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sex
Well my best friend since 1st grade (im in 8th by the way! Well she has always been the goody goody type like when she goes out with guys all she does is the basics (kiss), well just this year she went out with a guy named mark and she didnt know this but he loved to go all the way just on the first date. so she goes on the first date and then goes back to his house. she didnt exspect to you know do anything. Well then they start kissing and little before u know he has hind down her pants and she didnt say anything cause she is "shy" well all through that night they were so close to haveing sex, she gave a blowjob and a handjob, but his dad came home so they didnt go any further. And I might sound over protected but to go all that way in one night i mean who knows what there gonna do. I am worried only because she was a mistake when she was born, so wouldnt you think she would be careful and not have sex?? should i talk to her about it?? or what???
please help
sincerelly,
lost at thought
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Tell her. She'll understand if she's been your best friend for that long. You should definately tell her. Because if they do have sex and something happens (STD, pregnancy) it could be part your fault for not talking to her. Talking to her could make all the difference.
Please take my advice.
In addition to this. DO NOT send her mixed signals about how you feel. Don't say "I'm concerned about you getting in some sort of trouble and having sex with him" and then later tell her to have a condom just in case. That's just saying your concerned but she can do it if she's safe.
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Okay, since you have all this detailed information about what happened, it seems like you've already talked to her about it. There are a few things that you need to make sure that you do if you haven't already done them though.
1) Let her know that you are concerned.
2) Don't bring up the fact that she was an accident. That knowledge can be very painful and doesn't have anything to do with her.
3) Tell her that she needs to say "no" if she doesn't want to do something. Don't assume that she did want to and don't assume that she didn't. Keep in mind that if she did all those things she probably wanted to. If she didn't say "no" it isn't rape because shyness doesn't make a person incapable of refusal. She may be embarassed of you knowing that she really did want to go all that way, meaning she may be being shy with You. I've gone quite far on a first date myself and it is quite embarassing to talk about, especially to people that are close to me. Even though I have no regrets, what I did is very looked down on by others and could turn into a social disaster for your friend, which leads me to the next thing...
4) Don't tell anyone else about it no matter what.
5) Don't tell her what to do. Her life, her decisions, end of story. All you can do is help, support, pray, and let her know your thoughts and feelings.
6) Make sure she has a condom just in case.
Try not to nag, it's going to be hard not to. If you've already really bugged her or said something you shouldn't have make sure you apologize. Be very careful. You need to be there for her at times like these and say what needs to be said, but if she gets mad at you that will be very bad. I hope I helped you and I wish you the best of patience and you and your friend the best of luck.
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Quite honestly, you need to express your concern to her and talk to her about it. Let her know your thoughts on it.
Also, is this guy in 8th grade as well? Because it is then I have just lost another bit of my sanity and overall patience with the world and society. Seriously, how young are kids gonna be when they start all this stuff? And for this guy to go around and on his first date with a girl go all the way with her, just makes me want to hurt him.
As an extra bit of advice, tell your friend to get away from him, because any guy who is gonna try and go all the way on the first date with a girl is no good at all.
I hope this helped in some way and she takes your concerns seriously.
-Ryan
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HOnetly "lost at thought" i think you should just ask her something like are you sure you would wont to do this b/c of pregnacy or something like that. but beside that I wouldnt no offence but its none of your business. but I can see why you care its a good friend to do that I hope it works out for you I know my advice wasnt the best of them well goood luck
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Dear Lost At Thought,
First off- you're a very good friend for being concerned with this issue. Second off- your friend saying she was shy doesn't necessarily mean that she wanted to go through with it. It could be under the category of rape. Luckily the father came home before anything serious happened. You should talk to your friend, ask her if she really did want it, because most likely you're not ready in the eight grade especially if it's a first date. Ask her if she was just trying to please the guy or be cool and tell her it isn't cool and she shouldn't have to please anyone, if you're in a real relationship, respect is key. He should respect her. If she doesn't want to talk about it then try the mirror approach. Ask her to look at herself in the mirror and ask if what she sees is someone who would really do something just to please a guy on the first date. She should say no. If she starts to break down, console her, be a friend. If she says she does want to do that kind of stuff, tell her you understand, you may not think it's right but tell her to be careful, use protection. And if she's not okay then try to convince her to talk to a guidance counselor about this.
-ThatAdviceLady
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yes. tell her that "oh my effing god. you are in 8th grade and youre already doing stuff with this guy? and on the FIRST DATE?! i thought you had better morals than that..who would stick their hand down someones pants on a first date??" -of course, if you arent the "angry" type, then dont say it quite like that, but get that point across-. dont call her a slut or anything like that...but tell her that she couldve gotten an STD from that guy if he didnt use a condom! and that sex is only intended for people in LOVE. in 8th grade, you are not in love...and on the first date you are not in love. because i can almost guarantee that if she suddenly decides "you know..i kinda dont wanna have sex anymore.." that he'll break up with her in a heartbeat. then she'll start CRYING and CUTTING and all this other crap because "he was perfect! he was THE one, you dont understand..omg i loved him so much how could he??" and if a baby comes along, will he really be responsible and help out? i dont think so. she is acting very immature for someone becoming "sexually active".
oh..and by the way..she may have had fun with this guy, but when she gets married, do you think shell be proud that instead of sharing that 1st special moment with her husband, she used it in 8th grade? come ON.
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