NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: Well me and my boyfriend of 5 months have been fighting so much lately. It’s killing me inside! I don’t know, were both such jealous people and he doesn’t go to my school and he’s working while I’m at school so like we both made promises not to talk to (me to guys, him to girls.) but like I told him I talked to this nerdy geek kid yesterday and he got like so mad and I was like oh my gosh im sorry but you talked to a girl at the mall, (cause we went to the mall yesterday and someone ran up to him and said OMG HEY.) and I got soo sad, but he doesn’t even care he says its all me and I shouldn’t have talked to the geek and I know, yeah yeah.. but TODAY! K well we were texting eachother and he said if either of us finds out one another talks to a (girl, guy, ya.) that it’s over cause we need to stop lying, blaah but yeah he didn’t believe me this morning and so he started being soo rude and calling me an asshole, dumbass, and stuff and I was like oh my gosh I’m not taking this it’s over! And then I was like AH ITS NOT OVER PLEASE GO BACK OUT WITH ME because I love him so much and do not ever wanna loose him but I’m not gonna be called names and hes like we’ll talk at your house.. and wont answer to go out with me? Its killing me, I love him more than lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What should I do?!!?

End it. I know it's hard, because you love him, but guys like him are poison.

You should never be forbidden from talking to guys. Your rights are under attack, and no man is worth THAT sacrifice. Also, once he finds out he can get away with controlling that aspect of your life, then he could move on to bigger things. This is how abuse in relationships begins.

Talking to a member of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship isn't wrong! I have a boyfriend, but all my friends are guys. He hangs out with girls... I have no problem with it! You guys need to both re-evaluate the way you think.

Q: So heres my problem...

my parents are really uptight, and a little closed minded when it comes to my future. They still have this picture perfect mental image of me graduating with honors, and getting a bussiness degree, and starting a normal life. Problem is, I dont want that. I have bigger plans, and a passion for music so great its almost unreal. All i want to do with my life is something meaningful, and inspiring to others like me. Sure it may sound like a childish dream, i want to be a rockstar kind of thing, but hey who ever said we cant dream big right?

My question is, how do I get them to realize its not going to be how they picture it. every time i try to confront them about it, they brush it off as if to say "you think thats what you want to do" but i dont think, i know. thats what they dont seem to understand, becuase they never had a passion like I have.

Any help would be much appreciated.

I have a friend who was in sort of the same situation. He wants to be a train conductor (the guy is crazy about trains) but his parents didn't like the idea. So, he's at university studying engineering as a backup.

It never hurts to get a college education. It's not even wasted time... college is a great place to get involved in band competitions and coffeehouses and stuff. You know, get yourself out there and recognized.

And then, if your dream for some reason doesn't pan out, you still have something to fall back on other than minimum wage hell :)

Q: Is it true when they say mormonism is a cult? If yes, why?

Technically, a cult is any non mainstream religious group. This means that Mormons are technically part of a cult.

Don't worry though! Christianity had its beginnings as a cult, so it's nothing bad.

Most people think of cults as being scary things, but you don't have to be a follower of Manson to be in one.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been going out for about two months now and it's great. We are both 15 and everything is new to us, so hopefully I don't have too much trouble trying to explain this. By the way, my name is Alyssa.

When I was over at his house yesterday (his parents were home, just upstairs) he was kind of being a little pushy wanting me to do things. He enjoys making out (kissing not sex) and wants me to all the time. Yes i enjoy it, but he wants it too much, what should i do? I also said that i wouldn't freak out on him if he touched my butt (he asked) I would just probably go really red. So he got me to dance with him in his basement and he put his hand on my waist and then on my behind. I jumped back because it suprised me and I was embarassed. All he said is "What?" with a grin on his face. I'm not sure how to tell him not to do that at the up-comming dance. Also, he does know that i insist on being a virgin untill I am married and he seems to exept it. What should i do? Any relationship tips for me?

Thanks.

Good for you, waiting for marriage. It takes a lot of commitment!

So, to solve problem one... if he wants to make out too much for your liking, let him know that you want to cut down a bit, to keep it special.

Problem two... if he tries it at the dance, tell him that you're really not comfortable with public displays of affection. I know I don't like it when my boyfriend gets all touchy feely in front of people!

Always stick to your morals, no matter how persuasive he gets. Men have a tendency to think that they can get a girl to do anything, even if she's told him otherwise.

Q: ok, i have to go through a bit of my past for you to help me with this so here goes...

my parents have been divorced since i was about 2-3, my mom has full costody of me. i'm now 15/f. my mom has always been there for me, always kept me safe, although a little strict. i have a 15min phone limit, i have to be in bed by 10 (i'm not complaining about that one) i can't be out past 8, i can't be out past 5 with my boyfriend. my mom and i have a close relationship, but sometimes she gets mad at me and it makes me want to hit something ( i never do) for lack of other ways to release my emotions. my dad is an alcohalic, but he has been sober for 3-4 year now. he can be perswasive (he can get just about anyone to do just about anything) and he used to scare me when he was drunk. he never hit me, don't worry. i get to see my dad every second weekend and just about every thrusday and sunday for a couple of hours. also, i promised my mom when i was young that i would never go and live with my dad, because of all the things he had done in the past..(when he was drunk, he threatened to give me up for addoption to my step dad) but that was when he was drinking. he also has a girlfriend now that keeps him in line and they plan on moving in together in the spring..

now here is my delema..i want to live with my dad..and my mom..my mom won't go for joing custody (when i asked i got a very long lecture) and i don't want to brake my mom's heart..but i've been living with my mom for almost 13 years that i can remember, and i wan't to spend more time with my dad...what do i do? please help me...

p.s. my mind tells me to live with my mom, but it also sais that dad deserves more time with me..and so does my heart i think...

Have you talked to your mom about how you feel?

Let her know that you want to keep living with her, but that you think that you should be spending more time with him. Just because SHE doesn't want him in HER life doesn't mean that you don't either. Tell her how important it is to you that you are able to spend time with both of them.

One of my friends went to her father's house every other weekend, and that worked out well... she spent most of her time at her mom's, but still got to see her father.

As for your mom being strict, just remember that she has your best interests in mind. My parents were pretty strict too, which I hated, but now that I'm living away from home I feel a lot better about it. It's tough, but it means she cares about you :)

Q: ok, i've been dealing with acne since grade 5..i'm now it grade 10, have tried perscription stuff, didn't work, tryed noxema, tryed clearasil, and have been on proactive for about 2-3 years now. its not working all that great, any suggestions on what i should do? also, how do you stop whiteheads from forming on your nose??? i haven't been able to and its starting to really bug me. any tips would be great, thanks

alyssa

Unfortunately you've picked the one thing that I've never had to deal with... I've had clear skin my whole life (lucky me!). What that girl said about birth control IS true though... my friend went on it for her skin.

Sorry!

Q: I have been taking asthma medicine, but last night i had an asthma attack at 3 am.
They are the scariest thing ever, is there any way to deal with them or make them less scary or even prevent them?
Sometimes i cant go back to sleep after one, or i sweat or get scared of having another one.
Thank you

14/f

I've been dealing with severe asthma since age 4, so I know how it is! I've been in the hospital twice in the past two months for severe attacks.

After an attack, try doing some deep rhythmic breathing while you try to fall asleep again. I always find that that reassures me that I'm allright.

Have a cup of hot chocolate or decaffeinated tea, that's always nice and calming too!

Q: Ok so I got the Depo shot about exactly a week ago and I am supposed to have my period now[7 days later].We took a pregnancy test at the health place before I took the shot so i dunno. And it's still not here.Me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex the day after I got the shot but he didn't cum in me. Why am I not getting my period, please help?

Don't worry... you shouldn't be having your period. Even so, you should have waited a week before having unprotected sex, just like with the pill.

I'm on Depo too, and I love it. No periods is great!

Q: I have a male dachshund 3 yrs old (yes the the that pees in the house ) I just had my female fixed 8 days ago. And My puppy(her son) nine month old Piebald,got ran over yesterday ( still crying)I need to know if i can breed the dad with his daughter? As i have 2 of his daughters in the area. And life isnt the same without a puppy ! And hoping for another Piebald.
Thank you N Wade

You absolutely can not breed dogs from the same direct family.

What happens is all organisms have mutations in their DNA. Any genetic problems that show up in one dog will be magnified in the offspring. This is why any of these puppies could have serious problems.

Are there any other dachshunds available for breeding in the area? That's your best bet.

Q: ive been haveing sex with my boy for about 6 months and i dont think ive ever orgasmed..what could be wrong with me? we have tried different things but it hasnt worked...any suggestions? thanks

It's extremely common to not orgasm while having sex. I know I can't, even though it's really easy for me to do on my own.

What works for me is to stimulate yourself while you're having sex. It's a great visual for the guy, and you get stimulated the way you need it!

Q: okay, i've been on the pill for about 3.5 months now. if my boyfriend doesn't wear a condom when we have sex, and he ejaculates in me, what are the chances that i'll get pregnant?

The pill is 99% effective... this means that out of every 100 women on it taking it properly, only one will get pregnant.

I would use a condom if I were you... if you use statistics, it works out to a 1/5000 chance that you could get pregnant... much safer odds.

Q: Okay, in your honest opinion does CRL, Lime Away, Kaboom or whatever work? What cleaning products do you think is the best to get rid of tough stains like the one in my tub. I don't know why but about 5in up the sides there is a color difference and it's darker and I think it's caused by my laziness of not cleaning it as often and as much as I need. So I need to know what cleaners work the ebst in bathrooms and how to get rid of that stain easily.

I worked as a housekeeper this past summer at a place up north. What I used was Scrub-Free with bleach... it's very strong, and the fumes can be overwhelming if your bathroom isn't ventilated, but it works really well.

Q: ok so me and my bf have been together only for a little over 2 months (this is my first serious relationship). we go to the same school and everything and so we see eachother all the time and he's usually over at my house or i'm at his everynight. well at the beginning of the relationship, the subject of "love" was brought up (we had only been together for 2 weeks at the time) and we both agreed that we didn't want to say it until we knew for sure that it was real and to not say something we didn't mean because love is a very strong word that too many people are just throwing around. but i really do believe more than ever i am in love with him...and i want so badly to tell him...but i'm scared that if i do, he'll still not be ready for that and won't answer me which would be just horrible. and then even worse, i'm afraid i'd say it, but then get a feeling like i didn't mean it (i doubt that'd happen, but hey, it could). i get the vibe that he wants to say it too because after he kisses me and just looks at me, our eyes do all the talking and we both stumble for words...but when will i know that the time is right? i'm not so much scared to say it as i am waiting for his response...what should i do?

i'm 17 and he's almost 18

You know what, I'm in almost the same situation. I've always believed that the Lbomb shouldn't be dropped until at least six months into a relationship, but my boyfriend dropped it about a month and a half into ours.

The thing is, we've been talking about getting married after we're both done university, and seriously discussing our future.

Remember that when you love someone, it means that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Don't rush it, wait for him. That way you won't scare him off. You can love someone without saying it!

Q: I don't have a best friend-I have many acqaintances and some what friends that I can BARELY count on. No one ever invites me anywhere--and if I do invite people anywhere, it doesn't work out for them. OR I often invite people and I never EVER get an invite back. Why haven't I had a boyfriend yet? 16 and single--never been kissed. LIFE SUCKS. I guess I'm tragically ugly or something and how come I'm so uncomfortable around guys? I can never find myself to be calm and untensed around them. I feel like everyone uses me and I give my all to be happy--but in the end, I get nothing. I know I don't have a specific question--but can someone give me somewhat of a resolution to my devastating life?

So, I'll tackle this point by point...

No best friend? No problem! Start putting yourself out there more. Try talking to people you normally wouldn't talk to. See someone sitting alone at lunch? Try eating with them. It's easy to make friends if you try to be outgoing. Best friends don't happen instantly, it takes time and work.

16 and single? Also not a problem. I was 18 when I got my first boyfriend. You don't need men to be happy, not at this stage in your life especially. Dating is a serious hassle, and it takes up waayyy too much time. Also, the desperate "I NEED A BOYFRIEND NOW" vibe shows. So stop stressing over it, swear off of trying, and guys will start to be more interested.

Tragically ugly? Probably not. I thought I was ugly because boys didn't want to date me in high school... turns out I'm just an intimidating person to boys. Real men can handle me though :P You're probably just too smart or opinionated for high school boys... your time will come, though. Don't worry!

Uncomfortable around guys? Just remember that they're people too. Stop thinking of them as being dating prospects, and start thinking of them as friends. Then, once you've gotten to know them better, you can start thinking about dating them.

Remember, however terrible your life may seem, someone else has it worse than you.

Q: My girlfriend and I also share 100% honesty, and if I email my friend this message, I will tell my girlfriend... this will more than likely upset her again, because I "contacted her"... but if I don't tell her I emailed her, and she DOES stop contacting me, then she'll wonder why, and end up asking anyway..

So wait... your girlfriend would be angry because you're telling your friend to back off? Send your girlfriend a copy of the message, and that'll clear up any confusion over why you're contacting her, without your girlfriend wondering why she's stopped talking to you so much.

Q: Im trying to be somewhat creative for my bf for this christmas (we've been together for well over a yr & a half by this point) so what i do give him i know he'll appreciate!

I've sewed him fleece PJ's, bought him cute boxers, and now i want to make him a CD with love songs that remind me of him

1) Anyone got any tips on songs?
2) Any other creative idea's (details wanted if possible)

Just a hint... make sure it's music that he likes. My boyfriend had a girl make him a mix cd once and he HATED it... he still makes fun of it now!

So if he's into the mushy music, that's great, but definitely make sure that it's music that he's into.

Q: If I get broadband, will it run on my phoneline or does it run via satellite or soemthing else? I'm asking this because I don't have a phone socket in my bedroom, and thus to be connected to the internet (I'm on dialup) I have to use a cord that stretches from downstairs where the phone is connected to upstairs. Quite annoying. I've already signed up for broadband, and they're connecting it in a few days. However to get a phone socket in my room I have to pay 300 bucks and I don't have this kind of money! So can someone explain to me how broadband works? I'm hoping it won't mean I'll have tog et a phone socket.

Thanks.

You would need a cable outlet in your room... but you could always do wireless. Get a wireless card for your computer, and set up a wireless router downstairs.

Q: I have a friend that text messages me/calls me/ IM's me at least 2 to 3 times a week, I don't know if she is interested in me or what but it is making my girlfriend and I upset, she thinks somethings going on, and I feel like I'm being pestered... I like having her as a friend, like all my friends, but how do I tell her to cool off calling me and such so much without hurting her? She knows that her contact with me bothers my girlfriend and she still does anyway SO often... I feel like she is disrespecting me.

Wow... I talk to my guy friends 2-3 times a week AT LEAST, some every day!

A couple things need to happen, the way I see it.

1) You should have a talk with your friend... let her know that you can't spend quite so much time in contact with her, because it's a drain on your time. Don't use your girlfriend as an excuse, because she'll keep calling you, because your girlfriend getting ticked off isn't a valid excuse.

2) Your girlfriend needs an attitude adjustment. Jealousy is NOT cool. Even if this girl is a player, she's just your friend, and nothing is going to happen. If she trusts you, she should be able to let it go. My boyfriend knows I go out drinking and hanging out with my guy friends, and he's perfectly cool with it.

Q: Hey. I've recently decided to go vegan. I'm new to all of this and I dont know what to buy in terms of food. I know they do not associate themselves with animal products at all. This is going to be a challenge for me because I like cheese. But for the animals' sake, I'll do it. So can anyone tell me what ingredients in foods, and makeups, etc. etc. I should be looking for. Also, a site that has vegan recepies on it would be a big help as well! Thanks Alot!

I know I'm not really answering your question, but here's some food for thought (Oh, a pun! :D)

Soy plants need somewhere to grow, right?

Did you know that deforestation in Brazil has increased by 40% thanks to demand for... soy?

More animals need to die to supply you with soy than would die if you were to simply eat them.

So if you REALLY want to help the animals, boycott soy products!

Q: Hi,

We recently adopted a 3 year old male Saint Bernard. He was not eating at the shelter, and within a few days of getting him home, he developed pneumonia, which our vet is treating with antibiotics.

When we tried to give him dog food (pedigree dry, canned, and a mix of both), he backs away from the dish as if he's afraid of it. The only thing we've been able to get him to eat is food that I've cooked. Today he had a mixture of deboned chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, & lima beans. He has lost a lot of weight from his illness & not eating.

How can I get him to eat dog food?

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

I used to work at a veterinary clinic, and what we used to do is, if a dog wasn't eating, heat up some canned dog food. It releases the smell and makes the food more appetizing to them... it almost always works!

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.