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My future step dad
So my step dad is always telling me what to do.I just don't like it when he asks my me to do somthing thing like I'm his own daughter because I am not. He's still a new person in my life I haven't adjusted to him what so ever and even though I made it seem like I have , I really feel like I haven't. I feel like I was only preteneding I was used to him for my mom or maybe I made myself belive I was okay with him around, especially sense he works two jobs all day long and I barley see him makes it hard to get used to. Now to ask for the actual advice from you guys. I don't know what to do. I want to be okay with him. My mom loves him and she loves him very much.. I just can't adjust to him. My dad left us and only keeps in touch when he actually remebers us and by us I mean to say my little siblings as well. Now I feel like if my dad isn't here no one can tell me what to do. Besides if I didn't listen to my own dad why would I listen to my future fake dad.... Yeah I carry a im just mad at the moment but I know I have to get used to him anyway just need advice on how to cope or hear a similar story to realate with somone.
thanks for reading
Da1N0nlyfriend
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Maybe you should give yourself a time and wait. Don't force yourself in getting use to your stepdad just because you should and it makes your Mom happy. You should talk to them and tell them how you really feel about the situation. It's also a way to let out your anger towards either of them. Tell them what you want and that you still needs time. I'm pretty sure your Mom will understand.. But if she don't, then make her. It's better to let it out than to pretend that you're okay.
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This is an interesting question that deserves a little more than a flat answer.
First let me tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. Which means my advice comes with the wisdom of my age, so keep this in mind when reading my answer to you.
You are correct this man is not your father. Your mother loves him and he loves her. He is working hard to support her, you and your siblings; something your biological father for whatever his reasons walked away from.
Does this mean you have to love your stepfather? No it does not; but you do owe him the respect he is due for stepping in and taking care of you and your siblings as well as your mother. Give this man some credit for stepping in and taking on the responsibilities of providing for another man’s children. Even if your biological father is paying child support that support does not supply everything you need or desire.
Giving this man the respect he deserves does mean doing things he asks of you especially those things that are in reason and part of being a family group. An example of some of those things within reason would be keeping your room cleaning, taking on some household chores to make life a bit easier on your mom especially if she has a job outside the home. Those chores might be doing laundry, preparing dinner, watching over your siblings’ things of this nature.
Your age is shown as 17, the only information I can see other than you are female. This tells me you may have a driver’s license. If you are allowed to drive a family car for which he supports; if asked to take that car for servicing, this would be a reasonable request. Taking your siblings where they may need to go would also be a reasonable request which you should honor without question in return for all he is doing for you and your family.
Now where things become a little murky would be with dating. Understand something; when you live under someone's roof you live by their rules. That roof may be your parents, grandparents, college or stepparent you must live by their rules.
Since you do not say exactly what the problem is I will go out on a limb here and say that a dating curfew may be a problem. If so please understand two things.
1. If he didn't care for you as in have some parental feeling or love for you. He wouldn't care about your safety and put any type of restrictions on you, especially a curfew."
2. It is extremely probably that your mom and he are of one mind on this and as the head of household it is his job to lay down the rules, both the good and the bad.
It is tough being a parent even to your own kids. It is tougher to be a parent to someone else's especially to a 17 year old. So give him some credit and give him a chance.
Next year when you’re 18 and legally an adult the rules change. If you choose to remain in his house you still must live by his rules if he is still supplying the majority of your support. Meaning you’re in college or working but cannot support yourself. The rules though have to reflect and give you the benefit of the fact that your are an adult and allowed to do many things that even the day before you turned 18 your parents had control over. One of the things that change is rules on dating. A curfew becomes a request to be home by a certain time or to call if you’re going to be later. This is respect for your parents worrying.
Since you are now 17 and your 18th birthday will be here before you know it. Now is the time to start a discussion with mom and your step dad about becoming an adult and the freedoms that come with it.
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