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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So I am on a team with this guy, and I started growing a crush on him, but I didn't want to ask him out or do anything because I didn't want to impact our team before compition. So I didn't say anything, we became friends and teased each other it was fun, my crush for him grew. Eventually it got harder to talk to him. So I vented to my best friend, she unterstood and tried to set us up at dances, the only problem, I can dance. I'm getting off track. Somehow he found out that I had a crush on him and things got weird. There were days where he wouldn't talk to me, and then others when everything would be the same. I was scared to talk to him. Prom came around and he went with my best friend in a group. I was originally his date since my friend set us up, but my anxiety got the best of me and I ducked out. I missed my one shot to starting something more then friends. He leaves for college in 3 months and I won't see him again. Should I just let my heart break, and never see him again. I really like him. And I think he likes me. I just don't have the courage to do anything.

So sorry to hear this. What it all boils down to though is that you totally lack self confidence. A lot of young people do at that age, same as it was for me, I lacked self confidence for a long time. You already had a date with him for prom but you backed out due to lack of self confidence. You may not think that is what the real issue is here but I've been there, done that. I know that all the problems in relationship in my past were almost all due to lack of self confidence. There could even be some lack of good self image. I wasn't ugly but for a long time, I felt I really did not measure up. However this wasn't due to comparing myself to other girls but feeling that myself as a whole, personality and all was not going to be interesting enough to ANY males to want to get involved with me. It can be subtle and a little of that was still left as I discovered after a divorce and was using a dating site to meet guys, this in my late forties. When the first real promising guy came along, I interpreted everything he wrote as him having a higher than average IQ. It was his use of words that had me thinking that being only a HS grad meant I wasn't smart enough for him. I am married to him now. So what changed my predicament even at late forties? I decided to confess my fear. Fear when confronted is same like a bully confronted, it acts so big and tough but if you hit back, it'll run away, just as a bully would. When I told him I liked lots about him but I was afraid that he would lose interest in me after some time due to my not being a college grad with all the knowledge and IQ that he seemed to have. He was astounded and said that in all his long talks with me, he found that I as a soul had incredible wisdom and wisdom can not be learned as text knowledge can be. In fact he was so impressed with my wisdom, saying until me, he'd never met another woman with this great a wisdom. What I feared was totally unfounded.
So my dear, what you need to do instead of giving in to fear is to fight back. It isn't just this one event in life but this fear can follow you your entire life and determine the outcome of how happy you will be in life. So even if you chickened out, said nothing and let your heart break as you stated, there will be dozens or more great disappointments in your life ahead if you do nothing to change and become a stronger person. No, it isn't easy at first to challenge yourself and do that which you have always put off, but it can be done. You call it courage, and yes, that is what I am saying is needed here. When you have one little success with finding courage, some miracle happens and that feeling piggy-backs into all the rest of areas where you may not feel so confident yet. You say you missed your shot. Is he dead, you certainly aren't and until you are dead, its not over and there are chances for things to change if its in the cosmic plans for your life. I always looked for excuses to explain away why I didn't do something and doing that long enough, I began to believe lots of them, even though my excuses were just a tactic to get myself to not feel bad about myself or take the blame myself. No one and nothing that I've read interfered in this situation where you had a crush on a guy. But someone did sabotage the whole situation, I think you know who if it wasn't another person. Take the blame and decide whether you are ready for a change. I've heard a phrase in song about taking a leap of fear. The actual phrase is "Take a leap of faith" Looking back, I realize that is impossible. When lacking courage to make a move, it isn't faith in a good outcome that helps us take that leap. It truly is a leap but one of fear. You are fearful, shaking, maybe sweaty with fear, etc as you contemplate doing something you want but lack courage to do. The only thing that will help you dear, is to crack through and break free of the fear that has you in its grip but doing something while you are still scared. I was scared as I confessed to the man who is now my husband. It sure was worth pushing through the fear. If I could do it, so can you. Go for it. Let me know how it goes. Basically what you do is contact him, and apologize for not having gone to prom with him and confess that you were scared the whole time, double thinking everything and right now you are facing your fears to actually have a real good conversation with him. You figure he knows you're still into him but you'd like to know how he feels, if he sees you more as a friend only or something more. Since he'll be away at school, you want to be able to confess now before he's moved to college. Good luck.

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Is it because of racism? The Princess and the Frog is a European story with an African-American girl only made a princess through marriage. I don't see how that is empowering to girls. Surely a movie based on a real West African princess tale would have been more empowering to both the African diaspora and Africans in Africa. There have been real African princesses before. Why did Disney take the cheap route, by just throwing an African-American girl into a European story? I find that to be embarrassing.

Different countries have their own fairy tales although most that have been used come from the European continent which includes the tales like Aladdin and such. The Disney of today is said to be so successful because of their mission statement.
I looked it up online:
"The mission of The Walt Disney Company is to be one of the world's leading producers and providers of entertainment and information. Using our portfolio of brands to differentiate our content, services and consumer products, we seek to develop the most creative, innovative and profitable entertainment experiences and related products in the world."

And that came off this link: http://disneycompanyprofile.weebly.com/

To continue to stay at the top once every European fairy tale has been represented, then they would have to come up with tales that at least I have never heard of like the "Frozen" tale or even way back with "Lion King". You know they will be looking for more ideas to continue with the last part of their mission statement to
"develop the most creative, innovative and profitable entertainment experiences and related products in the world." Creativity that leads to profit is what is going to speak to them in getting the idea to come up with an African Princess tale. The link I gave you hascontact info for Disney so you can write, call or go on line. Often times a company will not think to create a product until they have heard from enough people asking for the same thing. So all I can advise is that you actually share how you feel with others in the black community and see if they also want to see the same thing as you do. Then get a group of people to all contact the Disney company asking for the same thing, an African Princess movie. If there are any African tales that are not well known around the world, perhaps you can enlighten them on those and even provide internet connections to versions of those African fairy tales. It may take time and patience and not a one time of everybody writing or contacting them at once but have it spaced out so that someone different is contacting them once each week with the same idea. Eventually, the 'squeaky wheel gets greased," as the saying goes. It means to me that if one persists long enough, not dropping their wish but continuously making it known to the point that Disney is tired of receiving all these requests, then most likely they will do what can satisfy you and still accomplish more success as a company as well, just think of what the right words shared with them can do. They want to be the leader and yet Barbie has come up with Black Barbies but there is no real good representation of a strong African female, princess, etc. in any of their movies. That statement shared with the right persons at Disney, maybe talking to the head of the Dept. that comes up with the possible ideas for future movies, is the one who may really want to hear this. Get a contact name, pass it around, put up a blog, or do a you tube video talking of the issue and ask people to contact Disney if they want to see the same thing as you do. One person alone won't make a dent against such a large established company very easily, but when we band together, companies will listen especially if at the bottom line, a suggestion will increase their profit and keep their mission going.

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I am a 25 yr-old female and have been with my partner for over 8 years now. My family knows that we are together and are very accepting of us, which I am very grateful for. However, she has still not told her parents that we are together, despite how long it has been. We both pretty much know that her parents know, but it has never really been confirmed with them. I just want my girlfriend to outwardly tell them we are in a relationship. I know this sounds really selfish because coming out is such a difficult thing to do, especially to your parents, but I just want to know if her parents would truly accept me and treat me the same knowing I was in a relationship with their daughter. I don't know if that really makes sense. But do you think it is wrong for me to ask my girlfriend to basically come out to her parents? I feel terrible, but at the same time I am tired of hearing her say she will tell her parents, and she never does. This has been going on for years, and I have tried to be very patient since I know coming out is hard, but it's also hard for me to stay in the closet in front of her family. I'm not really sure what to do.

To say the actual words or not should be her decision and you as her partner would need to be okay with whatever she decides. You did say that you both 'pretty much' know her parents know. What I do not know is HOW you pretty much know because that sounds more to me like a hopeful wishful thought than actual facts based on how they treat you.
If they already know when you say its pretty much for sure that they do, then how ARE they treating you? For you to state the following:
I just want to know if her parents would truly accept me and treat me the same knowing I was in a relationship with their daughter, it makes me believe that neither of you know if they have guessed it. So just in case they haven't guessed you are a couple, think hard if you really want to know if they would treat you or even their daughter badly if the truth was made plain by her telling them. Its wonderful if they are like your parents and accepting. But just what if they are not and 'try' to convince daughter that this isn't normal and try to split you two up? There are a lot of people who are supportive such as myself but just as many who are not or have never given it a thought til confronted with it in their own family and these people are iffy, cus depending on how they were raised, beliefs fed to them, or how open minded they are today, is how they will respond. What type of conversations are there when you're both over there. Do they seem to speak favorably on topics along the lines of same sex couples, or any topic of sexual nature or are they the type of people afraid to even say the word 'sex'? I do not know what your contact with them is like or what any time spent at their place is like, but it may give you both a hint of how they'd respond to you if some time in the future you both plan to subtly turn any conversation to talking about something you saw on you tube related to the gay community, or maybe start with transgender or some other such topic. Don't start with one after another example pushing the stories on them so they feel as if they've been put in the spotlight for their opinion. It takes some skill in conversation to turn a topic to what you want to discuss but it is not hard, if you have a good imagination. I do this at times myself. So lets say the topic of conversation is about their trip to the beach, something that has nothing to do with the topic you want. Ask them about their beach visit, or bring it up if they haven't. Whatever it is they may have done recently, ask about. Then try to find some phrase in the conversation to use to carry the topic over to what you want to discuss and don't mention that you both are a couple, just mention that talking of the beach reminds you of when you saw two gay guys give each other a kiss at the beach. You understand they are from another generation but what do they think of PDA's. And is it okay if hetero couples but it shouldn't be if gay? LEt them think and form their answers. If they say they don't think gay couples should flaunt what they are in front of others, you may have to then ask, is it because you believe being gay is wrong to begin with or you support them but don't go for PDAs or things like Gay Pride days or parades. They may just be squeamish about it being broadcasted publicly but may be understanding and supportive if it were in their family. If your partner is still unwilling to do this, don't push her, you don't want to build resentment in her towards you. I do feel it is wonderful and should be the right of any couple in love to not have to wrory about how others will react, and be able to be loving when with family. In my family, a brother in law came out saying he was gay after trying to date girls but finally when he found the right man, he had to tell them. Moms immediate response was, I just want my kids to be happy, so if this makes you happy and fulfilled, then I am happy. Not everyones parents will respond that way. But because they know how accepting we all are, I have seen them unafraid to do the loving touches or occasional peck on the lips that any couple in love will do. It just may not work out that way for you.


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A friend has called me 'my love' recently over the holiday conversation. Is it OK for him to call me that? He's mate though. An honest thoughts please

Does he use that term often with females in general cus if so, its part of his personality and doesn't mean anything personally towards you such as having feelings for you. I know both men and women who use endearing terms with lots of people as I sometimes do in writing where I say, "I hope this helps you hon."
Now if this was out of the blue and he has never used the term before, it could still go both ways, meaning he has some kind of interest in you or that he was in a good mood due to the Holiday, feeling flirty and just saying so on the spur of the moment, not planning it ahead with any attached romantic feelings. Since he is a friend, its up to you wether you are Okay with him saying that or not. At this point, after the fact, if you want to tell him not to do so in the future, simply tell him you were thinking about the time he called you 'my love' during the Holiday. Then you tell him you are still thinking about when he addressed you as 'my love'. Ask if he was even aware he used those words. If he says no...he didn't mean anything then. If he says he does remember saying it, then you could ask him why, or just go straight to telling him it made you feel confused and uncomfortable as the two of you are merely friends, not a dating couple.
If it doesn't bother you, then you need not bring it up because if he really had designs on you, he would not do just one thing to let you know but there would be many different ways he says or does things to flirt and get across the message that he is interested. He may be waiting for some kind of response to have a clue if you feel the same if he is interested in case he was flirting. So if you want to be more than friends, respond favorably like flirting back and taking the reins in your hands and asking if he is wondering if the two of you could possibly be more than friends and let him know you are willing to try. Lots of men do not make the first move but they try to drop hints in very confusing, obscure methods that don't get the message across. So dear, its up to you to decide how to go from here.

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January 30th at 4:18 pm my beautiful baby boy turned a year old, I was not there to see it because last year I made the hardest decision in my whole entire life and that was to put my sons happiness before my own and each and every day it breaks my heart which I never talk about or no one seems to care enough to ask...... Not a lot of people know what I've been through because I choose not to tell anyone for the simple fact of being judged since I was 24 and giving my child a better life then I could provide, Theo(my son) lives in the same state with his adoptive dads and they never fail to keep me updated but it just doesnt feel the same, not getting to be there..... Theo is extremely HAPPY and to me that is all that matters, When I found out I was pregnant I was going through the worse time in my life and raising a child in that situation would of been selfish..... its hard to explain to strangers seeing how they look at people who give there baby up as someone who doesnt want the responsibility and whom is to immature and trust me I get it, I use to think the same thing before it happened to ME, I wanted/want my son more then ANYTHING in this whole entire world and If I would of known this would of happened a year before I would of got my sh** together no questions asked, My sons father and I have been together for 8 years now but at the time he was unable to find work without a work visa since hes from Canada which he has now, I have ALL the love in the world for my son but sometimes love isnt enough, I couldnt give him what they can and absolutely do!!!!!! Then why do I feel like my hearts been ripped out my chest, Ive wanted to be a mom my WHOLE life thats my purpose on this Earth and I gave that up deep down I know it was the right thing but some days I dont feel that way, The moment I held him I finally understood what unconditional love was I spent every second with him for 3 days and those were the best days of my life and the moment I had to leave that hospital without that precious baby boy now that was the beginning to the hardest day of my life and I dont know how to get passed it I work so much to keep my mind occupied and so that next time when Im ready to get pregnant I will never have to experience that kinda of pain again but theres a little voice in the back of my head saying " yeah but it wont be theo my perfect baby" if only he could of waited ONE YEAR if only because Today MY boyfriend( sons father) and I have our very first apartment, we have our own car and my boyfriend is now able to work..... One year later, yet I still feel so empty because I know with every part of me that it all means nothing without my biological son with ME and I know I cant undo the past I just hope in the future he could forgive me and understand what we do for our kids.... I never once did this for me and I want a future relationship with him NO MATTER WHAT..... I just wish right now it didnt hurt so bad

Was this an open adoption? If so, then you are still able to see him , visit and he will know you were his birth mother. If you have more children, they should know they have another sibling and be allowed to spend time with Theo when they are old enough to enjoy playing together. If this is not an open adoption, you may want to have a talk with his adoptive Dads, as it seems that just keeping you updated isn't enough. Whats done is done, and it would be cruel to the happy parents to attempt to take Theo back at this point.
I am no doctor but perhaps you are not able to feel peace about this because you are still battling the loss, same as a person who loses someone to death. It may be that you are still going thru grieving. My suggestion would be to look into seeing a grievance counselor or any counselor qualified to help you emotionally go thru the process of healing. Yes, you will not have the traditional family of a mom, dad and all children under the same roof. there are many forms of family today including divorced and remarried people who share their children back and forth. Kids have an ability to cope with the more non traditional family situations, including same sex parents, etc... as long as the home they are raised in is filled with love because thats what helps them feel secure, unlike what society may think or say that kids will be messed up if not reared by birth parents. As long as nothing is kept secret and the kids are advised of everything regarding themselves, and nothings kept secret, they will be okay.
I even know of parents of a child who both were married to other people but had a child together. The four people of the two couples were polyamorous, believing in one core relationship but having a love relationship with others as well. I met the girl who was a teen. She was a well adjusted person, more mature than most teens I come across and she was part of a planning committee for getting assemblys and info into the school on alternative issues, gender, sexual orientation, etc. She did not participate in the multi love lifestyle for herself at that age, and may or may not when she is older. But trust me, kids really do adjust well as long as they are loved, feel secure (meaning all their needs are taken care of and they have contact with ALL family, no one is kept from them and their feelings are taken into consideration.) I am happy that your life is now more stable. That is a blessing. Now have that talk with the adoptive parents and your partner or husband should be part of it. See what can be worked out. Perhaps there can be more family dinners together between both familys and all present for some holidays or birthdays, any time that extended family tends to get together. And perhaps special events such as you taking Theo out with his eventual siblings to the Fair for the day. If you also want to be able to do special things like purchases for him, an outfit, a toy, school supplies, and it is not hard or a struggle for you, make sure the adoptive parents do not see this as you thinking they cannot provide for Theo, just that you would like him to have something that you got for him.

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Can extensive or rigorous breast sucking of a woman during a romantic sexual intercourse make the woman to have breast cancer?

The only thing you need be concerned of due to any severe sucking anywhere on your body, is getting hickeys. If you feel sore after, then soreness is due to the rough handling of your breast, not due to cancer. In fact, most women never have any pain associated with a breast cancer, and that is why those who do not get screened regularly can live with cancer until it has spread too far.

If anytime your partner is a bit rough or you feel pain, you need to have a safe word, some thing you can say so he'll let up on the strength he's using. I have a high pain tolerance but even so, there are times when I'll simply say Ow and he stops or goes easier. If you and your partner have a good talk ahead of time about this, he will know it is not a rejection of him in midst of lovemaking, but simply letting him know it is not pleasureable for you at the moment. If your guy cares about your pleasure, pleasing you, he will comply readily with responding to your prompts if at any time something does not feel good.

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i have decided to remain childless forever i don't have any plans for parenthood and i don't want a relationship to lead me to parenthood also never treat not having children like it's bad thing becuase it's not and i will stay out of a relationship if it leads me to parenthood i have decided that i never want to have kids i don't need any to complete my life and i'm not jealous of people who have kids.

This is a statement, not a question. So I am wondering why you sent it to me. If you simply want my opinion even if you've made up your mind, that is fine. However, if you are asking for an opinion, you may not be 100% sure of whether you might cave in the future.
For what its worth, I know of a young married couple who both did not want to have kids. The biggest hassle for the gal was finding a doctor who would do the medical procedure of tying her tubes so she couldn't conceive. Her husband also had a vasectomy done. And they are happy. Their reasons for no children were not due to the belief the planet is overpopulated. They simply did not like the idea of kids tying them down. They preferred to be free to do what ever they wished at the drop of a hat. They are a bit older now and still do not regret it. The female has always felt awkward around children and babies and does not feel drawn to them, even if the kids belong to someone else. I actually applaud people who know they don't want to be parents and don't feel its selfish as some may say, to not want to be tied down with kids. I have a family member who from the very beginning of birthing a child, did not have natural nurturing instincts and did not have time for the child. It progressed worse to after marrying a 3rd time to a guy who is pretty messed up, they had a kid together also and now both children have been taken away by CPS due to their physical abusing of both children. So some people just plain old don't make good parents and never should have had kids. I know all these situations occur in life, and other than abusing/neglecting kids, personal choices such as having kids are just fine. Actually, for some, its not even a choice. For some, its something of their make up, how they were born, just as one knows their gender regardless of their sex, I believe some just know they are not parent material.

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I have spent the last 10-ish years nearly isolated. I had lost trust in the ending of poisonous friendships all those years ago and I haven't had any caretaker stability. I had basically at one time went from changing out every single person I had ever known and I had done well at first when making new friendships. Yet it was at the awkward becoming a teenager stage and apparently I went from cute to ugly. All my friends dropped me because I was ugly. It's not in my head. It's true. I had braces back then and I was just awkward and weird-looking. My parents emotionally neglected me and my other relatives lived states away so I had no support system whatsoever. After each of my friends dropping me, I developed I root that grew around and inside my heart of deep mistrust. I don't think I can trust a single human. It's true, I can't. I do grow to love new people and I have even these last years had "hangout friends". I haven't had anyone close. Closest I've had is my cat. I am above average intelligence and that doesn't help. I have to try to dumb myself down in social interactions or just go along with the attitudes of the group. Not conforming, just going along in a way to not put down their own esteem. I can see through people too well and that doesn't help the whole mistrust issue. Even with people in my church that I'm just getting to know the past couple months... I'm seeing through some of them and it bothers me to know that's there's a select few that use deceitful tactics and think it's acceptable behavior. Not that that entirely in itself bothers me even if so done to me, what bothers me is after the deceit of being nice to me... they are "turned back off." Their interest with me had gone out the window. Their getting to know me becomes getting to know a facade they paint before my face. I want to be known for me and not as some walking billboard consisting of whatever they put on it. Even to one I told I was once into homosexual activity although that's not of my ways anyone. Further, I was never a homosexual, I was more that genre where you loved people for being people. I went either way in my days prior to salvation. I'm now a firm believer in being the way the creator made us to be. Back to where I was going... To her I'm now the homosexual-painted-billboard. She never makes an initial text anymore and brushes me off and quick to end conversation when I message her. To me I take that as someone with a phobia. I'm not even of this phobia. How we got to sharing this was in the beginning us telling each other our faults and things that happened to us. She had told me one thing and I still have the text. Weeks later she tells me another thing. I even apologized for accusing her of lying because she said me telling her that I was once with a girlfriend will not change the way she views me. It DID. She stopped trying to engage me as her new friend that she confided in. What would you think? I did want a good friend better than just a "hangout only friend". The thing she lied about was something personal she had told me about her past. She had denied it happened. As if she forgot she told me in the first place. She had changed phone numbers even in this time and it seemed like an accident that she shared her number with me. She's not all there maybe because she acts so innocent. "Like what? You're confusing me." She's 6 years younger than me so I'm sure that has something to do with her demeanor. It had just seemed we had much in common. If people can't or won't be friends with me because my homosexual history then maybe I should never tell another soul. It only bothers women. Of course I live in the same area I had always lived in just some miles off. I'm sure if I don't say it, someone will. My mistake of having a girlfriend at age 17 turns into me never ever being able to have close female friends? My "hangout friends" didn't care but of course some or most of them were more consumed with themselves. They just liked having someone to serve them and their self-god. I have a fornication history, too, but I sure won't tell that to anyone at church. The preacher tells of how we shouldn't not love our neighbor because of their history but then when it comes to me having a more sinful history, it seems people accept what he says and choose to be "tolerant". Like "Hi. -Smile- Bye." That's not loving anyone. I don't like the Judas people in the church. Not their behavior. I want people to get to know me. The real me. I want people to want me in their lives. I know I hinder that because my years of isolation. I'm human. I have a need for belonging. It seems I haven't quite belonged in so long. I had battled depression because of this and severely so even to the point of a suicide attempt at age 17. It's true that being alone is worse than losing any close family member even a son or daughter. The pain is that much worse. If you don't know being alone like that then you can't see how bad it truly is. Nothing breaks the soul more. I don't even know why as a child I had to have all this happen to me. I was molested as a child and the punishment afflicted on me by others continues and continues. At one point I'm sure I didn't have something I had done attribute to my consequences especially all that had happened to me as a child. When I had brought this up to God once prior to me being saved, He heard me and answered my prayer. Therefore He must have not wanted those things to have hurt me like they did. I want new friends but I can't just be willing to get to know people and they "try" getting to know me with a dead-gaze in their eyes. I may have made some mistakes but I much more than those mistakes. My personality goes far and wide. I hate that people minimize me. I'm that person who has an endless amount to say that says little.

Your story reminds me of several pastors who dressed up as smelly unkempt streetpeople. Each came in to the building and where shunned by all except one said 3 or 4 people were welcoming. These men exposed all the parishoners as being judgmental and unloving and hypocrites. Some stories were of their current pastor, one recently I saw was a churches new pastor who did this on his first day there. What you need to realize is that a church is not a place where they really live life as Jesus did. A church is actually a place where mostly people who repeatedly do wrong, will attend. I used to attend church and yes, it is like what you described, even tho I can't say I've been thru the harsh history you have. There are more imperfect people in a church than there are those who are somewhat more mature and spiritual and loving. I can't say where you are going to meet unjudgemental people, those who love unconditionally but you could talk to God again and ask him to bring them along into your life. He does answer prayer as you know. HOwever, the catch is, those who are meant to come across your path can be stubborn as humans will be. We dislike change, so we exercise our God given free will and resist listening to Gods or angels promptings. The thoughts of what is being suggested to a person, most often are thought of as our own , rather than God dropping them into a persons mind. So even though you ask for God to send friends, those meant to be are not being forced to respond due a certain due date. If I am honest, I have clearly known what God wanted me to do and often put it off, refused, or put up a really long argument. As I matured as a believer, I came to trust God no matter what and no longer protested, but did what he asked as soon as I could. I have had my 2nd husband come into my life a year later than first time he saw me. I had already prayed by then for God to provide my 2nd husband. It took a year before he finally made contact with me. I guess in ending, the best I can suggest is to work on getting closer in your relationship with God, with the goal of getting to the point you can have a conversation back and forth. Thats where I am and I rarely meet people who say they have done this.
When you can be asking God for his suggestions on what you can do, and getting his instant answer in your mind as another thought right after you asked, that is when you will have all the answers you need to know where God may want you on any particular day, so He can put you in the path of persons meant to meet you.

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Hi, I was only wondering and trying to figure out what does it mean when a guy says if you were my partner I would have taught you how to cook those dishes so that you could cook for me everyday. And I said how about a help that makes you lazy he replied no I'm a traditional boy and smiled. Well we both smiled. I said I would prefer a little help. At the moment we're chatting along about all the foreign dishes over our lunch break at college. He's a good lad easy going plus he says to me you're a special girl (mentions my name). So how does he sound to you? Appreciate all the answers.

Guys don't always know how to talk to girls. So sometimes for lack of what to say, they'd pick up on something you or someone else said or what you were doing at the time or recently. Pretty much they can grasp at anything to blurt out something so they aren't sitting there tongue-tied. Even a non shy guy can have difficulty holding normal convo's with a girl. What he said could be the result of fumbling for something to say. If I take apart what he said, you'll see why I don't see it making any sense.

" if you were my partner" (no problem with that. He could be talking about the future and what he would do regarding if you were his partner) " I would have taught you how to cook those dishes" would have taught is past tense, meaning the opportunity to teach you has passed and is not going to happen ever. This makes no sense when first half of sentence is talking in future tense. Future and past in that sentence, cancel out each other in my mind and make absolutely no sense.)
"so that you could cook for me everyday." (Back to present tense again here. If talking of the past it would have been stated as 'you could have cooked for me'. Then present or past tense, just the words make one wonder what he really meant. If he is stating that he knows how to cook, and wants to teach you, that could be a plan of his, to find a partner someday who would take equal turns with the cooking or they could do it together. But he could also come from a family raised to believe the womans' place is in the home, or that it is the womans' responsibility to do all the cooking, especially if he wants a woman to cook for him everyday. Or perhaps he simply had no idea what to say next and really fumbled it, not realizing that what he said came out sounding chauvinistic. Then you comment about that making him lazy but his reply is "No, I'm a traditional boy." Well then, there is only the question of what he thinks traditional means and what he really meant by that. It would clearly seem that by that statement he is old world, old fashioned, which if you are, is okay, if you don't mind being a housewife and baby maker only. If you have plans for more than that in life, then keep this in mind in case he ever decides to even ask you out on a date. As far as calling you special, I have called many people special during my lifetime and most of them were not guys I wanted to date or marry. So just saying 'special' does not have special meaning unless you know what he meant by special. Next time he says so, you could say, "YOu say that alot to me. I am finally curious as to why you say that. What things are there about me, that make you feel I am special?" You just might get the answer to your question you asked us, answered by him. So after dissecting what he said, I still am not sure if he is thinking something else towards you other than just a fellow student and just passing the time in conversation. It really shouldn't matter if you have no attraction to him romantically. And he's said nothing direct like will you be my girlfriend yet. You have no worries or decisions until he clearly says something like that to you.



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What does it mean?

It may mean slightly different things depending on the person saying it. In general, not just myself but others I've observed who believe the same, are people who never adhered to any organized religion, or used to and now no longer do. By organized religion, I mean a structured system of faith or worship, especially one followed by a large number of people, such as Christianity, Islam, or Judaism. A person who considers themselves spiritual believes that their religion or spirituality rather to help distinguish, is a personal path to Deity, a personal relationship with what they call God or in some cases Goddess and some as God and Goddess. I have studied enough theology and people to have formed this personal belief of whom you might find calling themselves Spiritual rather than Religious.
Here's my idea of that:
Church going christians who became disillusioned by the churches form of belief or treatment from so called Christians.
People who were forced to attend church as children
Those raised in a Pagan practicing household or who have as teens or older, decided for themselves that some form of Paganism is what feels right for their personal relationship with Deity.
(The original term for Pagan only meant the un-churched, non church going when Christianity was spreading over Europe and the world. A pagan is not a Satanist. Those are two very different things. A pagan is usually a solitary believer. I have found under the term Pagan, those who are Wiccan, Druid, those who don't identify with either, and some who switched from following Christianity 100% to still believing with half the theology of Christianity and now embracing in addition lots of the beliefs of Paganism. To Christians, anyone not baptized into their belief system is considered a Pagan. So no matter how Spiritual a person is, if they adhere to a Dharmic religion, which falls under some types as Hinduism and Buddhism. There is a group who also fall inbetween, those here in the USA following particular Yogi's with a blend of beliefs in Jesus as well that seem to have a blend of Buddhism with aspects of Hinduism mixed in. I have a family member of that belief. So I can say they are children of God, like pagans I also happen to know, children of God who despite the path they are on, still act very often like Jesus, no matter who they call their Deity role model. I believe all God wanted was for people to have individual relationship with him. It makes sense. Think of a family unit, siblings and your parents. What if you never talked to your parents, never acknowledged or interacted with them unless it was in a family reunion type of setting with all your siblings, their spouses and kids, and cousins, etc... If the only time you actually related to your parents was at this big group setting, you really would not have a relationship with your parents anymore. This is what is the bigger thing at issue, the personal relationship. People have a beed to band together with others of a same belief. So even those who call themselves Spiritual have this need but any get togethers of a group setting and something organized, is not the focus and what is stressed more is the individual path or relationship with God.

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I am a virgin ,me and my boyfriend were fooling around naked and he ejaculated on my clits and vagina ,exactly 8days after my periods .l last had my period 27jan and now its 21march and experiencing stomach problems,apetite problems ,feeling sleepy ,can i be pregnant

If you have a 28-day cycle, you'll usually ovulate some time between day 10 and day 15 of your cycle. Day one is the first day of your period. So even if period lasted only two days, add 8 and that puts you at 10 days in which is within the range of 10-14 days where a female ovulates. Theres more to it, such as the release of egg from fallopian tube lasting about 24 hrs. Male sperm can live about 5 days inside of you waiting for you to release an egg so even sex a few days before you ovulate can get you pregnant. Here's a link to read it for yourself.

Best thing to do is take a pregnancy test, maybe several brands to be sure. Depending on when you ovulated and other factors, its hard to say if you are or are not pregnant. So I would say its a 50/50 chance due to not being sure of some things.

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I'll try to make this short. Ive been dating this guy for 4 months now and things have been great. We get along well, shares similar interests, and don't have too many disagreements. He's met my parents and I've met his (i feel as if we could have waited on this but he was so persistent about it) and I often spend time around him and his friends vice versa. The problem is that although we do everything any normal 20 something couple would do, he still will not consider us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He said that he wants a relationship with me but wanted to wait it out. At first I was okay with this, but I increasingly grew to be more annoyed because it didn't really make sense to me. Especially given all of the things I have done for him that most girls wouldn't do unless the relationship had some seriousness to it. Either way I continued to put my own feelings to the back burner and just accepted that he'll come around. However I recently I found out that he had been on the dating app Tinder just casually checking out girls. I established that he hadn't actually met up with anyone nor took a number, but I was hurt because we both agreed to only seeing each other. With this I told him I was done and that I couldn't handle this situationship anymore and that these actions showed the real reason as to why he didn't want to be exclusive. After some time he came to me saying he didn't want to lose me and that if I gave him until May ( 1.5 months from now) that he'd be ready for us to take it to the next level. I agreed with this because I love him (he tells me he loves me daily) and don't want to lose him, but I struggle with whether or not I should continue to wait. Very confused.

A great amount of guys in their twenties are not yet ready to committ to a steady relationship nor to marriage. A reason may be that they have not yet had a chance as an adult to consider all their options and date around. However, dating around for both females and males serves no purpose if each does not have a good solid idea of what they are looking for in an intimate partner and marriage mate. He may just need a more solid idea of what he is looking for. Once two such people find each other and the chemistry is right, they won't just admire each other or like each other much or love some things about the other, they will fall 'in love' with each other and THAT my dear is what most every woman is really hoping for. 4 months is not too soon to fall in love instantly but it is pretty rare. Most people need more time taking anywheres up to a year. There are a few who hold out longer too. But getting to the point, it isn't time necessarily that will determine if both are right for each other but the amount of visits together, talking for hours and really getting to know each others mind, doing things together, seeing each other at their emotional worst and best, doing special things for each other.... going to a movie or just getting together for sex and warming each others bed is not what helps a guy decide he wants any particular woman because he loves her. Not saying this is you but adding it in to give you whole picture.
I would say he's a good bet because he is already subconsciously doing many of the things a guy will do IF he loves a girl. Don't put any pressure on him and try to put more quality time, whatever you think will help him to be more certain that you are the right one for him so he has no qualms about committing. Don't demand an answer in May but give him a month or two more. Then if he is still undecided, something that helps a person realize their love for someone is if they come across a situation where they fear losing the person. this could happen due to ending up in the hospital where its iffy that you will survive, or much easier, seeing another guy paying attention to you. Or maybe even going out with. Rather than get a guy involved who may already have an interest in you, think of a male friend who who know 100% for sure is just a good friend, or ask a male cousin he may not know to help you out. If he has no issues with you supposedly seeing others as you make it appear,, then he is not in love with you, though he may love a few of your qualities. Theres a big difference. I may love icecream for some qualities like its creaminess, coldness and flavor, and people do that with people too, assuming this in the kind of love that will carry a relationship. Unfortunately, it is often not enough. In closing, here is a transcript of a video by a man for women (that I have added to) on how to recognize if a guy loves you. Aa I said, he's already doing several by the things you shared, maybe more.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

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Hi I'm 18 years old. I had a kiss with my boyfriend and I'm worried that I might be pregnant because i don't have my periods. can it be pregnancy I'm really worried

Adding to what the other person said.

Besides stress there are a few other things that can delay periods. If you recently got over an illness (even simple colds) or one is just starting, that will delay a period. Worry will do it too. One is physical stress, one in mental stress.
Lastly, when you are consistantly (on a daily basis) around a group of females, your body will slowly syncronize it self so that your period starts at the same time as theirs. This can be mother and sisters, your female classmates and when older, your female coworkers. Sometimes a period can come earlier or later until all the females are having a period the same time. I don't know why our bodies do this to all have periods the same time, but it is true. I worked in a small office of 5 women and we all got our periods the same time.
Now if you haven't had a period for a handful of months, there may be something wrong, like too low hormones, etc and you'd need to see a doctor. In early teens a period can be on and off again. This usually goes to normal once you hit 17, 18, 19. Unless you are a late bloomer and haven't had a period but a year or two, in which case, you may still be experiencing the inconsistant periods.

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I have been with my husband for 19 years. I'm 35. We have two kids (5&9). He is a great guy, wonderful father and tries his best to treat me well. The truth is, I have lost all the fire with him for the past 5 years. I don't think we would be together if it wasn't for our kids. We have grown apart. I do not want to be intimate with him at all. He doesn't feel the same way. We are two different people. Here us a twist: a guy who I have always called "the one who got away" has randomly appeared in my life! I'm ignoring the fact that his makes me FEEL SOMETHING again to try to address what to do with my marriage. Um losing sleep, I'm completely ridden with anxiety all the time about what divorce would mean for my kids.

I can understand not having the fire and passion to be intimate together hon. There is something called New relationship energy, the excitement of something or someone new, due to the heightened senses and feelings. Often people mistake this for meaning they both are a good chemistry match. However the new rel. energy can and will fade over time, never lasting over the years. I felt the same with my perfect match in my 2nd marriage. That heightened feeling of passion from the handful of months up to one year, eventually calmed to what we do have between us and tho it doe not feel the same, what we have is now the real thing and we still have chemistry together. Lets say on a scale of 1 to 10 its a 10 now, whereas with new relationship energy it felt off the scale, 20? or something.

This is not the case for you. There fore, I would not advise to consider a separation or divorce until you figure out what happened. It can be very helpful to see a couples counselor/marriage counselor. I am not saying you will see them strictly to patch things up. You both need to discover what changes came along in each of you, or outside stresses that affected your marriage. If you had the fire for all but just 5 of those years, you owe it to yourself, your husband and kids to talk to an objective outside party, a counselor to have it made clear whether there is something that can be done to bring you back to how it was in the beginning. I noticed one child is 5, so this started approximately after he was born. It could very well be an imbalance in your body from the birth and your body not going back to how it was before. Or just the mode of being a parent now of two, does have a dampening affect on the libido if you don't know how to switch easily between parent mode to partner mode and back again. These are things that can be learned. I understand that while not feeling the passion, that it is next to impossible to imagine it could be brought back. But you may rather want to leave that up to a counselor to help you discover.
As has been said, the grass always seems better on the other side. But hon, trust me, I am older and after a divorce cus the husband was abusive, I finally found a wonderful man. However I used a dating site and met a lot of men before him. I had actually given up hope of finding someone because the grass certainly wasn't greener. Almost all of the men ended up being different versions of bad compared to the ex. Lying to me, throwing anger tantrums at me, you name it. And this was all in the first 2 or 3 dates that I got this. I thought perhaps there are no decent men left. There are but there are not many. Then even if I found a couple decent guys, we both recognized in meeting in person that there was absolutely no fire or sizzle between us. You can be happily married and occasionally run across a guy who does make you feel something. So I am addressing that as I have felt that too. See, our bodies are made to be sexual and respond with our senses and feelings and emotions. We may not be looking, happily married with no problems but just because another stranger out there has a good matching chemistry doesn't mean I need to leave my husband or have an affair. It simply is what it is, you are alive and young enough to still feel such things. The only way to not have this happen, to sexually feel something with another, is to be dead. So don't feel guilty or confused about it.
If counseling does not help bring you two to a wonderful place again together, and you divorce, then you will be single and able to start searching for someone.
As for worry as to what divorce will do to the kids, I've been there. I can tell you that divorce is not what messes up the kids, not if you part on friendly terms and still take turns with the kids, allowing him to see them as often as you both decide. What does mess kids up as they are young and still forming their own ideas about life, is to see two parents fighting all the time, or one abusing the other, or the two ignoring each other, no love shown in front of the kids, like stolen kisses, cuddling on the couch, and caressing touches. Kids need to know what is normal and what is not. What they grow up with, no matter how bad, is what will become their 'normal'. I stayed too long with my ex. It messed up two of my 3 girls. The oldest married 3 times, had child with first, another with the 3rd and both of them beat both kids and CPS had to step in. Neither had any idea of what normal was between two people as he had bad family example as well. My middle child does not want to marry and have kids. I understand that some people choose this and doesn't mean they are messed up, but considering the type of man her daddy is, she shies away from any she feels she can not be the leader and control the situation. So only dating wimpy guys and getting tired of them and dumping them to search again for another who is not at middle ground but the totally opposite of what her Dad is, so she gets guys who let her run the relationship and decide on everything. In fact, I have observed her being somewhat unreasonably demanding of her boyfriends, reminding me of the unreasonable demands of my controlling ex. They were teens when I finally divorced. To avoid messing up their psyches, it is best to either repair your marriage, and if that is not possible, then do divorce and both of you find yourself partners you are happier with, who will also treat your kids well and love them. My daughters have formed attachments of a sort to some of the guys I dated before finding my husband who they also love. Kids may cry and say they don't want the parents to part simply because they do not know about the unknown of how things will be after. But mine who said the same before I left him, commented a year later that they could see how it was the right thing and that I looked so much happier. And I didn't have a new love yet. Their concerns for your happiness will be there eventually. They will understand even better as they become older teens, or adults themselves. I do not see divorce as a thing to avoid depending on if the situation requires it.
Good luck dear.

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I know this may sound weird but I am 28 years old and I don't know how to cook and I really want to leaden because eating out is getting exspensive and I am tired of eating sandwhiches all the time.
What are some easy recipies that I can start with?

I know that lots of people your age do not know how to cook. My middle daughter is one of them. But its less costly and can be much healthier cooking for yourself or even hosting a simple dinner for two or four.

Before you start cooking, you may want to buy some plastic freezer storage containers and when you cook, if just for yourself, make enough for two or three. The extra can go into freezer. Next day you make another meal the same way and 3rd day too. At this point you can go back to reheating extras from the first day. I know a single person who does this.

Something easy is Spaghetti. The trick is knowing how much noodles to cook. There are Spaghetti ladles with holes in the spoon for serving amount and you grab as much as fill that hole, then cook it. Add a little salt and a tsp oil to the pot of water to keep noodles from sticking. Then you use spaghetti sauce ready made in a jar. If you want hamburger in it, try buying a medium sized package of ground hamburger and forming it into single serving pattys to freeze. That way you can take out just the one, let thaw, and cook it in a fry pan with some of the sauce added. You can make variations to the meal by adding mushrooms sliced, and olives sliced and I tend to like a little bit of small chunks of cooked zuchinni in it. Try grated cheese added to the sauce or just sprinkled on top. It doesn't have to be Parmesan but any cheese that you like. Sometimes, I buy the Alredo cheese sauce for spaghetti and recently came up with another topping I liked. Think of the bean dips by the Fritos at grocery. Or refried beans in Mexican cooking. Although I started with dry black beans and boiled them down until they became a sauce, I believe you can do the same using just a can of ready to go beans. Mash them up a bit, add a little water and cook at a medium heat, constantly stirring until it becomes a puree. You could add any spices or seasoning you like. Less is best. You can add more later. Don't worry about making mistakes and it turning out inedible. We all do that while learning or even trying a new recipe.
You can find all sorts of recipes on line. I would do a search for quick and easy recipes. You could also search for simple cookbooks at a bookstore. When I first married, I was given a cookbook for two. So you don't make too much food. Then there was the 'cooking on a budget' or something like that.
Once you get used to cooking, you can start to experiment with combos of foods that sound good together, style of cooking etc. Lots of chefs don't exactly follow a recipe or measure carefully as we do cus they do this so much they already visually know how much is enough. I have already lived on a tight budget, specially when raising my kids so often I had to toss meals together from only what I had at home. I didn't get the processed easy meals at stores as they always had too high a sodium or a type of fat or something else I didn't want. You may need to use some prepackaged foods at first til you gain confidence. I also like making hearty soups. Sometimes I buy chicken or beef stock, add a little water and cut up all my favorite veggies to go into it. Add potato chunks or noodles or rice. Remember that rice and noodles expand so if going into a soup, you don't need much, a half cup uncooked rice for example is more than enough when cooked. If you don't want to cook a chicken to put chicken meat in it, you can go to the stores deli and pick up a package of chicken tighs or breast already cooked and cool in the refrigerated section. Pick chicken off the bones and put into your soup. Save some chicken to have the following day with a baked potato. Wrap in foil and follow a cookbook or online info for what temp and how long, and have it wrapped it foil in oven. When its done, then add butter, a dab of sour cream and a little chopped green onion on top. YOu can use frozen already cut veggies and heat some for one meal in a pot or take one large carrot and cut it up and cook it or broccoli heads cut smaller and cooked. Veggies can be steamed too if you prefer...all easy to do. But to start, the things I know and take for granted may be questions you have no idea how to do, so I still beleive a good cookbook for simple easy, quick meals is going to be your best bet. Good luck hon. Wish it were my daughter wanting to learn to cook.

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I'm 23 yrs old male. I am from Indonesia. Something just triggered me to ask this now. When I was a child (8 or 10 maybe), my father tend to touch my genital and i get hard (not in a fondling manner but only a poke). He sometimes kisses my ears so i get an erection too. BUT it is not in a creepy, forced, sexual way. It's more of a playful thing. He sometimes wrestle me or tickles me then does that and we just laugh

Thing is, I kinda liked the sexual stimulation i got back then. I would sometimes intentionally stay beside him to 'play'. And i think it affected me now. I just want to confirm if it really was sexual abuse or im just overthinking (I dont know if its really abuse because i also see some people touch the genitals of other young boys to tease them in public here)

With children in diapers, it is the only time a parent would be touching the child in the genital area to clean them up again and that is not a playful touch, just wiping the skin and checking all folds to be sure the skin is clean. Once trained to privately pee or have bowel movements and clean up on their own, thats the point where a parent no longer should be touching childrens genitals, not even for fun. I do not know the customs of Indonesia. Perhaps this is something all males do and it is common and not thought of as bad. So I really can't say. I just know that in the USA, it is not okay and the same for many other countries. Do teenage boys or adult men do this to each other? If not, and it is done only to young boys, then it may not be a custom of your country and actually sexual abuse. NOw if he never touched ypur private area but you got aroused and erection from him just touching you elsewhere, like kissing your forehead or ears or rubbing your back, then the issue was all you. You would be the one who reacted to simple loving touchs that were not on the genitals.

What I can say for sure is that young kids usually do not even have any sexual interest or even ability to enjoy touching their own genitals. But in rare cases, some will touch themselves. My husband remembers being about 4 or 5 and parents leaving him with a sitter while they left for the evening. The sitter was another adult mom from next door who was supposed to give him his bath and put him to bed. He recalls being washed by this woman. And she used the wash cloth on all his body including a quick cleaning of the genitals. He remembers liking how it felt and thought the lady was very pretty. As an adult later, he discovered he was one of those few people who have a high libido and is interested in older women. No trauma or worrying, no odd sexual behavior. He was sexually aware at a young age too but not because someone touched him there. If you know that you are not emotionally damaged by it, then I suppose all is okay and you don't have to worry about it.

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Hi there. I'm looking for more opinions, and advice on a current situation i'm experiencing. I've been with my partner for 5 years now, and his parents have had a hard time accepting me, or us together. Every time I am around them they pick fights with me, or there is always confrontation. I'm not someone who likes fighting or arguing, in fact I avoid it at all costs. In the past I haven't been able to make it to every event they invite me to, and recently they took it personally (I had to work three shifts in one day and couldn't make it to thanks giving.) They decided to not invite me to family Christmas, so I had to stay home while my significant other went. Now some time has passed and they've invited me to his mother's birthday. I'm torn about going because every time they pick me apart, or do it behind my back (my partner tells me all the awful things they say.) I've tried making time to talk to them about it, but every time they avoid actually discussing the issue, and just ignore it. I can't ignore it anymore, and I don't want to go to this event without having discussed the issue. I'm tired of being put down and verbally abused, and I hate pretending like everything's fine and putting on a fake face. The only problem is I don't want to hurt my partner by saying no, which is why I've gone in the past and put up with the abuse. I don't want to tolerate it any longer. What should i do? I am so confused.

While the in laws may be a problem, your bigger problem is the fact your partner won't stand up for you with his parents. Your partner when this is all boiled down, is choosing to side with his parents or he simply has no balls, wimpy when it comes to his parents. He may be great in all other areas but this but this one thing can eventually tear apart your relationship. You mention in laws which is the title used for a partners parents when you both are married. Otherwise, they are just his parents. Then you said significant other rather than husband. So my inclination is that is a committed relationship but not tied legally by marriage. Not all people who have issues in a relationship will go for couple counseling. But it is more common that married couples do rather than those who have simply chosen to live long term with each other. Nothing wrong with either way, but sometimes in a persons subconscious, they may treat you or a situation differently depending. Then again, even married, he is not respectful to you or caring about your feelings. He could ask his parents to treat you nicely or you both will leave. He could stay home and not go when they exhile you from a family holiday. He could call the parents before you go over to visit and ask them to promise to hold their tongue and treat you well as you are his choice for a partner. If it comes to having to choose between them and you, he tells them that they will lose because he will choose to support you. His actions are not those of a man who really loves you. He may love you to some extent. If its enough for you, then continue on with putting up with the problems. You can bring up the issue and how its hurting you and asking why he caters to them and won't stand up for you the person he supposedly is in love with. It would either point to the fear of losing his parents over this, protecting you or perhaps he is immature and totally inexperienced and naive in relationships and need to be taught the right way to handle things, or he may love his parents way more than he will ever love you. Unfortunately the latter is a death sentence for a relationship because is there is such a lack of love and making you the priority in his life, then he obviously doesn't love you with the same level of love you have for him. You say you've tried to talk to the parents about it. Wrong place to do so. YOu need to be talking to your honey and is he can't or won't change, then you suggest counseling. If he's not even willing for that, you are not a high priority in his life and you can do better than settling for less. I will in closing share transcripts of a video done by a guy for women to help them know whether a guy they are dating love them. Even for committed relationships or marriage, it is all still true. The one about not afraid to introduce you to friends and family would in your case be not afraid to introduce you but if anyone you are introduced to treats you terribly, he puts a stop to that immediately, taking what ever measures needed, even to the point of no longer associating with friends, or family. Heres the list:

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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YOu should not be putting yourself in a situation where you are being verbally abused, I was once married to a verbal abuser. Over the years, it will take a toll on your body. I suffered almost daily headaches and some migraines due to the stress of how he treated me. Doesn't matter who is mistreating you, the results will be the same and the stress will have its negative effect on your body. So if he won't look out for you and protect you, then you must protect yourself. That would mean never seeing them ever again for you. That would become difficult if you were to have children. They would now have grand kids. Would they mistreat your kids cus they are half of you? Would they pick on the one who most resembles you? It would not be fair to any child to bring them in such a family where mom and dad are not solidly united and loving and supportive of each other. A unified front is a neccessity when it comes to having children. If the grand parents treat you badly but love the kids, you still have a problem as they will do what kids do, copy what they see adults doing, and they copy regarless of whether an action is good or bad. Your own children may come to treat you as shabbily as the in laws do with your partner not addressing how they treat their own mother. If he couldn't stand up to his own parents in your favor, why would he all of a sudden have the balls to do so with his children.

This should give you lots to think about. In the end, its still your decision what you choose to do.

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Hello, this is kind of an awkward question. So me and my friend are in the 9th grade and we were doing homework in my room and she fell asleep on the bed. But her feet were sticking out, so her feet were on top of the desk and they happened to be right on my notebook. I didn't want to wake her up so I just kept working with her feet in my face lol, but her toes kept wiggling a lot so I got distracted and started playing around with them.

for example I pushed her toes a few times and they would start wiggling by themselves. Then I would hold her toes still to make them stop wiggling. so I did this whenever I wanted her toes to start wiggling lol. Then I turned on the radio to see what happens, and when I pushed her toes they start wiggling to the beat of the song. I thought it was really cute, so I made them follow my voice instructions too, for example I whispered "wiggle faster" while her toes were wiggling, and suddenly they started wiggling faster. and when I whispered "point your toes", she makes the tippy-toes like a ballet dancer. I think she was dreaming about dancing coz we both like to dance :P

Is it a normal thing for me to think her feet are cute, and to play with them this way? I haven't told her about this yet, coz I think it might sound awkward telling her that I kept her toes wiggling like nonstop while she was asleep. Thanx

It's not abnormal, just that this is a situation which doesn't happen often to people, such an opportunity and mix of perhaps boredom with the homework. I can easily see myself doing the same thing, even though I do not have a foot fetish.

Now if you are wondering how this is possible that she responded in sleep as she did, that would be due to her subconscious mind. Perhaps she is a light sleeper or even in a deeper sleep, her subconscious still picks up on some things going on around her or can hear suggestions or commands and decide whether to follow them. My busband has fallen asleep while watching a movie that he really wanted to see or after asking me to talk about my day, he's fallen asleep. WHen I wake him, I say he was asleep and missing out. Yet curiously he can remember about half of what was said. With a movie, he was able to tell me some of what happened. I think your friend is very comfortable around you and trusts you to begin with. If it were about hypnosis, she might be the type who easily falls under the hypnotists suggestion. Not all people can. Some prefer to stay in control of all their actions, like me. LOL. If she has a great sense of humor and enjoying laughing at funny stories and jokes, then she may appreciate having you tell this story. I just wouldn't ever share it with others and leave it up to her to decide whether she will share this story or not.

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I broke up with my boyfriend of two years this past beginning of summer though we were together my sophomore, junior, and senior year with a small breakup in between. When we broke up I handled it very maturely and nicely - more than I should have been but I wanted to leave it on good terms because I genuinely care about him as a person and I told him that and explained everything for why I felt as I did. The main reason I did this was because I didn't want to leave something out in this way or handle it with anger that would make me want to reach out and get "closure." I've already realized that's pointless and stupid. So we talked it through and he was hysterical and so upset but I still went through with it because I know he's not right for me and he didn't treat me right and I deserve better. We havent seen each other since amazingly even though we live in the same town very close and go to school together. I reached out to him once for his bday which was four and half months later just to say happy birthday and hope youre doing well. Since then I hadn't talked to him and I could tell from his response that he missed me and still cared. That was the first and only time I've ever reached out to him because I went cold turkey which I don't regret. I heard from him two months later for Christmas which I was very surprised about and then the following month for my birthday which I woke up to a text from him. He repeatedly said hope your doing well, i'll always be here if you need me, hopefully i'll speak to you again, i'll see you when I see you, and if you ever need to talk and I know him too well that this is his way of saying I miss you and I want you back but is too scared to say it because I dumped him. Not that any of this matters because I do NOT want to get back with him at all i've moved and am happy. But I wonder is it so weird to ask to meet up for coffee and just chat? I mean he was a big part of my life for so long and my best friend. Not about the past or anything I dont need any answers about anything Ive come to terms with it all but I still genuinely care about him as a person. I dont want to be friends cause I know that would give him the wrong impression. Is it unrealistic to catch up with an ex? I've been having this thought of catching up just for the hell of it for like ever. Should I just forget about it? I know he would say yes but im not sure if it would do more harm than good... I dont love him anymore but I still care and I know he does too maybe more than me. Is it dumb to ask to meet up for coffee after so long or no?

I think you could easily answer your own question. Heres how: Just imagine the situation in reverse, putting yourself in his shoes so to speak. How you would feel will determine whether this is a good idea or not.
So lets make up an imaginary guy, someone even better than him, you don't want to figure this one out with his faults. Your ex thinks you are the perfect person for him and is still pining for you. Now imagine your perfect guy for you dumping you cus there are some things he can't live with but you still think he is perfect. Would you have it so easy letting him go? Then lets say that he says he would like to meet over coffee, just as friends, to catch up. If you are really honest with yourself, you will see what I see if it was happening to me. It would give me false hope of maybe getting back together cus in my heart I am still crazy about him. At the end of such a meeting when he leaves and doesn't invite me back as his girlfriend, I would be hurt and torn up all over again. I would feel like having a healing scab that is part way healed and then someone tears the scab off again. It would hurt to have old wounds opened, or worse wounds that never healed having some foreign objects ground into them. In my frame of mind, I would not see his coffee meet up as a friendly gesture from a friend but more along the lines of 'rubbing it in' and making me even more miserable. That is if I am honest with myself. That is how I would feel and I believe how most people would react. You may be one of few people on this planet who can handle this without your emotions getting hurt if it were happening to you. Your ex may not be that strong. If you care about him as you say, then think of his feelings and how he would handle such an invite. ONly then will you know whether to go thru with it or not and whether he can handle it.

If you find you really still want to go thru with the invite, then perhaps you could do the invite but repeat a few times for him that this is not a chance to get back together as boyfriend girlfriend, that it is over as far as being a couple but you want to remain friends staying in touch. Leave it up to him whether to meet with you or not. Keep in mind he may be so desperate to get back with you that he could ignore your warnings that you are not going to get back together, in hopes he could somehow convince you to take him back. It could turn the tables and make such a meeting uncomfortable for you with him ignoring your protests and putting the moves on you. I do not know this guy. I do not know which way he will respond but you have a better hold on what he might do and how he may likely react. Listen to your inner voice before you act.

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Today my boyfriend hit me, and not just once, and not consecutively...but each blow came from a burst of anger Coming out alongside aggressive words. Right to my head. Now I will say he held back (he is much bigger and if he really wanted to do damage he could have done much more). We have a long history. We dated before. He is the first real romantic partner I had who I was head over heels for. I still am. I'm totally hopelessly in love with a maniac. So the first go around we broke up because we both did not communicate our feelings well and he was also very jealous and possessive and there were problems with substance abuse. He is also or was diagnoses with Being bi polar. I take this seriously, and unfortunately I'm very patient and overly understanding. We spent three years apart...we both are still in love...circumstance reunited us and I have been so happy. I could tell he was making a real effort to change. He does small things to show me he Cares, he really listens when I talk, he has patience now...no more fits of jealousy. We typically avoid alcohol, because it is not good for either of us. Occasionally we have a couple beers...today maybe we had one too many. I didnt do anything to anger him (even if I did I know that's not an okay response).

As you can imagine I am very confused now. He also left me stranded in the dark in a place im not familiar with! In fact another man in his car pulled up and asked me if I wanted to make some money. Sick.

So we have also been going through nicotine withdrawal and that is no joke either ! Once he acted out....it got worse, I think he WAs so shocked and embarrassed that he RAN with it and it escalated from there..

I am feeling pathetic because I do not want it to end and yet I know how bad that was and how this does not sound good...and in most cases these things not only continue but get worse. But I strongly believe we can make things work in a healthy way and that this was due to alcohol and nicotine withdrawal. We have the same views and life goals, and I really love everything...but he hit me in the head and he feels like he is a threat to me. He did research and is now seing the abusive traits in his personality.

If we continue I will remember to tale alcohol more seriously and avoid drinking with him.

Feedback on getting help or moving forward?

He has also always had a temper ...one time I was at his house and he kicked in a table after fighting with his parents, but I've never seen him hit his mom..

:(

We have been traveling together for a month, car camping and backpacking.

I will expand on what Askandy and adviceman have shared. They are sharing the truth and what is best, take it from me, a woman who was verbally abused her whole marriage to a guy who was an usher at church. He had one face he showed to the public and another in how he treated me behind closed doors. It does get worse over time. So now i will go over what you are doing that is all part of the process of breaking away from an abuser. I was 20 when I married. The bad behavior started a couple months after we married. He fooled everyone outside of our relationship, friends, my family and church people. Once the abuse started, I was making excuses for his behavior or trying to rationalize away how it wasn't that bad. You are doing the exact same things any abused woman does, not just me. When you said he could have hit you harder but held back, you are trying to justify that while it wasn't right, it was not all that bad cus it could have been worse. An abused person tends to lose their ability to reason well and the stress of waiting for the next eruption and experiencing the mistreatment, been there, done that. Next you try to rationalize away the reason why he is beating you. As stated, there is never a reason that can be found that is justifiable. My excuses were for example, "Well he recently got laid off his job so he's upset" or "He's upset cus our vehicle broke down and we have no money to fix it." What i didn't realize back then was that a real true being in love with each other means this love can last a lifetime and can weather all the storms that life can throw at you. This means you both never hit each other, makeup quickly and find resolutions if you disagree on them. But as for real fighting, arguing or violence, it does not belong in any relationship, especially not a couples relationship. I am not making up things that sound nice, so if you don't believe what I just told you about love, ask adviceman. He's been married longer than me, I believe and can verify that what I shared is how it should be, and how it can be if you find the right person. That is why we all agree you are with the wrong person and should leave immediately. A police report is equally important in case a pattern of his past behavior is ever needed. He won't get arrested but what he did will go into a police report.

Next. you state he is jealous and possessive. Men who act this way more often are males who feel threatened by other males even looking your way They have such a low self esteem that they already believe they are going to lose you to another man. In my ex's case, his mind got twisted as a child (not an excuse here but what his psychologist found out.) His mom was in hospital for a bout with some disease and overheard Dr. telling his Dad that Mom might not pull through and die. So in his mind he always feared being abandoned by first Mom and then still believed that when he dated before me and also while married to me. Because I was trusting God to help out here, I stuck with him no matter what, taking the abuse, praying for him to be healed, but he did some weird mental thing because he saw that I was not leaving him as others had so he began to treat me badly in order to force me to leave him so he could then proclaim that his fear came true, only because he was self fulfilling his prophecy that all women in his life would leave him and abandon him. I stuck with him 30 yr and thru 3 kids. Once the kids are there, its harder to make a break away. I once looked into it and found I wouldn't be able to afford a place on my own salary. Later when it got much worse and I was ready to leave, I found that there are many shelters for abused women but they cater only to those who are physically battered, not verbally abused. There are no bruises visible to the eye to verify I was abused, in case I was just trying to find emergency housing but wasn't abused and only pretending. I still carried the scars on the inside where people couldn't see.

Now, a comment Andy made, is what I'd like to confirm next. He mentioned something about not loving yourself because you are in this situation. It is one thing to make a misjudgement but at the first sign of trouble to dump the guy and never get back together. That;s not what I am talking about though. I am spiritual so I did pray and finally heard something back that confirmed what a friend said about my not loving myself. My first reaction was that I did indeed love myself. When God spoke, it was "Maybe you love yourself in 90% of things and situations, but its in one area that you do not love yourself. You are choosing to not love yourself fully 100% because you are allowing yourself to remain in this abusive situation. At the time I heard this, I was in my early forties and the kids were teens. Let me tell you what was happening to me stress wise because of the situation. Most women will lose their self esteem and have emotional problems due to this bad treatment. But due to my relationship with God, it helped me stay rational in my mind. The stress instead went to my body in physical problems. I suffered tensions headaches most days of the week and had occasional migraines too. My blood pressure went up, I often got all over body stress rashes that itched like hell, I got stomach ulcers to name a few. The same will happen to you if you stay. Either you lose your mind or lose your physical health due to the stress. Now I continue as to the big whammy God laid on me. "If you do not leave this relationship within the next 4 years, you will die of stress related disease such as heart attack or cancer. I know cancer can have other causes but stress is also one. When I heard that, I wanted to be around to see my kids married and to be a grandmother. So I finally made to move to leave him. He wouldn't go for a divorce so I attempted to go stay with friends out of state taking my 2 still at home but they didn't want to leave. So I was leaving behind my kids in effort to save myself. Yeah maybe it sounds selfish and that is another unreasonable track of thinking that kept me from leaving this bad relationship. I felt like I shouldn't be thinking of myself first, and preserving my hide. But again God saids that the bible verse about loving the Lord your God and your neighbor as yourself, is misunderstood often. Because the word 'neighbor' is listed before the word 'yourself' people mistakenly believe that they must learn to love their neighbor before we can truly love ourselves. That is in fact backwards. Gods love can not flow through us to others if we don't know how to love ourselves first. So hon, this is an important thing for you to learn because until you do, you will not leave him and you will not be in any good position for finding a good man after, not until you have really learned to love yourself.
NOt trying to shame you or say bad things about you. I've been thru this. You may say, I was never hit. Well, he did shove me quite a few times very hard so that I would my balance and almost fall, just catching myself. This was near the end of our marriage and a retired counselor friend told my husband that he needed to go see a psychologist. I could never point out that he had issues and ask him to go because he did a mental mechanism where in order to take the focus off himself and what he was doing, he'd point the finger at me, in private or in public, even at church and said that I was the problem in the marriage and I needed counseling. What I needed was only to love myself enough to leave him. Otherwise, his counselor, found nothing wrong with me. I found out later he only went to appts to pretend, in hopes to keep me. Were there any good times? Heck yes, in the beginning. A man like this who abuses set a cycle in motion where he abuses you, then calms enough to feel horrified at what he did and ask for forgiveness. That then ushers in a 'Honeymoon period' where all is okay...not great but just okay. Then things build up in him and he abuses you again, apologizes and the cycle starts all over again. What I know from 30 years of that is that in the beginning, the honeymoons periods were longer and the abusive ones shorter. However as time went on, the honeymoon period got shorter and the abusive part of the cycle lasted longer until at the end of our marriage, there no longer was that makeup time and he was abusive 24/7. You don't want to have kids with someone like this. You didn't mention any. But if there are, heres another thing to think about. Though he didn't verbally abuse the children like he did me, he did yell at them which is in itself an abusive form of communicating. Whatever he had to say could have always been said with loving and kindness. He got a girlfriend right after I left, a live in gf, so the two kids still at home could witness that he was treating her the same as he had done me. After about 6 yrs of abuse from him, she left him too. The kids now realize Dad was the problem all along. But unfortunately, growing up with him for a Dad left its mark on them. One is avoiding getting close to anyone and dates only socially but won't get near getting married. Another chose a person who is so messed up mentally and my kid is off depression meds. THat oombo has caused such painful things as cutting off the whole family. This 3rd marriage partner isn't the father of her child and my grand daughter got physically beaten by both of them and her birth dad got a call from CPS in another state. Only one child has found a good partner and is married and expecting. So children just witnessing a dad abusing mom is enough to mess them up in finding a good relationship themselves. Another thing I can tell you is that statistics show that women go through trying to leave an abusive partner many times before she is successful and able to move on.

In your case, since you are physically abused, you can find emergency housing for battered women. Most larger cities should have at least one if not many such organizations. It doesn't cost you anything. They can help provide you with resources to get a job, I know of one place that also had free business attire to give away. The kids if any get to stay with mom. SO even if you are in a smaller town without such help for battered women, you can still find it in another city nearby. If you have relatives, call them and ask for help. Even now while traveling with him. YOu are in a dangerous postion, probably feeling stuck cus you are away form home and support of family. But don't let that hold you back dear. I hope you can break away from this guy, much sooner than later.
Blessing to you.

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