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humorist-workshop
Always reciprocating with boyfriend.
Hello. I'm 22 and female and my boyfriend is 24. I'm having a problem with our sex life and I need advice. Usually when I'm on my period, I'll give my boyfriend blowjobs (fair enough, I don't choose to get my period). Sometimes when I don't feel like having sex, I'll also just give him a blowjob. I always make sure he finishes before I stop. Lately I've been noticing though that he can never just give to me without me having to give it back. Like he can't just eat me out, it always has to be 69 so he gets some in return. Tonight I got irritated, so when he started to go down on me, I was happy thinking he'd just do his thing yet two minutes into it, he started shimmying his way up so he could get a blowjob too. So I did until I kept thinking about it and how he hardly ever makes sure I finish or even ensures that I do such as waiting before he does so I just stopped and he got angry that I just didn't want to anymore. So I told him there is no reason for him to be angry when I don't get that angry over hardly ever finishing because he always does before me. So he just rolled over and started watching tv.
I just don't know how to handle it when I even admitted to him that I don't think I've ever fully climaxed before and he just didn't care. Please just don't say to break up or anything rash, we've been together two years, I just haven't really ever thought much about it until now. So I just don't know what to do regarding this because it seems like when I just go to talk about it, he just gets defensive and shuts down. Any help is appreciated.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A lot of men in this age bracket are lazy selfish lovers. They think only of their release and also assume that just having a penis shoved inside the female will make her have orgasms. That is not anatomically correct as there is much more to what goes into bringing a woman to orgasm. The right lover will make sure that his lady has had 3-5 orgasms before he even allows himself to finally have one. That 3-5 is suggested for health reasons as it clamps down the urethra so theres no chance for bacteria to get in and it lubricates the vaginal canal before he enters so there is no abrasions or tearing of the tender flesh making it open to infections or disease. You can learn all this and way more from my favorite thing I found on the web, a discussion on orgasms done by oregon state university. There are 9 parts each about 6 minutes long. When one ends, the next should pop up. Watch it all and then tell him about your concerns and say you want a better sex life. He may feel fulfilled but you aren't and for good reasons. This talk done on you tube videos will show both of you all you need to know.
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I suggest you ask him for a time when you both can sit and watch it. Its just under an hour and you want to do it together so you can be assured he really has seen it.
Now for some more realitys regarding sex. There are partners who are very right for you, some that are so so but no fireworks really, and then some that do not work out no matter what you try.
Your guy doesn't qualify for number one right now.
If its only due to a lack of knowledge, then here's his chance to make it right. And he can go from the so-so category to very right for you.
However, you need to be aware of something else in case you find after a while of using this information that you had some initial orgasms but its now slacking off again, here's something else to consider. I know this from experience. I had a high libido and my husband had a low libido. I didn't find out until marriage because I was a virgin when I married. Having differing libidos means one partner is not going to even want sex as much as the other. There is no set amount that is correct. If two people have the same libido they can be happy with anything from once a month to once a day or more. Another thing that can make a big difference is lack of chemistry. This chemistry can be varying degrees in strength but a good analogy I share from my experience is that its the difference between feeling an open mouthed kiss is from a lover and gives you butterflies or more vs feeling disgusting like your brother, father or uncle just kissed you that way. Or it can land somewhere in between, not disgusting but not raising your passion in any way. It wasnt until I divorced him and got into relationships that I found I had the average sex with many with orgasms every time and the mind blowing lovers-orgasms included. I decided I was done with average/so-so sex or less and life was too short to not shoot for the best. I found myself a man with a libido to match mine and now know how a mans eyes change and look like when he's looking at you feeling passion and wanting you. Its a wonderful thing. Two years may seem long to you dear. And I am not saying to jump to the conclusion to break up. But what if even with his willingness to learn and apply all he can learn from the videos, it still never gets any better to the level of satisfaction you want? It is up to you to stay in that situation for possibly the rest of your entire life or like me, 30 yrs of marriage before I had the guts to leave, (he was also verbally abusive).
He may not even feel like he needs to know anything more. If so, you may want to start comparing him in other areas of life too. Does he only say "I love you" or does he prove it by how he treats you. Does he put your comfort and happiness above yours, doing special deeds for you,like asking if you want a refill on your coffee so you don't have to get up. Does he compliment and encourage you. Does he know of your favorite anything like color, collectibles, food and make efforts to give you things that have lots of thought put into them? Is he very proud to be seen with you, always praising you to his family, wanting friends and family to meet you and enjoy doing even simple tasks like chores together and finding the task feels so much more special because he has your company, etc. Theres so much more i could share but I think you get the picture. If he isn't willing in bed, I am sure if you took off your rose colored glasses and really looked at his behavior, he probably doesn't make much more effort than what he thinks will keep you by his side. And this is how females train men to be lazy, by accepting anything less than the best. It took me my whole life to figure it out. I hope that just in case your guy really isn't the best, that you either know you can be satisfied with less than best. If you prefer to stay with him even if nothing improves, that's up to you. But I guarantee you will eventuallly reach an age where you no longer want a partner who isn't equally in love and equally invested in the relationship.
THere's a saying: "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in Maximum effort to make it so."
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One thing you must understand when it comes to sex and the male ego is we are all the greatest lovers you will ever meet. When you said to him you don't think you have ever fully climaxed before he finished you attached his sexual prows and wounded his ego. He will recover.
Every relationship is a learning process including a sexual relationship. One reason we don't generally jump into bed with someone is we need to have some type of relationship with that person in order to get comfortable and have sex with them. The next step in a relationship is generally the step that leads to the sexual relationship. This can be a twostep process or a one step process that starts on the couch and ends in the bedroom.
This is where the mistake everyone makes in making the step to a sexual relationship. You've gotten comfortable with each other. You've made out and you jump into bed. What about knowing each other’s likes and dislikes? For instance just for an example does he know if you vaginal or clitoral. As boys we learn that all girls and women derive their pleasure from their vagina. It is what we see in porno movies. No one has told us there is a large percentage of women out there that are clitoral.
Sex is a learned experience and you must talk to each other if you are going to have a satisfactory sex life. Example here would be me and my wife. I would spend a great deal of time trying to bring her to orgasm during foreplay. She couldn't do it. Even during intercourse she couldn't do it. Why, we talked about it. Her strict up bringing she was taught a women duty is to give her husband sex on demand and not to get her own pleasure. We saw a sex counselor, a psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction, to help her over that. The object her is I finally asked if it was me. What was I doing wrong?
If you want the best sex life of your lives you need to talk. Every relationship is built on trust and communication this includes a sexual relationship. Find a time and place that you can have a conversation with him about your sex lives. Everything goes on the table. Things you like and things you don't like. Where you like to be caressed and not. Sex acts you like and don't like. Your fantasies. This goes for both of you. This is where you tell him that once in a while you would like him to do oral on you until you orgasm without doing 69. You would like to just every once in a while relax and enjoy his love making to you.
You start this conversation by saying something like. "Jimmy I love you and I love our sex life but I want to take our sex live to higher plain to where we have the best sex lie we can possibly have. To do this we need to communicate what we want from each other. We need to know each other’s likes, dislike wants, desires and yes our fantasies. I'll start." Start with your fantasies as this should bring him into the conversation.
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