancy test which I purchased from a local drug store, which tested negative.

Around that time out of fear and wondering what was going on with my body, I decided to speak to my boyfriend's mother who I THOUGHT would be accepting and understanding. My sister was telling me one thing and my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend was telling me something else, they are both in their twenties so I thought that I would speak to someone older to see if they could shed light.

I chose this woman because the two of us have had such a great relationship in the past and she has been there for me many times. She texted me back, telling me that I was probably pregnant or there was something off with my cycle.

From that point on, she suggested that I get an abortion because my boyfriend and I are not financially ready and are both still in school, but told me that it was up to me.

After taking the test I went to an urgent care clinic, where a doctor saw me who gave me yet another urine test which tested negative. She suggested that I take a blood test to find out whether or not I am pregnant because she said that it is much more accurate.

I texted my boyfriend's mother with what the doctor had said, and she wanted to know the results of the blood test right away. I explained to her that it would take a while for me to find out, that it was lab work and that I would not know right away.

So the chances are very low that I am actually pregnant but it does not stop my boyfriend's mother from basically forcing an abortion on me. In her words, we cannot raise the child because none of us are financially ready and giving the child up for adoption (even though she gave a son or adoption 35 years ago, who she regrets giving birth to). Not only did she try to make up our minds for us, but she said that she hopes that I am not pregnant so that "WE" (my boyfriend, his mother, and I) do not have a decision to make.

Her perspective is that we can make any decision that we want but that she doesn't want her son to screw up his life. I am leaning towards accepting the pregnancy and raising the child, which I think is the best decision for me and my boyfriend. Every option seems to have a double-edged sword, but even though my family will probably kill me when they find out I know that by the time the baby's born that my boyfriend and I will have a place to go, as long as we get married (which we have talked about doing anyway).

I have no idea what my boyfriend thinks about this. But am I being unreasonable by strongly disagreeing with her, how do I get her to accept my decision and to realize that her son is a grown adult and she cannot make such a decision for him?

This all started because I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to tell his mom the test results, or if he wanted to. He just said "don't tell her anything," as if this something that is just going to go away.

(BTW, if I am pregnant I think that my boyfriend would have conceived the child sometime in November. He only has one more semester of college left, and has experience as an accounting intern and I do not doubt that he is going to find a job in his chosen field.)

Lets get one thing straight from the beginning. This is your body. You and only you can make a decision concerning what happens with your body. You are an adult in all respects of the word; no one can force you to do anything you do not want to.

I also would be very surprised if the blood test comes back positive. The blood test will be the final say of course though two negative urines tests with the same result are fairly conclusive that you are not pregnant. Had you gone to a GYN they probably would have done a intra-vaginal ultrasound which would have allowed them to see if a fetus was in uterus. That would have been very conclusive. Blood test can also return false positives so if it does come back positive please see a gynecologist and let them do an intra-vaginal ultrasound to see what if anything is uterus.

Back to your choices and your parents. One again you can ask peoples advice and take that advice into consideration. You and maybe your boyfriend if you wish to have his input have the last say in what to do about this pregnancy if you are pregnant. Legally only you can make any decision and you need not bend to the will of his mother, your boyfriend or your parents.

Being old enough to be your grandfather I'm fairly certain your parents won't kill you or disown you. They may be shocked, a bit dismayed at first. Mom may cry and dad may shout at first. Though once they get over the initial shock of having an unmarried pregnant daughter. They will come to the realization they are about to become grandparents and that is when things change.

Whether you are married or not, going to get married, nothing changes for them. They are going to be grandparents, you are going to be a mom and you know nothing about being a parent. They have to be their for the sake of their grandchild for their job as parents is not over. They now have to teach you how to be a parent or so they think.

If and that is a big if you are pregnant, I will let you in on a secret that will keep peace between you and your mother. When you and the baby are with her let her do as she pleases with the child. After all she raised you and you came out alright. When you are home with the child you then correct anything grandma allowed or did that you would not allow or do. This advice of course will make more sense when you do have children.

I honestly do not believe your pregnant. There are many reason for missing a period other than pregnancy. In fact stress over a possible pregnancy is more a reason to miss a period then pregnancy. Add to this the stress of mid term exams and there is more than enough stress to cause your cycle to be off.

I'm 12, and tomorrow I'm getting my FIRST BLOOD TEST. I'M REALLY SCARED! What do I do to keep calm?

First of all they don't hurt as much as you think they might. In fact my doctor orders them every six months and unless the technician is a total clod or drunk the y should not hurt at all. The needles and the tubes they use today make it a very quick procedure.

Since you are young and this is your first time I suggest you ask the technician to use a pediatric needle. They are the smallest of the needles and should not cause you much pain if any. It will take a bit longer to get the blood but once the needle is in the vain you won't feel it anyway.

Now me I'm nosey and I like to watch and also crack jokes while they work. I am lot older than you are and as the saying goes, "this ain't my first rodeo." You may want to look the other way. Try to steady your breathing by doing some deep breathing just before you go in for the test and while you’re in there keep breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth; in and out in a steady rhythm.

The only pain you might feel is the needle going through the skin. If this scares you they should have some topical pain killer they can apply. This should dull the skin just like when the dentist gives you Novocain.

Most importantly is your attitude. If you think you will be scare you will be scared and any pain will be multiplied by how scared you are. As someone who gets lots of needles for a Chronic pain condition I can tell you the fear is bigger than the pain itself. So stop worrying, don't be scarred and have a bowl of Ice cream to night to celebrate your first adult blood test.

By the way I'm having blood test in the morning too. So you can say I will feel your pain for you.

Wht doesn't my dad care about me anymore

This is the type of question that requires a lot more information as to why you feel this way. It is easy for children to get the feeling their parents don't care when they really do. Usually something has happened in the parents life that they are trying to protect the children from.

I can only speculate as to why you feel this way. Has dad recently changed jobs? If his parents are still alive is one of them very ill? It is Christmas time, has dad told you he can't afford something you feel you must have for Christmas? Has anything changed in the family that would cause dad to be short tempered or unable to afford things he was able to afford in the past?

These are the questions and other things about dad we need to know in order to answer your question.

I don't understand my sister at all. I try my best to be polite to her and she snaps at me. It's become a habit of my mom to ask her if it's that time of the month for her and it isn't. My sister had told me numerous times that I have no friends and nobody likes me and that I should kill myself. She has a sense of humor that I don't appreciate and have had to ask her multiple times to stop, but she just tells me to quit being a stupid bitch and suck it up. I recall one event similar to this where she said something that offended me and I asked her not to say that to me again. She yelled at me saying "freedom of speech, you stupid fuck!" She also encourages her friends to talk shit about me. I don't understand why she behaves this way towards me. Why does she hate me so much?

I'm not a doctor thought this may be an extreme case of sibling rivalry or a case of teenage depression brought on by puberty. You have not given your ages or when this all started; if this is something that has been recent such as since puberty hit her I may be on the right track.

Whichever the case may be your family doctor should be able to help. Since she is your younger sister the sibling rivalry can be brought on by many things. Maybe you find school work easier. Maybe you are old enough to have a part-time job. Since you did not give your ages I have to assume some things in giving my advice.

Many teenagers have problems associated with puberty, especially females. Given all the changes to their bodies, dealing with menstruation, new social atmosphere and lustful boys plus the new hormones floating in them depression is always possible. Females find this time very stressful; they struggle with dealing with all this. Stress can and does cause depression. Some like your sister lash out.

Most parents based on generations of parenting see this as a phase some children go through. and will grow out of. Most children eventually do, some do not. Today doctors know better and can help them during this period.

I would suggest you speak to mom and see how she feels about taking your sister to the family doctor for a physical. While the doctor is conducting the physical a screening for depression can also be performed if mom asks or tell the doctor what she suspects is wrong.

The physical would be needed as part of the screening to rule out any organic reason for your sister to be acting this way. If the doctor makes a diagnoses of depression it would be most likely clinical depression which is more of an illness then a mental disease.

Clinical depression is the lack of certain hormones that aid in keeping us from getting depressed. Puberty hormones sometimes destabilizes this balance, layman's description. Generally a simple pill taken once a day will work wonders for how she feels and possibly some time with a therapist for talk therapy to help her understand the why and the what of what has happened to her.

Okay so I'm my great grandmas secret Santa. I don't know what to get her, but I don't know what she likes. She doesn't really do anything but lay in bed and watch the news. My mom told me to just give her money but she pulled me as her secret Santa (yeah I know, my family doesn't keep secrets very well) and the bugdet was $25 so if I just straight up gave her the $25 back (oh yea btw she gave me my gift early, we are really messed up) then it wouldn't really make sense. That's why I want to buy her something, but I just don't know what, please help!!

Some of the things I can think of are;

A bed Jacket, skin lotion to prevent bed sores, subscriptions to large print magazines or the Large Print edition of Reader's Digest if her eyesight is still okay. If not some audio books would be a nice gift.

You could also go to AARP.com for some gift ideas.

why am I alive

Why are we alive? We live because we each have a destiny to fulfill. Just what that Destiny is most of us do not know. Many of us never know if we have fulfilled it.

Take me for example; When I was in my teens if someone was to have told me I would be active in politics or even been asked to run for a high political office. I would have been totally stunned and told them they were crazy. Some of my teachers would have agreed as I was not the best student. Flash forward 30 years and sure enough I became involved in the political campaign for the U.S. Senate. I was not the candidate but I did become well known within the state political party and was asked to run for office. Never in a million years would I have seen that coming. No I didn't run I find I have far more influence as a peoples lobbyist.

I cannot tell you what your destiny is though you do have one. The younger you are the more obscure that destiny is. What is happening whether you realize it or not is you are training yourself to achieve whatever your destiny is.

If you have become depressed to the point you are questioning life itself don't. Seek help for ending life prematurely is not an answer it is a solution that leaves behind hurt people who love and many unanswered questions. If this is the way you feel call 911 for help.

I need help on how to word this differently so I can use it in my speech: In order to better understand serial killers, It is important to explore...

Another way of writing this would be: In order to better understand serial killers, one needs to understand how someone becomes a serial killer. Are serial killers born this way or are they made?

This is a question that is yet to be answered. There are just about as many answers supporting both sides of the question going as far as to say it is in their DNA. IT can be an interesting subject to research if this type of thing interest you. Just do not expect to find a definitive answer.

To make a long story short, I was dating this guy, but before we were officially together he slept with this other girl. Then when we got together he still tried to help her out, because she's homeless, no job, no education, no family etc. Then a few weeks later he finds out she's pregnant with his baby. He immediately tells me and says he needs to be single for the time being, because he needs to help her through the pregnancy, the other girl seeing him with any one else would make her angry at him. I took him for his word that I did nothing wrong, and he wanted to be single which was fine. Come to find out this girl posts that they are in a relationship, not even two weeks after he breaks up with me, and then she posts more that she is upset because he won't tell his mother, or any of his friends about her. At his request she takes the" in a relationship" post down, because he was worried about how i would feel. Then she has a miscarriage, and now he says he isn't with her. He says he wants to be single, but he also doesn't want to be alone. He also said the only reason he broke up with me was because of this girl. Since then we have made up and have started to become friends again, i.e. going out socially, hanging out etc. I still really like him, not just on a physical level, I like him as a person too. I would like to give a relationship a new try, but I'm unsure if he would want to or if its a good idea. So should I just ask him, or is he not worth my time? By the way I am a 22 year old girl, he is 23.

My advice will be different than some of the others as I do not think it is our place to make this type of decision for you. What we can do is based on what you have written to us is give you an outsiders view of your situation and give you options. This is what I do with these type questions.

You need to first understand that both of you are still very young and have time to make commitments. Even though he is a year older than you; from a maturity standpoint you are older than him by about 2 years. Boys mature slower than girls do and really do not catch up to them until the late twenties or early thirties.

What this means is while you are looking for a relationship which would lead to settling down and marriage. He is still back in his late teens where the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. He is not ready for commitments and I am surprised he manned up for the other girl when she was pregnant; it does not fit what you have written though it does show proper values.

Is he worth your time and effort? I don't think it is for any of us to say yes or no. You say you like him, you do not say you love him. Where you ever in a friends with benefits type of relationship or are you now? If you were then my feeling is this is what he wants from you as he lusts for you more than any love he might have.

You don't use the word love nor do you write about any sex life you two may have. You write you date, going out socially and hanging out. If you feel he might be worth the time and effort to bring to a loving relationship then I think you two need to have a serious conversation.

In this conversation you tell him your feelings and what you expect from this relationship. He needs to be just as open with you. Is he looking for a serious relationship or are you just a vessel for his lust. Once you have this information then you will know how to proceed.

My girlfriend of almost a year is the girl I want to and am planning to spend the rest of my life with.Shes perfect to me. But here's the thing, when we met she had a boyfriend, a fat, immature, poser(he's white and says the n word,wears a SnapBack,says eminem is the only good rapper alive,etc...).I convinced her to break up with him and we fell in love.Now I lost my virginity to her but she lost it to him.When I imagine that guy on top of her, I get insecure,mad,sad,jealous,etc..She says she regrets it,I believe her but still. Now the other day she told me this guy we both know was hitting on her and I laughed about it...then she told me "have you seen him in sweatpants ,looks like he has a 3rd leg or a really big water bottle in there.." Ever since then I haven't been able to look at her out of jealousy and insecurity, I mean why would she tell me that,was that really necessary,I'm confident with my size but it's not a damn 3rd leg.... So how do I get over it and just move on?plz help

There is something else at work here that you are not telling us about or you are not being truthful with yourself about. Today just about everyone is going to have a sexual history. Statistically speaking people in the 18-25 range it is 86% or higher that they will not be virgins on their wedding night or when they meet their future spouse.

I've been married going on 44 years. The first thing my wife said to me was I could look at the menu but I could not reorder. I would say if your girlfriend is looking and not sampling or placing an order; you have nothing to worry about when she makes remarks like the one you write about.

There's something else going on here. Something you may not be fully aware of yourself other than it is giving you reason to look for an exit strategy. This is the girl you say you want to spend the rest of your life with. Before you make that commitment you best find out why you are looking for an exit strategy.

I would suggest you find a good psychology you are comfortable enough to talk freely with. Show him or her what you have written to us and go from there. If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Contact the EAP assistance center and ask for names of Psychologist. By going through EAP most programs will pay for the first several visits in full which may be all that's needed to find the answer you looking for.

Can a octor tell if you've ben fingered?

Doctors cannot tell if you have been fingered. If your Hymen is intact then they will believe you are a virgin as it is almost impossible to have sexual intercourse and have your Hyman remain intact. I say almost impossible as some women have Hymens that are elastic enough and have a hole large enough that an average sized penis may not tear them. This though is extremely rare.

Today many women end up tearing or detaching their Hymen when using Tampons. So today’s definition of a virgin is not so much a women with an intact Hymen But one whose vagina has never been penetrated by a penis.

While there are people who say a gynecologist can tell if a woman has had sexual intercourse. It is really not possible for this type of doctor to say for certain unless there happened to be semen in the vagina during a female examination.

NOTE: If you are 14 or over and you are being forced to have a female exam to see if you are sexually active you can refuse by law. You parents cannot force you to have this exam.

Under a Federal Law none as HIPPA anyone 14 or over has complete medical confidentiality over their reproductive system. What this means is parent cannot force anyone 14 or over to have an examination of this type. A parent cannot be in the exam room if your reproductive system is being examined and parents do not have the right to see your medical records or speak with your doctor concerning anything to do with the examination or treatment of your reproductive system.

Congress passed this law so young people with seek medical treatment when needed for questions or things they may be too embarrassed to go to a parent with. Your doctor or anyone in the doctors employ can be jailed for up to 5 years if they release any information without your expressed written permission to the doctor.

Should you be writing because you are being forced to go to the doctor for this type of exam? My advice is not to make a scene or fight with mom. There is a better way especially if you are sexually active in any way.

Go to the doctor, when you enter the exam room say to the nurse or doctor; "I invoke my rights under HIPPA I am ____" and state your age. The doctor or nurse will take it from there. If mom is with you she will be asked to leave the room. Then you can speak freely with the nurse and doctor about anything and everything related to your reproductive system, your sexual activity and request birth control if you want.

I daydream a lot and I did a little research and I am not sure if it is a maladaptive daydreaming. I think it becoming a problem because I don't like pain. However, when I have a painful experience I create a scenario in my head. The scenario is even more painful but I am in control of what happens. During these daydream I get emotional because they are very painful experience but it worse than the pain I am going through. It my way to escape and process my emotion. I can cry without dealing with my actually emotionally pain.

I am not a doctor so what I am about to say is by no means a diagnoses. In fact I will say right up front that I suggest you discuss what you have written to us with your family doctor before what I am going to say could or does happen.

While what you are writing about could very well fit into the description of maladaptive daydreaming. It also comes very close to the developing of an alter personality that comes out during times of high stress or when you suffer hurt or harm to protect you.

You bring out the alter personality who is generally stronger than you are and can stand up to or withstand what ever is happening. When this happens you suffer what is felt to be a blackout period for you know nothing of what happens during this time.

You do not speak of having blackout or being unaware of what is going on which is a symptom of maladaptive daydreaming as well. Should you start to suffer periods of time where you cannot remember what happened such as leaving home but not remember how you got someplace. Then it is absolutely time to see a psychiatrist to see what is happening.

For right now I believe a discussion with your family doctor is in order as well as some sessions with a therapist to find better ways to deal with the things you find hurtful and hurting you.

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