Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
128366Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
So i have a friend and to be honest we were never really friends to begin with. I would say i was closer to her mom than her because her mom actually knew stuff about me while she didnt bother. So basically i have this friend lets call her Kim, kim and i became friends in grade 10 and then hungout in the summer time. When grade 11 hit kim got a boyfriend and thats when our friendship changed forever, kim would always talk about her boyfriend 24/7 and if he wasnt the topic of the convo she wasnt interested. She would only call me on the phone to talk about him or finally acknowledge me when they got in a fight and would cry on the phone and rant to me. So grade 12 comes and they finally break up and i thought the old Kim would come back, wrong! Kim immediately got into a relationship a week after breaking up with her ex and then the same cycle continued. Now we're in college and i got tired of her and just stopped answering her phone calls cause i didnt want to hear about what her bf did for the 5th time this week since she didnt care about my well-being etc so then after awhile we stopped talking and then Kim texted me and we started talking again (of course about her bf) so now everytime i would text Kim hi she would never respond and her bf would post a snapchat of her with her phone in her hand. Meaning she did get my texts. Normally it doesnt bother me but now it does because im always there for her but when i want to talk to her shes no where to be found. so today she called me while i was in class so of course i couldnt answer. I called her back and she had the fakest voice on the phone and she quickly found any excuse to end the call. I got offended about this because any slight change in a way a person treats me it makes me feel like ive done something wrong. Ever since she started this new relationship she already cut two of my friends off and since im friends with them i feel like shes trying to be fake with me what do i do? Should i just cut her off? (i dont really see her anymore because we go to different colleges)
I want you to remember this feeling clearly of what it is like when a relationship is one sided for the most part with a person who only contacts you if they have a need.
What I am going to share should help you make up your mind whether to keep going as is or cut her off totally.
Even in couple relationships, the good happy long lasting ones, this is a very important concept, being on equal grounds with the other and for couples I will share the following quote but it works the same for friends.
"Happily ever after doesn't happen just because we wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."
She is not putting in any effort. Just because she once did in grade 10 doesn't mean she still has to be a friend. She is only an acquaintance, someone you know of but no longer acts like a friend. If you are tired of taking your precious time to be there for her only when she needs consoling, then its time to cut her off. She won't get it if you explain so don't bother. Just start saying that she called at a bad time and hang up or say you have a guest over and need to go, or you have someone on hold on the other line. So this consistantly and she'll get the picture that you no longer a shoulder for her to cry on or boast about b/f with.
There is something missing in her, whether in her personality, or some way she feels inferior to other females and feels the only way to be complete is to have a man in her life. That's not the way to a healthy relationship. KNow that saying "Get a life!" Its true that it is important to have a life of your own and enjoy yourself and be fairly happy with who you are, even if you know you need to make some improvements. Those who don't have a life, will lean too heavily on their partner. Thats like being a leach stuck on someones leg. You do nothing but suck and such on them for the life giving blood it gives you and you may be fooled into thinking you now have a life. But its disaster waiting to happen. Once the partner feels run dry, or earlier, they may realize they no longer feel anything for this person and break up. She will continue going on to new boyfriends always thinking the problem was with them, not her.
In case you are having any twinges of feeling guilty about cutting her off, don't. Realize that people between the ages of high school thru age 30 are doing a lot of changing from who they were, whether change for the better as in most or for the worse as in some. This is a time when the very best of friends can drift apart as they both change, grow, mature and follow their own paths which may not resemble the original friendship and things they had in common. Its just a fact of life. So if a once time friend no longer feels like a friend, thats a good enough reason to let them go, especially if they are stuck in life and not making any progress towards learning how to get a life.
A few months ago I started meeting up with someone and we decided to have sex (I should probably state that I'm female). It was my first time ever having sex and ever since I've been feeling so desperate to keep having sex. Almost every single time we've seen each other we've had sex. Although I was originally hoping for a steady and serious relationship I can't seem to control my urges. We haven't tried anything different and we can only meet up once every few weeks. I feel like I'm so deprived of sex most of the time. I don't know what this means for me and what I should do.
There is an special energy released anytime you experience anything new whether that toy you wished for at Christmas as a kid, a new relationship, sex for the first time.... For your sake I'll call it New relationship energy, NRE.
The thing about it is that it heightens the feelings you have about something new like that toy at Christmas you just had to have. Once you got it you were so happy and had such fun for the first couple weeks or months, but eventually at some point, the specialness wore off and the toy wasn't seen as so special anymore. We all can relate. It happens to everyone.
With the sex, it could very well be that you are experiencing something of this NRE. And that the extreme needs now will slow down a little to what will be the regular pace and feelings. Its still very good, just lacking that high peak of continued excitement like adrenaline that never stops.
That's one theory. Another is that you may have a high libido. The libido I feel is what regulates how often a person wants sex. Some guys may want it several times a day and others are happy with once a week. Its more rare to find woman with extremely high libidos but its possible as I have that too. Now if he is happier with less often than you, there's a mismatch there. It can not be fixed. He would feel put upon to give more than he wants to take time for or you become resentful eventually when you are not getting the amount you need.
I understand this is a new relationship of sorts. And I also understand wanting a steady serious relationship but that means there has to be love on both sides, not just what you feel for a guy but what he feels for you. So while I feel its good that you discover exactly what you want and like in a lover and you need to have sex with enough different lovers to figure out which you like best, theres a caution to you as a female having sex in a non serious relationship, or call it friends with benefits, or booty call partner.
Here it is: Women regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
I learned that bit from a book on relationships I picked up at the library.
I say the same thing for the dating process, that meeting just one person, tho some fall in love at once site with their first person and marry, it's the exception but not the rule so its pretty uncommon. Most of us do best sampling more than one icecream. If all you had was vanilla, how would you know what your favorite flavor of 31 flavors of icecream was yours? Same for relationships. Date around and of course try out sex with others and get a feel for the persons character and personality besides the sex. It takes two things for a solid foundation to build a relationship on, one is mutually satisfying sex and the other is being each other's best friend. Think of a girlfriend for that. YOu can agree to disagree and won't get angry or take things personally, you know each other so well you can just look at their face to know how they are feeling, both of you are always thinking of ways to please each other and show love through your actions. Find a guy who can be your best friend and also the best lover for you and you'll be happy. I don't know if you're the type to wait around for a guy to notice you or if you approach men and try to start a friendship. If you wait around, you may not ever find what you want if the guy is young or never really grew up and all he is looking for is a willing sex partner. There is no commitment in that. Nothing wrong with it. Even I had a sex partner for a short amount of time in late forties, while I was still waiting to find the man I would marry. But I don't see this as the long term best for most women as they will get those loving feelings eventually cropping up which happens for women when having sex. But those feelings alone shouldn't be trusted as a best way to make a decision on a life time partner or long term one. You may want to decide what you're also looking for in a man besides sex and when you think you see it, ask a guy if he's single. If he is, then ask him out. Many really great guys are either shy or of the mind set that they need to leave it up to the female to make the first move so they are not disgusted by another guy hitting up on them. My second husband has a high libido like me and I could tell he was very enamored by me. He just was leaving first kiss and sex up to me to make the first move but not saying that until after I had made the first move. If you have any other specific question that I haven't hit upon, just let me know dear and I will share to the best of my ability from my life experiences.
Hello. I'm 22 and female and my boyfriend is 24. I'm having a problem with our sex life and I need advice. Usually when I'm on my period, I'll give my boyfriend blowjobs (fair enough, I don't choose to get my period). Sometimes when I don't feel like having sex, I'll also just give him a blowjob. I always make sure he finishes before I stop. Lately I've been noticing though that he can never just give to me without me having to give it back. Like he can't just eat me out, it always has to be 69 so he gets some in return. Tonight I got irritated, so when he started to go down on me, I was happy thinking he'd just do his thing yet two minutes into it, he started shimmying his way up so he could get a blowjob too. So I did until I kept thinking about it and how he hardly ever makes sure I finish or even ensures that I do such as waiting before he does so I just stopped and he got angry that I just didn't want to anymore. So I told him there is no reason for him to be angry when I don't get that angry over hardly ever finishing because he always does before me. So he just rolled over and started watching tv.
I just don't know how to handle it when I even admitted to him that I don't think I've ever fully climaxed before and he just didn't care. Please just don't say to break up or anything rash, we've been together two years, I just haven't really ever thought much about it until now. So I just don't know what to do regarding this because it seems like when I just go to talk about it, he just gets defensive and shuts down. Any help is appreciated.
A lot of men in this age bracket are lazy selfish lovers. They think only of their release and also assume that just having a penis shoved inside the female will make her have orgasms. That is not anatomically correct as there is much more to what goes into bringing a woman to orgasm. The right lover will make sure that his lady has had 3-5 orgasms before he even allows himself to finally have one. That 3-5 is suggested for health reasons as it clamps down the urethra so theres no chance for bacteria to get in and it lubricates the vaginal canal before he enters so there is no abrasions or tearing of the tender flesh making it open to infections or disease. You can learn all this and way more from my favorite thing I found on the web, a discussion on orgasms done by oregon state university. There are 9 parts each about 6 minutes long. When one ends, the next should pop up. Watch it all and then tell him about your concerns and say you want a better sex life. He may feel fulfilled but you aren't and for good reasons. This talk done on you tube videos will show both of you all you need to know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdgiy-xtIpo&list=PLHROYgtRnnKAdSQWyUzdDDdkls81azAm2&index=1
I suggest you ask him for a time when you both can sit and watch it. Its just under an hour and you want to do it together so you can be assured he really has seen it.
Now for some more realitys regarding sex. There are partners who are very right for you, some that are so so but no fireworks really, and then some that do not work out no matter what you try.
Your guy doesn't qualify for number one right now.
If its only due to a lack of knowledge, then here's his chance to make it right. And he can go from the so-so category to very right for you.
However, you need to be aware of something else in case you find after a while of using this information that you had some initial orgasms but its now slacking off again, here's something else to consider. I know this from experience. I had a high libido and my husband had a low libido. I didn't find out until marriage because I was a virgin when I married. Having differing libidos means one partner is not going to even want sex as much as the other. There is no set amount that is correct. If two people have the same libido they can be happy with anything from once a month to once a day or more. Another thing that can make a big difference is lack of chemistry. This chemistry can be varying degrees in strength but a good analogy I share from my experience is that its the difference between feeling an open mouthed kiss is from a lover and gives you butterflies or more vs feeling disgusting like your brother, father or uncle just kissed you that way. Or it can land somewhere in between, not disgusting but not raising your passion in any way. It wasnt until I divorced him and got into relationships that I found I had the average sex with many with orgasms every time and the mind blowing lovers-orgasms included. I decided I was done with average/so-so sex or less and life was too short to not shoot for the best. I found myself a man with a libido to match mine and now know how a mans eyes change and look like when he's looking at you feeling passion and wanting you. Its a wonderful thing. Two years may seem long to you dear. And I am not saying to jump to the conclusion to break up. But what if even with his willingness to learn and apply all he can learn from the videos, it still never gets any better to the level of satisfaction you want? It is up to you to stay in that situation for possibly the rest of your entire life or like me, 30 yrs of marriage before I had the guts to leave, (he was also verbally abusive).
He may not even feel like he needs to know anything more. If so, you may want to start comparing him in other areas of life too. Does he only say "I love you" or does he prove it by how he treats you. Does he put your comfort and happiness above yours, doing special deeds for you,like asking if you want a refill on your coffee so you don't have to get up. Does he compliment and encourage you. Does he know of your favorite anything like color, collectibles, food and make efforts to give you things that have lots of thought put into them? Is he very proud to be seen with you, always praising you to his family, wanting friends and family to meet you and enjoy doing even simple tasks like chores together and finding the task feels so much more special because he has your company, etc. Theres so much more i could share but I think you get the picture. If he isn't willing in bed, I am sure if you took off your rose colored glasses and really looked at his behavior, he probably doesn't make much more effort than what he thinks will keep you by his side. And this is how females train men to be lazy, by accepting anything less than the best. It took me my whole life to figure it out. I hope that just in case your guy really isn't the best, that you either know you can be satisfied with less than best. If you prefer to stay with him even if nothing improves, that's up to you. But I guarantee you will eventuallly reach an age where you no longer want a partner who isn't equally in love and equally invested in the relationship.
THere's a saying: "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in Maximum effort to make it so."
Hello, I just wanted to get some advice on what to do with my sister. She has just turned 16 and over the last few months she has been heavily abusing drugs and alcohol.
It started maybe 6 months ago and i knew she was doing it here and there (MDMA, weed and drinking/smoking) but i didn't really see it as an issue because i did the same things here and there when i was 19-20. I discussed it with her and told her the issues but she said she wasnt doing it much.
However over the last few months she has been constantly angry, sleeping, got fired from 2 jobs, and our family is falling apart because of the constant arguments. Every time my parents go away for the weekend, she will throw a party and trash the house her mates take drugs and smoke inside the house. I don't want to start drama with her so i let it happen so that we are on good terms, but frankly i have come to my last nerve with this because i get into arguments with my parents for letting it happen.
I hacked into her computer which is connected to her phone and read all her messages and was horrified at what i found. She takes drugs every 2nd day, and has had sex with over 15 people..she's 16!!! To make it even worse she brags about how much drugs she takes to her friends.. like they think shes cool or something. She has sold her speakers for drugs, and my mothers gold jewellery.
Now i dont know whether this is just a drug phase everyone goes to, or whether this is becoming a problem. Do i send her to a clinic? My parents have tried everything and nothing works to discipline her.
Thank you
Its not for you to handle her but support your parents in how they handle her. Your going along with her parties to stay on her friends list was the wrong thing to do. Initially you approached her and gave her a chance to straighten up, a big sister pep talk. But at the point that she disregarded what you said and went all overboard on drugs and sex, it was now your responsibility to let your parents know what she was doing and is doing. Since she is a minor still, it is up to your parents to take care of her and disciplining or finding out what is the cause of her going off track like this is for them to do. All you can do is report and stick with them.
Of course she will lash out at you and the parents and say how she hates you all or its none of your business. Its typical teen behavior. She still doesnt have the abilty to make good decisions on her own due to the fact that the frontal lobe of the brain is still immature even though her body has matured. She may feel grown up but all of us don't come into our ability to have fully mature decision making abilities until we hit about mid twenties on the average according to tests by scientists.
So you and the parents can not leave it up to her and she is not going to see this as loving intervention but that can't be helped right now. Some day in the future when she is okay and older like towards thrity, she'll be thanking you and the parents for stepping in and helping her.
The parents should probably talk to school counselors and then get referrals to a counselor for teens with issues. She may need to be entered into teen drug treatment programs/support groups along with your family so you know how to help her, what to do, what not to do.
Your sister is way past where the disipline stage can help anymore, professional help is needed at this point and its the parents responsibility to do so. Let them know. I hope that using this form of tough love will be successful in turning your sister around.
Hi 17F.. My cousin and I am turning 18 on saturday and he is holding a HUGE party. Both our friends are invited(I have two) he has alot. I am very shy and he say I'm boring. I would really like to prove him wrong and flirt around a bit but I know literary nothing about flirting. I am have a very low self esteem. I am a little overweight. I have dark brown hair that hangs just below my bra. I wear glasses and have blue eyes. I really like my mouth. I don't really like to stand out but I am willing to try. Please help me I am desperate?
There isn't enough time for you to gain self confidence by Saturday but I do have advice to give that you can start working on right away.
First you need to understand that the media's idea of beauty as advertised today is only the current idea of what is beautiful. In recent history beauty was considered being big boned, curvy and hour glass shape followed by the thin anorexic look of Twiggy model. If one doesnt have the bone structure to begin with, some of these looks for beauty are always going to be unavailable to all women. Its nothing but hype to sell clothing and beauty products and the same goes for men now. The age group most susceptible to believing what beauty is will be kids teens and college age. So your peers, until they grow up and decide for themselves what they beilive handsome or pretty to be, are going to be critical of others. Not all fall into this belief system and some learn at younger ages to think for themselves and not follow the crowd.
Being shy is okay is you are simply a more quiet person who is slow to warm up to people but still outgoing in subtler ways. Its when you have social anxiety as I did as a teen and you are totally frosen to acting upon meeting and talking to people and finding that terrifying that you have an actual problem. If you do have social anxiety, that will take some time to get over but I have a recipe I followed that helped me overcome it easily enough and will share with you if you write and ask.
As for having self confidence, it may be tied to being shy but is a different thing entirely when viewed in other ways. Beling self confident in ones looks and personality is important. People are like radio recievers picking up on any and all signals you silently send out. If you feel ugaly, people will pick up on your feeling and then avoid you. If you have confidence about your looks, then people also pick up these positve feelings you have and are drawn to you. I wasnt sure I believed that but read about it in a womans magazine article long ago at a time I need the self confidence.
You've already mentioned liking your mouth so thats a good place to start focus on. For me it was my eyes. What the article said was to borrow the confidence of a celebrity by finding a way to identify with them and feel like you are them in your mind and for me i chose my eyes and an actress from long ago I felt had those eyes that caught peoples attention. Of course the rest of the actress was beautiful and I didn't match the rest in my minds eye. But I went with what I did beleive in. Then every time you leave home, imagine yourself looking like her, borrowing the celebritys self confidence and making that head turning effect on people. As I said, I did that, sometimes even picturing myself in my minds eye looking just as glamorous, or sexy like that woman right before entering school, a store, a room, anywhere. But then I'd forget about it, not thinking it would work. Then I was stunned as over time, I got more and more comments from strangers, both women and men walking up to me and mentoning that I have the most beautiful eyes they;ve ever seen. I wasn't even wearing makeup half the time!.
See, they picked up on how I felt about myself rather than how I actually looked. I started out on borrowed self confidence. But once you've experienced this enough for yourself, you'll forget about looking somewhat like this celebrity in the mouth area, and continue on with your own self confidnece after experiencing some positive feedback from people. Its not instant so don't expect it all to happen Saturday but you can practice.
If you have trouble knowing how to start up convo's or what to say, just start with complimenting people if you can do so and really mean it. Don't make up compliments. If you like the logo of a guys t shirt, tell him you find his t shirt really cool looking and then for another comment, you can also ask where he got it. Listenly closely to peoples response to find something they mention that you can make another comment on. If he mentions a store he got it at and you've shopped there, you can then mention having gone there too. If he instead says his sister got it for him for Christmas, you could say, that he has a wonderful sister and then latch on to the topic of Christmas or siblings, whichever you can take a lead from your own comment. Like, do you have other siblings? This is what helps a convo keep going. If it feels like you are having to drag answers out of a person, it's not that you are doing anything wrong but you both don't have the right kind of chemistry to even be friends. If you do this with the right guys or even girls, they will respond positively to you and conversation will flow with ease. Most people, do not start conversations on their own but join ones already in progress. So if no one is really talking, you'd need to be the one to start conversation. I will tell short bits about myself or even another nameless person I know of whose story matches the current conversation. And I may elaborate also to make it more interesting, using facial expressions and open body language. Those two latter will also affect whether a person feels you are approachable or not. Don't talk in monotone and be of a mindset to welcome peoples laughter, making them laugh. A coworker once mentioned during a slow time that he once lived in a studio so small and how he used the closet to put his bed in so it could feel like he had a bedroom. I thought about it a minute, and focused on the word closet and blurted out, "so if you slept in too long in the morning, your friends could say that you haven't come out of the closet yet." I turned his info into a comment with double meanings and had the whole crew laughing out loud. People like to talk about themselves and people also like to be able to laugh at funny things. Keep this all in mind and you'll do good enough to start. Flirting is too big a bite to start with until you've gained some self confidence and learned how to speak to others. When your cousin labeled you boring, that's not a death sentence. Boring simply means that you are not giving people anything to latch on to to say something to you or notice you. Give them a chance and if they don't speak first, then you do so. And the best way to break ice is with a compliment. If it not a compliment about what they are wearing, it can be about an action or personallity trait you see. LIke after handling a difficult nasty customer, I went up to our new shift manager and told her I felt she did a good job of staying in control and still being pleasant tho the customer was yelling in another language. I'd have peeople thank me for any kind words like that which I feel may be insignificant as I go to say them but I get immediate positive feeddback and this helps with building friendship with people, knowing you care and appreciate them or their talents. Good luck dear.
I'm only 16 but all my life I've always been paranoid My family describes me as shy but Im convinced it's social anxiety but I'm not 100% sure because I'm not diagnosed but anyways as a kid I remember being afraid of getting kidnapped I had nightmares about it and everything I've always been afraid of strangers I never knew why I was always afraid but I was and I've started to think more and more since I'm a little older and I don't think I had a traumatic incident in my life to be that afraid of the world and I'm sure it doesn't help that I love watching law and order and murder shows but I dont find it normal.. Up until October when there actually was an incident where someone man was trying to break into my house I've become even more paranoid than before but I feel it's a little necessary now.. Even tho most of you aren't doctors or anything can anyone help me understand what this is I'm sorta describing and why I was like this even before a traumatic event happened ??
Alright, now I may sound wacky for saying this but I believe in us all having had past lives. I can't remember where I read it but as we all know, we are made to forget any previous lives once reborn again. the only thing that seems to stick sometimes hanging around are the abnormal fears that we have no reason in this lifetime to associate with why we have a certain fear. I believe as I read that this is a possible explanation although theres no way to prove it. For example, I have a fear of drowning so perhaps in a past life I died from drowning. Others may be terrified of snakes for no reason but perhaps in a past life they died of snake bite. Our souls have a knee jerk reaction to certain things but without any reason in this lifetime to account for it. While you may have social anxiety, (I had it as a kid and teen) thats not the same thing as this one paranoid fear you are mentioning. Your ffear of being kidnapped is what has you not trusting strangers, i had no other fear than being picked on by kids and teased if I messed up or didnt fit in. I am no professional but have read of people with situations like yours finding solutions under hypnosis. Other than than, just keep telling yourself that it happened in a past life and won;t in this one.
Hello, I'm currently visiting my mom over winter break (from college) and originally I told her I would stay until the 8th, but I just can't stand being here anymore and I want to go back home to my place on campus. I know she's going to be hurt but I hate being here.
I'm just really tired of being around her and I need time alone. She's constantly in my business and trying to control everything I do. She won't let me buy anything without asking where I got the money to buy it and getting angry with me. She's constantly asking if I paid my bills (which I did already or they aren't due yet). She's overfeeding my cat and giving him too much attention so now he cries when he's left alone and I'm afraid now when I take him back to campus he's going to meow whenever I'm not there and make my roommate angry.
I want to dye my hair and get my nails done before the new semester starts but she started yelling at me about that too saying I'm wasting money and that she refuses to let me.
I can only watch tv shows she likes or else she gets upset. If she sees me trying to catch up with friends she gets offended.
I can't snack after she goes to bed for fear of waking her. She keeps the AC off all the time so it's way too hot here and I feel like I'm burning up, but every time I turn it on she goes and turns it off.
She filled my room here with a bunch of her junk so I feel extremely claustrophobic and she won't let me move anything. There's not even ten feet of walking room.
The neighbor is constantly playing his music extremely loud and I can't concentrate on doing work, but she won't let me place a complaint with her landlord.
I feel like if I'm here much longer we're going to get in an extremely nasty fight because I'm so pissed at her.
I told her last night I might leave a few days early and she said "Don't you dare!" I don't know why she even wants me to continue staying here when I've made it obvious the last few days how miserable I am.
I tried to talk to her about these things already, but she doesn't listen or pretty much just says "It's my home, my rules!".
I could just leave, but that would cause a huge rift.
Please help!
Your mother has never learned how to be content with what she has in life, always feeling something needs her fixing or meddling. This is her problem, not yours. All you can do is create your own boundaries and do not give control of your life over to her. While in her home, her house rules must be obeyed but other than that you are an adult. House rules like quiet after a certain point in time is a reasonable house rule.
Deciding when a guest may leave is NOT a house rule. Filing a complaint with landlord is her territory so if she didnt care about the noise, then you remove yourself from the noise by leaving moms. Your action of leaving wouldn't be to spite her, but simply an action to her inaction by choice.
Some parents don't do well with the switch from role of parenting to no longer parenting. Its a different role now with parents as sounding boards for advice IF asked to do so, no volunteering info. Your mother is going to continue to choose drama and ultimatums to control you but you need to realize it is all her doing and choosing. You do realize the 'huge rift' she holds over your head from her previous actions is already in some ways got you confused on how to go about avoiding a rift. You already know what she will do. Its not about what you do to cause it. People have choices and as adults we should have learned to control our emotions and other things better. Mom just may never have learned or chosen this way due to the way she was being raised. There are many children in adult bodies and sometimes, those happen to be relatives. I know its awkward hon, but when a child is technically an adult, the parent must stop making demands and allow the adult child to run its own life the best it can. Yes, you will make mistakes, we all do. But your mother does not get to choose from among her mistakes and decide what paths to relive her life through you to get it right. Thats not how it works. She still needs to learn that for herself without you involved, but maybe a professional involved if she ever sees a need for a life coach.
You need to be stern and tough about your own life, and guard it like a precious jewel cus in reality, this is the only life you have, you can't switch to someone else right now. So you must move forward with establishing your own independance, And that will require a tough love. Doing what is right for you and ultimately her too so she sees she has a controlling problem. Like a child that throws a tantrum on the grocery aisle floor, your mom will have own or several of her own but caving in to those tantrums will not help her or you. Don't fear her threats, even if she pulls away all contact for a long time. I have both parents do that at different times cus they were divorced, when I was young and married. They felt they didn't get something they wanted when they threw a tantrum and Dad was able to convince even a sister once that his tantrum was valid and i in the wrong and she stopped talking to me to half a year. Hon, these kinds of things do happen in regular families. None of us are perfect. Just don't let the fear of her pulling away cause you to cave in to her demands. Be the adult and put a stop to these tantrums and ultimatums of hers but not letting them affect you. Ignore them when you hear them and continue to tell her exactly what you are willing to do or not and then carry thru on it no matter how hard she is screaming or yelling or cursing.
So today since it's the New Year it's a tradition for my dad to do a New Years prayer so while he was praying he was praying that there shouldn't be any introverts in my family anymore. He was saying that directly at me since I'm an introvert, I got pretty pissed and told him that was rude and uncalled for then left. Is there anything wrong with introverts? I can't change my personality if he doesn't like it oh f**king well. Just because I'm an introvert doesn't mean I don't talk to people. I'm generally a shy person but since I stared university I had to get out of my comfort zone nobody was gonna come up to me and try to be friends I had to do it myself. So I don't understand why my dad said that as if being an introvert is a bad thing?
Parents aren't perfect. They all come with their own preconceived ideas and experiences and not ready to hear differently or change.
Here's my story. When I was little, I just didn't like the taste and texture of meat and didn't want to eat it at all. THe parents tried rewards, even threats but nothing worked. I was too young to explain or understand this all myself but in complaining to a coworker, Dad heard back that the child just may be a vegetarian and there's nothing wrong with that. I just to make sure I get my proteins other ways. Well, i grew up to love chicken and fish. Still don't like red meats. By now, I've been a parent too so I know what its like on both sides. There is no instruction manual on raising kids; unique to each child. Every parent is just another soul just a wee bit older in a human body than you but the soul may not be any more mature or 'enlightened' than its own child. In some cases, there are kids who know their parents souls were quite primitive in their beliefs and thinking so the kid never felt they fit.
Warning: Parents do have downfalls. They are not very open to correction by their children, even if they are wrong. As in my case, a peer told my Dad that being a vegetarian is okay and it might take coming from someone other than you if your Dad is like this in other matters, feeling like he needs to be the well informed leader, well versed and knowledgable in many different matters. Between you and me, I believe he also has no clue on just basic interaction and understanding of different types of people and personalities, but possibly also no idea of how God operates or any clue about prayers because of what you claim he prayed.
So if hes a person who must save face, just talking to him may not help. Do try first but if you could research personality types on line and find something that resonates with you in explanation of your personality type, then I would share it with your grandparents,(his parents) or aunts, uncles (his siblings) or his best friend to share with him when he's open to hearing it.)
Try not to stay irritated at him for this. He is only doing so because he loves you and feels there is something needing improvement so you are better equipped for adult life, even tho he is wrong
If you do not have social anxiety and do speak with people as needed and you are more concise and to the point in conversation rather than going off on many different tangents as the chatty types, then you are fine and will succeed in life. As long as you learn how to work with all personality types as needed like for work or school, then you'll be fine. ANd when you go to pick a mate someday, they will reflect your personality more than that of the family or Dad. So be thinking ahead that bumps like this may not be all over yet. He may have a hard time getting used to an 'in-law' who's more like you.
16/f
My best friend doesnt stay in the same city as me. Shes in my city on holiday with her dad and stays a street away from me. Today she asked me to go to this place with her and a bunch of guys we don't know so i said i dont want to. We then madr plans to go to her house tonight. Before i went she said no we must go to this guys house that i dont know so i said she can go, im tired anyway because i am really shy so i wouldve just ruined the vibe. She asked me to go to the beach with her tomorrow so i said okay bht whos going so she said that her dads going diving and i said " you lying" with a laughing face because yesterday her dad said he wont dive again in my city. Now shes mad atcme saying im childish anf stuff so i said " i really dont have energy for this tonight. Love you bye" so she said " dont have the energy for you ever but guess what" so i stopped replying. Now should i apoligize? Did i do something wrong? How do i sort this out - shes a really difficult person
as pink girl said, she is in the wrong. Its not your fault she is mad. She is engaging in dangerous activity, going to guys homes and most likely when their parents aren't there. If parents are supervising its better. But no matter what reason, whether you are shy of guys or even like the guys, its best not to get in habit of showing up at guys homes and that way you can't get in trouble that date rape drug snuck to you. Your friend couldn't help you either if she was in same boat. I'd keep this friend at a distance and evaluate what you see as still being beneficial to both of you. Teen girls over-react with emotions due to hormones from puberty still wreaking havoc on the emotions. She can become either extra sad and weepy or more easily irritated or get too easily angry. Give her time and if she comes back, then be the best friend you can without caving in to what she thinks of as a fun time.
(F13) So, I like this guy quite a bit. I asked him if he wanted to go sledding with me, and he said yes. Our plan is to go sledding and what not. But I'm not sure if this is a date (We are in middle school) and if it is, or if it isn't, what do I wear? The temperatures will be around 30F but I'm not so sure about wearing my snow gear, because I am afraid I will look clunky if I wear it all. Furthermore, do we hang out at the sledding place or do we go to one of the others houses? Would it be weird if I brought hot chocolate to sledding?
I agree with the other person that your'e overthinking and he may not see this as a date, just getting to know if you are fun to hang around.
Now if he is the right kind of guy for you as a friend or more, he will not be expecting you to be anything other than practical in this case. If he cared about you, he'd want you warm, not freezing to show up in a thin cute outfit that won't keep you warm. Bundle up dear. Its girls that worry too much about their looks when the guys are perfectly happy with a lot less fuss. I wouldn't even wear makeup in case there's a chance of doing a face plant in the snow or getting a snowball in the face from someone. But thats up to you. Bringing hot chocolate is thoughtful and shows you can think ahead and dressing for the weather instead of to impress shows that you are practical. If the guy only is interested when you are dolled up, he won't make a good friend, bf or mate some day. This is one of lifes lessons to start learning now. Good luck.
I mean, his kiss was a surprise. Does this mean I'm allergic to him, or it's some kind of nervous response, because I have a big crush on him? By the way, I have no STDs
No, we don't become allergic to people, only to what is applied to them. So if your skin is extra sensitive, and you normally have trouble with body soaps or lotions, then if he was wearing cologne there or aftershave, perhaps you were allergic to that. Just the brush of growing out whiskers is enough to irritate skin if the contact was a brushing across motion, the feel of sandpaper, is enough to cause a reaction. You won't be allergic only once to either thing but if it continues, then you are likely allergic.
Nerves can cause you to have itchy skin or a rash. When the body is under stress, sometimes stress is released in a rash. If you are prone to getting rashes everytime you are really stressed, then it could be this.
Std's don't give an immediatwe reaction like this so its not that.
We've met online became close friends fairly quickly. Stayed in touch via chat, text and only video chat a few times this whole year. We both truly care for each other and check up on one another. We are always there for each other for emotional support and encourgment. She and I talked about a possiable relationship but we want to spend time together in person to see if we have potential.
You can't trust anything you might think of as a sign if its an LDR and never met in person. So your idea to spend time together in person is the best thing. I suggest you do that asap and not put it off.
My name is michaela.
Im a teen.
My YouTube will be on random things such as vlogs, tutorials, challenges it will be like " my life of evas" channel
Okay, I have only one idea using just your name as I dont have other info to give me ideas. Its corny but maybe "Michaela for what ails ya".
so im a freshman in high school and a girl,there is this boy i like about a month now and when im with him i really feel the feeling and he makes me smile and laugh and feeling in love in some way (because im only 15) but i never had the need of kissing him and anyway do such things with him and even though i want to be with him because im not sure but i thnik that he likes me too now that schools closed and im somehow away even though we chat via facebook im kind of confused about my feelings and i dont know if the fact that i feel proud of him and i know i like him in a romantic way but i dont have that need i dont know if it is good or not maybe it is because i never had a boyfriend before but i dont know if that has to do something with it please answer me
Hi Hon. I don't want to jump to conclusions so I need to know a bit more. Some girls will write what you have and make it sound as if there is a friendship with lots of contact and convos but in reality it is all a crush and wishful thinking. I am leaning toward the fact that you both talk to each other but have no idea of what if anything else happens between you. So I really can't say with the info you gave whether there is a chance he may like you too. Chatting via facebook is good but isn't a very good indication if he likes you. You need to be thinking more of actions he takes, whether he purposely comes to stand near you, if he leans towards you fascinated when you speak or when he's talking to you, any gestures that could possibly be light flirting, watch to see if his feet point towards you or at an angle away when he is near, does he initiate phone calls or texts. In essense a lot of what will give us clues about another persons interest is body language, even to the point of mirroring any moves you make, like tucking hair behind your ear, and then he would touch his hair or ear in some way. It's all done subconsciously so most of us are not aware we are doing it. Hope this helps. But if you have more specifics and situation to run past me, I'd be glad to read and answer. Happy New year.
What is the lowest pregnancy prevention pill
The method with lowest pregnancy rate is not a pill. All the pills have the same rates. What I am talking about is the copper releasing IUD, intra uterine device and am posting their website for you to read up on.
I used it for 7 yrs until ready to have kids. It lasts up to 10 yrs. A one time cost up front that is more than the pill but when broken out into the months and compared to the pill at its monthly cost, this is way cheaper. Also it doesn't mess with your cycle which comes regularly. There are no hormones in this IUD. So when you stop taking to try to get pregnant, there is no adjustment period for your body to begin having a regular cycle again. without thinking it was already pregnant. It has a higher rating at preventing pregnancys than even the pill which is pretty good too. Heres the site:
http://www.paragard.com/
Today me and my niece got in a fight. Shes 6 years old. She stays in a different city and slept over by us. She kept having an attitude and then when i was geaching her to swim we got in a fight. She kept going on that my house is so boring so i said if shes so bored she can then go back to her dad. And we kept fighting. Eventually she started crying and said she wants to go home and we spoke and cuddled and we seemed alright and then she went home. I feel really awful about it because i dont see her much and i really didnt want to hurt her shes like my little best friend. Do you think she'll still remember about it tomorrow? Or not want to come again?
I assume you are not a mother yet as you ddidn't mention no children/cousins.
Plus you don't see her often enough to learn by repition whats the best way to handle children. Lots also depends on their individual personalites. I couldn't train one child the same as the other, didn't work. So don't feel so bad about yourself. Chalk it up to a learning experience. Now you know the way you choose, wasn't the best way.
This is typical behavior for a child. For some, it is hard to be away from parents, or with relatives they don't see all too often and may not feel very comfortable with. Temporary change like this is enough to put a child out of sorts. When the attitude began to show, it was a cry for help and understanding. I am a grandmother and have more experience now. What I would have done is ask her what was up. "You must be feeling bad being away from Mom and Dad. I'll bet you miss them. I really wanted to see you because I'm your Aunt and I love you. The plan is for you to stay with us for a few days. I think these days might be happier for you if you could talk to your parents on the phone and tell them what you've been doing here. How about we call them now?"
Emotions are strong in children but they also have no control over them. Her crying and stating she wanted to go home was one of two reactions a child will have. The other is to yell that they hate you. They are smart and know that hate is a strong word and they use it again as a tool to convey to you how frustrated they are with you that you are not figuring out what they need even when they aren't quite sure what that is either.
She might remember something of fighting with you. Depends on how much of an emotional impression it made with her. But with kids, its like temporary storms that come and go, not lasting long. She may remember being bored at your house cus its not set up for kids, even if she brings her own toys. She wants something new and exciting that she doesnt get at home. I had nothing at home for a grandchild so I went to dollar stores finding whatever I thought might entertain my granddaughter or even something not quite a kids project. Example, I make my own bracelets and necklaces with stretchy cord and let my granddaughter make her own or help her with it and then she had a memory to take home with her. Got play doh and we did all sorts of things that she had an interest in. Your sibling could let you know what she is really into these days, like for example "Dora the Explorer" and then you could have a coloring book of that waiting for her next time. The thing will be to build up her anticipation for all the special things she has to look forward too next CHristmas, starting with calls a few weeks before she comes. The boring last CHristmas is quickly out of mind when shes focused on the things to look forward to. You could make it more special by taking her to see the Santa in the mall and getting her picture taken, keeping one for you and giving one to her parents. When you think back to what made holidays fun for you, even baking a some simple Christmas cookies will be exciting for her.
Okay so im a teen and dont really have money. My parents love coffee so i bought each of them a coffee mug now what can i do with it to make it look cute/put in it? And also whats cute ways of wrapping it?
And how do you wrap shoes?
I dont recall what brand but many groceries carry those tiny one pot of ground coffee in Holiday flavors that would fit into a mug. they're like a mini vacuum brick. And you could still fit some holiday candy in or around it. Other than squares of thick wrapping paper drawn up around the gift and tied with curling ribbon, maybe Mom has a favorite theme for the kitchen and the kitchen towel has it. YOu can draw up the towel around the mug and still tie with curling ribbon. I've heard of using a girt to wrap up a gift if its possible.
As for the shoes, I assume you dont have the shoe box they came in to wrap. I would first just wrap the pair in several layers of newspaper first to be sure no heels poke thru the wrapping paper. Or use a gift bag with tissue on top hiding the shoes. Thats even easier. Ezxcept for the coffee, everything else can be found at dollar stores.
There is this guy who used to love me very much a long time ago. He loved me for about 4-5 years or so despite me being in love with some other idiot back then. We were in highschool and I was a very big idiot because I ignored him despite him being so kind and nice to me all those years. He tried his best despite me always talking about that other guy who treated me very badly. I was blind to him. After I finished highschool, I decided I wanted a clean start and cut contact with everyone I knew back then. Now it's been 6 years since then, and I know he had a girlfriend but he recently broke up with her. I also had a few boyfriends since then but I am single now. About a couple weeks ago I've talked with my sister about him and last week he contacted me and we met and I was like 'How could I be such a fool losing such a good guy?'. We sort of caught up with memories and so, also chatted on fb a few times. But he never said he likes me anymore or anything about that, and I can't really asume it. I want him to like me now because I like him now, and he was my biggest regret from highschool. But I can't really tell him because I kept ignoring his feeling for so long, I'm just not brave enough. I would like to know what to do and how to deal with this situation?
My reasoning is that if you've kept in touch enough for him to know you are also single now, then if he still had feelings for you or even curiousity to whether it might work now, then he'd be making some kind of move.
On the other hand, he may be the cautious type and having been turned away in the past, no matter how he feels, he might not make the first move this time to avoid being hurt.
Also keep in mind that who both of you were at graduation has changed quite a lot in 5 yrs time. People do a great amount of maturing, and developing or fine tuning of who they are and may have become very different people from who they were a handful of years ago. This would effect things like what you believe in, hopes dreams, and your likes in the opposite sex. At this point, there is no way for you to know whether he is interested only as a friend.
I know it may be scary putting yourself out there and asking something like, "Have you ever wondered if now that we've matured some,, whether there might be chance that we could be more than friends?" See how he answers and you may have to reassure him. No asking straight out if he'd like to go on a date cus thats too direct and scary and sounds of lots of expectations on the girls part. Since good guys care and dont like upsetting girls if they discover in dating that the spark isn't there, guys would rather not agree to go out than worry about how to let her down gently. If you ask in the what if mode as I stated above, its a good way to discover where he stands.
Think about this if you dont feel brave enough, the other option is doing nothing and he never makes the first move so even if both of you marry others, you will go thru the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you had asked, wondering if this 50-50 5 chance that he could still be into you or grow to love you, could have happened. And you'd have to live with the torment of never knowing and that to me is worse because it lingers a lifetime whereas getting rejected if you ask now, is a short term thing to get over, more painful. But I'd rather face the short term pain than a life time one.
Well I gave the bus driver the card yesterday and boy was he happy...reminded me of a kid at Christmas time. Everyone on the bus was just smiling and staring. I didn't include anything in the card nor did I give him my number etc. I kept it plain and simple. Merry Christmas Always, Sasha. He knows my name now. he thanked me twice today for the card he was like "thank you young lady" just staring at me in the mirror.(im 33) but he doesnt know that, (I look quite young). well I told him to have a great Christmas since i wont see him till next week and he just stared at me smiling with his perfect 32 white teeth and said you too and thank you...everyone on the bus just smiled at us (0=
he was so perky it was funny....maybe one of these days ill ask him for a coffee....but then again, I don't want to have mistakenly misread anything, and coemto find out he was just doing his job by being nice to me and or he has a g/f and I become embarrassed...seeing that I see him quite often and if he was to turn me down for a date that'd be very awkward to have to see him at least 3 times a week....im stuck between a rock and hard place.
Great to hear it went well. Happy Holidays and New year to you.
My boyfriend and I met my junior year his senior year of college and we have now been dating for a little over a year. We actually met each other through two close friends who were dating each other. He is doing a fifth year of college so we are both still at school this year. Things started to get a little sour this past semester. We had three really big fights that left me really upset and my friends saw this. This semester four of my friends all broke up with their boyfriends. The combination of my friends seeing my boyfriend hurt me with the fact that I refrained from talking about the good things he did (not wanting to come home to a group of girls grieving relationships and brag about mine...) made it so that at this point some of my friends are really confused why I'm with him. Now my friends are all happy and starting new flings and getting out there but I think I just got in the habit of not talking about my boyfriend a lot around them. Plus, his two close friends are the exes of two of the four girls who had break ups at the beginning of the semester. It has made it difficult for us to all hang out in groups like we used to. My friends never had a problem with him until this semester. They seem to think he doesn't treat me well and that I deserve better. Part of their rationing was that he borrows my car and my laptop a lot and that he doesn't take me on a lot of dates. These are things that I complain about with him. What they don't know is that he's paying for all of his school on his own and that he can't afford a new laptop or to be taking me on fancy dates every week. While I try to explain this to them they still say they don't like seeing me hurt. Our last fight I considered breaking up with him and I told them that and now they seem to have it in their head that it just needs to happen... but in my heart I love him more than I've loved anyone in my life. He is one the kindest, smartest, most fun people I have ever met. I know if my friends spent more time around him they would see that. He is hesitant about spending time with them because he can sense that they don't like him and now it's just a viscous circle... I don't know what to do. I want everyone to get along but I can't help be bothered by my friends disapproval. I go back and forth between blaming myself for only talking about him when I complain, blaming him for always being standoffish and short with my friends and for hurting me in those fights to begin with (never cheated, just to clarify), and blaming my friends for not being able to see that besides the three fights, I am so happy with this person. They say that's all they want, is for me to be happy, but I want everyone to get along. What do I do?
I can answer playing both sides of the same coin.
Perhaps in being so miserable from all their breakups, subconsciously they act out in ways to try to break you up so you can be like them. That old saying 'misery loves company' does have some merit to it. Or perhaps since they aren't in love with your guy, they aren't looking thru rose colored glasses and are seeing something that you are not.
Now on your side, I can understand the poor young person putting themselves thru school and not having a spare dime. However you did admit lots of fighting. Now lets get down to specifics. When he 'borrows' anything from you, does he ask you first nicely, or does he assume that because he's dating you, its okay to take without asking? That hon would have nothing to do with being a poor student but poor at relationship skills. If that is how he plans to act in the adult world once he has his degree, it will not help him much at all if he can't get along with people cus they all feel used by him. I could be oh so wrong here. Just imagining a possible reason why you don't see a problem but they do.
I don't believe fights in a relationship can be and must be avoided. They are actually productive if both partners come out of it feeling there
is a happy ending for both of them, not one getting their own way every time or the problem never being solved.
In relationships, there will always be the stresses and storms of life that seem to attack and surround you. A relationship can either weather the storms of life and grow stronger or the stresses will tear couples apart and this goes for married couples too. There are so many stories of tragedies like losing an infant, and instead of drawing closer to console each other, some people will blame each other even tho theres no blame to lay, and break up over it.
If your fights with your guy iron out, then perhaps theres a chance for you two, if not, it may be the natural selection of life, weeding out guys who are not right for you. You must always make decisions with your own best interests in mind, not those of your friends. My own family did not approve of my first husband but loved me and supported my poor choice. Eventually after 30 yrs I saw the light and left him. HOw they respond is something your friends will need to decide for themselves, it is not for you to cater to them to contain a fake peace.