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I have SUPER straight hair and have been wanting to curl it! I dont want the wet look like scrunching with gels. I mean with a curling iron.. Any ideas? Thanks!

My hair always takes me FOREVER to curl, so what I tend to do is divide it off into around six bunches - like, top layer of my hair on the left, bottom layer of my hair on the left, top at the back, bottom at the back, etc. Then I let out one hair bobble and curl that section of the hair, then do another one (starting with the bottom layers). It makes it easier because you can see exactly what you have and haven't curled.
I also put my hair in six plaits (in the same positions) after I've washed it. I look pretty dumb, lol, so I don't go out like that, but once my hair is dry I let it out and I have wavy hair! It stays in good if it dried like that, and it won't go frizzy unless you sleep on it.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I think there should be a requirement on this website saying "PEOPLE SHOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH A TOPIC BEFORE SUBMITTING THEIR PERSONAL OPINIONS". Frankly, I feel this is a helpful and useful site. But far to often, people are excercising their "freedom of speech" rights, and disguising their opinions as bonifide advice.
What set me off was a question asked by a friend of a gay male teen. A large majority of the answers were hateful diatribes delivered by self-righteous homophobes. From the advice you would of thought that her friend had leaprosy. Life is too short to HATE.
I had a good friend in high school that was the son of a youth pastor. The son, my friend, was gay. He chose to kill himself rather than live a life hating himself because he was gay. I did not know he was gay until after he died. I have so many woulda-coulda-shoulda's. Much of my advice on this website is given to those that are gay or know someone who is gay. To me, this is common sense. How can someone who is not gay, does not associate with anyone who is gay, has never associated with anyone who is gay, HOW CAN THEY give advice on a subject dealing with being GAY. I cannot give advice to someone about what it is like to give birth to a baby!! I cannot even attempt anything as such for I do not understand what mothers go through. Its silly. Now imagine if I was trained by others to believe that giving birth to a baby is disgusting and I hated mothers. This analogy is outlandish, but this is how I feel about the "advice" many people give.
Now throughout this "STATEMENT" I do have a question. What do you think? Help me to understand. Am I judging the judgemental, making me just as bad? Or do I have a point? This is the one time that I'd like to hear the opinions.

I think that you have a point - but not a huge one. Yeah, a lot of the people who give advice have NO CLUE, but I hope that the people asking the questions are sensible enough to not listen to them.
There's a little thing called empathy which I'm 98% you must have heard of. This little thing allows us advice givers to put ourselves in other people's shoes. In my opinion, a true advice giver is not someone who has experienced everything, but one who can help someone who has.
One of my best female friends, Marina, is gay, but I don't feel like that qualifies me to give an answer to a 'OMG my best friend is gay what do I do?' question. I think what qualifies me to give an answer to that question is the fact that I can put myself in the shoes of both the question asker and their friend, without being biased, and see what kind of solution would help both of them.
I think that everyone tends to say, like I have done on several occasions in this post, that so and so IS whatever, or you MUST do whatever because it sounds so more impressive than 'I think you should maybe do this...' - it makes you sound more sure of yourself and knowledgable.
Ack, everyone judges the judgemental :P As long as you don't judge the people you are giving answers to, then you have nothing to worry about.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey evryone! this is kind of a weird question, but i need help. see, i write HORRIBLE stories! it's not because i don't have a good imagination or anything, just that i always have a bad time starting (how to start, WHAT to start on, etc.). then, when i finally do, i think up this awesome story, but then i can't stop! i have so many ideas, that in the end, since i don't have time to write it all down (my awesome story) i end up having to end it with something quick and dumb. so i have a great beginning, and a very detailed middle, then in the end i write the first and quickest thing that pops into my mind and that kills the story and it sucks. so how can i find a way to start a story in the least amount of time, and how do i control all of my ideas so that it doesn't take too long so that my story doesn't suck?

Hun, you can't rush a story. Your question is evidence of that!!
Everyone's inspiration runs dry once in a while. I'd suggest writing as far as you can with this story and then leaving it until you get an idea for the ending - however long that takes. The thing is, you can't ask your imagination to rush - that's just not the way it works. Ideas will strike when THEY want to - unfortunately - and I guess us writers just have to work around that :)
To get you into the habit of writing better endings, you could re-write the endings of some of your favourite stories, or write some very short children's stories (you don't have to show these to anyone, they're just to help you get around to finishing a story concicely and well) and making sure that you put an ending on them. They say practise makes perfect, and nowhere is that more true than in writing.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Ok, I am not fat but actually pretty skinny but I have a little bit of extra fat that I'd like to get rid of. I usually eat right and excersize just about everyday. Does anybody know some pilates/yoga/cardio workout just so some of the excess chub will go away? thanks

Hi,
Any kind of excersize will do but I recommend that you look into 'Power Yoga' as it's a bit faster than general yoga and burns more calories.
You should also excersize first thing in the morning (or as soon as you can anyway) because it speeds up your metabolism for the whole day :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok i have these two really close friends ( dayna and alyssa ) anyway, i thought i was close to both of them but alyssa always tells me stuff that dayna says about me n when i talk to alyssa she always says how much she hates her n stuff but when i'm on the phone or somthin with alyssa and dayna calls her she'll get off the phone with me to talk to her, it just gets me really mad that she'd rather talk to someone she hates then someone she likes and also if dayna has a problem with me tell me to my face dont talk about me, what should i do about them?

I think Alyssa might just be trying to stir stuff up between you and Dayna so she can have you (or Dayna) to herself. I mean, all this stuff she's saying Dayna says about you - when she's on the phone to Dayna instead of you, she could be telling Dayna that you are saying the exact same stuff.
I think you should talk to Dayna in private and ask if she has said anything about you to Alyssa. You could just be like, 'hey, I had a pretty interesting convo with Alyssa yesterday, about stuff certain people have been saying about me' and see how she reacts. If she has been saying the stuff, then you need to ask her why and what's going on. Say it's OK for her to have issues with you but you'd rather she told it to your face so you two can sort them out. If she hasn't, then you all need to talk to Alyssa and find out what's going on.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Ok, i'm 13 i've been goin out wit this kid for almost 3 months now and I love him more then anything, but... when we go out he likes to put his hand on my boob, I tell him to stop and he does but then the next time we go out he does again. I guess i'm just scared with him doin that it'll lead to other things and personally i'm not ready to go farther, i know he should respect me and everything but he really does treat me great, it's just that one thing. I dont know what to do, am I wierd for thinking like that, please help me.

OK, this guy obviously has no respect for you, or 'no' just isn't enough for him. You've gotta have a little bit more of a conversation with him about this - like, 'get your hands off me or you can forget about you and me/I'll kick your balls into next Tuesday', whatever, as opposed to 'don't'. It might just be that he's hoping your ready the next time you go out, but he shouldn't do ANYTHING until yuo say it's OK.
You've got to stop him doing this before it gets out of hand - you've said no, and no means no. He has got to realise that before he ends up taking it further and maybe even raping you. If he can't understand 'no' to a simple thing like that, what else will he do without your consent? Sorry if that shocks you or anything, but it's the blunt truth - you really have to do something before it gets out of hand. Make sure he understands that when you're ready you'll tell him, and then if he does it again, either slap him or walk out on him. You don't have to put up with that. I think you rock for knowing exactly what you are ready for and what you aren't - stick by that.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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me n my boyfriend went out to the movies on friday n there were a lot of other people there that we knew, anyway, we started making out n everything but everyone was like watching n the next day people that wernt there knew all about because people told them, n this one other time my friend had a sleepover n my boyfriend ended up sleeping over but sleeping in a differnt room n at school people were startin rumers that we had sex when we didnt. What i'm saying is that people are always in mine n my boyfriends life makin stuff up about us, what can i do to make them stop? please help, it's really annoying me how people care so much about what me n my boyfriend do.

I'm really sorry, there's nothing that you can do to stop them. If people want to talk about you, they will. The only thing you can do is to be careful about what you do where and to ignore them - if the rumours aren't having any affect on you, people will get bored and move on. Someone will do something stupid in a day or two and you'll be forgotten.
I'm sorry, it sucks I know...stay strong and ingore them. They're not worth the time of day!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok...i have this boyfrind right? Anyway, i love him a whole lot n i know he loves me too but...this summer he might be moving to philly n i probly wont be able to see him a lot, he's not sure yet if he is n i just donno what to do, i know its not really a question but i just wanna know if u have any ideas bout how to deal with his moving if he does, it would really help.

Hi,
If he does move and you two break up (because it would probably be too hard to keep the relationship going over that distance), then it's obviously going to hurt a lot. The first thing you can do right now is make sure that you guys have as good a time as possible together while you can. When he moves away (assuming that he does), you've got to realise that it's OK to be upset. I know this sounds harsh but I would advise not having any contact with him, at least for a couple of weeks, after he moves. It will be too hard for you to have this little bit of contact with him but not be able to see him properly - it'll stop you moving on. And as for him, it'd be too hard for him to settle down in a new place if he's constantly thinking of you back home. It would probably be a good idea if you two broke up a little before he moved - like a week or two - and were just friends, so that you have a while to get used to the idea. However, if yuo don't want to do that and want to make the mostof every last minute you have together as a couple, then that would be fine too - do whatever you think is best.
Whenever you break up, it's gonna take you a while to get over. The best thing you can do is get out there with your friends and have some fun! Just try and do stuff to keep your mind off him, and when you do think about him again, remember that it's OK to be sad and cry and let it out - it's better than bottling stuff up! Your friends will understand and be there for you.
Leave it until you are certain that you are ready before you have another boyfriend, just to make sure that you're not on the rebound or just looking for someone to fill your ex's space.
There is, unfortunately, no magic cure for getting over somebody. You've just gotta let time work it's magic.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Im gonna try to make this as short as possible so no one has to read alot. There is this guy that goes to my church that plays guitar in the band.When i saw him i thought he was so cute and looked like a nice guy. I didnt know how old he was so i asked someone and they said they think he is 16.. and they also said I am to young for him becaue i am 13 but I dont think its that big of a diffrence. I wanna talk to him but im scared to and im never scared to talk to guys he is the only one. I dont know if i like him like that i just wanna get to know him and stuff because he may have a girlfriend. What should I do?

13 and 16 is a tiny age difference!! I wouldn't worry about that :)
You go up to him casually when he's putting his guitar away or something and ask him how long he's been playing, or what type of guitar it is, something like that. Musicians love being asked about their instruments :) Although it's probably best to not compliment him on it just yet - it'll look like you're flirting. If he asks then you can say, 'yeah, I thought you were great/good/pretty damn great/utter crap (lol)', whatever you want to say.
Just getting to know him is a great idea. If you get friends with him then he will most likely mention any girlfriend he has, and you might even get some guitar playing tips out of it :P Plus if you're friends, you can always ask about the girlfriend thing without seeming like you're being too forward.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months and everything is great until he got into some legal trouble and he has cournt on the 4th of this month. i live him with all my heart and he feels the same way that i feel for him but the thing is he said that if he gets locked up then i should break up with him....he thinks that when he gets out that it wont be the same but i no it will....my ? to u all out there is should i wait for him or no and why..i no that we will have a great furture together. he means the world to me. thatnks!!!
jazi14

I think that you should kind of indefinately wait for him. If another guy comes along, then don't throw away that chance, but if no-one comes along, then stick around for him. Whatever you do, don't just wait for him because it's not fair on you and if you do get the chance to be with another great guy but don't take it, then you will grow bitter towards your current boyfriend and start resenting him for 'making' you stay with him. I think it would be best for you both if you stayed friends at the very least but you keep an eye out for other guys and then, if you're available, you two can get back together when he comes out.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I have this problem you could say, but whenever I find a neat, original band and I put their song in my info or something, somebody always steals it. Not only that, they think they know all about the band because they know part of one song. I know this is very selfish of me to think one band is labeled "mine", but I can't help it. One of my friends stole 10 bands that I once liked. Every song that I listened to, she went off and downloaded. I know most of you are going to say "well take it as a compliment, she likes your music", but the thing is I don't take it as a compliment at all, it's quiet annoying. Does anyone have any advice on this? Do you think that what I'm doing is as stupid as I think it is?

I don't think it's stupid. I know what you mean - when you find a new band, it's cool that only you know them and stuff. It kinda takes the 'magic' away if everyone knows them and starts singing their songs and stuff and pretends like they've been a big fan all along.
As for advice...
I would either -
1. Put a really crappy song from a really dumb band into your info (like...a line from the Tweenies song and stuff, only don't say who it's by) and see if your friend copies it, or
2. Just say to my friend, 'hey, it's cool that you like the same bands as me and stuff, but have YOU got any bands you could recommend to me? It's just I'm a bit bored of being the trendsetter and having everyone copy me, I'd like some new ideas off other people for a change.' Not only would that tell her that you don't like her copying you, but it would encourage her to think for herself and form some opinions of her own too.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok...so there is this guy...anyways i REALLY REALLY ThInK i like him and i ThInK he likes me 2 but i dont know! Every time i'm with him he's always like holding hands with me and trying to kiss me but we're not even going out! BUT, when some1 comes around it is like he doesn't want to be seen WITH ME WITH ME! like...as a couple...! i don't know what to do or how to tell him how i feel...do u have any ideas?
ThAnKs A BuNcH!*

It's pretty obvious that he likes you if he is holding your hand and kissing you and stuff. So just be like, 'are we going out or what?' and then at least you'll know where you stand.
If you are, wait for a week or so after you're like, 'officially' a couple and see if he stops not wanting to be seen with you. If he's still doing it then ask him what's going on - either he tells you why he is apparently embarassed to be seen with you or you walk away. You deserve to at least know why, even if he isn't going to stop it.
Either that or be all, 'OMG I just have to text so and so (your friends) and tell them about us!' and see what he says.
And...well, if he is embarassed of you, you've gotta really ask yourself if you really want to go out with someone who thinks of you like that.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I am 19 and I love my boyfriend with all my heart but the thing is he is in jail so i'm not aloud to be with him because my parents found out but I just can't give him up because the love is so strong. I think about him everyday and I often start crying because I miss him so much. What should I do?

Well, you're 19. It's your decision who you see and who you don't. Try and calmly explain to your parents that you really love this guy and you want to be there and support him. If they don't agree, well...it's your choice whether you accept that or not. At 19 you could move out anyway, right? Try and get a few part time jobs like newspaper rounds, sandwich delivering during your lunch hour, working in a bar, etc and save up some money if you don't have enough.
And...well, 'you can't see him' doens't cover 'you can't write to him'. Write to him loads! It'll be nice for him to know that you still care about him despite the prison thing. Plus they (whoever 'they' are) say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. When he gets out, the relationship will probably be even stronger than when he went in.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey! im doing a project for school and i need to collect some data about things some teens do that they realy dont want to just to fit in. if u could tell me all the things that u did just to fit in, it would help. thanx

ps: annyone who ansers will get a 5 rateing unless they r joking or being rood or whatever

I personally don't THINK I do anything to fit in, but here are some suggestions of what people might do -
*Change their opinions on something to something that the popular kids think (i.e. if all the popular kids support George Bush, someone trying to fit in would do too)
*Spend all their money on fashionable and designer clothes
*Try and date a 'hot' and popular guy
*Ditch their old 'unpopular' friends and try and make friends with the popular people
*Suck up to the popular people - compliment their hair and stuff
*Listen to the same music and watch the same TV programmes as popular people do
*Slag off their old friends behind their backs
*Tell the popular people the unpopular people's secrets
*Pretend they are straight when they're gay
*Hide the fact that they are of a minority religion or whatever
*Dye their hair blonde (if they're a girl) or get highlights and use lots of gel (if they're a guy)
*Smoke, drink, or do drugs.

Hope that helped!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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okay well im 15f and i was in grade 9 in the states. i moved to pakistan but i cant get admissioned yet because of finals. well are there any websites or programs that you know of that i could finish the school year with or at leat keep up on my studies? thanx a tun. i rate high if your serious

bbc.co.uk/schools
I don't know if it will have the relevant stuff, but it's the best revision site I know. At grade nine you'd be looking at the GCSE stuff.
Good luck!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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im 15/f. ok, please dont judge me but i seriously need help! my boyfriend went away for a week and i was at home bored. but then one of my mates was having a party so i went. but i had a lot of stuff going on in my life so i started drinking to forget them. i know i shouldnt have but i did and i got really drunk. i dont really remember much but i do remember sleeping with a lad at the party. i dont think he used a condom either because he was really drunk too. should i tell my boyfriend or not? do you think he will forgive me because i really do love him? it was just a mistake!
Help me please!

He most likely will be mad, and he has a right to be - whether it was a mistake or not, in his eyes it will still have been a betrayal. I think it's clear that you really love him, and he probably knows that too. So I think you should tell him. This will eat you up inside if you don't and it was just a mistake. He'd rather hear it from you than someone else too. Remember when you tell him to not try and blame it on anyone else or excuse yourself - say something like 'it was a stupid mistake, I was drunk and I know that's no excuse, but please forgive me? I won't do it again, yadda yadda yadda'. You'll probably have to give him some time to get over it, so don't try and push him to make any kind of decision about you two for a while. Stay strong - do the right thing and tell him :)
And for now you'll have to go to the doctors, planned parenthood/GUM clinic etc or a pharmacy and get a pregnancy test and get checked out for STD's.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out OK for you!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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i keep making stupid mistakes in my relationships. i dont know how to stop! i always manage toscrew it up by being with some one else or sleeping with someone else. i cant help it. it just something inside me that make me want to do stuff. i am in a relationship now (4days) and ive already cheated on him. at the time it feels good. i dont know whether its the rik of been caught or what but now i just feel bad and dirty! how do i stop doing this?

I think that maybe you just aren't ready for a serious relationship. Perhaps you should try and find a guy who will have an 'open' relationship with you - i.e. it's OK to cheat but you have to tell him. Either that or go out there and have some short, fun relationships to kind of 'get it out of your system'. You could also get together with a guy who you think would probably cheat on you and see how it is to be on the recieving end.
For now, talk to your boyfriend, perhaps even show him this question. He'd rather hear it from you than someone else. And every time you go to cheat, say 'remember how bad I feel afterwards'..it's a question of willpower. You can do it!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Hey does anyone know any good ways to lose about 5 pounds for the summer? My friend wants to go to the beach but i dont look right in a bathingsuit. Any tips would be REALLY helpful Thanx
*I rate High*

Hiya,
Half an hour before you eat lunch, drink a glass of ICE COLD water. This will cool your body down and therefore make your metabolism speed up to warm up your body, so you burn off the food you eat quicker!
Another way to speed up the metabolism is to excersize first thing in the morning. It speeds your metabolism up for the whole day. Walk to school if you can.
If you have a problem (like me!) with saying you'll just eat one biscuit and then eating the whole pack, have a drink of water and then brush your teeth. The minty taste should stop you wnating the biscuit - everything tases nasty after you've brushed your teeth! Make sure you drink the water though, because brushing your teeth straight after eating sugar contributes to tooth decay.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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oh well my friend has this really great boyfriend. and i think i might be jelous..but i dont know. she knows that i thinks hes cute/hot and i promised her i would never go out with him jsut for her. but im knida jelouse of her. what can i do? thanks!

Don't worry - everyone gets jealous :) The thing is, he isn't perfect, however much he may seem it. Remind yourself that everyone has their faults. You'll soon forget about him - just get out there and have some fun! It might be good too to have some alone time with your friend so that you don't feel like he's taking her off you. It's great that your friend knows how you feel about him though - so many people make the mistake of never telling their friends and, instead of having a laugh and a giggle about it five years down the line, they end up never speaking again. You probably don't like him personally that much - just the idea of romance and of having a great boyfriend. You'll get one soon, don't worry :)
Finally, don't let the jealousy consume you - tell your friend that you're a little bit jealous and she'll maybe have a little laugh and tell you all of his faults and why you shouldn't be! Just remember that it's fine to be jealous - everyone is at some point!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I've always felt that there was no need to be in a relationship at my age(14) but i was just asked out and i think i have fallen in love. but my mother tells me there is no way you can fall in love so young. do you think its possible to fall in love at such a young age? if you dont think so what do you think i should do, i dont want to dump him or anything, but i dont want to waste my time and energy
if there is no point to our relationship.

You can fall in love at any age - you just might not know it when it happens if you are particulary young. There is always a point to a relationship - whether it's to make you happy, even if it only lasts a little while, to make you learn from your mistakes, to give you the chance to love someone, or whatever, it will have a meaning - so don't give up just because someone has a different opinion to you. Only you can decide whether your relationship is worth pursuing or not - not your mother's opinions.
Besides, you don't have to be in love. You could just love the guy...there is a difference :) And love is enough. No-one expects you to be so in love that you're hearing wedding bells, and especially not at 14.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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