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At what age do birthdays stop mattering?
My parents started not caring once i turned 10, as they never planned a party since, so i think it led to me kind of having a complex about age. while other kids celebrated turning 13, 16, etc. with their friends, i just would get a cake, and if i was lucky, like $20. i feel like i missed out on those important birthdays.. you're only those integral years once. is a 43rd birthday really as special as a 16th? i feel kind of anxious about it. birthdays instead went from being fun party days to sad days i hated. when i have kids, i want to celebrate all their birthdays, even when they become adults. even if they're far away in college i'd send a gift or something. it's not like my family couldn't afford birthday parties even at our house. but it's like.. it stopped mattering to my parents, and they wonder why i had trouble with friends and everything. if my future child had trouble making friends i'd organize activities and help her branch out, not just ignore the problem. my mom even goes to blame me for my lack of friends, even when i'm literally nice to everyone i meet. she just tends to not apparently be on my side with such matters, and can be as hurtful as a bully at times. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful she gives me food and clothing and what not but for someone who is so social and has so many friends i don't understand why she didn't help foster that sort of thing within me, when it caused me years of anguish, but i digress.
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I think it's different for each family.
I think I only had one birthday party. The rest we didn't do much except maybe a cake.
I know other friends who had the same thing and then some other families celebrated each and every one with a party.
If you're really struggling with why your parents didn't organize parties and stuff, ask them. But don't blame them for your trouble with friends. There are people who grew up with no family but could still make friends. So it's up to the person, not their parents.
It would be nice to always have parents there for you and it would be nice to blame them for some problems but it won't help you at all.
Who knows why she didn't plan parties or really go all out for your birthday but if you want to know, ask her. There could be tons of reasons.
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I don't remember having a birthday party for each of my Birthdays. I have reminders of my first through fifth from photo's and movies. My sister was born just before my sixth birthday and my birthdays were celebrated with a cake at dinner and a gift.
My sisters' first through fifth were celebrated as mine were. When she turned six I was twelve and mom had a party for me. My next party was when I was 18 my sister was twelve. We both had parties that year. Then there was a party for her sweet sixteen and a party for me when I returned home from the military. My sister was married before she turned twenty-one so her wedding was the last party my parents made for her.
I don't know why mom stopped making birthday parties for us except milestone parties after age five. We weren't rich but we weren't poor either. I never asked her about and frankly until I read your letter I never thought about it.
Birthdays were always celebrated with the celebrant having mom cook their favorite meal and a cake. This include Dad. For moms birthday we all went out to eat. Nothing fancy just so mom didn't have to cook and a bakery cake. Sometimes we could invite a friend or two.
I can't tell you why your mom does or did as she has done in celebrating your Birthday. If you have siblings and she is different with them then I would say something is wrong but you haven't' said so. IF your parents didn't care there would not be any $20 bills and new clothes would be few and far between.
There may be more to this than you may be aware of and you might be making more of this than there is to it. I see no harm in asking mom why she doesn't make a bigger deal out of your birthday.
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Maybe your mom/parents had other things going on in their lives at the time that they were stressing over from within that you wernt aware of and so when your birthday would roll around it was not at the top of the priority list. even though i know it should be.
Your right though its NOT normal for a parent to stop caring about their own childs birthdays at least as a youngster, the above guess is the only logical conclusion i can put out there, either that or she just got lazy.
There could have been something about you that she resented (like the fact that you ARE actually friendly to everyone you meet) and the fact that she felt she needed to point out what she felt your flaws were instead of taking the responsibility for NOT having given you or at least helped organize birthdays, shows me little to not parental caring.
When you ask something like: "mom why did my birthdays become less important to you when i was younger?" and she replies that this and that was your fault because you didnt have enough friends to come over to have one, thats called deflecting. Its when you know you have them caught up on the fact that they did wrong, you know they know. THEY know you know and their still trying their damnedest to shift the focus off of themselves by pointing out YOUR flaws instead of owning up to the fact that they may have been in the wrong here or wasnt involved in this aspect of your life as she should have been.
It seems a bit detached to me emotionally and like she refuses to take the blame for any wrong doing on her part during your childhood.
Any parent would normally go to whatever lengths they felt they needed to go to that make SURE you were happy on that day, even if it means just having cake and a few family members there and some gifts. My mother used to call my friends moms and invite them all over to our house when i was younger to MAKE SURE i had a party even if me and that friend were in the middle of not talking to each other at that moment in time. she would paint faces and buy balloons for water balloon fights outside.
She could have at least taken you to chucky cheese. its free to get in and only costs money to play games and eat. We take my 3 year old son to the county fair because it falls during his birthday time of year and tell him this is ALL for his birthday!
Your birthdays ARE important because its the day when you came into our lives, and blessed this earth with your soul hunny. try not to be sad but be happy that despite the awful things that go on, on this earth that your still up right and breathing and with us!
good luck ; )
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I personally think that birthdays shouldn't come to a limit of when they matter or not. It's not normal to have it like that, and you're right, your mom should be doing that stuff for you. Maybe you should talk to her about it? It's best to talk these things out. But birthdays shouldn't come to an end of enjoyment, even though it does seem to happen over the years. They're all important in my opinion, whether you're turning 16 or 50. But that's just me.
Hope this helps some what~
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