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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am female and a freshman college student. I am an English Major and took up free Karate classes last semester. However, as much as I love the Japanese culture and I think Karate is great, I really don't have the time, stamina, or will to continue in these classes. I'm pretty wimpy as it is, skinny as a bone, and my thyroidsm doesn't help much - which is why I took the offer of these classes, I wanted to become stronger; both physically, mentally and spiritually. Unfortunately I'm not like one of those people that have all the time in the world - I wish to engage in music classes because I want to learn how to read music so I can play piano and the guitar - along with college this is a lot. Plus I also wish to go into dancing - in other words I want to defend myself but karate takes too much time that I could divide between other things I am interested in. The thing is that I don't know how I should tell my Sensei that I wish to leave the classes - I could send him an email which is the way in which we all communicate through, or go straight to him the next class, on Wednesday. I just don't want to have to wait so long and I'm a little scared about how he might react (just in case, "Sensei" is "teacher"/"master", etc. in Japanese. I just don't know what to do. I thought about sending him the email but also asking him if he would like for me to go to him to say it face-to-face, at least so I don't abruptly just say it on Wednesday. Of course, whichever way I would do so respectfully, he's a really good teacher and I wouldn't treat him irrespectfully. Just... what seems like the right thing to do?
I'm going to take a slightly different view than the previous advisor.
Is your reluctance in how to inform your Sensei of your thinking of quitting actually an excuse to delay quitting?
Time management is something many of us have a problem with and more so with freshman college students. I was very fortunate to meet up with someone who had mastered time management skills and taught me how to manage my time. Once you learn how to manage your time properly it is very possible to, as they say, have your cake and eat it too.
With proper time management and proper planning you can do everything you want including staying with the martial arts program your in, which I believe is important. One thing though if you started the program without consulting your doctor the problem with stamina may be related to your thyroid Problem. This the doctor can help you with.
IF all you really want to do is quit the program today's etiquette says an Email is sufficient and appropriate. IF you would like to try for having your cake and eating it too then I suggest the following.
First see your doctor and inform him or her about the Martial arts program your in and your stamina problem. Then if you wish contact me in a private message and I will gladly help you with time management and a workable plan.
Everyday when I take the bus home from school for the past 2 days I've seen some weird kid just walk around a park I pass on the way home that is near my stop and he walks then turns his head then walks to the sidewalk and starts staring at me and no one else seems to notice him he did the same thing Thursday and Friday and I'm afraid that when I have to tale the late bus Tuesday because of a club and the closest stop near my house will be that house and I will have to confront him should I beat him up? He looks 16 though so should I punch him and run away?
I think Matt was being sarcastic with his answer.
If you have concerns about your safety there are two things you can do.
First; tell your parents. If it is possible see if they can meet you at the bus stop or arrange for someone to meet you at the bus stop and drive you home.
Second; This is most important. When you get to school tomorrow go directly to the Principals' office and inform him or her of your concerns about your safety at that bus stop. The school is responsible for your safety until you walk in the door of your house.
There are a number of things the school can do to make it safer for you. They can make a police report and have a police officer look into it. Possibly having a police officer at the bus stop when the bus arrives. They can also move the bus stop to a place that is safer further down the street from this person until the problem is resolved.
Whatever you do; DO NOT START A FIGHT WITH HIM. If you do then you're in trouble. If you think a fight might happen turn and walk in another direction. Most kids have a cell phone ; if you do dial 911 tell the call taker you're scared this kid is going to jump you. They will send a police officer. This is a high priority call so any available officer would be given the call.
You need to be proactive here for your safety which means doing the right thing to stay safe. The right thing is to report the problem to the school principal or even the police. Call 911 if you feel in danger. The wrong thing is to start a fight.
So my step dad is always telling me what to do.I just don't like it when he asks my me to do somthing thing like I'm his own daughter because I am not. He's still a new person in my life I haven't adjusted to him what so ever and even though I made it seem like I have , I really feel like I haven't. I feel like I was only preteneding I was used to him for my mom or maybe I made myself belive I was okay with him around, especially sense he works two jobs all day long and I barley see him makes it hard to get used to. Now to ask for the actual advice from you guys. I don't know what to do. I want to be okay with him. My mom loves him and she loves him very much.. I just can't adjust to him. My dad left us and only keeps in touch when he actually remebers us and by us I mean to say my little siblings as well. Now I feel like if my dad isn't here no one can tell me what to do. Besides if I didn't listen to my own dad why would I listen to my future fake dad.... Yeah I carry a im just mad at the moment but I know I have to get used to him anyway just need advice on how to cope or hear a similar story to realate with somone.
thanks for reading
Da1N0nlyfriend
This is an interesting question that deserves a little more than a flat answer.
First let me tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. Which means my advice comes with the wisdom of my age, so keep this in mind when reading my answer to you.
You are correct this man is not your father. Your mother loves him and he loves her. He is working hard to support her, you and your siblings; something your biological father for whatever his reasons walked away from.
Does this mean you have to love your stepfather? No it does not; but you do owe him the respect he is due for stepping in and taking care of you and your siblings as well as your mother. Give this man some credit for stepping in and taking on the responsibilities of providing for another man’s children. Even if your biological father is paying child support that support does not supply everything you need or desire.
Giving this man the respect he deserves does mean doing things he asks of you especially those things that are in reason and part of being a family group. An example of some of those things within reason would be keeping your room cleaning, taking on some household chores to make life a bit easier on your mom especially if she has a job outside the home. Those chores might be doing laundry, preparing dinner, watching over your siblings’ things of this nature.
Your age is shown as 17, the only information I can see other than you are female. This tells me you may have a driver’s license. If you are allowed to drive a family car for which he supports; if asked to take that car for servicing, this would be a reasonable request. Taking your siblings where they may need to go would also be a reasonable request which you should honor without question in return for all he is doing for you and your family.
Now where things become a little murky would be with dating. Understand something; when you live under someone's roof you live by their rules. That roof may be your parents, grandparents, college or stepparent you must live by their rules.
Since you do not say exactly what the problem is I will go out on a limb here and say that a dating curfew may be a problem. If so please understand two things.
1. If he didn't care for you as in have some parental feeling or love for you. He wouldn't care about your safety and put any type of restrictions on you, especially a curfew."
2. It is extremely probably that your mom and he are of one mind on this and as the head of household it is his job to lay down the rules, both the good and the bad.
It is tough being a parent even to your own kids. It is tougher to be a parent to someone else's especially to a 17 year old. So give him some credit and give him a chance.
Next year when you’re 18 and legally an adult the rules change. If you choose to remain in his house you still must live by his rules if he is still supplying the majority of your support. Meaning you’re in college or working but cannot support yourself. The rules though have to reflect and give you the benefit of the fact that your are an adult and allowed to do many things that even the day before you turned 18 your parents had control over. One of the things that change is rules on dating. A curfew becomes a request to be home by a certain time or to call if you’re going to be later. This is respect for your parents worrying.
Since you are now 17 and your 18th birthday will be here before you know it. Now is the time to start a discussion with mom and your step dad about becoming an adult and the freedoms that come with it.
21/f, 28/m
I have been dating this guy for about 8 months. We were in a grey area for a long while, and he was using a dating app/site while we were together for the first four months into dating. I told him to get off of them in the fourth month because it was bothering me and I found it disrespectful. During this time, he wasn't seeing anybody else other than me, but he was chatting/talking to a few people (from what he has told me).
Today, he has been telling me that ever since he got off those dating sites, etc. He has been wanting to build trust with me, he's committed, and he's serious about me. For some reason, that is hard for me to believe since he was just actively searching even though we were dating in the beginning.
Today, I saw a post from last year (two months into we were dating), his friend posted on Facebook that the guy I am dating was single and was looking for someone. I didn't know how to think/take that. Should I ignore it since it was six months ago? What do you think I should do?
The key to any good relationship is good communications. Good communications is how you build trust which is the cornerstone of any good relationship.
From what you have written at the time he was looking at these dating sites you were not in a committed relationship, "We were in a grey area for a long while." Since then your relationship has grown closer to one that may be considered a committed relationship or actually is a committed relationship.
Now he is in essence telling you he wants to go to that next step with that "he is committed and serious." The post your saw was from when you two were just dating and in that gray area of getting to know one another and it was posted by someone else.
My advice is, do not live in the past. Live for today and tomorrow. What is done is done and cannot be changed. If you like this guy and think there is a future for the two of you then move forward. We all have skeletons in our closets. Few if any of us today go to our wedding beds virgins. Why hold the past against someone when we all have a past that can be held against us?
I'm pregnant and not sure who is the baby's father?
My last period was on 28th November 2014. I had anal sex with my fiance on 2nd December 2014, and he left his cum inside my ass. I had a big fight with my fiance on 3rd December 2014. I let out the stressed when clubbing end up slept with my best friend on 5th December 2014. My best friend using condom. On the 7th December I had another sex with my best friend. And our sex become regularly till end of December. All the time he is using condom. But twice his condom broke but he let his cum outside. I make up with my fiance and had sex with him on 5th January as usual he always left his cum inside my ass. I'm confused who is the baby's father? :'(
It is considered impossible to get pregnant from anal sex. The anal cavity is just too inhospitable for sperm to live in that environment. The most likely father of your child is your best friend.
Back to grade 7, (I'm now grade 8) My classmates tease or bully me because my lips are big and pout.Now i'm grade 8, they don't care about my pout lips. Is my lips nice being pouty or do i should make exercise to make my big lips smaller?
The real reason they are teasing you or bullying you is they envy your pouty lips. You're in the 8th grade which tells me you are somewhere in the beginning stages of puberty. As you get further through puberty and you go from being a little girl into a full woman those pouty lips are going to cause boy to fall over themselves to want to be with you.
Most men consider pouty lips to be sexy. so the last thing I would recommend to you is to do anything to change them. IF anything I would recommend that when you are allowed to wear makeup you find the right lip gloss to make them the defining figure of face.
My advice is if it is the girls that are doing this ignore them for they are jealous. If it is the boys ignore them too for they will come around once they become more sexually aware. Remember as a female you are by nature two years more mature than males of your age.
what do you do when a boy askes you out?
I am a female the age of 14
First you must decide if you like this boy and want to get to know him. If the answer is yes then at 14 years of age you must have some rules from your parents about dating you have to follow those rules. If you don't have rules about dating then you need to discuss dating with your parents for all parents have rules for dating. You need to tell this boy what the rules for dating are if you have them. If you don't have rules on dating you say to him I think I would like to go on a date with you but I have to ask my parents first.
At your age I would not allow you to date in the fullest sense of the word. What I would allow is a group type date for a trip to the mall, Bowling, skating or a movie. Call this dating 101 where you get to learn how to date. My concern is for you as your father I know what is on this boys mind and I want to protect you. There is safety in numbers and public places are safer than non-public places. Also this boy must be in your grade in school or 1 grade higher but no older than 15. Your mother or me have to meet him before you can go out on this group date.
These rules are carved in stone type rules that are carved in stone. Designed for your safety. If you and your parents have not had a conversation on dating yet do not be surprised if what I have written as rules are close to what your parents give you as rules. These are the rules my sister had and these are the rules my nieces had. I did not have a daughter but if I did these would have been her rules.
Can I get pregnant if my boyfriend left his cum during anal sex?
Sperm left in the anal tract cannot make you pregnant. In fact if you are having anal sex you should still be using condoms as that anal cavity is a feeding ground of bacterial could leave your BF with a urinary infection.
In fact the germs (bacteria) in the anal cavity are so inhospitable that sperm ejaculated in to your anal cavity would most likely die before leaking out of you. Even them it would have to flow into your vagina then swim up and make contact with an egg. This is very unlikely to happen.
If you are to continue to have anal sex make your partner use a condom for if he gets an infection he can pass it to you. If you get an anal cavity infection it will be very uncomfortable and be considered and STD.
Start practicing safe sex. You motto should be; "NO RUBBER, NO LOVER."
Everytime I eat, I get really bloated. Does not matter what type of food it is (salty or not), my stomach grows 5 times the size it normally is after I eat any meal (big or small). It really looks like I am 8 months pregnant after I eat. I was wondering if there is anything I could do to help and prevent this from happening. It is such an inconvenience because, even if I eat just one banana, I will be bloated. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks :)
As you must know we are not doctors and cannot make a medical diagnoses. It does sound like you may have a severe problem with bloating.
The most common cause of bloating is gas. There are some good over the counter products you can use to break up the gas they may give you relief. The other thing is to stay away from food and beverages that give you gas.
Severe Bloating may have other causes, such as a stomach or bowel infection. This requires a diagnosis by a doctor and antibiotics to treat the infection. Your family doctor is the first step in the process of diagnosis and treatment. If your family doctors diagnoses and treatment does not relieve your symptoms then a specialist in internal medicine such as a Gastroenterologist is the next step. If your health Insurance allows you can skip the family doctor and go right to the Gastroenterologist if you want.
a Gastroenterologist is a doctor who specializes in problems dealing the digestive tract. If you do chose to go in this direction chose one who is a Board Certified Gastroenterologist. How this differs from a doctor that is not certified is that a doctor who is has spent a year of Fellowship study and pass rigorous test to be certified By the Board of Gastroenterologists.' Many states allow a doctor to practice in a field if they have done a residency in that specialty. Being Board Certified means they are more qualified.
So this girl that has befriended me recently has a boyfriend who is filthy rich. I was talking to him recently and saying how I need to pay off a credit card and get stuff for school but however I'm not in a financial position to do that. He offered to give me $3,000. At first he said I can borrow that money and after explaining to him that would not be much better than the situation I am in now, he agreed he would just give it to me as he would make that much back easily.
Sounds far fetched right? Thing is, I'm meeting this guy tomorrow to talk out stuff (in a public place) and he's going to give me a check.
Here is what seems fishy:
1. The whole scenario
2. He asked me how long I've had my bank account for
3. He says the check is from his business: Heaven Life Insurance or something. Why would he not just write a check from his personal account?
If I do receive a check from him do I go cash it? I need help because this is confusing.
This may or may not be a scam. Whatever you do not give him any information about where you bank or you bank account numbers. Should he offer you a check and should you decide to accept it you do not have to deposit it in your account.
What you can do is this.
1) look and see what Bank the check is drawn on. If it is a bank with a branch near you or one you can get to such as Bank of America, Wells Fargo or any well known National bank. GO to that bank and cash it. They can cash the check and give you a Bank check in its place which is the same as cash that you can put in your account.
By doing this he cannot stop payment on the check or can he get any information off the check once it is returned through the Banking system.
2) Take the check to one of the check cashing places. They charge a percentage for cashing the check though once again he cannot get any banking information about you off the returned check.
Should he suggest he go with you to your bank to deposit the check? Thank him for his generosity but decline his offer telling him you have other things to do today and will deposit the check in the next few days.
As I said I cannot say from the information provided if this is a scam or not. This is something you have to decide. Talk to your girlfriend and see what she thinks of his generous offer. She should know him best The fact that you question the sincerity of his offer is good reason to be cautious.
last weekend i locked not only my main key but also my spare key in my car. i had absolutely no way of getting my key out so i decided to call the number on www.247locksmithallentown.com. they sent over a foreign locksmith and he was very suspicious to begin with because once he arrived to my house, he called me from my cell phone and asked me to come out instead of ringing my doorbell. once i came out the front door, he asked me to get into his van to fill out papers. he claimed he didn't want me standing out in the snow and cold. he opened the door for me and i felt awkward so i put half my body in the passenger seat but left the door open and he said "come on you can shut the door." i declined and said no thank you and he still persisted "don't be scared, it is just cold." i declined again. and he was like "are you sure?" i remember him starting up the car. he could've done this to "put the heat on" but he also could've done this and drove off with me.. once i declined several times he started joking about how i am nervous and after i walked away from his car, he got out too. he accomplished the task of getting my keys out of my car, but when he asked for payment i went inside and told my mom i was nervous and so she suggested he come inside and she pay him. he left on a friendly note, but i sense that he was eyeing out my mansion. not only that, but i sense he was eyeing myself out as well. ever since, i have not felt safe in my house. i don't live in a house- i live in a mansion. i am nervous he will return. i have severe anxiety and the situation from last weekend is NOT helping in anyway. being abducted is my worst fear. how do i handle this situation? am i being dramatic? should i call the company and inform them of my situation? do i call the police with my suspicions? help.
Being disabled for the last ten years I have a number of trades people coming to the house to do things I use to be able to do for myself. Over the years I have noticed a change in how they operate.
For one thing they all call prior to their arrival giving an ETA. Recently they have started calling when they arrive out front asking if I can come to the door. Most of the trades I call for are uniformed and have ID badges which are on display as they alight from well marked vehicles.
Having once been in your situation where I was locked out of my car I'm sure the paperwork you filled out included authorization for him to in a sense break into the car and you were the legal owner. Nothing suspicions about that.
Being a pretty young girl I'm sure he was looking at you and appreciating having a pretty young girl for a customer. It doesn't happen very often. I doubt there was anything more to it than that. The only difference to the looks you got from him and the looks you probably get from guys on the street is the proximity. I don't see anything dubious in his offer to keep you and he warm considering it was cold and there was snow on the ground.
Being you have concerns you have the receipt from the company he works for. Call them and ask for the owner and manager. Explain your concerns and ask if this locksmith operated within company policy by calling and asking you to come out to his truck.
Before you call though remember one thing. Before you walked out the door he had no idea if you were a 21 year old beauty queen or a 60 year old spinster.
What is the meaning of subject of special study or research work
The question is exactly what it reads as.
Example Special Study: You graduate college with a degree in Forensic Science. What they are asking is did you take any other course related to this field or outside this field of study that were not part of the Curriculum.
Research Work: Staying with your course of study for this example. You could have chosen to research the work done by the L A Forensic Lab on the O J Simpson case to see if you would come up with different conclusions.
The above are examples of what they are asking for and would depend on your course of study. In almost all courses there are special subjects of study related to the course not covered in the curriculum. There is also research work that the instructor can assign or you can participate in.
My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends)
To me this one is a no brainer, family comes first; especially with your husband being in the military.
Your husband could be deployed at a moments notice to anywhere in the world. One of the things that keep a soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine happy and safe is memories of home. Creating those memories with him and for him are important. A first anniversary comes only once.
Yes, I realize the President has said that he will not commit boots on the ground in the current situation in the middle east. The situation with ISIS and Al Qaeda is quickly changing and the President may have to renege on that promise to pay back promises made to coalition partners in the past.
I'm assuming your husband either does not have the leave time or cannot get leave to go with you to the wedding otherwise he would go with you. If he was not in the military and did not want to or could not go with you I would agree with the others. But your husband is in the military and your friend will have to understand that he is the most person in your life right now, until children come along, and for reasons that should be obvious, as I pointed out above, his happiness has to come first.
My advice is to stay at home and celebrate your anniversary with your husband.
I am turning here for advice or maybe someone is dealing with a similar situation. My son is 8. At 1 - 3 years old we were dealing with him not playing much with toys he'd walk or crawl down a hall way and bang his head against the wall. During pregnancy one concern was down syndrome which was negative. He has alternating esotropia in his eyes messing both eyes are good one a little strong then the other but he only uses one eye at a time. He wears bifocals. He also has the skin between his eyes is flat instead of tucking in. He is taller than normal kids but his dad is pretty tall my son is 4 '11 at last visit a few months ago. He is pretty smart in school. He still doesn't really play with toys he likes video games reading chapter books and riding his bike he doesn't make a lot of friends he is usually okay when he's on meds ( Celexa and geodone) main problem right now is when. He wants to do something and u tell him no its a huge melt down swearing Frick or people are jerks. Also if there are several people in a room and more than one person talking he starts to have a melt down. His neuro doctor says he may be having grand mull sizeures but hard to diagnose. He has head aches alot the eye doctor says it's not because of his eyes
We are not doctors and we cannot make any diagnoses.
While am no expert with these sort of things it sounds like he may be Autistic. Age three is about the right age for this to manifest itself. I'm wondering, since you did not say if you have had him diagnosed for this if he may have been misdiagnosed. I am also wondering why an eight year old is on an antidepressant drug as well as a drug used to treat schizophrenia and manic symptoms of bipolar disorder. Have you ever questions why your son is on these drugs, neither of which is an anti-seizure drug.
The only thing I can suggest is you try finding new doctors and have him reevaluated as he may have been misdiagnosed by his current doctors. I would start by finding the closest Children's Hospital and calling the patient referral line. Tell them about your son and let then refer you to staff doctors and set the initial appointments. If the hospital is too far to travel to they may be able to refer you to specialists in your area.
If you would like to write me a private message and tell me what city and state you live in I would be glad to help you find a Children's hospital. Two of the best that treat all comers are the Shriners Hospital for Children and the Children's National Medical Center in Washington DC.
21/f
I know this question sounds funny. My family has been struggling financially for awhile and my mom has asked me if she could mark me as a dependent. But it turns out, my mom couldn't even afford any of the bills and my sister and I have been paying for them (including the mortgage), since she only makes $300/month. My dad is retired and he gets about $780/month in his retirement funds. My sister didn't have a job pretty much all year around and I spoke to my boss and his brother (who's in accounting) and they told me that since I make the most money in the household and they pretty much depend on me, I can mark them all as dependents.
Can I mark my parents as dependents if they're married? And I know I can mark my sister and my dad (because he's retired), but what about my mom since she's still working?
The answer to your question is yes. I use turbotax to do my taxes each year. According to their software if they are dependent on you for over fifty percent of their needs; the mortgage, utility and grocery bills, would count towards the major portion of their needs. Then yes you can take them both for dependent's on your taxes.
Make sure to have plenty of documentation such as cancelled checks. If you use online bill pay to pay the Mortgage and utility bills start downloading the information showing the payments and bank statements. Print them out and put them in a safe place. Taking your parents as dependents will be a red flag to the IRS the first time you do this so you can expect to receive an audit or a request for documentation.
Don't let this request scare you. As long as you have good documentation the IRS will allow the deduction. If mom or dad should be disabled have letters from their doctors as well. If you are called in for an audit bring copies of the originals as well as the originals with you. Leave the copies with them never the originals.
These type of audits sometimes take the IRS two years to call for so make sure you keep this information in a safe place. I keep these papers in a fire resistant lock box under my bed.
Please listen to me. If you have the documentation the IRS will hate you for it will be a waste of their time but they will allow the deductions. If you have the documentation they cannot disallow the deduction. This is one reason I use my Banks online banking service for all bill payments as they keep records for 7 years online. If I lose or am missing something I can retrieve it from my bank.
Since I am also disabled I pay for all medications and doctors visits with my bank Debit card so the Bank has a record. I suggest you do the same for any medications or doctors visits for your parents.
I have a crush on my 19 yr old brother I've been fantasize about him since I was 13 what should I do ask him out or seduce him?
I will start by saying the other advisors are correct. It is wrong to try and have sex with a family member, it is called incest. Besides being morally wrong it is also illegal in all western countries and cultures.
That being said it is understandable as to why you are having these fantasies. You're not alone in having them. Both boys and girls have them after entering puberty and become sexually aware. Some fantasies focus like you on an older sibling, some on parents of the opposite sex. Others may focus on the mother, father , older sister or older brother of a friend. It is completely normal.
To act on these fantasies is where you depart from normal. Yes even with your friends older siblings if they are much older than you. With a parent, sibling or first cousin having a sexual relation with them at any time is incest and illegal. The reason being is mostly because of the chance of pregnancy and the baby suffering from many different forms of mental retardation and birth defects. It is also morally wrong and if you are religious you will find it so in the bible of your religion.
What to do about these fantasies. You cannot act upon them for the reasons given. You can if you wish masturbate to them if you feel you must. This though is as far as you can take these fantasies.
My husband is an ex crossdresser and had relationships with men before we met. I have seen pictures of him as a female and he was actually very pretty and looked the part. He has never to my knowledge crossdressed since we have been together these past 3 years. I would like to get him to crossdress for me as I find it so arousing. I almost wish he was living as a girl full time now. I am not sure how to bring this subject up and am looking for ideas
The key to any relationship be it work, friends or a marriage is communication. You don't say how you found out about your husband’s cross dressing. Your last sentence say he did not tell you so I would assume you found out through social media or a friend. We will come back to this in a moment.
When it comes to sex communications is important. The most important thing about sexual relations is that both parties must agree that No means no and stop means stop. As long as there is mutual consent to anything you want to try, sexually or anything else, then what happens in the privacy of your home or bedroom is not weird. Whether is something me and my partner would want to do is our concern not yours and you have no reason to share your sexual activities with anyone as they are your private activities if you want them to be.
No back to your question and communications which is your question. A simple way to approach it would depend on how you found out. You may want to have this conversation over dinner or in bed after making love. You know your husband best and should know when he would be most receptive to you asking about this.
You start by saying something to the affect that what you are about to say is not upsetting to you but quite the opposite as you find it sexually exciting. Then you go on to say I found out from or on that you use to cross dress. Reinforce this by saying I'm not upset that you once did this or that you could be bi-sexual. What would upset me is if you are suppressing this desire because we are married, this would be wrong. If you wish to or need to cross dress I am willing to even go shopping with you and help with this. We can even make love with you as a woman if you want."
If you would be willing to allow him bisexual activities or even willing to participate in them, say so; If not say that too. Anal sex with a dildo for him may be enough to satisfy him and allowing him anal sex with you may also satisfy him. Just make sure condoms are used for both activities.
Just be straight forward, use your own words. Make sure he understands you are not upset and are actually sexually excited by this discover. Going straight at any problem is most always the best and shortest route to a solution. It's when you start beating around the bush is when things get complicated. If someone told you about his cross dressing I will bet it is someone he had an affair with prior to your marriage. His or her reasons I'm sure were not honorable so there is no reason to keep their confidence so tell him who told you if asked.
I believe your openness to his fetish, which is what this may be, is going to make you a great wife. If there were more wives like you there would be less divorces’ in this world
Say a couple had one daughter and put their remaining frozen embryo in the care of that daughter, for when they pass on. So now the daughter becomes an orphan, and wants a sibling, so when she is of age, impregnates herself with her biological sibling, and later gives birth to them. Is this legal? It sounds interesting but kinda f'd up altogether. Your sister would be your mother, and your parents could have died long before you were implanted in your mom-sister's uterus.
Interesting question: I am not aware of any current law that would deal with this specific question. Is it possible to do? Yes, though legal questions aside certain moral and ethical issues makes me believe a person would not find and IVF clinic would do so.
If you look at the embryo as the genetic material of the parents of which the daughter is also. Then I believe the current laws in most all countries against incest would prevail. For I believe the implantation of an embryo of the parents into the daughter might be seen as incest.
I use the word might for I am aware of where the mother of a women carried her grandchild in her womb because her daughter was unable to carry the child. Just what the legal difference her was if one was even determined I'm not sure.
I remember the Headline in the newspaper, "Women gives birth to her own grandchild"
Here is a link to one such story: http://bigstory.ap.org/article/grandma-gives-birth-her-own-grandchild
How is it not hypocritical for Viagra to be accepted by the Catholic Church? And other sexually related questions.
I'm currently taking confirmation classes, and it's a topic that troubles me, because I currently fail to see the logic behind the unquestioned acceptance of Viagra. My priest said something along the lines of that Viagra aids a married man with his natural biologic function, but how is a man's natural impotence, as he ages, any different from menopause women experience as they also age? If God doesn't make mistakes, then I don't see how a man using Viagra as he ages, to counteract a natural process, would be so "natural." I'm not saying I personally think Viagra is necessarily wrong, I'm just saying the current message I'm getting from the Catholic Church on related matters just appears to be hypocritical.
My priest said IVF is condemned because it involves essentially aborting "undesired" embryos, but what if a couple only decided to save the number of embryos they were planning to use? For example, a couple could save 4 embryos, and then attempt to have 4 children, instead of creating 4 embryos and only picking the one "good" one.
I also asked my priest if the Catholic Church views abortion as worse than birth control, citing studies that the vast majority of Catholic women use some form of contraception other than NFP, and his main arguments were that just because many women do it, doesn't make it right, which is fair, but also essentially equated the birth control pill to abortion, by saying when a woman skips a day, she is told to "just take 2 the next day". Personally, I'm no expert on the birth control pill, as I've only taken them pretty long ago, as a pre-teen, for regulating my period, but from the information I can gather on the internet, my priest's latter statement does not appear to be accurate. A human is not a human until it is an embryo (women aren't having miscarriages each month they have their period), and contraceptives like the birth control pill and condoms prevent sperm from reaching the egg, so what harm is being done? What child is being impacted? What sin is taking place if sex is taking place in a marriage acknowledged by the Catholic Church? Doesn't the Catholic Church view sex as both procreative and unifying for married couples? As far as I know, infertile couples aren't banned from taking part in the activity. Seeing as abstinence is the only contraceptive method with a 100% success rate, couples would technically still be open to life, even if they used contraceptives like birth control pills and condoms. I mean, miracles also sometimes happen to people rendered as "infertile".
Another related thing I take issue with is how consummation and sex in general is a requirement of marriage. What if a couple satisfy every other requirement of marriage, but are both asexual? Or have permanent disabilities that make such activity impossible? Are such people not fit for marriage, in the eyes of the Catholic Church? Is love really love if it wanes due to the lack of sexual activity?
I thank you in advance for your help!
I will give you a shorter version of what the previous writer wrote.
As I understand the church's view on sex is in brief this: Sex for the simple pleasure of sex is a sin. Sex is meant to be done not for pleasure but for conception. Therefore if you have sex for the purpose of conceiving a child you are not sinning.
Viagra allows a male to have an erection which allows him to do his part in the conception of a child. Therefore the church can support it's use. Birth control on the other hand prevents conception there for it's use is not supported by the church. Sex while on birth control is also seen as sinful as a child cannot be conceived.
I've somewhat overly simplified the approval and objections but the basics are here.
My parents started not caring once i turned 10, as they never planned a party since, so i think it led to me kind of having a complex about age. while other kids celebrated turning 13, 16, etc. with their friends, i just would get a cake, and if i was lucky, like $20. i feel like i missed out on those important birthdays.. you're only those integral years once. is a 43rd birthday really as special as a 16th? i feel kind of anxious about it. birthdays instead went from being fun party days to sad days i hated. when i have kids, i want to celebrate all their birthdays, even when they become adults. even if they're far away in college i'd send a gift or something. it's not like my family couldn't afford birthday parties even at our house. but it's like.. it stopped mattering to my parents, and they wonder why i had trouble with friends and everything. if my future child had trouble making friends i'd organize activities and help her branch out, not just ignore the problem. my mom even goes to blame me for my lack of friends, even when i'm literally nice to everyone i meet. she just tends to not apparently be on my side with such matters, and can be as hurtful as a bully at times. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful she gives me food and clothing and what not but for someone who is so social and has so many friends i don't understand why she didn't help foster that sort of thing within me, when it caused me years of anguish, but i digress.
I don't remember having a birthday party for each of my Birthdays. I have reminders of my first through fifth from photo's and movies. My sister was born just before my sixth birthday and my birthdays were celebrated with a cake at dinner and a gift.
My sisters' first through fifth were celebrated as mine were. When she turned six I was twelve and mom had a party for me. My next party was when I was 18 my sister was twelve. We both had parties that year. Then there was a party for her sweet sixteen and a party for me when I returned home from the military. My sister was married before she turned twenty-one so her wedding was the last party my parents made for her.
I don't know why mom stopped making birthday parties for us except milestone parties after age five. We weren't rich but we weren't poor either. I never asked her about and frankly until I read your letter I never thought about it.
Birthdays were always celebrated with the celebrant having mom cook their favorite meal and a cake. This include Dad. For moms birthday we all went out to eat. Nothing fancy just so mom didn't have to cook and a bakery cake. Sometimes we could invite a friend or two.
I can't tell you why your mom does or did as she has done in celebrating your Birthday. If you have siblings and she is different with them then I would say something is wrong but you haven't' said so. IF your parents didn't care there would not be any $20 bills and new clothes would be few and far between.
There may be more to this than you may be aware of and you might be making more of this than there is to it. I see no harm in asking mom why she doesn't make a bigger deal out of your birthday.