about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I'm in the eight grade and I'm a 14 year old female. Some boys think that i am pretty. But I haven't had my first kiss yet. I want my first kiss to be spectacular, something that I will remember forever.
I feel really left out because all of my friends have had their first kiss and more. I just want to know the ages of people when they got their first kiss and details (like where, how, etc.) it will make me feel better. Thank you in advance!

I was 18 when I had my first kiss. Don't worry at all. The right guy just didn't come along until I was 18. A first kiss is always memorable. I'm glad I waited and I have no regrets. Your time will come too and I'm sure you'll do great. :)

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this has been botherign the heck out of me for a week and a half now and i finalyl decided i cant handle it anymore. last week we had a b-ball game and we won and our coach expected us to run 13 suicides because we missed 13 lay up but we still won( 34-12) on that sunday i got a cold and was sick barely could breathe or anything. i couldnt miss school because i was having finals and had tog o. i had my dad talk to my coach and tell her that i didnt feel to good and i didnt want to show up feelin all shitty and get everyone on the team sick. so anyways she told my dad that i didnt have to go to pratice if i didnt feel good. adn honestly i ahvent felt good all week i showed up to one pratice but only stayed for 1 and 1/2 hours out of a 3 hour pratice. since i havent been going girls have been talkin shit about me behind me back and it isnt a rumors bc i heard them say it. i dont if i should go to pratice or nto. coach makes me feel liek the worest player by puttin peopel that dont go to pratice on the team instead me when i used to go to all pratice and i used to stay after and pratice extra. i am not used to quieting i never have and i dont know if i should. someone please tell me what to do. i feel like i am wasting my time for nothign.
p.s.
the captin is a snoby ..... and i dont like her. o and i already tryed tellin coach about the girls and she just blew me off and didnt care.

I think that you should put off making this decision until you get better and catch up with practices. Even if you are sick, if you don't go to practice the coach has every right to let someone take your spot on the team until you get back on track. Basketball can be really rough, I played all through middle school and high school. It will get better I promise and so will you. Just be strong and keep your chin up. I think that you'll feel really awful if you quit. Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck.

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Well my best friend since 1st grade (im in 8th by the way! Well she has always been the goody goody type like when she goes out with guys all she does is the basics (kiss), well just this year she went out with a guy named mark and she didnt know this but he loved to go all the way just on the first date. so she goes on the first date and then goes back to his house. she didnt exspect to you know do anything. Well then they start kissing and little before u know he has hind down her pants and she didnt say anything cause she is "shy" well all through that night they were so close to haveing sex, she gave a blowjob and a handjob, but his dad came home so they didnt go any further. And I might sound over protected but to go all that way in one night i mean who knows what there gonna do. I am worried only because she was a mistake when she was born, so wouldnt you think she would be careful and not have sex?? should i talk to her about it?? or what???




please help




sincerelly,
lost at thought

Okay, since you have all this detailed information about what happened, it seems like you've already talked to her about it. There are a few things that you need to make sure that you do if you haven't already done them though.

1) Let her know that you are concerned.
2) Don't bring up the fact that she was an accident. That knowledge can be very painful and doesn't have anything to do with her.
3) Tell her that she needs to say "no" if she doesn't want to do something. Don't assume that she did want to and don't assume that she didn't. Keep in mind that if she did all those things she probably wanted to. If she didn't say "no" it isn't rape because shyness doesn't make a person incapable of refusal. She may be embarassed of you knowing that she really did want to go all that way, meaning she may be being shy with You. I've gone quite far on a first date myself and it is quite embarassing to talk about, especially to people that are close to me. Even though I have no regrets, what I did is very looked down on by others and could turn into a social disaster for your friend, which leads me to the next thing...
4) Don't tell anyone else about it no matter what.
5) Don't tell her what to do. Her life, her decisions, end of story. All you can do is help, support, pray, and let her know your thoughts and feelings.
6) Make sure she has a condom just in case.


Try not to nag, it's going to be hard not to. If you've already really bugged her or said something you shouldn't have make sure you apologize. Be very careful. You need to be there for her at times like these and say what needs to be said, but if she gets mad at you that will be very bad. I hope I helped you and I wish you the best of patience and you and your friend the best of luck.

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My bf and I have been together for a long time, but we've never had sex yet. I feel that I'm ready now and have already gone and bought some really sexy pink lacy panties and a matching bra. I have a new bed that I decorated with pink throw pillows. I want this to be a night to remember. This is what I had in mind: I was going to decorate my whole appartment with scented pink candles, and throw rose petals on the bed. I was thinking of having a tray of strawbarries on the bed and a bottle of wine for us to have before we made love.
Does anyone have any other suggestions to what I can do to set the mood? What sort of music should I play?
I'll rate 5s!

Okay, don't set all this up and buy all these things and get really excited if you aren't 100% sure that he is ready for sex too, especially since it would be the first time you two would be doing it. With your wonderful setup he may feel pressured into having sex and that's never good. Assumptions are never a good thing. I don't know if you're assuming or not because you never specified so please don't take offense if you've already talked to him and you already know he's ready too. If you two have talked about it and you're positive that he is ready, then go ahead and go all out.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, I think that your plan is very good. My one concern is that he may be a little overwhelmed with pink, but you know him better than I do, so you are the judge of that. Just keep in mind that you want it to be romantic for him too. Having a candlelit dinner together beforehand would be a good addition if that's something that you want to do. Another thing would be to buy him or make him a gift to open. Again though, it's up to you. As for music, play what you two like. Your favorite songs. I don't know what kind of music you're into so I can't help you much more than that.

All in all I think you've thought this through a lot and as long as you AND your boyfriend are both ready, your setup is very good the way it is. I wish you the best of luck, and make sure you remember to use protection, that's very important.

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theres an old friend i had that hasnt signed on in a bit (on her old sns anyway) & is there a way i can find out an email, new sn, ANYTHING. me and my friends were juss looking for some way to contact her to see how everything is going.

thanks!!

You can try a buddy search on AIM, but that's probably not going to work. The problem is that you don't have to put that information in. Try doing a friend search on other things too, like myspace or xanga. You have to put a name in for these and most people do put their real names. If you need help with this, like you don't know where to go or something let me know and I'll help you out. I hope you find your friend, I know exactly how you feel. Good luck! :)

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This isn't one of those am I fat questions.


I'm 5'4 and weight 113lbs. I know I'm not fat or anywhere near there. When I am with my friends, or any other girls really, I feel confident and that I'm the right size. But, when I'm alone I look at myself and start thinking that I could loose a few more lbs. I'll get so caught up in it that I won't even go near a mirror for the rest of the day. I'm not sure why I do this. Any help? :/

I have a suggestion for you that I got from Paula Abdul. Long story, but she was on TV and was talking about how she used to be anorexic and what helped her get through that. I know you're not anorexic, but I think that this can help you a lot anyways. She said that she had a friend trace her body outline onto a large piece of paper and then she'd look at herself from a third person point of view. Looking in the mirror and down at yourself can give quite a distorted image because you see yourself differently than you look at other people. You can't step outside of yourself and look, even by using a mirror. If you can't get the paper, sidewalk chalk should work pretty good too. I've felt this way before too, so don't worry you're not alone. I hope that I helped you and I wish you the best of luck.

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does anyone know of any good ways to get better at sight reading? i'm really bad at playing runs [going up or down a scale]. i think it might be because i can't read music as fast as its supposed to be played. does anyone have any advice. thanks

I used to have some trouble with sight reading too. What I would do is when I practiced it I would get a piece of music I'd never played before and label all of the notes before I played it. Every single one. Obviously you can't do this when you have to sight read for real, but it helps you to be able to identify the notes much quicker. When it comes time for the actual thing, before you play, go through it and label each note in your mind. This may not work for everyone, but try it a few times before the real thing and hopefully it will work for you like it worked for me. Good luck!

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I am very skinny and some people make jokes even my so call friends. I am 19 5'3 and my weight is 108. My friends say I need a body like them cause they are thick with ass and chest. I heard about caltine bars but where do you buy them.

I too am very small. I actually find it a blessing. I can be sure that when someone wants to date me it's not just because they want my boobs, for lack of a better way to put it. I used to be very self conscious and still am at times, but now, I believe that I'm quite good looking. There are lots of guys (and girls) out there that like thinner girls. You are a healthy weight for your height and if you were to do things to make yourself larger it would only make you larger, not change your figure. Anything that is supposed to give you a "better" figure is not something that you want in your system. Messing with hormones and your body isn't a good idea unless you are ill, which you are not. Remember that you are your worst critic and your friends likely don't mean what they say. I think what you should do is talk to your friends about it. Let them know that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel like you need to change yourself. If they continue to pick on you like they are then they aren't people that you should want to be around. I hope I helped you and I'm sure that you are very attractive, try to believe that for yourself. Good luck.

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Okay, I didn't get any sleep tonight since I woke up at 4:30 P.M. So if I went to sleep now, then I would wake up at either 4 or 5. I am just going to stay awake so that I don't get my sleep schedule messed up even more then it is. My question now is, what are some good things I could do to stay awake? I'm kind of feeling sleepy now. I need some quick answers. Thank you!

Others gave very good answers, but I'd like to add something. Whenever I get really tired and I have to stay up I eat. I'm not saying stuff yourself. Eat something like popcorn or peanuts. Something that comes in small pieces, isn't very filling, and has a strong taste is ideal. I hope I helped and good luck.

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okay if you talk to someone on the phone that has verizon when you also have verizon does it not take up your minutes? I really need to know this.

Verizon screwed me out of a lot of money the first month I had my phone by telling me that verizon to verizon was free when it really was not. No matter what they tell you or what you hear, in order for verizon to verizon to be free it must be in your plan. Read the paperwork and make certain that it's there yourself. Verizon apologized to me, changed my plan to what it should have been, and gave me some of my money back, but I still had to pay like $70 extra. It was pretty bad and I have a feeling that it's happened to many people and Verizon doesn't care.

Now that I've told you the story, probably all cell phone companies will do similar things. Verizon is the best one in my opinion and the free verizon to verizon is a very good feature. Just be careful, people can be tricky.

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Ive been going out with my boyfriend Jon for about 7 months i met him last year when i started at a new highschool weve always had a relationship that we get into little arguments about nothing but they never last very long.now were going out and we still get into little arguments alot id say like every day 2 or 3 times.Its kind of like the arguments that the couple had in the notebook theyd be yelling at each other but theyd still kiss and say i love you,lately weve been talking about the way we act and why we let each other get to each other so bad.I know we both care about each other alot everyone tells me how much he cares about me that theyve never seen him so happy with any other girl..but these fights why do you think they happen?is it a bad thing?if it is how can we just stop arguing?

I think that most of the fighting that goes on in relationships happens because of the differences between guys and girls and how hard it is to understand each other sometimes. When a guy and a girl say the same thing, it's very likely that they'll actually mean something very different. I believe that you two can be a very good couple and have the potential for a very long relationship. What I think you need in order to stop the fighting is a lot of willpower and communication. Don't let him get on your nerves. Try to talk a lot about feelings and reasons and try to be more understanding. Things that may seem pretty common sense to you might not be so common sense to a guy. You two think the same, just express yourselves differently and get frustrated about that. Having conversations about feelings and such can be a very big step in a relationship. It can get personal and emotional, but I believe that it's time for you to take this step. I hope I didn't confuse you too much and I hope I was able to help. Good luck. :)

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Can you fall out of love?

I mean ive been w/ my bf for a while now and its great! this last month however is kinda shaky. I feel myself NOT wanting to hang out w/ him. But i miss him.

Am i falling out of love or whats wrong?
how can i fix it?

I don't believe that it's possible to stop loving someone. I do, though, believe that it's possible to stop liking someone. Love lasts forever, but to like someone is to like what they do, who they are, and everything. Everyone changes sometimes. You still love him and things can work out, but they may not. What you need to do is figure out if you still like him. Ask yourself these questions. Does he make me happy? Do I enjoy being with him? Remember that love and attraction aren't the only things that you need to have in a relationship. Things like common interests and similar values are part of compatibility. My advice to you is to think about it, talk about it with him if you feel comfortable with it, and wait it out until you are more certain of the reasons behind your feelings. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything turns out the way that you want it to. :)

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I have a friend named Tara. Shes in 12th grade, graduating this year, and going to college for Theater.. I've been quite worried about her lately, because i know that she cant have her whole life rely on Theater. She wasted her past 6 years working to be an actress. And shes not all that bad, but someone from a small town and such like ours, prolly wont get very far. I've tryed talking to her about other options. I dont want her whole life to be thrown out the window because of some, un-realistic dream.. Do you think that I should try harder to convince her that theres more to life than thearter.. and thats just there as something to do on the side? Or should I let her make her own mistakes?

I definitely understand your concern for your friend. Last year, I saw my future ending up much like what you fear hers may come to. I was going to college as a Marine Biology major and realized that I probably wasn't going anywhere with that. After figuring this out I found that many people felt just like you feel about your friend towards me. They dropped hints, but never really said anything and let me pursue my dream because I was so set on it. The thing about college is that it's very easy to change majors or transfer to a different college if you change your mind about what you want to do. I changed colleges and majors and am now very happy and in a field where I can see a future for myself. People that go to the same college and never change majors are actually in quite the minority. If your friend stays a theater major for two years it is still very easy for her to change to something else. Plus, by that time, she will have a better idea of what she wants to do, what is best for her, and what her opportunities are. I agree with Razhie in that even if she does stay as a theater major there are many things she can do with it other than become an actress. My advice to you is to make sure your friend knows that you are concerned, but to be very nice about it. Try to understand her point of view and know that she'll probably change majors anyway. Let her figure things out on her own. There's a saying that goes "Don't walk ahead of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend". Be her friend and walk beside her. Let her know your opinion, but support her and help her in any decision that she makes. I hope that everything works out alright and I wish you the best of patience and luck.

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My math 10 teacher has been acting really strange around me. He came up to me the other day and said "my wife's maiden name is the same as yours". He also said I reminded him of his wife when she was younger, and said it in a kind of romantic (yuck) way. Another time he caught me and my friend writing notes, and then he came up to me, tried to read the note, and then said "oh it's a love letter to me". Another girl heard and thought he was joking, because she said "I highly doupt that sir". But I know he was being serious. I always catch him staring at me. One day he heard me say the F word. He told me to stay behind after class. Instead of giving me crap, he said "I'm really suprised at you, but I'm just going to give you a warning". He was talking seductively. I know he was enjoying having me all alone.
It feels really gross and wrong of him. I am only 15. He's like old enough to be my father. What should I do, and is he being inappropriate or am i overreacting?

You are not overreacting at all though I don't think this is a situation where you should go running to the principal or guidance counselor. You don't want him to get in trouble if he's not a bad person. From what you've said, it seems to me like you may be getting the wrong impression from him. He could just like you as a person and student. However, it is very good that you aren't oblivious to the possibilities of something bad happening because it could. Most of the time when people ask questions about this sort of thing on advicenators the answers are simple because the situations are much worse and more clear cut. So in other words, this is a very good question. I think that what you should do is tell your parents exactly what you told us. Talk to them about it and discuss all possibilities. Don't overreact or jump to conclusions, but it is important that something is done about this. I believe that the whole thing can be sorted out if your parents talk to the teacher about it and he apologizes to you for making you think that he was interested in you in an inappropriate way. Don't be alone with him again as a precaution and because even if he's not going to do anything it makes you feel uncomfortable and that isn't good. Ask a friend to stay or something. After your parents talk to him he will understand. I think that by doing what I suggested that if he was interested in you he will back off and if he wasn't he'll be aware that you are afraid and will be careful not to make you feel uncomfortable again. So, tell your parents have them talk to him and don't let yourself be alone with him again and you should be set. If anything more severe happens, like a direct comment or invitation that's when you need to tell your guidance counselor or principal. I hope that I helped and good luck. I hope everything turns out okay.

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okay well for a snack everyday during one of my classes i eat fruit snacks because they are small, clean and dont leave my hands sticky at all. well i know that they arent that good for you and my doctor doesnt want me eating them anymore and i was looking for an alternative. any ideas

it has to be

~ crumb free
~ not stick
~ fit in my purse
~ not too expensive
~ somewhat filling (more than fruit snacks)
~ wont crumble in my purse
~ wont make my hands sticky
~ can't need refrigeration
~cant use a spoon or fork
~ cant be destracting or take a long time to eat
~ etc




Granola bars are probably your best option just as long as you get the right kind. Crunchy ones will crumble and some may be a little sticky. I know it sounds oober healthy, but I've found that granola bars can be very good. I've always loved NutriGrain bars and they fit all of your stipulations. Brand name cereal granola bars are usually very good too. I've had the Special K strawberry ones and they're #1 in my book. My advice to you is to try a few different kinds of granola bars because you're bound to find something that you'll enjoy. If you're really into the fruit snacks though, they do have certain kinds that are made with real fruit and have vitamins and things in them. Those would work well too. I wish you lots of luck and I hope that I was able to help you. :)

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Does anyone have good ideas of a play that would be interesting to girls and boys that only involves about 3-8 characters and not that many boys. Anything appropiate for all ages and some character names and the plot of the story and if you leave your email address i will send you a tape of it over email and also the script. Also if you think of any good songs that would be a good inspiration please tell me!!!!!! THanx I rate really high!!!!

It's always a good idea to base something like this on something else so you know where you have to go with it. The best idea I can give you is Cinderella. Lots of girls, only a few boys, and it can be modernized very easily. You can make a story based on Cinderella a lot of fun. It's been done before of course, but, really, what hasn't? It shouldn't be too difficult and you should have a lot of fun with it. If this is what you choose to do and you want or need any help with it let me know and I'll do my best! Whatever you decide to do good luck!

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do guys prefer for a girl to fake an orgasm if they don't get one during sex?

It depends on the guy. Some guys like the moaning and such and they don't mind if it's fake. It's like a favor you can do him. It can be very difficult for women to achieve orgasm and some women can't at all. If a guy is this type of guy he may ask you to do it for him while you're having sex. If you're uncomfortable with it just tell him no. If you are okay with it then go for it. It can't do any harm and he will really like it. Since he asked you to he'll know it's fake, which is important. If the guy is not this type of guy he'll probably get very upset if you fake, so never do it if you're not sure. I think what you should do is after sex have a little chat with him about it. If you're comfortable enough with him to have sex with him that means that you need to be comfortable enough with him to talk about it. Figure out what he likes and tell him how you feel about it and VICE VERSA. If you're going to be fake moaning for him you deserve something in return! Don't forget that sex comes with lots of responsibilities and sometimes consequences. It's very important to use protection and to think about the emotional effects that sex can have in you and in your relationship. I hope everything works out for you and good luck!

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Do you ever read a question, roll your eyes and think, "Yeah right, somebody so just made that up"?

If so, what do you do about it? Just not answer or answer it seriously anyways just 'cause it might be real?

When I see questions that I think are fake I always look to see how other columnists answered them. If at least one columnist answered it seriously and at least one let the person know that it sounded really fake in a nice way then I skip it. If only one or neither of these things happened I will do both. I'll answer the question myself, seriously, and suggest to the person that they need to try to make their questions sound more serious so that more people will answer them and they can get the advice that they need. Even if the question is fake it may help somebody. Some people are too embarassed to ask questions because even though their identity is unknown, they still have to put their pride on the line. More often than not people laugh at and pick on people that ask "dumb" questions. I hope I helped :)

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My sister-in-law is getting married and moving away at the end of the month. I've only known her for a year now, and we've just started to bond. I'm really upset and depressed that she's moving and I want to do something for her. The problem is, I don't have a lot of money, or any idea what I should do or what I should get her.

Does anyone have any ideas of something special we could do together before she leaves, or something I could give to her? I really want whatever I do to make an impression, and I'm going to miss her a lot.

I'll leave more information if anyone needs it.

As good of an idea as making a scrapbook is, I know firsthand that scrapbooking can get pretty darn expensive, plus it takes much more time than the time that you have to make one. Sometimes you want to think more in than out especially if you have a low budget to work with. I've always found that being at home with someone is the best time that you can share with that person. Rent some movies, make dinner, bake some cookies, look at old pictures, have a snowball fight, but whatever you do do it with her. The simple pleasures in life are often the best as cliche as that sounds. It'll be cozy, fun, and definitely memorable. If that doesn't float your boat, do something out of the ordinary. Think of some of the attractions in your area that you or she hasn't been to. I have no idea where you live, but if you live close to a city that gives you lots of options. Take a ride in an airplane over where you live. Your options really are endless. Sometimes after living in an area for awhile it seems like there isn't much that you don't know about it or haven't done. Go to a nearby travel agency or something similar and look at the brochures for inspiration. Whatever you choose to do, I hope that everything turns out how you want it to and good luck!

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my husband takes seroqueal at night to help sleep & 4 bipolar. he used to want sex alot but for last 1 1/2 yrs. only 1 or 2x a mo. i never used to want it but now i always want it. i need to know what i can take that will reduce my sex drive? we are both 38 yrs. i don't know if theres something otc i can take or if i need to ask the dr. 4 somethin spasific or even if there's a food that i can use. please help me. i don't know what else to do. it's definately not a lack of luv on his part he blames the meds. and all other aspects r fine thanx...

I had a feeling that you'd get upset. I'm really sorry, I just think it's important for you to know, even if you don't consider every single option. Again, good luck, and I hope that you find something that will work for you.

The columnists that answered before me gave very good answers and I don't have a lot of experience with this, but I do have a suggestion for you. I don't know if you are into this kind of thing, but something that might help you is masturbation. I would actually suggest trying it because I don't believe that there's much else that you'd be able to do. Please give it a thought and please don't be offended. I hope that I helped and I hope that everything works out for you. Good luck!

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