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Boyfriend's possible fetish...
(late teens female.)So I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and 2 months. We love and care for each other very much.
So we've done some exploring (no sex or oral) but we like to sext as a way to just let it out, and we come up with different situations etc.so my boyfriend really likes dragons. Which was okay, he likes dragons just like he likes music. No big deal.
But recently... he's asked if i'd like to pretend to be dragons and we do it. Or if he and i could please different dragons... I love him to death but this makes me feel uncomfortable. He says they don't turn him on UNLESS he thinks about them doing sexual acts... IS this a fetish? I thought it was just a horny teenage boy who finds anything doing it giving him the ability to get hard. I'm not sure.
I need help!! This makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and now he's upset and... I need answers. Please! (This is not a laughing matter right now so please answer respectfully...) Thank you
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It's a little unwise to apply the word 'fetish' to someone else's' sexual interest, unless they call it a fetish. The word fetish means "a sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, idea, clothing, ect...".
The person who has the sexual interest can tell you if it's a fetish or not, it's not really respectful to apply that label for them. It's best to ask them how they think a particular sexual interest or fantasy fits into their lives.
However, this is not likely a teenage boy phase. It is possible, but more likely that this is a sexual fantasy that he will enjoy for the rest of his life. It's probably part of the person that he is.
Lots of people have a particular idea or fantasy that is what really does it for them sexually. You should feel pleased that your boyfriend felt comfortable enough with you to share these really private thoughts with you.
It's okay to be uncomfortable, and just because he told you about it doesn't mean you automatically need to be totally okay with it or keen to do what he enjoys, It's also important for him to recognize that some fantasies are fantasies that belong tucked away happily in our heads - not because they are wrong, but because not off them can be acted on in respectful ways, and no one else should feel forced to participate in something sexual that makes them unhappy or uncomfortable.
If you are uncomfortable, let your boyfriend know that. Remind yourself, and him, that there is nothing wrong with what goes on in his own mind and that you shouldn't shame or judge him for his fantasies, but he also shouldn't expect you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
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Yes it is a fetish. And anything can be a fetish. There's no right or wrong, no weird or 'normal' types of fetish. It's impossible to say for sure. He might have this fetish for all his adult life. Which he could indulge with girls who share it, are willing to share it and don't find it puts them off to the point that they break-up. Or he will have to NOT indulge if the relationship is more important. BUT. And it's a BIG BUT...since you say you are not sharing a sexual relationship yet, and enjoy exploring and discussing 'sexy' subjects via text I'm very inclined to believe that he's discussing sexual encounters with/between mythical creatures because it's somewhat easier than personalising things in a very direct manner (ie. discussing the subject of sex between him and yourself). We can very easily substitute the dragon in discussions of whether they could 'please each other' with the question of whether YOU TWO will be able to please each other. I'm sure you can see where I'm at with this? If you find YOU can make this substituion and the dynamic of the conversation seems entirely sensible and strangely 'the same'if you do, then it will pretty much seal the issue. And when or if you both feel ready to take things further sexually the (apparent) interest in the sexual behaviour of dragons will quckly vanish. And you might be wise not to mention the subject to him again, or you'll likely make him squirm with embarrassment! Now I'm NOT suggesting you go speeding-up your relationship to get him 'off' dragons having sex by rushing into YOU having sex, mate. I'll be quite clear about that! That goes along at the rate YOU are happy and comfortable with. Nuff said?? But I hope you might see that it's very unlikely that he will have you dressing up and pretending to be a dragon when you make love. Very unlikely indeed. Meantime, when he discusses sex re. 'Dragons' have a little knowing smile to yourself and think "It's sex between us he's being curious and perhaps a little anxious about" and don't make a big issue of it. You might even work out a few things YOU want to question and disguise them as non-personal 'dragons' and throw into the chat? You might get a little insight into him by doing this. Savvy? You're OK. It's a sound question, nothing to laugh about. Hope you find a little light in my (equally serious) reply? Best wishes. XX
ps. This might sound like a load of psychobabble, but think about this. If a female celebrity was publicly cheated-on by her partner did you used to find that you and your girl-friends might have been split over it? Some saying "He's a rat...she should dump him". Some saying "She should give him another chance because they're in love and everything". It's the same 'projection' idea as we've been talking about and it's actually telling you far more about their personal relationship views and opinions than it is about Mr and Mrs Celebrity. It IS easier to de-personalise an issue. Think about it??
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Yes this is a Fetish a role play type Fetish. When it comes to sex of any type which would includes making out or going all the way to intercourse there is one firm rule you should follow. That rule is; BOTH PARTNERS MUST BE WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT IS OR IT DOES NOT HAPPEN.
You are not comfortable with his role play fetish, you say NO. That is the end of it. Any further begging, pleading or even attempting to force you is sexual harassment or rape depending on what or how he does. No means NO and Stop means STOP these are the rules of sex between sexual partners in any type of sex play.
For sake of discussion; most girls have limits on what they will allow a boy to do. Lets say yours are he can touch your breasts over your bra. The second he tries to go under your bra you say stop. If he does not stop he is guilty of rape in a lower degree of the charge. The same goes for a guy if he allows a girl to feel his penis over his pants. The second she goes for his zipper if he says no or stop she is guilty of rape.
Sex of any type is a consensual act on the part of both parties. If either one say no or stop that is the end of whatever is happening. Explain this to your boyfriend. If he does not want to abide by these rules then you may want to find a boyfriend who has more respect for you.
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