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I'm Jessie. I've been on here on and off for about 7 years. I'm 22 :) I am currently in my final year of college studying English and new media I'm from Ireland I dye my hair way too much. I've been blonde,brown,brown with blonde,black,red,and blonde again!I love helping people I found advicenators when I was just 15 and didn't understand the world! I feel I have matured with this site. The people on here are amazing and I love coming on here in my spare time to be there for people in need. I won't tell you what you want to hear because that's not advice it's just fooling yourself. I try to help in whatever way I can I try not to judge and try to relate to a situation if I can. :) If you don't like honesty then you won't like my advice.
If you're kind enough to rate me please leave a comment letting me know if I helped! I love hearing that I have!
Please try to use proper grammar and be coherent.
I have been featured 4 times. :)
advice
Hello,
I'm 19 year old femal and my boyfriend is 20.and we have been together for a year and a few months. He is leaving for college in september and I will be staying home going to nursing school. This will not be the first time we will be apart for a long time. He played hockey for a Junior team and was away from home for almost 6 months but would come home on holidays. We stayed together through that, which was hard but with txting and phone calls and skype we made it work..I guess I'm just very nervous knowing their are going to be a lot of new faces that he will be meeting and I'm nervous he will find someone else or things will just go down hill. We did discuss the other day our feelings of him going away to college and I did mention taking a break, but we both do not want to do that, we both really love eachother, and he has yet to give me a reason to not trust him. We have talked about the future and about what we want and we see eachother together. I just don't want to set myself up for fate. And if we really are ment to be and something happens while he is away at school I don't want something stupid to tear us apart forever. Ill take any advice at this point. I've been worrying about this non stop. And have talked to family and friends and they all seem to be giving me the same advice, and that is to break up with him, becvause he is going away and ill be home. I just really don't want to do that.
Thanks for your help
Hey there :)
Okay let me start by saying I am in a similar situation both me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now and we will both be leaving for college in a couple of weeks and like you im terrified!
I love him with all my heart trust him with all my soul and no he would never do anything to hurt me..but that still doesn't prevent the worrying and the what ifs.
What if he has no time for me?What if he meets new people and forgets me? or I have no time for him?or we can't make the effort or we never see each other..
Those feelings are totally normal but just because he is going away does not mean you have to throw in the towel and accept that you are going to grow apart because you might not. You won't know unless you try. The fact that you two have done it before for six months shows a lot don't you think?!
You seem to really love each other and that stands for something.
I know you hear of stories of couples going away for college and swearing their undying love for each other but parting anyway,but everyone is different. You have to try for yourself if he makes the effort and you do continuously then it will work. If it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.
It's scary going from being able to see your boyfriend so regularly to not as often but i'm a firm believer that true love conquers all as cheesy as that sounds!
That's why me and my boyfriend are gonna work through whatever college life throws at us..sure there is the temptation to just break up when we want freedom and no pressure with a college social life making new friends and all that...but is it worth it for a few years of drinking and partying knowing you let someone so special to you go? that is how I see it any way. The fact that he doesn't want to take a break shows he is willing to work at it.
Don't throw in the towel try because if you didn't you never know right?
I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.. you sound like a pretty strong couple the fact that your 19 and 20 says a lot too. More maturity :)
If you need any more advice at all my inbox is always open!
Much
I really want to give this guy a blowjob but something is just telling me not to. What should I do?
Hey there.
Is "this guy" some random? or a your boyfriend..
if it is some random then no. You could contract an STI or anything. If it's your boyfriend and you don't feel pressured then yes its fine but as you said something is telling you not to well there is your answer. Your not ready. Wait until you are with someone you like and trust that way it will feel right and you won't regret it.
Don't do it because everyone else is either.
Hope this helps:) never rush into anything and be safe.
Much
I'm an 18 year old female, and have been experiencing chest pain on and off for approximately the past year. It will occur every now and then and lasts a few days when it does, and generally consists of: chest pain, an ache in the chest, feeling as if something heavy is resting on my chest, shortness of breath, having to keep taking really deep breaths, and is sometimes accompanied by back ache, stomach ache and feeling a bit under the weather.
This worries me a lot, especially as I just read something which described these things as symptoms of a heart attack - now, obviously I haven't been having heart attacks, but it's certainly worrying that I get the symptoms of them.
I'm not sure why this could be - I'm young, of a healthy weight and not dangerously unhealthy, I don't think. I am a little unfit, and definitely need to exercise more and eat a little healthier (which I'm starting to do now), but not to the point where I'd expect it to cause this chest pain. My mum also suggested that it could be anxiety-related - in the past year I have suffered a lot from anxiety, and my chest pain will often occur after I have been panicking, after stressful events or if I'm angry. Whenever my anxiety levels are high, basically. However, it occurs at other times, too.
I've also noticed that it comes about whenever I've had very little sleep, if I've spent a long amount of time in bad conditions (for example, the night before last, I was up all night in the cold outisde, and have been experiencing these symptoms since) or if I've been drinking (which I don't do that often.)
So my questions are: What do you think are the reasons behind this? And what should I do about it? Also, do you know if this is common, or very rare in people my age?
Thank you.
Hey there :)
Okay well firstly let me start by saying I am not a doctor nor are the majority of people on here so the answers you will get will probably be quite limited.
I would advise you to see a doctor asap. Especially since your symptoms are on and off for a year.
It could be something as minor as anxiety or something else which your doctor can advise you properly on and prescribe you something or it could be more serious.
Please get check right away.
I would have no idea for the reasons behind this as Ive said I'm not a doctor it could be stress or other problems. My sister suffers chest and back pain but that is from stress she's 22. she had it on and off since she was 16. No one can really tell you if it is harmless or not.
I have never heard of it to be honest but that isn't to say it's not common or it's rare.
I don't mean to come across as being of no help im just strongly advising you to seek medical advice as that would be your only way of clearing things up and making sure everything is okay. It's scary I know but if it helps in the long run well then :)
You could be suffering from angina or other related heart/breathing problems asthma anything consult your doctor who will run some tests.
Unless there is one on here this is really all the answers you are going to get Just educated guesses. That's not enough when it comes to your health.
Sorry I can't be of more help! :(
Good luck
Jess 17/f
So my parent's don't like the guy i'm seeing. I got in a huge fight with them and I want to move out , but that's a different story. I had a dream last night I broke down completley.
My dream was the guy im seeing not being able to see him anymore and in my sleep I missed him so much I don't want to lose him then all of a sudden theres this other guy or two and they aren't him and I was so angry I didn't want them at all I just really missed him.. then when I seen him I was so relieved. All of a sudden, there was a cellphone and it sounded like two people were having intercourse... and I went home because I was scared I was cheated on and then I stopped.
What is the meaning of all this?
Please help.
Hey there :)
Well I guess its just a representation of how your feeling deep down. That's what I usually take dreams like that to mean.
You obviously like this guy a lot and you are scared of loosing him. Your dream seems to be portraying just that. Your fears and insecurities. Other times you might dream about your hopes and aspirations..or something completely random.
If you take dream interpretation seriously then I suppose there is a lot to get out of it.
Maybe its your subconscious' way of letting you know maybe he isn't for you after all.. hence the cheating part? and the fact that your parents don't approve may be a considering factor. Do they disapprove for genuine good reasons of concern?
Our parents always have our best interests at heart. I'm not saying break up with your boyfriend because of a dream im just exploring the possibilities.
Don't read too much into it. Sometimes our dreams hold important messages in life other times they just reflect how we are feeling.
Hope this gave you some insight,what I would be more worried about is your parents not liking him.,. you don't want to fall out with your family and those you love for a guy unless he is 100% worth it. Especially if your young too. If they don't like him for trivial reasons well then you are right to keep seeing him.
Hope this clears things up your dream could mean anything or nothing really!
Much
A few of my close friends have started drinking and hooking up with random people at parties & they're only 16, yet i'm totally against it because i have my own morals and i have made pledges to myself for certain reasons. But now they exclude me by not inviting me to things and such because i"m ultimately not "cool" enough because i don't drink and stuff. my best friend has ditched me for another one of my friends because she is in to drinking and thought she got pregnant. I've never dissed them for what they do, i just don't do it and they respect that. but it doesn't mean they have exclude me from everything? Please help, i don't know what to do ???
You ought to be really proud of yourself for staying true to yourself and who you are and not giving in to peer pressure :)
I have to say I find your maturity inspiring. Ask yourself if these people are willing to not make an effort with you because you aren't willing to drink and have sex can you actually count them as "friends"
I know its tough and you must be feeling incredibly lonely but these people are not worth hanging around with. They are way too immature.
In fact my best friend is a lot like that. She used to hang out with me and another girl in school but then ditch us at parties and stuff to get drunk and go off with random guys. She eventually moved schools and it was the best thing that ever happened to me I was not stuck in her immature shadow I branched out and I found my current group of friends who are just amazing. We have the best fun and we drink (Im legal) but responsibly. We have good morals values trust and loyalty. You will find a group of friends like that who are just as mature as you. Its hard leaving friends but it happens in life so many times.
They might look down and say your not cool,but your the one having the last laugh. When they grow up and finally mature if they ever,they will be the ones thinking god if only we had sense. Especially your girl friends if they get pregnant which is highly likely at the rate they are going.
Remember they are the ones building up an endless list of regrets and mistakes. Not you. :) Branch out. Youl find better responsible friends. They are out there somewhere join after school groups volunteer :)
Hope this helps
Much
She acts Like im invisible.. I will Clean and she wont notice. I will get in trouble and she hates me. I hate her Husband. And she Thinks whatever he thinks. But I feel Like she doesnt love me. Please dont Lecture me like yeah she does and all that. Thanks(:
Hey there,
Aw please don't feel like she doesn't love you. I can understand how you feel as can many. there is nothing more frustrating than doing so much for your parents to get their approval and feeling like all your efforts go un noticed. you are feeling vulnerable and alone a remarriage is always tough.
everyone feels like their mom hates them when they get in trouble but in fact its out of worry love and concern..parents react by screaming at us..its their mechanism. We react by lashing out.
I hope you don't feel like I am lecturing you I'm just trying to help you gain a little more perspective.
Have you ever sat down and talked to your mom?Tell her how you feel? how it makes you feel when she doesn't notice you clean..how you feel pushed out since she re married.. these feelings are totally normal and i'm sure your mom is just too excited and in love..again it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I'm sure if she knew you were feeling like this she would feel awful.
Talk to her. She's your mom. She will always love you no matter what and even if it might not seem it sometimes you have first place in her heart.
I hope things work out but please talk to her don't bottle up your feelings. I talk to my mom all the time now. We used to fight a lot because we didn't understand how the other was feeling.
I wish you the best of luck.
Much
I want to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. I know all about precautions and such, but my main worry is about how painful it will be.
Is there any way to make it less painful? I don't want to start crying when he's half way in. :O
Hey there :)
Okay let me reassure you a little. It is not a given that loosing your virginity will hurt. Its different for everyone. A lot of people over exaggerate.
It is more uncomfortable. It depends really on you and your body.
For me it didn't hurt one bit I guess I was one of the lucky ones! Ignore the last answer as long as you relax and tell him to be gentle and slow you won't start crying :)
Fingering does a lot actually! In fact that used to be quite uncomfortable and painful for me. I used to bleed a little and I think that's how my hymen broke. So it can help to make sex less painful it did for me anyway. When you are about to do it you need to be at ease and not worrying because then you will tense your muscles and it be to focused on it hurting that it will.
Take time to touch and kiss each other before hand don't just get straight to sex and you should be fine honestly all these horror stories about loosing your virginity are silly! you could have already broke your hymen and it might not hurt anyway.
Good luck and be safe. :)
Much
I am 5 foot 6 and am interested I'n modeling I'm 12 and would like to model locally I'n the Tampa fl area .... I'd like to model for a cool company but how do I get started??
I Agree with the last answer you are very young!
but maybe get some head shots and professional pictures taken. Look around for some local fashion shows in malls and stuff like that small scale stuff nothing filled with too much pressure at your age.
When I was little there was a modelling "school" near my area I went for fun while my mom was shopping. It wasn't too serious but when fashion shows and stuff like that would be organized for the younger classes and we would get our make up done. I don't know if there is anything like that around florida maybe have a look around. This place was great they weren't pushy or trying to create young models. they had classes for older girls of 17 18 which would be more geared towards an actual career.
Start gathering information and make sure you really want this many are attracted to modelling because it seems so glamorous and fun but its hard work. You are made to feel like you have to look a certain way all the time..you can't be too skinny too fat too small too tall.. you constantly have to watch your weight and when you start getting older you face more criticism and competition from younger models. Its a brutal industry in which you are constantly scrutinized so make sure you go into it for the right reasons your still so young.
you need a good education behind you first and any agent will tell you that. but if its what you really want work hard in school get an agent do as much local work as you can. Its a tough industry to break into but if you have determination you will get there.
Good luck :)
Much
So, it's my boyfriend's birthday in two weeks. He'll be 18. I've ordered him a t-shirt online, of one of his all time favorite bands, and I'm giving him thick socks.. (we always joke about his cold feet :P ) But I would love to give him something extra. Something small.
He loves music...especially drumming. :D He's a big video gamer. He loves Dara O'Brian, and he always tells me how much he loves that I'm Irish. XD
I don't know if any of that helps with ideas, but I just thought I'd throw it in there. :)
hey there :)
Being a fellow Irish girl maybe I can help ;)
hmm well you could make him a CD of his favourite music? I did that for my bf at christmas I made him a little gift box with his favourite colour tissue paper put in the cd a picture of the two of us in a frame his fav chocolate and 100 reasons why I love him along with some aftershave haha. Maybe something like that?or is it too cheesy?
Thats an inexpensive Idea I havn't got many more unfortunately! :( maybe a scrap book of your memories photos things like that?
hope it helps somehow!
-Jess 17/f (18 in two weeks too :P
My mom and I have a really good relationship, but some things need work. I'm 20/f in college and I feel like my mom thinks I'm 16 sometimes. I'm a very petite young woman. I'm 5 ft. tall, if that. And, as strange as it seems, I think it throws her off sometimes. My mom is my best friend and I lover her so much. That's why I feel like I need her approval for everything. Not her "permission," per say. But, it's nice to have her blessing. I don't want to disappoint her not because I'm scared of her but because I want to make her happy. The problem is, that I'm not happy. We don't always want the same things and even if I do something that I think makes me happy, if she isn't, then I'm not. I think that in a way, it's kind of unhealthy.
Like, the other day I was going to go get eyelash extensions. The girl who was getting done before me was 22, goes to the same university that I go to (but I don't know her), and she was there by herself. I was there with my mom. I felt like such a little kid. While we were there, I was ordering hair extensions and I wanted them kind of brown, because my hair is light brown. And my mom was having a fit telling the stylist that she had to order them blonde instead. My mom hated it when I dyed my hair dark brown. But, I was SUPER happy! But, I changed it to please her. I HATE HATE HATE having hair extensions. Especially, as many as I have on. It looks like a tree on my head. And they don't stay straight. It's disgusting. But, if I took it off, I'd never hear the end of it. She'll start telling me how I'm just a plain jane without them and how I look terrible. She'll scream. She won't talk to me for like a week. She doesn't let me wash my own hair because SHE has to do it since their extensions and their fragile. I've had extensions on for two years and she told me it was only temporary until my hair grew. I'm so tired of it. She also made me get a fake tan membership and drives me to the tanning salon twice a week.
I'm so tired of this because it's not like I do this for myself. I know it sounds weird but she MAKES me. I know she can't really MAKE me, but it feels like she does. My mom is a really good person, but it seems like when it comes to me, she's a bit of a bully. She's not wearing the extensions and doesn't know how it feels. It seems like she's only that way when it comes to my appearance. She doesn't care about how I do in school, the awards I achieve, the clubs I'm in, the service I do. She really doesn't. She's only concerned about my appearance. And when I go out, she like wants to drive me there and I feel like a baby.
I hate this feeling. I never imagined that at 20, I'd be living in my house. But, the economy is so bad. I live with my mom and my grandparents and my grandmother is worst than my mom when it comes to me going somewhere. I know I should have left for college. But, I didn't and I had my reasons. Even if I had a job right now, I couldn't use that money to move out. Let me just point out here that I don't really have a room for someone my age. I have a desk from 4th grade in my room. I can never study here. No one respects when I have to study. They make noise, they just don't care. I have very few options as to what I can do, here, and here they are. Here are my questions:
1) What can I do to get my mom to take me more seriously? I think she thinks I'm a kid or wants to keep me that way. Seriously, what can I do? I have straight A's, I'm involved in school, I've never gotten into any serious trouble. What else is left to do?
2) If I take a job now, I have to cut back on classes, to graduate on time. If I take more classes, I can graduate early, which means I can leave for grad school. What should I do?
I feel so out of control. I have had a history of eating disorders and I feel like I'm going back to that. All I can think about is losing weight and how that might help. I know it sounds silly, but it's the only thing I can think of right now that makes me feel better. Can someone please offer me any advice?
Hey there :)
Okay let me start by saying after reading this I got the vibe that you are an incredibly selfless person always trying to please your mom thats a great quality but you HAVE to start looking after YOU making YOU happy I know you say if she isn't then you aren't but you can't continue to live your life that way always trying to please other people! there is only so much you can do.
My own mom had to sit me down and tell me that I couldn't keep doing that before. I was quite like you not where my mom is concerned but everyone really. I would do anything to keep my sisters friends everyone happy always offering to do things for people and trying to prevent fights with my sisters so my mom wouldn't feel bad. She sat me down and told me I can't bear the emotions of other people. It doesn't mean that I can't care but I have to look after myself get tough not be a push over. People would respect me more in life too. So that's exactly what I did. I think that's what you need to do with your mom. Get tough. Say everything you have just now. Sit her down and say mom..this has GOT to stop I love you so much but I feel suffocated sometimes why can't I have my hair my way im 20 not 16. let her know you understand she only has your best interests at heart but you want to feel independent and make these choices for yourself. Tell her if she doesn't stop she is going to drive you away and you don't want that. Make sure you talk to her in a way that doesn't make her feel like you are ungrateful but that you are longing to be your own person. We all love our moms approval but for stuff like our friends boyfriend.. wedding dress.. your moms opinion is the one you will always value most in life but not for every aspect of it!
the fact that it is centered around your appearance is particularly worrying. that you are feeling so out of control you are contemplating extreme weight loss just to gain control You need to tell her this! you need to make her see your mental and physical health is suffering.
Dieting and eating disorders will only worsen your problems..you think you are in control but you're not. You won't be able to stop until you become so thin you are on the verge of death. Harsh but true. In fact its the complete opposite you will spiral OUT of control. But you already know that.. in the long run you know that it won't feel better. Don't do it out of spite to get back at your mom either. Think about it your slowly killing yourself by doing that. depriving your vital organs of energy nutrition.. your periods stop putting you at risk of never being able to have children in the future your body becomes so week your teeth rot from making yourself sick your body starts growing excess hair to keep warm. Is That worth the feeling of false control?
Please I urge you not to fall back into the trap of eating disorders.
To get your mom to take you seriously get tough. Tell her everything your feeling if she doesn't like it well tough its your LIFE. Take control of YOUR life not your eating habbits.
I would advise you to concentrate on graduating on time it will benefit you more in the long run trust me taking a job will just prolong the process. Maybe you could study in a friends or the library?again speak to your mom about people not taking your studies or anything seriously. Tell her how you feel she only cares about your appearance. She needs to be told she needs to see.
Maybe there is someone else who could help you talk to her like an aunt or a friend? although she might feel ganged up on. Have a talk to her at first if she doesn't see maybe ask someone else to help and intervene to make her see what she is doing to you.
If that fails you are going to have to just get tough and tell her to quit it. Even if it has temporary repercussions she has to see eventually I promise if she truly loves you which she does she will you your independence and freedom once you voice your feelings.
I wish you the best of luck remember your life no one else :)
think for yourself it doesn't hurt.
Any more questions please feel free to inbox me i'm here any time
much
I have an amazing boyfriend but He is gone for a week and I've legitly cried every night since he has been gone. I miss him. Any advice. Any cute things to do to remind him of me while hes gone or make him think of me or even to let him know I miss him?
Hey there :)
Aw that's really cute.
Well I dunno if you have done this before or thought about it but why not make out 100 reasons why you love him?I did it for my bf last Christmas and he loved it. Have you two any special songs?
My present for my bf at christmas was a cute box with a picture frame with the two of us in it a cd of all our favourite songs his favourite choocolate 100 reasons why I loved him and aftershave lol.
Maybe you could bake for him?little cup cakes with missed you in icing or something..
But there are lots of things you could do.
Write down all your fun memories and special times together it will make him smile and you guys will laugh reminiscing. He is probably already thinking of you anyway. Be careful not to be too full on or clingy as this might make him feel a bit frustrated as he is only gone for a week. In others words don't bombard him. Maybe send a text saying thinking of you or missing you..
can't wait till you get back i have a surprise for you then when he gets up show him what you did :)
he will appreciate it :)
that's just a few ideas I have. Hope it helps!
Much
Okay so this isn't about me really. I just wanna know what does Sex feel like and how does it affect your relationship.
P.S. I'm borrowing my cousins account and I'm a female 15. About to be 16. Just Curious please answer my questions because I wanna know more about sex before I ever have sex.
Hey there :)
Okay well sex is different for every single person. So there is no clear cut answer as to how it feels. For example everyone knows how to describe a burn.. searing hot pain..that's something that's the same for everyone where as sex is different.
I lost my virginity with my long term boyfriend when I just turned 16. For us starting off it felt like nothing. We became frustrated and confused as to why this wasn't as amaaazing as it is made out to be.
Like you I came on here looking for answers. People explained to me that we couldn't just do it with per conceived ideas and expectations that it would never be good then.
Sex IS amazing IF you know you are 100% ready go into it completely relaxed not worrying about making it good for your partner or vice versa. and its with the right person not a one night stand or if you are pressured into it.
Sex is all about trial and error it might take a while for it to feel good. You have to know what works for you and then tell your boyfriend what you like.
Before you actually have sex it is important to play around first you know kissing touching. That way it builds up tension and excitement and you feel amazing before you actually have sex. Orgasms are different for everyone and you can achieve them from stimulation before hand that's very important especially for girls as it is not as easy for us to orgasm as it is for men.
Generally it feels like tension building up and building up its almost too sensitive at first but you keep going and then it releases. It is like an electrifying sensation passes over your body its very hard to describe but once you become experienced and know what works for you and how to do it techniques and stuff it is great :)
As for your relationship it makes you closer. You become more comfortable around each other and able to talk about sexual issues that may have been awkward before.
Just make sure your ready and your not expecting mind blowing sex when you first start and you will get there.. its all about experimenting before sex which makes it so fun and then with positions etc.
If you have any more questions please inbox me :)
Hope I helped
much
Its true that college is a new chapter,something i might need,but in my past i tried reaching out only to end up with more scars.so this time i'm just gonna stay put and let life take its course,if there is someone out there that can make my emptiness go away,someone who hears me well then who's to say university won't bring me closer to that person,but i choose to be realistic,life isn't a story with twists and turns and happy endings,it's one big test filled with trials and tribulations,its a series of unavoidable events to direct you to your destiny and as fate would have it,the sun can't shed it's light on everyone's,i don't know how many times i have to make myself bleed to realise this truth.do you have any idea what it feels like to go by everyday seeing people smile and see the life in their eyes in doing so,their freedom?,i just want one day like that,to be that alive.what does that feel like?,. .i am from south africa,(i'm white,just for the record).again,thank you for your interest,i'm a very strange and confusing person so thanks for sticking with me for this long
Hi there I got it I just wasn't online :)
South Africa wow I presumed you were from the US like many on here. Don't thank me I like to help in whatever way I can
I find your way of thinking and looking at life fascinating.
I'm Lucky so far in my life I have been a very lucky person. I have great parents..and two sisters that I love very much. I agree with you on the unavoidable events but they are not all bad.
But I agree not everyone is fortunate enough to find happiness and life in life..if that makes sense.
I'm not going to lie there are days when I love life and I laugh almost everyday thanks to my amazing group of friends who I only found this year in school. But my life isn't picture perfect. No ones ever is. It look me a long time to find true friends for some its longer some it happens straight away. I was a push over with controlling people for a long time far too long because I was simply too nice. Always trying to keep these people happy even if they hurt me. It took me a while to see that I had to stand up for myself.
I was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with my first boyfriend last year. But I have experienced painful losses in my life death loneliness insignificance frustration anger and pain.
I have felt the way do the only difference is mine has been temporary. I get anger over insignificant things like money for instance. Times are really hard for everyone at the moment and there is a lot of things I have to sacrifice in my life and it used to make me resentful towards other people who had it so easy,but then i remembered lifes path is different for everyone. I had to accept mine in life and be thankful for what I did have.. clothes on my back a great family a roof over my head food to eat friends and the opportunity to get a good education. Some people have nothing. To feel alive to me and to smile is just being thankful for those things there are some days I feel like laughing non stop in thanks for that. But i'm not naiive. I know any of that could change any day like you say trials and tribulations;.. maybe one day I could be unlucky enough to be involved in a tragic accident? loose my ability to walk like so many.. maybe In the future I will be among many women who cannot have children.. maybe my boyfriend will break up with me? what happens if I get no job if I don't pass my exams? loose friends family?
I don't allow myself to think about these types of things the cruel events and aspects in life that could bring me down. I take each day as it comes.
You say you see life in peoples eyes thats because they are hiding their pain also. Every single person in this life has pain they just do their best to focus on the good and to smile and laugh. Everyone has a story everyone.
You say in coillege your not going to reach out.. but then how are things going to try? you have to keep trying to reach out or you will just stay this way..sure you might get burned again and again but isn't it worth knowing you didn't give up? that way you will know well I guess Im definitely not meant to find that someone to make the emptiness go away.. but if you don't keep trying your letting them pass you by? that's how I see it.
being realistic is great but being pessimistic isn't no matter how bad things get. Thats the difference in those that feel alive and those that don't in my opinion. Your not confusing you just have a distinct way of viewing life and the world everyone is different. :)
Well,i can tell you one thing,if what you said about your sister was true then it helps somewhat to know that i'm not completely alone so for telling me that i want to thank you.but if this is who i am meant to be then i want to embrace it rather than waste my life trying to fix it,i'm not giving up because i have nothing to give up on.oh yeah,i'm 18 going on 19 and am going away to university next year.i'm hoping that will bring about some sort of change in my being.would online friends help?,- this is exactly why i'm on this site to begin with,i'm not getting my hopes up though as people tend to be dishonest behind the comfort of a computer screen and dishonesty is the last thing i need.i really appreciate your interest.if i may ask,how old are you and are you studying?
I promise you that's the truth :)your never completely alone as cheesy as that may sound. I'm nearly 18 and i'm going to uni in a few weeks just waiting on exam results in a couple of weeks I'm from Ireland.
But see there's a start coming on here but I do agree people can be very dishonest you just have to sus people out. you can usually tell the fakes a mile away. College could be a major change you could meet some amazing people for some school is awful and college is great others its the opposite. Its a scary but exciting time take it as an opportunity to branch out and be noticed where are you from?
I really appreciate what you said to me and for elaborating the way you did.but see,i have tried to connect,all my life i have but as i said,for some reason i'm just easily forgotten about.i told some of my family members that i'm frustated but they are very ignorant when it comes to these things,they see it as nothing more but just a phase that will eventually pass,maybe people just don't understand me.i have let my anger out before more than once,last year i hit a window and still have some marks on my hand but it only remedied my situation temporarily.i am just confused because theres nothing weird about me as a person,i'm smart,active and in shape and i'm not unatractive or anyting.and i can answer your question about my cutting,it doesn't make me feel better,but i dn't do it to feel better,i do it out of frustation,it feels like i have purpose when i do it,so i dn't see it as an evil cycle,it's just my way of expressing what i feel,i don't enjoy it,i want to stop but i dn't know any other way to express myself,do you understand this?i just don't know any better but i know it does me no good.i have thought about just puling the triger before but i care about my family,i'll never have enough courage to do that to them, so i'm sort of trapped.i don't know where all this started but maybe it's my past that formed my future.my dad has been in jail for as long as i can remember,he got out last year but not a week went by and back he went.it's easy to blame everything on him but i'm not that kind of person,i dn't blame my problems on others.so i hope you understand me a little better now,
Hey again :)
Yeah I understand much better now I was afraid I might come across to harsh or like I was trying to blame you for the way things are for you but I just didn't understand totally there was some things unclear.
You remind me a lot of my sister in some ways, she tells me people forget about her. She makes friends but they always end up moving on or hurting her even though she has a great personality and is very pretty for years she was lonely never had a boyfriend and not many friends. where as me and my other sister were the outgoing ones. I put it down to her unwilling to get out there but she explains that she does she just finds friends with the wrong people. She was always shy around guys too because she was badly bullied as a child. She always says how things go wrong for her in life and everything comes easy to me and my other sister. It breaks my heart because she is honestly an amazing person she lashes out at us alot and it can hurt but I know its her way of coping.
Im telling you this because not so long ago she actually met her current boyfriend who believe it or not is like her in every way. Couldn't connect with people was also bullied..and now they are having a child together it wasn't planned and shes only 22 but she is delighted she finally feels like her life is going somewhere. Although she doesn't have say the close friends that I would be fortunate to have.
I guess what im trying to say is if you try and stay positive maybe you will connect with the right people it happens for so many.
How old are you?If you don't mind me asking are you still in school or in college or working?
it breaks my heart that you have contemplated suicide it really does. The world can be a cruel dark place. The people who don't take the time to see what a great person you are,are the ones missing out its THEIR loss. Never give up trying to make friends trying to show people who you are.
the fact that you said you couldn't actually commit suicide for fear of hurting your family,even though they have been ignorant to you shows immense strength. Also the fact that you don't blame other people i.e your father for things shows compassion. I don't know if you realize that but I hope you do.
Your family do not mean to be ignorant I guess they just don't understand it took me a while to understand things from my sisters perspective.
Have you tried chatting to people online? I know that might sound a little gay but sometimes its so much easier to try connect with people and talk to them build up a friendship (obviously you have to be careful) but I actually have a lot of friends on the net. Then maybe that would help you to show people who you are and that your not someone to be forgotten about.
You seem to realize your good qualities like as you said your personality your attractive etc.
Theres a lot more I would love to say but I am strapped for time at the moment. Please right back if you can identify with anything I said :)
Im here any time you wanna talk :D
-Jess
Hi I have recently stopped my ex husband having access to our son. I have never stopped it in the 6 years we have been seperated if anything I have tries my hardest to keep it going. A few months bk my son misbehaved and my ex smacked him around his face so hard he fell to the ground and had a handprint on his face! My son is 8 years old and loves his dad so I stupidly let him go with his dad again. From what my son has said this is a regular occurance if he is naughty! Last week I went to collect my child from my ex and we got into an argument, he then pushed me so I pushed him bk he then grabbed me by the throat n my 9year old daughter tried to pull him off me and he pushed her over causing her to hit her head! This was a wake up call for me and I have spoken to our son and and stopped access and my son agrees. My ex is now taking it to court what shall I do? I would hope that given all the facts the court would go in my favour but I fear for my son if it doesn't, but I also fear what my ex will do to me if it does go my way.
Hey there:)
Okay you were definitely right to stop access!
your ex is extremely violent and that kind of behaviour towards his son is not on. I commend your bravery. Its natural to be scared but you are a good mother. Any court will see that! you did the right thing given the facts.Have you got yourself a good lawyer? I know this is a very scary and stressful time but be strong and fight for your son. Have you talked to the police? I know you are afraid of your ex but you can get a restraining order perhaps?
your lawyer will help you with everything.
I hope everything goes your way :)
Much
I really wanna make a dramatic change with my hairstyle. For two years, I've cut my hair in the same bob so it's shorter in the back than in the front with side swept bangs to the right. It fit nice, but now I'm getting a little bored with it and I wanna change for this coming school year. Any ideas of what I can do?
I have deep, dark brown hair with the same colored eyes that are almond shaped and I also wear a pair of dark purple glasses and my lips are Cupid's bow. My skin is a bit tannish (My father is Mexican and I inherited his skin color). I hope that's enough information to tell what kind of hair style I should go with? Or any hair style sites will help! I was also hoping to dye it a different color...?
Hey there :)
hmm well do you want to go longer or shorter? that's the main question :D
I used to have long blonde hair then I died it brown with blonde panels lots of choppy layers and a side bang.
I got sick of that so I made a drastic change and died it a vibrant red.. after a while i got sick of that and cut it into a bob like yours.
Ive only had the bob for a couple of months and I like it but I like making my hair longer too so I use extensions. :) So I can change up the look.
If you want the longer look I get mine from this site
http://www.rapunzelrapunzel.co.uk/
Im in Ireland and the delivery only took 3days :) they have an american version too and will deliver.
The hair is thick silky and amazing it looks totally authentic. :) You can dye it no problem to match your hair too.
If you want to go shorter maybe try something like this..
http://www.google.ie/imgres?q=short+hair+styles&hl=en&safe=off&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=p_UIx_L_wP-cMM:&imgrefurl=http://2-hairstyles.blogspot.com/&docid=XpgTr8QXqFogeM&w=300&h=450&ei=9gY0TrrbCYywhQeE17TmCg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=227&page=1&tbnh=124&tbnw=83&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0&tx=33&ty=84&biw=1280&bih=709
Its pretty low maintenance or look around for short edgy hair styles
as for colour it depends on your skin so I wouldn't know what would suit you! consider the usuals lighter brown with blonde highlights? Blonde maybe?
Vibrant red? (this will take a while to achieve the more you dye it the brighter it gets)
a plum colour?
Go to your hairdresser and see what they recommend :) never dye your hair in the home bottles..its a disaster in a bottle!
Hope I helped
much
18/f
I will try to be straightforward here. Mine and my boyfriend's relationship has been on the rocks for a while. I seem to put a lot of effort into it, and he barely does. Friend, girlfriend, or whatnot... He treats me differently from other people. He seems to get annoyed of me, but yet I make him happy. He seems to put his stress out on me and doesn't notice it and gets annoyed at every little thing I do.
He's the oldest out of 5 siblings, raised by traditional parents who expect him to set a good example to his siblings, heavily depended on his family, works full time to save money for his tuition since he's transferring over to a university and is moving out of the house, not just that he's planning to be a surgeon so he's focused on school.
Recently, I asked about how he felt since he seemed to be very distant from me. He said that he's been busy with work. And that he does still love me, but just not as much. So we have this scale that we use a "like" and a "love" scale that we usually say, just to see where we stand about our feelings for each other. Both the like and love scale is scaled from 1 - 10 each and are basically connected to each other. He said his love scale was at 1, and his like scale was at 3. Which is really bad. He said that lately he's only been thinking about is medicine and studying.
I notice that whenever he senses that I'm moving on, he gets a bit worried but his mind is still set on school. Others think he's taking me for granted because he knows that I would always be there waiting for him.
So my questions are, what should I do at this point? How does that work out when he says that he likes me a little, but also loves me a bit as well? Do you think that he actually does love me he just doesn't notice it because he's so stressed out and he think I'm always going to be here so he doesn't really think about it?
Hey there :)
Okay from what you said it seems like your boyfriend is definitely taking on way too much in life at the moment.
Its hard trying to balance work school and a girlfriend but your boyfriend is going to become a surgeon which is even more taxing and his family depend on him.
I think he does love you but is most definitely taking you for granted. I don't think he realizes it though. Still do you want to be that girl who sits around and puts her life on hold for a guy?
I know you love him but you have a life and goals too.
Think about it studying to be a surgeon is hard verry hard.Very unsociable hours too and it only gets worse when you are qualified. Do you want to remain in a relationship where you constantly have to bear the brunt of his frustrations..? sure we all do it and dont mind doing it for the people we love but there is a limit.
He needs a reality check and fast. He either wants to be with you and make a genuine effort or he wants to focus on his studies. With the way he is acting he cant have both. If he was willing to find time for you and treat you like you deserve to be treated I would say fair enough but he doesn't
Sit him down tell him you can't take this anymore you won't be made feel like a punching bag either he wants you in his life or he doesn't because your not going to sit around and be his security blank it.
My advice would be to walk away. To me it does not seem worth it.
Lead your own life find someone who has the time and not just likes you little and loves you a bit..but likes you a lot and is madly in love with you.
don't waste your energy anymore..
Maybe if you tell him your leaving he might wake up and realize and promise to change.. but ask yourself is it too late? will he really?
I hope this helps and whatever decision you make I hope it works out..of course you don't have to go with what I say just offering my advice :)
feel free to inbox me with anymore questions
Much
So see,the worst pain anyone could bear is being alone.Connecting with others seems to be simplicity itself but to me it just doesn't happen that way.Why is that?It's been that way all my life,i was always the 25th guy when a teacher might say to divide into groups of 2,3 or 4,it's as if i don't even exist sometimes and i don't know why.I'm not unattractive and i don't have a weird personality but people seem to just forget me.Over the years i've cropped up so many frustrations and anger and its made me an empty person.I even find it hard to laugh these days.All in all,i've grown tired of life,i've tried numerous hobbies and all to get out there and have even gone as far as to ask God what is wrong with me,but my pleas just stick to the roof of my dark room.Cutting myself is the only thing that makes me feel alive,-how do i go about learning to breathe all over again?
Hey there,
Okay there is no doubt you are suffering immensely and as I'm sure you know cutting is not the answer to your problems In fact it is only worsening it,despite what you say about making you feel alive.
It will only do that for a certain amount of time..
what happens a while after you have cut?how do you feel then? back to where you were before you did it? Its a vicious cycle and you need to stop for your own safety and well being..I know that's easier said than done but have you ever tried to talk to someone? you might say there is no one or no one will listen but that's not true. there has to be someone. Your mom dad? an aunt or uncle even a therapist it really would help. you seem to be bottling up all your feelings and its driving you to the extreme.
You say you have tried numerous hobbies..but have you tried actually talking to people?
Have you ever wondered maybe the reason you can't connect with people is because you have become accustomed to being disconnected yourself?
There is nothing wrong with you. You just find it harder to get to know people than others that's totally normal. From what you have said above it seems like you have sunken into a state of depression and self isolation maybe I'm wrong but it's not healthy. This may sound harsh but you need to stop allowing yourself to feel sorry for your self. Focus on the small little things that make you smile anything. get out of the house walk run..feel the fresh air stop and look around you and be thankful for the fact that you are living.. take note of small positive things about yourself and the world. Stop telling yourself you can't connect with people because despite what you say you can. Show people your personality talk to people about your interests..goals etc.
Perhaps you have tried that in the past but you need to try harder or things won't ever change.
You need to shed this apathetic attitude.
you need to talk. Scream even let go of the anger and the past and look to the future at being a new person. I don't know details of your past obviously..or why you are like this now maybe something happened or maybe you were just always shy. But you are like this because you have sunken into negativity.everyone has bad times and low moments but you are having them constantly and you need to stop.. things aren't always as bad as they seem trust me.
I hope this helps in some way I really do.. please get yourself out there don't hold back from cutting and please talk to someone
Im always here if you need someone feel free to inbox me..
Much
age :14 male
ok there is this girl who is my best friends ex girlfriend and they broke up about a week ago but she has a new boyfriend and he has a new girlfriend but i never tlked to his ex like one on one without my friend or a group around us but now she came out of nowhere and started texting me all day and she is being kinda flirty but she could have a flirty personality and she even called me one night.So why is she doing this all of the sudden.we dont talk in person anymore but she calls me swett and my friend said a mean remark to her and made her cry so i told him not to do that and he got all pissy and said hell do watever he wants so we started fighting so was that her plan cuz me and him were super close but now were kinda rocky so was she stealing me from him and at first i didnt like her like a girlfriend type way but i think im starting to so was she trying that or was she just being nice ...i dont get it.
Hey there,
Okay from what you have said personally I think you are reading far too much into things.
Unless this girl is incredably coniving with nothing better to do in her spare time I can't see her sitting down and planning this before hand.
I mean think about it why would someone intentionally set themselves up to be insulted?
I mean It made her cry. It doesn't seem like it was premeditated. Sometimes these things happen friends fall out.
However If she has a flirty personality and is going from one relationship straight into another she doesn't seem reliable or trustworthy at all. Whos to say she won't dump you for some one else who comes along if she is naturally that way?
If its going to cause problems with friends too is it worth it?
dating friends ex's is never a good idea.
I would advise you to maintain just friendship with this girl. it seems like more drama then its worth. After all you are only 14 too you have plent of time for relationships ?:)
good luck and I hope this helps.
Much