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I want my girifriend to come out to her parents.
I am a 25 yr-old female and have been with my partner for over 8 years now. My family knows that we are together and are very accepting of us, which I am very grateful for. However, she has still not told her parents that we are together, despite how long it has been. We both pretty much know that her parents know, but it has never really been confirmed with them. I just want my girlfriend to outwardly tell them we are in a relationship. I know this sounds really selfish because coming out is such a difficult thing to do, especially to your parents, but I just want to know if her parents would truly accept me and treat me the same knowing I was in a relationship with their daughter. I don't know if that really makes sense. But do you think it is wrong for me to ask my girlfriend to basically come out to her parents? I feel terrible, but at the same time I am tired of hearing her say she will tell her parents, and she never does. This has been going on for years, and I have tried to be very patient since I know coming out is hard, but it's also hard for me to stay in the closet in front of her family. I'm not really sure what to do.
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well, i suggest keep talking about this issue. learned hardway that being a secret is a bad thing, can cause future hurt and so on. i wouldnt breakup with her unless he refuses to ever come out. it may be hard for her cause she may have strict parents, reassure her itll be okay that you got her back and offer to tell her parents with her. 8 years is long time
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You need to sit down and talk with your partner. I cannot say for certain why she is reluctant to tell her parents though I'm sure she has her reasons which she feels may upset or hurt you.
As far as being gay neither my wife or I have a problem with that. Being Gay is not something you woke up one morning and chose to be it is how you were born. Her parents may not understand this or be as open minded.
Growing up in their house she may know of their feelings towards gays and fearful of the resentment she may get from them if she comes out to them. Knowing something in the back of your mind and having to face it up front are two different things. This is just a feeling or my thoughts on this.
The only way to know for sure is to have an honest discussion with her. By trying to force her to come out you may be forcing her to choose between you and her parents something you should not force her to do.
Eight year of reluctance on her part tells me I may be closer to the truth than I think so talk to her.
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To say the actual words or not should be her decision and you as her partner would need to be okay with whatever she decides. You did say that you both 'pretty much' know her parents know. What I do not know is HOW you pretty much know because that sounds more to me like a hopeful wishful thought than actual facts based on how they treat you.
If they already know when you say its pretty much for sure that they do, then how ARE they treating you? For you to state the following:
I just want to know if her parents would truly accept me and treat me the same knowing I was in a relationship with their daughter, it makes me believe that neither of you know if they have guessed it. So just in case they haven't guessed you are a couple, think hard if you really want to know if they would treat you or even their daughter badly if the truth was made plain by her telling them. Its wonderful if they are like your parents and accepting. But just what if they are not and 'try' to convince daughter that this isn't normal and try to split you two up? There are a lot of people who are supportive such as myself but just as many who are not or have never given it a thought til confronted with it in their own family and these people are iffy, cus depending on how they were raised, beliefs fed to them, or how open minded they are today, is how they will respond. What type of conversations are there when you're both over there. Do they seem to speak favorably on topics along the lines of same sex couples, or any topic of sexual nature or are they the type of people afraid to even say the word 'sex'? I do not know what your contact with them is like or what any time spent at their place is like, but it may give you both a hint of how they'd respond to you if some time in the future you both plan to subtly turn any conversation to talking about something you saw on you tube related to the gay community, or maybe start with transgender or some other such topic. Don't start with one after another example pushing the stories on them so they feel as if they've been put in the spotlight for their opinion. It takes some skill in conversation to turn a topic to what you want to discuss but it is not hard, if you have a good imagination. I do this at times myself. So lets say the topic of conversation is about their trip to the beach, something that has nothing to do with the topic you want. Ask them about their beach visit, or bring it up if they haven't. Whatever it is they may have done recently, ask about. Then try to find some phrase in the conversation to use to carry the topic over to what you want to discuss and don't mention that you both are a couple, just mention that talking of the beach reminds you of when you saw two gay guys give each other a kiss at the beach. You understand they are from another generation but what do they think of PDA's. And is it okay if hetero couples but it shouldn't be if gay? LEt them think and form their answers. If they say they don't think gay couples should flaunt what they are in front of others, you may have to then ask, is it because you believe being gay is wrong to begin with or you support them but don't go for PDAs or things like Gay Pride days or parades. They may just be squeamish about it being broadcasted publicly but may be understanding and supportive if it were in their family. If your partner is still unwilling to do this, don't push her, you don't want to build resentment in her towards you. I do feel it is wonderful and should be the right of any couple in love to not have to wrory about how others will react, and be able to be loving when with family. In my family, a brother in law came out saying he was gay after trying to date girls but finally when he found the right man, he had to tell them. Moms immediate response was, I just want my kids to be happy, so if this makes you happy and fulfilled, then I am happy. Not everyones parents will respond that way. But because they know how accepting we all are, I have seen them unafraid to do the loving touches or occasional peck on the lips that any couple in love will do. It just may not work out that way for you.
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