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Friend making bad choices...am I losing her?
My friend and I have been friends since elementary school, so this is someone I truly care for. Her boyfriend got arrested a month ago and this caused her to lose her mind practically. She is 21 and hanging out with her brother's 15 year old friends. It isn't that bad, until I realized she lets them drink alcohol, smoke weed (Her excuse is: they bring it themselves), AND co genders sleep in the same room. Her parents told her not to let her brother and his friends do that. She lives with her older brother who also stated not to let any of them in the house. When I went to visit her she snuck them in the back window. I asked her wth she was doing and she said that her family is just being assholes. I don't think she realises that if any of the KID'S (cause that what they are) parents find out what she is doing she could get into some serious trouble. I find this sad and pathetic, but I understand people go through problems. This is causing me to hate her. I don't want to be friends who supplies illegal substances to minors, because they boost her self-esteem, yet because of her state I am the only sane one she's got.
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I can't say if having knowledge of what she is doing and not reporting it to authorities would make you as guilty as her according to the law. If I were you, I wouldn't wait to find out. She has free will to make good and bad decisions.
If she chose to date a guy who got thrown in jail, that could be an indication of her already making bad choice at that point IF she knew of his questionable character. If she didn't know and had enough time to fall in love, that could have messed with her mind and caused her to not make a good decision lets say once, allowing young teens co ed sleeping. But to the extent she is going to, I'd say something is wrong mentally and whether it's stress, immaturity or a mental disability, she needs to see a professional. You can only suggest she go see someone but as I said, she has a free will and can refuse. You mentioned the self esteem issue and that is enough to see a counselor for. But you have to watch how you word your suggestions.
You can do both, protecting the minors by reporting what is happening, hopefully being able to remain anonymous to her so you can be there to help her if and when she hits bottom as has been mentioned.
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That is sad but its true she won't listen to her parents , why woould she you ?But you can be there to give your oppinions but dont force it on her or she'll shut you out completly . But letting kids do things that aren't thier ages is simply unacceptable , you should get thier parents involed if you really care for ths kids even if your friends get angry . Fight for whats right ! And if she was really your friend you wouldn't hate her because you do anythiing to hep a person you love ! Think about your freindship and most importantly help the kids who arent doing what they're suppossed to , because the kids are you and I future! Good luck and fight for what's right !
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This is sad to say;if she is not listening to her parents why would she listen to you. She is 21, an adult and responsible for her own actions. It is understandable that as a friend you want to help her and keep her from getting in trouble. Sometimes the only thing you can do for a friend is be a friend.
By that I mean while you may want to distance yourself from her and her current activities; you should not abandon her altogether. There will come a time when she hits bottom. Until she does she will not accept help or wisdom from anyone. When she doe hit bottom is when she is going to need your friendship.
I wish I could tell you what the bottom is going to be for her. Everyone has their own bottom. Right now she is in a sense grieving for her boyfriend and is very possibly depressed. She may come out of this on her own after she has gone through the grieving process or it may continue as her boyfriend goes through the legal process.
She could very well be arrested herself for child abuse by allowing what you have written about to take place in her home. That of course should be the bottom for her and when she would need your help the most. Of course she may hit her bottom in many other ways which is something you as a friend need to watch out for.
The best thing you can do for her at the moment is to try and get her to see her doctor. To have her doctor screen her for depression. If she is suffering from a form of clinical depression there is medication she can take that will replace the hormones her body is not supplying enough of at this time. Once the hormonal imbalance is corrected she should be more open to suggestions and help.
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