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am i right to stop access to our son?
Hi I have recently stopped my ex husband having access to our son. I have never stopped it in the 6 years we have been seperated if anything I have tries my hardest to keep it going. A few months bk my son misbehaved and my ex smacked him around his face so hard he fell to the ground and had a handprint on his face! My son is 8 years old and loves his dad so I stupidly let him go with his dad again. From what my son has said this is a regular occurance if he is naughty! Last week I went to collect my child from my ex and we got into an argument, he then pushed me so I pushed him bk he then grabbed me by the throat n my 9year old daughter tried to pull him off me and he pushed her over causing her to hit her head! This was a wake up call for me and I have spoken to our son and and stopped access and my son agrees. My ex is now taking it to court what shall I do? I would hope that given all the facts the court would go in my favour but I fear for my son if it doesn't, but I also fear what my ex will do to me if it does go my way.
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Well, you will have to wait for the legal process to play itself out. Until then, do not allow your son to visit his father.
I would also urge you to get counseling so you can determine why you chose to procreate with an abuser. Did you have an abusive father when you were younger? That wouldn't surprise me. Please try to break the chain of abuse now!
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You are in a very tricky legal situation which requires the help of a good lawyer. If you don't have one you need to get one.
One thing you should be asking for is supervised visitation. This will keep your son safe during his visits with his dad. Of course there will not be any overnight visitation. You should also ask that your ex attend anger management and parenting classes.
For your own safety you need a protective order against your husband and you should report the assault by your husband on you and your daughter to the police. Striking or pushing your daughter to the ground hard enough to hit her head I believe qualifies as child abuse.
You should discuss all of this with your lawyer. Reporting the child abuse and the assault so far after the fact; can look or be made to look as retaliatory and work against you.
There is a fine line between discipline and child abuse. Smacking a child in the face crosses that line. Reporting this to the police or child services is what should have been done when it happened. No parent no matter how mad or upset they may be should ever get that out of control as to strike a child across their face in the first place. Secondly if they do it should never be so hard as to leave a mark that would be visible after the fact.
Follow your lawyers advice. No matter what the outcome is in court; if this ever happens again your fist move is to call the police and file charges. Have them take pictures, you take pictures. Then call your lawyer.
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Hey there:)
Okay you were definitely right to stop access!
your ex is extremely violent and that kind of behaviour towards his son is not on. I commend your bravery. Its natural to be scared but you are a good mother. Any court will see that! you did the right thing given the facts.Have you got yourself a good lawyer? I know this is a very scary and stressful time but be strong and fight for your son. Have you talked to the police? I know you are afraid of your ex but you can get a restraining order perhaps?
your lawyer will help you with everything.
I hope everything goes your way :)
Much <3
Jess
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