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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Lately, we have been talking dirty a lot, a lot actually. Mostly sexual stuff. He told me the other day he will make me scream when we were out with our friends but when he told me that we both were alone together having ciggies.

Now, after introduced through my friends he and I've become really close in only a few months time and sharing and talking when we see each other at college, he always has to buy me lunch, insists to pay always, even though I want to pay for my own meal but wouldn't let me. He's such a decent boy. After the joking, talking, he's started to ask me questions like if you're wild, your nipple should be hard, I think you're quite shy in the bedroom, this kind of sex talk makes your knickers go wet, are they wet, I think I'm going to get stiff he said, do you talk dirty in the bedroom at the end of the class the other day, I told him you're always horny, he said, no you are. I can make a baby in you yeah, I asked him back what coz I didn't hear him properly he said the same and looked at me replied no just kidding. Most recent is while he told me he will make me scream.

I like him and he likes me too, I'm sure but we both have a partners at home. When we said goodnight the other day, he told me he loves it how we get on. Is this wrong to have a friend who does the sex chat and refers me that how he will make me scream, saying you're always horny, your nipple should get hard when if you're wild in the bedroom? Now, what is he trying to achieve? While I was away for a week, he said he missed me, I said you didn't, he said I didn't say that, you've said it, I said really you didn't miss me, he looked at me with that deep hint of shy look said, I always miss you( said my name), Always. So, what's all this? Has he started to have feelings for me or what? I think I have a feelings for him. Starting to. Thank you for the advice.

This guy either has never considered you just a friend or if he did, it was only for a very short period of time, like days or a couple weeks or so before he decided he would pursue you as if both of you were single. Would you be okay with your current bf having these same kinds of talks with a girl he claims is just his friend> I'll bet that's what your male friend plans to tell his girlfriend if she finds out.
My guess, though I could be wrong, is that he is holding onto his current gf as insurance in case the gal he really wants doesn't pan out. He may not really care for her any longer and she's just better than nothing to him.
However, if you want to truly consider you and him as a couple, I must say that IF he can so callously leave the girlfriend at home while he is out talking sex with and making comments to get a female to believe he really wants her as a package deal, meaning not only for sex. I say it could be a shallow personality flaw, of looking at females only skin deep and when he tires of one, keeps the current one while he searches and tries to convince the next female into his bed.
The real tough question you need to ask of yourself is "Why have I even been allowing him to speak like this without putting up a fuss? If you consider a half hearted statement of "But I have a bf, so don't say that." spoken only once or twice and not in anger to be a deterrent, then he would do this behavior to his dying day if he wished. As long as you take it and allow it, he'll keep on doing it. The best way to get the message across that its not proper is to warn him in a stern voice to stop it, that you were too chicken to ask him to stop before and if he opens his mouth in this visit to utter any word or phrase that You deem to be sexual of nature, then you will walk out and never meet with him ever again and he will have lost you as a friend. You can go on to tell him that you are happy with your boyfriend and not on the hunt for something better. Welll....that is unless you want to dump the bf in hopes this male sex talking friend could be your Mr. Right.

You say he is a friend, but other than hanging out together and doing all his sex speech, you did not give me any examples of what he does for you and how he treats you that show he is truly a friend. I am not talking about paying for meals or opening doors, all the stuff smart men do to impress a girl but a relationship can't be built on that.
If you are not sure what to look for in a male to know he is truly behaving as a friend, and not put on as a show to impress but coming from deep down, a part of his character that won't change, remember you can write me specifically from my column and ask me to get a better idea of what to be looking for. There is a slight chance he may really be truly treating you as a friend and also have deeper feelings for you. But do you really want a guy who strings along one female while wooing another? Men know that females have a weakness. They need to hear affirming statements of how beautiful they are and how sexually alluring they are as well and women who don't have or never have had that, crave it so much that they can drop common sense, and go for such a guy assuming his words mean it is all true.
Take heed, words are cheap and easy to say. ITs the carryin out of the acts that one can expect unasked from a friend because they know you that well, acts that show how much they care about you without thinking of you as a sexual creature, just as a friend, albeit female, then you truly know they really care and love. Love is too often confused with lust. Lust isn't to be confused with love. Love is caring about your partner, still pleasing them even if you are tired, or letting them sleep when they feel they are becoming sick instead of demanding sex. Lust is having a craving that must be fed and you will see it fed without having to give anything to the another person, the focus being ones own pleasure rather than that of your partner. Lust can evaporate after a period of time and without love to carry the relationship, it then dies, whereas, Love will make you want your partner for life.
You have a lot of decisions to make. You have an opportunity to learn more of what you want and don't want in a partner that you want to be with for life. Most females want that. Don't settle for less. I can't tell you who is the 'less' to be with, current bf or male friend inappropriately talking sexual stuff with you.

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Hey, I've tried to pluck out an ingrown hair and I made a mess of it before I went on holiday, it's been 3 months since I've done it and it appears to be healed but it's still really red! Is this a scar or will it go away?

Just to add to what adviceman said, he wasn't over reacting in stating that something that might seem simple is something that can't heal on its own.
I was in my 30s when a pimple on my chin popped and didn't heal well. A scab formed but under it was sore and red and felt like pus in it. I kept messing with it to try to sterilize it, the more I messed with it, the more it spread over time till I had a patch of skin the size of a quarter on my chin. A woman at church finally asked if I'd had a Dr. look at it and treat it yet. I wasn't one to run to Drs. for insignificant things that I felt could be treated with home remedys. But this had gone on longer than your issue. I said no but I was treating it myself. She then told me she was a nurse and named what I had and told me that this was an infection that would not go away on its own. So at some point, what started as a pimple had morphed to something serious. I saw a Dr and it was exactly what she said it was. It is a common infection Drs can recognize on sight but I'd never heard of it.
More recently, my adult daughter got a burn on the inside of her arm from hot steam. She is into natural healing and so are many of her friends, neighbors and those she works with. SHe had many who had successfully treated minor burns with the knowledge and methods they used. She had many people telling her what to do. She did it all and it did not get better, in fact got worse. Eventually she had to go see a Dr. and it had become infected. It happens sometimes.
For you, on the panty line, the elastic of bikini or panty will always be rubbing against, irritating it, even if not exactly at the elastic but close enough that the shifting of the fabric will sometimes rub it. So its safer to have a Dr. see it if you've had it this long as it could be an infection. And in todays world, there are some infections that are flesh eating diseases that only need a cut or scratch on the skin to get in. So yeah, there seriously are the regular infections and the ones that could land you in the hospital. See your Dr Asap dear.

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First off, she didn't straight up say it was phony, she just said "You're not even Jewish". She said that because in Judaism they believe that you're only Jewish if it was passed down to you through your mother and my mother was Roman Catholic where as my dad was Jewish.

Throughout my last two years of college I've been trying to get closer to my Jewish faith because I've just always considered myself Jewish. Though my mom tried to raise me Christian she always did it in a forceful way which of course made me turn away from it. I also just believe more of the basics of the Jewish faith than the Christian faith.

I've struggled with it though because unlike many Jewish children, I was never put in a Jewish education program and never had a bat mitzvah. I was never really taken to Synagogue except for maybe on a few occasions, but was frequently taken to a Jewish family center for a while when I was a child. However as I grew older all of that stopped and my dad distanced himself from the religion.

Last summer I was supposed to go on a birthright trip to reignite my faith, but it fell through last minute due to money issues so now I feel even more lost (though I hope to try again this coming summer).

I just moved recently so I wanted to get involved at a local Synagogue, but was feeling stressed about it because it seems like most synagogue members have all of the Jewish education already and are "real Jews" who went to Jewish school, had bat(or bar) mitzvah's and were raised in a Jewish family who celebrated all the holidays and prayed in Hebrew, etc.

When I was telling my best friend about my struggles with it that's when she said "You're not even Jewish". I tried my best to brush it off, but it keeps circling around in my mind.

Technically, she's right I'm not even a real Jew. Now I'm wondering if I'm just a big phony who convinced myself that I'm something I'm not and if I should just give up the act already and consider myself agnostic. I do believe in a god, but I don't believe that the bible was right about everything and technically I can't be a Jew because it wasn't passed to me through my mother. So I'm not really either am I? So does that make me agnostic then?

I'm so lost and confused. I feel like I've been lying to myself my whole life and that I'm really just pathetic for trying to cling to a religion that I'm not allowed in.

I also had a father who was 100% Jewish blood and my mother who was not. They lived in Germany during Hitlers reign. Dads grandparents attended synagogue but a great many who could see what was coming, did not go to synagogue but attended Lutheran or Catholic churches instead to avoid drawing bad attention to themselves. They survived wartime and came to the U.S.
When it came to geneology, and with school, you know at some point kids have a project of having to chart out what they know of their lineage, I knew I was half Jewish and Half German blood wise. Although my Dad loved the Jewish faith and the ceremonies, us kids were raised Lutheran and the parents both at later points became Christian. Dad had been away too long to feel he even fit in a synagogue and was not fluent in the language as it wasn't spoken either in Germany as he was being raised.
I have heard all the same silly arguments you've heard. I ignore them. Ones geneology and ones religious beliefs should be two different things . I believe my blood line shouldn't dictate what religion I can belong to or not. I have chosen the Christian faith. However Dad late in life found a Jewish-Christian church. He invited his grown children to come visit. It reminded me a little of synagogue and a little of church and observed and celebrated all Jewish holidays and beliefs and that meant a lot to my Dad.
I have gotten into debates with people, trying to explain that I didn't care of Mom wasn't jewish, I got the Jewish blood from Dad and that made me Jewish. They are holding onto beliefs so old that no longer count in modern day times. Do you even know why it was important that Dads heritage was discounted? Because without blood tests, gene tests and paternity tests and birth control back in past centuries, there was no way to prove a childs heritage on Dads side, only Moms. Someone could have raped or forced Mom before she met Dad and was carrying a child at the time she married, or what if she had a lover on the side?
This is the same outdated system used still today in some parts of the world that require a female to be virgin at birth. OR worse, to have a show of blood and not all virgins do. For the very same reasons, that were needed back then but are not needed now due to todays technology. All the Jews and non Jews who hold to this way to determine if one is of Jewish descent or not are just plain old idiots. It has become more of a tradition than practical. Just keep searching until you find the place of worship that makes you feel welcome and doesn't keep bringing up the fact that only your Dad was Jewish. Things like this need to change with modern times but haven't and it is very sad.

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I'm 24, female, and single. I want to be in a serious relationship since I haven't seriously dated somebody in a couple years, but I'm picky (according to everybody else).

For example, I won't date somebody who is still working as a waiter (unless it's at a high end restaurant with big tips), at a fast food restaurant, or a minimum wage position. I just feel like once you're old enough to have a college degree or prior work experience you should have a better job. I'm not expecting anybody rich or anything, but at least for the person to be making an average wage. I make a little more than most people my age, but I don't even have my degree yet (finishing my bachelors) so I feel like I'm not asking that much. If I can put in the work to find a job that pays more than minimum wage so can other people. I understand of course if something is holding the person back from getting something better, but it needs to be something other than laziness and low work ethic.

Unless they already had a good job and did it for fun, I won't date somebody who's in debt from a 4+ year degree that they knew would not be in demand. For example, I know people who went to school for something like Humanities and are now in tons of debt over it and can't find a job. I feel like it shows that the person makes extremely poor decisions seeing as they had 4+ years to change their major to something more hireable.

Unless he's genuinely saving up a ton of money or has to help his family, I won't date a guy who still lives with his parents when he's 23 or older. I feel like by then you should at least have an apartment with friends or live on campus.

I won't date somebody who doesn't have a car. If you're 22 or over I feel like asking for somebody to have a car isn't crazy. I worked my butt off to get a car at 19 and I'm on my second one now.

I don't feel like I'm asking for too much. I feel like all of my requests are more than manageable for anybody who's not being held back by a bad situation. Yet I get people who tell me that I'm a gold digger and a bitch for asking this much and that I'm going to be single forever unless I stop being so "materialistic". Well I don't see it that way, I see it as being financially responsible. We're not talking about 18yo's we're talking about 23yos and up.

Are they just suffering from special snowflake syndrome or am I being too critical?


Hon, you may be ahead of people your age. I know lots of people even into their early thirties who are still switching jobs, trying to find a good one and many who have matured a little but not enough to even know what they want like you. I live in a city with supposed great job market for those just out of college but know a great amount of unemployed people with degrees because they are now older and there are more young people wanted, however the positions available for the jobs you speak of are not enough to go around.
I can't tell you what should be your priorities. It is great that you even have any at your age. So many don't. I didn't. I learned the hard way and had to divorce the ex. Second time around, with what I learned that I would not tolerate in behavior, I came up with a list of criteria a man had to meet to be able to date me. If a guy asked me out and I found him attractive enough for me, I would meet for coffee and have a honest talk with him letting him know what I was looking for. Did the same on internet dating. I will paste in the document I have on exactly what this list entails. To find someone just by bumping into him in your regular haunts on a daily basis, is going to be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. You might consider having this list but searching in dating sites. This way you can read what they've written and go that way. If you do, don't use the free sites. Go for the ones that a person has to pay to use it because the men you are looking for are more likely to have no problem paying to be on there. It also is more likely they are seriously looking for a life partner. Heres that info on the list:

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you.

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theres this woman at my job, anyway she is a female as am I. we are both 33 ive always thought she was gay, she doesn't come off as straight 2 me..now I don't speak 2 anyone at my job...but she will make a special effort 2 make convo with me and if Im lookin at something on my comp, she'll come by me closely and just be cheesin and grinning, sometimes she'll touch my arm....and shell say what are you lookin at in this weird playful voice....or she'll peek around the corner while im at my desk and say hi....she is always extra happy 2 be around me....one day I had to use the computer by her area and she said I should be her cute little desk buddy, now there is another woman who sits at that cubicle but she wasnt there that day and I had to use that computer for something since mine was not working and no one elses computer was available. I think she is gay and has a huge crush on me and wants me in a physical sexual manner, she doesn't do this around anyone, just privately when im at my front desk...ive been hit on women before and ive been threatened by them too cuz I don't deal/like with chics....this woman's happiness is over extended around me, she loves standing near me, but she'll stay apart from the other chics at my job...and she isn't playful with my other coworkers....i had a picture on my computer with intertwined cherries, in the shape of a heart, well here comes freak, n she stood right next to me just smilin and says ummm those look good while staring at me....sometimes, she'll even give me a shytty attitude for no reason at all....while ive been hit on and bluntly approached by women, I am not gay by any means, but some people think if a woman hits on another woman then that makes the woman being hit on gay, I find that untrue....u" ....is there a way I can stop this...should I say something, or should i just leave it alone and accept the fact that women find me attractive and there's nothing I can do about it but accept it...." thanks for any advice

Its not always that a female might be gay, she might be bi sexual and attracted to men and women equally. I don't know where you heard this thing about women who are hit on being gay simply because someone else is attracted to them.
If a married man did not wear a ring because of his job, and not knowing he was married until he told you he was married, you actually hit on him, would that make you a home wrecker? I hope you see that the conclusion you're so worried about, or more to the point, so very worried about what other people may think does not matter. People will think what they want. Just because they think it doesn't make it true.

So the easy solution, if you like having your personal space and she is getting too close, tell her so. You do not have to bring up the fact you are not gay as she has not told anyone there that she is. People don't usually introduce themselves at work as "Hi I'm Mary and I'm gay". That is never done.
I am a friendly person and often will pat a persons shoulder to talk to them. I did that with my cubicle mate years ago and she instantly reacted telling me that she did not like anyone getting that close into her personal space. Otherwise, she was friendly enough. If you don't like people standing too close or touching you, then telling her that you don't like it when people get too close. If however you don't mind other hetero acting people getting too close in proximity to you, then that argument won't work. You'd either have to find a way to confirm she is gay or say nothing. It would be awkward to point blank ask her if she was gay, simply because you thought so due to how she was acting around you.
Just what if this woman has a favorite cousin or sister far away and you remind her of that person? That could easily be why she feels tempted to get close to you, and not because she is gay. It seems to me with the acceptance of gender or sexual preference out in the open, that a lot of people now worry they are being hit upon by a bi or gay person. It happened to me twice. I simply thanked the female, as if it were a male who complimented me and asked me out but I wasn't interested in and added that I was not interested. So it may be best to wait until she does ask if she ever does and not worry about the day it Might happen. If asked to go out with or if you are single and date females, thank her for her interest but let her know you are not gay. End of story. It really is not a bad thing if someone asks cus how else are they supposed to know unless they ask. Not all bi or gay women go to gay bars to find a partner, actually, thats a very small percent.

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I'm 23 and I'm so sick of my dad living his life like he's a teenager. He's so irresponsible about everything and it infuriates me.

For example, he took an extra key I had for my apartment without asking. I found out when he started just walking into my home without knocking. I told him the extra key is for my roommate's fiance, but he doesn't care and won't give it back. They're also not normal keys so I can't just have to locks changed.

When he does come over he acts like he's coming over to help me with something, but he just lays on the couch and sleeps all day. Yesterday he woke me up barging into my apartment at 11am so he could sleep on my couch until 6pm. It's so incredibly rude, but he thinks because he's my father he has a right to come over whenever he wants. He needs to go home and sleep in his own bed, but he doesn't because he has too many animals and they keep him awake.

Next, whenever I need his help (like today I really needed to go to the cellular store because my phone broke and he has a password on the account so he has to come with me) he always shows up extremely last minute or not at all. If I ask him when he's coming he won't answer me or will tell me one time and then show up hours past that.

Going back to the pet thing, he always picks up new animals and even though I tell him don't bring any over he does anyways and then he leaves them here to get them out of the house. Last time I had to find a home myself for a kitten he brought over. Yesterday he left another cat at my place. He knows I'm not allowed to have more than my one cat. He also won't find homes for the ones he already has. He just expects people to look at his facebook photos of them and adopt them. Then whenever he does find a home for one he takes in 5-6 more.


He eats extremely unhealthy, for breakfast he has snack cakes and he only drinks powder tea and soda. He never takes care of himself. He's been sick for three weeks because he refuses to take the antibiotics prescribed to him.

He cusses out people at his workplace and then wonders
why he hasn't been promoted in over 20 years. He told his boss he doesn't give a f**k what he thinks. He wonders why he can't get a different job when he hasn't made any good references and has worked at the same entry level job his whole life.

He's in an insane amount of debt because he took a loan out on a house without even seeing it and when he moved in realized it was falling apart and needs lots of repair work he can't afford. He's about to file for a second bankruptcy and thinks that will make all his problems go away. He's been in the house 5 years now and the AC has never worked.

Instead of saving his money it all goes towards his animals and stupid stuff like toy cars he thinks are collectible. He let his animals break every item in his house, spray all over the walls, and ruin his furniture. It's all disgusting. His whole life is disgusting and he won't even try to fix anything.

Please help. What can I do? I'm so sick of my dad living like that. I want it all to stop and to have a normal dad with a nice home and no animals destroying everything. I want him to be able to get a normal job he enjoys. I want him to eat healthy and have nice things. I want him to stop using my apartment as his bedroom. I want him to actually help me and do things in a timely manner instead of sleeping all day and waiting around until the last minute.

I can't stand it anymore!



If the landlord knows the reason why you want a new door knob and key, he should understand. If however, he is not okay with you ordering and getting it put in, he may have a specific type and want to have it installed himself as long as you are the one paying for the one he chooses that match the style of the rest of apartments.

As for your Dad acting like a teenager, hon, sorry to say but your Dads actions with collecting animals is a disorder, the same as hoarding things until the place is unsafe to live in and spending all ones money on caring for the animals. It is very likely that his place is not fit for a human to live in. When a hoarder has these kinds of issues, and run out of space in their home, being compelled to keep adding more stuff or animals, they will start putting stuff in storage sheds on their property, or it spills out into the yard and much the same, he can't sleep so he is using your place as an extention of his own space, starting with sleeping there, only because his animal hoarding drove him to it. It will not get better on its own. This is when professional help is needed.
Hoarding was included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013, which means that all forms of the condition, including animal hoarding, are officially considered a psychiatric disorder. (found this on internet)

Heres a link to article about animal hoarding:
https://www.paws.org/get-involved/take-action/explore-the-issues/animal-hoarding-2/

You'll notice the mention of ability to take proper care of the animals. They may recieve food but do all the animals get regular vet checkups, plenty of exercise, have a proper place to go potty, have a proper amount of space to move about in the home? Yes, a typical hoarder can have animals that are starved, infected or have some infestation, and even a couple of dead animals somewhere in the house but if there are so many animals that it is affecting his own well-being, that is when a family member has a right to call in the professionals to help him because he won't be able to see that he is doing anything wrong. The very fact that he cannot sleep at his own place any longer and comes to sleep at your place and without your permission, just shows that not only is it affecting his well being via lack of sleep, but there is something not quite right in his mind if he doesn't realize it is wrong to steal a key to your place, and also wrong to invite himself over to a place that is not his.

The next link has suggestions at the end of whom to contact to reach out for help.

https://www.aspca.org/animal-cruelty/animal-hoarding/closer-look-animal-hoarding

So even if the animals seem well cared for if that's the case, the fact that his quality of health and ability to sleep in his own home let alone other issues you may not know of, that's enough to override his wishes and get him professional help. I have heard of plenty of stories where at the point that something about living in their own home is challenged or disturbed by the presence of too many animals, that it now becomes an issue of Dads welfare. There is help to get placement for all the animals without you or Dad finding homes. There will be agencies in your own state that do that if need be.


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Could anyone explain about the meaning of feeling is mutual? I think he likes me well I like him and he knows that, I suppose. We're friends and known for almost a year. Joking, flirting and sharing stories we do when we meet and yes I feel an attraction between us and I think he feels the same too. Tells me he likes me several times but different occasions. Yesterday we're talking and after the hamburger that he bought for us, I feel sleepy I said, he said should we go for a nap together, I said yeah you wish, and he looked at me, said you and I have this relation, hard to describe but you like me and the feeling is mutual. He said twice. Instead of saying he likes me why would he say in a lengthy way? We are in a difficult place because of my boyfriend and he probably don't want to risk our friendship. Is this wrong, folks?
Thank you!

The feeling is mutual means "what you are feeling, I feel the exact same thing" or "the same goes for me"

So if you said I can't stand the taste of cumin and someone else said 'the feeling is mutual' , they aren't talking as much about a feeling per se rather than agreeing that they feel the same about a statement you said.

In your story, you didn't say something that he responded to with this phrase but instead told you how he feels and is stating as a fact that he knows you feel the same way about him.

If you are asking if it is wrong to have a boyfriend but find you have feelings growing for another, having the feelings is not wrong. What would be wrong is attempting to carry on intimate relationship with both guys at once IF both are monogamous.

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Cheers Dragonflymagic for the advice about the guy friend flirting and wanting to take me to football. the thing is I reckon we both like each other and he does do a sex talk like oh, do you like oyster, oh, that lunch was better than orgasm, I say nothing in the world is better than orgasm, he also says you have a aphrodisiac skin you know that etc, but in a humourous way not in pervert way. he also told me you might meet my gf one day outside and I might meet you bf one day, I said I don't know probably, do I have to meet her he said well, if it's in the restaurant you're there and I was there with our partners of course, I said I can pretend I don't know you and we don't have to meet our Partners, he's like why, he also said she's a jealous gf plus he's got a kid with her but they have only been together for a few years. about me, I'm not that happy in my relationship like before because when we argue my bf says he don't love me enough and he does have a kid with his previous relationship which I understand and I love his kid but I'm just getting fed up now. I think my guy friend is not happy as well but he would not mention anything at all to me but just over a few weeks now he's been very flirty, talking slightly dirty which he never used to but flirty he always been and now he's said he would have stolen me from my bf if he was not with his gf. I'd say that's quite daring Dragonflymagic, don't you agree? that means he must be into me even in a slightest part. We hardly talk about our relationship though but we always delighted when see each other at University. Also, when we go to canteen after class he pays for my lunch and he says, 'don't worry I'm inviting you for lunch ok.' however, I'm sorry Dragonflymagic it's an awfully long story. I have a feeling that we have a some sort of connection or attraction between us. I think he's not entirely happy with his gf. what do you reckon? why would he talk like this? Do you think inviting me to football seem like a date or perhaps not? he don't label though but he knows that I'm into sports as much as him. please tell me what to do? thanks a bunch for your greatest advice! god bless you Dragonflymagic!

Many guys have a kid with someone they are no longer with and no matter if they were dating, married or not, the only thing that requires him to pay child support is results of dna tests. So having a kid with her is no excuse. When people are not happy in a relationship, it's too easy for them to be tempted to look elsewhere, even doing so under the pretense of just flirting. The thing is that so far, he is all talk, erotic talk at that. The only guys I have ever heard of who constantly compliment, flirt and make sexual comments are either ones to whom being monogamous with their lady is not a high priority and they will constantly be looking for their next sexual partner, OR, They talk like they really want sex and whether they have a gal or not, are nothing but hot air and are too chicken to act upon their feelings. My husband worked for a while with a boss who would take anything we said and turn it into a sexual inuendo. You couldn't have a normal conversation with him. But I saw it for what it was, All bark, no bite.

To answer your questions about his behavior, I like to turn the tables and imagine how it would feel if the shoe were on the other foot, and by this I mean you needing to imagine you are with a guy you are really crazy about. He has a female friend. And this isn't to discover if you are a jealous sort or not, just whether it sounds proper or not. So your bf has a female friend. Would you feel okay if a friend saw and overheard him with the female friend and came back to you to report that he was flirting and talking sexual stuff with the female outrageously. How would you feel? Do you know that he is like this, joking around about sexual stuff "all bark no bite" with everyone, all people, to anyone who would listen and chuckle, male and female? If so, then you'd know its just his character and theres nothing to be concerned about. However, if he doesn't do this on a regular basis with lots of others, then you'd know he was singling out this female friend to flirt and talk sexual to. Would you be okay with him doing that? I can tell you that my own impression if it was my husband, then I would feel it to be totally out of order and wrong. NOw I am not against my man doing non serious flirting but he isn't like that. He is however a man who deep down inside believes men need to be supportive of all women but especially of the woman he has chosen to be his mate, she comes first. I am talking a single neighbor lady for example whose clothes line came down and noticed it and volunteer to fix it for her. It wasn't the female asking for help as a ruse to get close to him. He compliments women on their jewelry because he has an interest in beautiful stones and their settings. I am usually always with him and he does so with me there, and only once did one female clerk look scared as her eyes slid to mine to see how I was taking this 'my man complimenting her or hitting on her i think is what she thought. I slapped my hand over my mouth and had to turn away as I began laughing silently at the expression on her face. Your woman's intuition will let you know if it is harmless or he shouldn't be doing that. Its all about the intent of his heart. Thats also how God looks at us, not at a deed as only right or sin, but at the intent of ones heart. How about imagining he has tickets to a sport game. The proper thing would be to ask you first as his gf. If you say you really don't want to go, then if he asks if he can take a friend, a female friend to the game instead, would you let your sweetheart do so? In his case, it's not like a ticket going wasted unless he asks someone to come along. He knows he can get the seats no matter what, alone or bringing someone. It shouldn't matter if the friend he brings is male or female, wouldn't you agree? Most guys wouldn't ask or inform their ladys because of fear that they would throw a hissy fit and males are terrified of upsetting a gal so theres always the tendency to want to hide their intentions to avoid this, same with breaking up. A guy may no longer love a gal but be afraid of repercussions in saying he wants out. They are afraid of the tears and crying or maybe even vindictive behavior so they do nothing and just go looking on the side for the new gf and spend less and less time with their supposed partner. If it were me and it was an only one time thing that came up, tickets that would be wasted, I might go along. But this sounds more like a date, like him wanting to do something special with a girlfriend, taking her to a game. Some women like sports, some don't. Maybe she doesn't but you will understand soon whether to him this is a need for him or just a want. I explain this in the following document:

How to find Mr. Right

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? Though I used a dating site, 2nd time around, knowing yourself is important in selling yourself whether for a job position or the position of gf. Its easier said than done to describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may sound promising. This is the kind of stuff you share at a first time meetup if a guy has asked to meet you, take you out. Forego the movie or busy date, just go to a coffee shop or restaurant where you can just sit and talk talk talk. Hopefully the guy will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and I realized he lied. He felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. I met a few gus with the same kind of thinking. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the criteria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine them or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said. So ask me if you have questions. this should hopefully help you decide first whether to stay with current bf or not. Once single, then the next step would be to tell the male friend, (if he's talking the same to you but still with his girlfriend, 'what's holding you back? Either you are interested in me as more than a friend or not. I am now single and you still have left her and asked me out. If you do not intend to ever date me, then tell me so now because I am seriously planning on meeting and going out with several guys, either all at once or as I meet them, and just those that will meet my criteria for a partner. If you want to be someone I check out like that, you must be ready to cut it off if not happy with the gf. I can't promise this means we'll end up together, just that you must be single if I am going to check you out more in depth.' That will tell him where you stand and he will need to get serious and have some serious discussion with you and possibly make some decisions regarding his near future as far as searching for a right partner is concerned


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It's ONLY foot massage, no where else.
It's NOT for therapeutic purposes.
I live in Virginia and I'm almost 21.
I'm disabled, so I can't drive to a school or anything.

All you want to know is in the following links:


http://work.chron.com/need-certification-foot-massages-15869.html

https://www.abmp.com/news/virginia-mandatory-massage-licensing-bill-passed

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So long story short, I've been working for a couple months now and I didn't know that during pay day my job sends pay stubs in emails. So one day I asked my boss for my pay stub and she said it was in my email, which it wasn't so I told her to send it again to me, she said she would and I never got it. I reminded her about three more times and she always told me she would but I still never got them. So since my manager isn't really in control of the pay stubs I think somebody else higher than her is, is it Human resources? Should I call someone there about my pay stub? I need it because my pay check isn't adding up and I want to see if I got paid correctly. I even googled if there was a website to view my pay stub. I found one but I don't know if it's legit. It's called online wage statements .com /(name of company you work for) the website asks for your employee number and the 4 digit password that my boss said would unlock the paystub I never got. What should I do? Should I try the website or ask her again hoping it will finally work out? Or call someone in HR? (Do they even handle paystubs or are they just hiring managers?)

Lots of companies have an outside company do their paychecks. I do not know if this is the case for you but asking HR is a good way to go and let HR know that you are still not getting your emailed pay stubs. I worked somewhere that we had direct deposit but our W2's at end of year were on line and we had to go find it. No one was told how to find it and I had to ask several times exactly where to go. When I couldn't find it because the manager gave us the wrong place on the internet to go, I asked her for the number for corporate offices so I could ask them for my copy. Just keep trying, once you have the right info, you'll probably find it just fine. And remember, the squeaky wheel is the one that gets everyones attention, so just keep asking until someone finally looks into it for you.
I know that often when there's new employees that they don't always get them into the computer in a timely manner and as time goes on, they forget. So its possible they never set you up on line to begin with if this is your fist paycheck.

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I'm currently taking Latuda for my schizophrenia and anxiety and it's not working. I've been on other medicines.

You would have to go back to the DR. who is handling your mental health, most likely the one who prescribed Latuda. Let the Dr. know it's not working and ask if Xanax is a good alternative. Dr.s don't always start with full doses or the strongest meds in case a particular persons body responds to less. Drs try to be conservative with what they prescribe. I went thru the same for blood pressure meds until they got the right one for me. Good luck.

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So I have literally dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. I can remember being in first grade and not being able to do much of anything because I was so anxious. And I can remember faking my happiness since I was a very young child.

It just gets worse and worse every year, and I swear I've spent all my life trying to overcome them, but I just continue getting worse... continue getting weaker...

I've tried literally everything for years and years - different therapies, different medications, different meditations, different exercising, different diets, different religions/spiritualities, therapy animals, subliminal messaging, binaural beats, hypnosis, different hobbies, talking to people more, taking better care of myself, "faking it until I make it", getting out of the house more, making myself do things, mental hospitals - I've tried this constantly for years and years and im just so tired.

I'm exhausted. All I ever do now is fake who I am. Every single person other than my parents and my fiance think I'm this genuinely super happy and enthusiastic person because thats who I reveal to everyone. I never show my crippling, severe, torturing depression and anxiety to anyone. everyone just thinks im perfectly fine and super fucking happy.

Please don't tell me to try more. There's nothing else I can try. I've tried all therapies, too many meds to count - just everything any psychiatrist or therapist or psychologist could think of.

my life is pointless. I just get worse everyday. I cry everyday. I can't sleep.

The only thing that keeps me alive is I don't want to go to hell from killing myself, even though I feel like I've given up on God, yet I still try to show my love for Him. I don't want to give up on Him, so I try to still think He loves me somehow.

I don't think there's any hope for me. I've tried everything... I've dealt with this all my life... I can't do anything. I'm meaningless. I can't work or drive because I'm too sick. Nothing's ever even lessened my issues even the slightest...

Seriously, are some people just meant to suffer? Was I just destined to live like this?

How can I accept that this is my fate and just accept that I'll have to fake my happiness to everyone for the rest of my life?

I had extreme social anxiety as a young child and that continued until I was healed from it forever at the end of my sr year of high school. I've not had clinical depression but the temporary ones due to situations and those I found a way to deal with to snap out of my depression. There are many more things I've learned since then.
I wish I could share it with you but you have your mind set that there are no answers, no way to stop suffering if even to be just a little better rather than more. I have been imersed in the CHristian faith as a teen, my choice. I can also say I have outgrown those confines of beleifs because there are no real answers to some questions. At least for myself, I have found answers that seem to make sense to explain away what the purpose of life is on this earth, why it seems to be that life is so harsh and hard for the majority of us, why are there sweet people and then the extreme opposite of psychopaths ready to mess up peoples lives, why is there evil, is there any good, is God even real or Jesus or the beliefs of many gods, on and on. I am in my late fifties so Its not like I am young and just questioning cus I have lots to learn in life. The questions I have and seem to have found answers that make my life more bearable, I love to share with others or at least make suggestions to get one pointed in the right direction. I also know of the tricks our minds play on us and how some of us get so stuck in traps we have created by our own thinking and how to recover from that. When you are ready to hear my experiences or beliefs on any particular thing like fate and destiny and why there is so much bad in the world. I'd be glad to share some of my own stories and recommend a Book that is free on line to just start reading. I had lots of answers but non connected until someone recommended I read this book. Its not a self help book but should answer a heck of a lot of the questions you have. It may not change what you have to go through in this life but change your outlook, anything that gives more sense to our chaotic world, I feel is helpful to continue with existing and maybe actually being able to not just survive but lend a helping hand to help others to survive. When you are ready or curious enough, please go to my column and write to me and ask what you want and refer to this message of yours so I know who you are. Until later, then.

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Hello,
please help me with this question I'm about to ask as I'm very much trying to understand his behaviour. he told me yesterday that, 'if I was not with my girlfriend I would have stolen you from your boyfriend' (actually said few times already here and there but never with word stolen) I said well, only if you were single and I was single, then he looked at me for few seconds and said 'yeah' in a questioning tone, I said 'yes' he just smiled and kept looking at me. we do kid around heaps with a flirty remarks. met at the university. became good mates. he knows that we both are into sports so he was offering me to take me to football last week about 1 hour away distance but he didn't have a space in his car with his other mates but promised me definitely next time for sure with free entrance as he's got some friend there, yet I insisted to pay but he says, 'no' you don't have to as you come with me (as this is next time we're on about). please, could I have some suggestions? is he trying to make it clear that he likes me? I feel like he does but he laughs a lot afterwards so it's juts so hard. thanks

Examine what he said closely about stealing you away from your boyfriend. At first glance, it sounds like the flirty remark meant to make you feel good about yourself. You were the only one who used reason and said only if you both were single which you are not. There's single and then again there's another kind of single. Single as in not married or divorced, single as in dating and having made a commitment to your partner that they are the only one and you will not see anyone else, or there is single without wanting to commit to one person and dating several people at the same time.

If a guy meant to date another while committed to someone else, then he is considering and blatantly inviting you to be the other woman whom he cheats with, or if he has not made a commitment to the other girl and feels free to date whomever he likes, then the only thing holding him back would not be knowing whether you made a commitment to your boyfriend. But then, would you really enjoy being with him if he doesn't make commitments and you never know if you can be tossed out like the garbage any one of these days?

He has no business saying such a thing. the fact that he has done so repeatedly tells me he isn't saying it just once cus he thinks its a good way to flirt, but because he really does like you. Then why the heck is he still dating the other girl? If he's so hot about you, why hasn't he made the first move...based on what you replied...and become single again to prove that he is really serious. He may like you yes, but like his girlfriend equallly. He only mentioned stealing you away but he did not volunteer to dump his current girlfriend. Does he consider himself above the rules of good manners? As in, whats good for me, is not good for you or more to the point, I can steal you from your bf and end up juggling 2 girlfriends at the same time but don't you dare even hint at stealing him away from his gf and choosing to keep both him and your current bf. He would come unglued. Its okay in the minds of many males for guys to mess around and not be honest or totally committed to their gf. But the other way around will not be tolerated by a guy.
Either you decide to continue to listen to him flirt about having you but not getting rid of his gf or if you don't like it that he is not totally available, then ask him to stop and not mention it again. You might, if interested in exchanging him for your current bf, to make a show of sincerity by him becoming single again. If he says he is single but still seeing her, then you can talk about commitment phobia, like having one fish in the fry pan while having another on the hook.
I dont know the guy so his laughing could be like punctuation to his speech, the ending to each sentence but you only notice when he's flirty, so it doesnt mean anything. Some people laugh to cover up feeling uncomfortable. If he were really on the level with good intentions, what would he have to feel uncomfortable about? And some people laugh when something is funny to them. So maybe this is all a big joke to him.
If it were me and a guy friend said this repeatedly already. I'd have wanted to look past his words and laughing and get to what he really was thinking or get him to stop. So I most likely would say "Enough already with the taking me from my boyfriend comment. It's getting quite tiring hearing you say this when you obviously don't have the balls to go after what you want and make the necessary changes to be able to do so. If you become single in the future, then instead of the bravado of meaningless flirting, have an honest heart to heart with me and let me know that you are still searching for the ONE woman with whom you stay til you're old and gray, and you truly want to have a chance to spend more time with me to know if I'm the one.
If you get along as friends and he is not just a male acquaintance but more, then you both know you already get along as best friends which is important in a couple relationship. Equally important is whether beyond visual attraction there is truly sexual chemistry. This is the only part you both do not yet know. Its not worth losing a perfect current bf/gf to find out if you could make a good sexual match. There will always be plenty of people in the world who can be just your perfect sexual match or only the perfect best friend. But its much harder to find someone who is both. Relationships without both will not last long or be very rocky for as long as you push for staying together. Inviting you to a game if he has a gf makes me wonder if she knows he is taking a female friend to a game. That is not so innocent as it may look. I would turn it down unless I could call the gf myself, mention that I am just a female friend who likes sports and he has invited me to go to a ball game as he has an 'In" as far as seating goes. I would ask if she is okay with that. If not, I would turn him down. If a guy knows his gf can be very jealous, then he shouldn't be contemplating even having a female friend if the gf is that important to him. There are few females who would not be suspicious or jealous. It's worse if he never mentioned you as being a friend of his so she's unaware of your existance.

I have a good example from my life to drive the point home. After a divorce and having an internet dating profile, I began to meet initially with just the guys who sounded promising. I'd meet at a coffee shop where lots of other people were present. Its the safest way to go. Well, as we went out to our cars afterwards, the guy felt guilty and told me he was married but that their marriage was now a sexless marriage and he was not looking for a woman for total commitment, just as a lover on the side. Knowing something about polyamory, I told him okay well if your wife doesn't know about me or give her okay for the arrangement, then it's considered cheating in my book and I will not help anyone to cheat on their partner. So all you have to do is introduce me. I told him of couple I knew where the husband was ill enough at a young enough age that he wanted his very sexual wife to still have her needs met and all he wanted was to know who the guys who were her lovers to be sure they were of good character and that she'd be safe with them. I actually know of 3 or 4 couples like that, some roles reversed with the wife instead of husband too ill.
This man looked horrified and said, Oh no I could never tell her, she would not be okay with that. Besides I love her as my best friend. being friends and sexual equals are both important in a relationship, but when a man isn't getting the sexual part, he either must do the for better or worse and stick with the worse and do without. Or if he's so unhappy he can't function, and he no longer has feelings for her, then he needs to divorce and find someone else. This man gave himself away when he said he loved her too much to divorce her but he still had his needs. I don't care if another woman wants to and is okay with being the lover on the side but I am not. So that ended that. Another met me and after coffee shop, came along to sit on the porch swing and keep talking. I really liked him from the first meet up. At the end, I guess he got cold feet. I call the rules and don't cave in to what is important to me and settle for less. If a guy is okay with it great, if not, Im gone. This one started saying that I might not see him for a while because of work and he was also remodeling his house and it was a mess. Most his time was going to completing the renovation. I told him, oh thats no problem, invite me over and I'll help. I told him that I helped a previous boyfriend build bookshelves from scratch. I helped to measure cut lines and helped hold boards still as he sawed with the machine. I also helped hammering, and painting with varnish. He looked extremely panicked now. He gave what he thought was a good excuse to back out. I think he saw how well we both did around each other in just the first meeting and he probably had wife and kids at home and therefore, the renovation deal was just a cover story to distract me. Since I Accidently did not take his excuse at face value and kept pushing several times for him to have me come help, he panicked so badly that the next day when I went to bring up his profile to write him a message that I enjoyed meeting him, the profile had been taken off and we had not traded phone numbers. this guy had thought he could cheat on the wife but when it came to final decision, he knew that he could never get away with it. He realized he couldn't agree to only meet me at my place or in motels. He sensed that I would be instantly suspicious if he kept evading having me over...I was no youngling anymore but a woman closer to fifty at that point.
So if you really want to have some fun, try pinning him down like that, offering to ask his girlfriend yourself if she doesnt mind if he takes you as his friend , to the next football game. Pull out your cell and ask him for her number. He has not had a chance to ask a sister or some other female to take your call and pretend to be the girlfriend when he gives you a number. So his goose is cooked if he gives you the real bf number and also if he doesn't because he knows that will make you suspicious. Its up to you, but putting him on the spot with some well thought out scenerios ahead of time may be helpful in getting him to cool his heels, or make a decision, become single and ask you out. Too many people are afraid of being alone and single so they feel they have to be dating someone or they will feel unimportant or sad or look odd to their peers. HOwever, if a person continues to keep a tight grip on the one they are with for purposes other than learning whether you like them enough or not and then breaking up or making a commitment, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. You make yourself unavailable to anyone else you should meet whom you like even better than the person you are with.
Its like me saying "Ah, well my hubby is a good provider but too busy for me so I feel neglected and he buys me gifts but doesn't want to spend quality time with me or having long deep conversations with me which I crave more than gifts, plus he has a hair trigger temper that goes off often. Staying with a guy like that, I have more than one thing there I have issues with. If I was unhappy about them that much, why have I chosen to stay and settle for less. Could it be I figure that I can't and won't find anything better? Thats a big one out there, that there is no one better. I did have a bad first marriage but the reasons I left were verbal and emotional abuse. He didn't want to divorce, so I had to plan with friends, to just leave him and go stay with them which meant quitting my job and moving out of state to stay with them while I tried to get my life stable again without him. The husband used to be a counselor and was able to help me with the counseling I badly needed. The key here is that instead of dating guys while married to fill in the needs I had, the mistreatment I suffered, I chose to end it and stop settling for less. I also prayed and heard God tell me to make a list of criteria for what I need in a man, not want but Need, meaning if not present in the man, then it was a deal breaker and he was out. To make the list, you have to be able to write down all your qualities and experiences in life that now require special needs, all valid to just you, like a resume for a job to get hired. Instead you use your own needs to create a list of what you're looking for so you can recognize it when you come across it. I had such a list and had just about given up finding a guy who would match it when my 2nd husband now, wrote to me and we met and he meets all my needs. I had a list of wants which is nice but not necessary, like long hair which he has, but someone who loves to go dancing which he does not. It's something I can live without because I got the more critical things the needs I had to have. After verbal abuse with the first, I knew I had to have a man who did not lose his temper, did not yell at me or insult or call me names or try to belittle me in front of others, make me do all the work around home without lifting a finger, etc.... This one is the total opposite of my ex and I am happy. Perhaps its time you make such a list. If you need more specifics, I have a document about this and how to go a bout it. Just write me from my column and ask me for the "finding Mr Right" document and I will paste it in for you. You need to know for sure just how right the current bf is for you. If he doesn't fulfill your basic needs list, then why would you stay if you already know for sure he is not the one to be in love with you til the day he dies. This means you initiate the breakup. This also means that you may be breaking it off with a lot of really nice guys. That is not good enough that they be nice. A person can be nice but still wrong for you. Good example: A female who needs to converse and wants to with him but he is a man of little conversation. ONe can make that work for a short time but after a while, you will resent that he does not seem willing to communicate at a level you require, and he will resent you for pushing him to be more verbal. Neither trait is wrong or bad but just a bad mismatch and can lead to a relationship slowly falling apart. So decide if you need to figure out what you know about the current players, the bf and the male friend. Be ready and okay to let both go if neither can fulfill the criteria on your list. Too many people go without a list in life and their dating strategy is way too random. Thats like tring to hunt for a needle in a haystack when you don't even know what it is that you are hunting for in the haystack, and therefore you will never find it unless purely by accident. Do you want a plan and purpose to your dating or do you want to date guys just by accident? It's up to you dear.

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Lately my BF of 4 years and I have been fighting a lot, my guess is due to built up resentment and stress. I finally got tired of the passive aggression between us and asked to sit down and chat. It was going great and we were almost done hashing things out until we got to one last thing...

After high school I weighed 220 lbs and thought that was a lot. I managed to lose 50 lbs and looked really great, but I was suicidal with clinical depression, and sort of thought that if I lost weight I would like myself/life in general, but it didn't work. They put me in therapy and on anti-depressants. The meds helped a ton emotionally, but made me gain weight like crazy. Over a couple years I went from 170-290 lbs. I've tried many times to lose weight but it is 10 times more difficult on this medication.

Anyhow, all that to say it's been a long journey but I finally feel in a really good place to diet, like I want to do it for my well being. For looks but mostly health, and I'm actually doing really well this time. The problem is, my BF is the opposite of me when it comes to emotions. I am very sensitive, and for him it can be hard to feel emotions sometimes. He hasn't been very good at showing me he is proud of me with my diet success, and hasn't been the most helpful. It can feel like I'm alone in the dieting, when he's the one who would sometimes pressure me into it. He wants me to be healthy for me, him, and for our future kids someday.
He was at a loss at how he could show his support, and I said he could do anything- come home and be like "wow it's been 2 months! Let's watch your favorite movie tonight

Right at the beginning you stated "my guess is due to built up resentment and stress." to explain the increase in fighting. I am wondering who is feeling more of the resentment or stress you or him or whether its equal for both of you.

Let's be real, a good majority of males are raised to be tough, not cry (which is showing emotions) and its high time things change but that belief is still in abundance and that is still how males are raised. It is a learned behavior. However, as far as tendency of personal traits between men and women, women have fewer issues in communicating, in being nurturing and supportive. Men really are often at a loss of words or even ideas when it comes to supporting their female. More often than not, the words come out wrong and can sound very hurtful and not supportive at all, or more like they don't really care. I don't believe that is always what is really happening.
This is going to be a bit long as I have a lot the share in hopes that something I say is meaningful to you and helps.
I know you are honestly trying to improve your situation, and it is so important to you that you may react instantly if not getting angry or resentful. Here's how I have learned over my lifetime to take it when peoples words meant to share their thoughts or communicate come out sounding more like an insult. I do not get angry. I usually giggle and say, "Did I hear right, that you just said xxxxxxxxxxx, and do you know what it sounds like to me? It sounded like xxxxxxxx. Then I usually laugh and say, You're lucky I am not a person to jump to conclusions. I know who you are as a person and I know you didn't really mean to make it sound insulting, so what were you actually trying to say? When I do this, I find men are more apt to not become nervous or stressed but look chagrined and apologize and correct what they said. You've known him 4 years now. That should be long enough to know what he is like, to be able to read his heart and know whether he truly meant to purposely hurt you, or if it was one of those silly human errors.
I hate to bring up anything religious but I must state that I was taught the God is a good example in this. When ever we do something that someone else could point a finger at and state, oh that was a terrible sin... God doesn't look at what was committed and declare it bad. He looks at the intent of a person's heart. In their heart, were they intending to hurt your feelings, or, just a bit of psychopath in them that gets perverse joy from making everyone else hurt? It's a persons intent that is more important with God. If we want to become more like Him, then we need to try to do the same. What is his intent? If he is really a bad guy deep down inside, I don't think you'd still be with him. However, you do know from observation that he is not like you in this one area, emotions or ability to show them. Is that what is really going on? That would mean, that when he shared his words, without changing his thoughts on the matter of diets, would you have been happier if he starting crying and whimpered, I am so worried it just might not work because everything else so far hasn't. I really hope it does this time.
That is exactly the words I heard him saying. I just translated it in my mind, taking away the thought of 'it's not emotional enough, not supportive enough, etc"
I really believe he did not mean to hurt you. He is hurting too, especially if he really loves you. He is disappointed not in you but the lack of any good help out there, like better meds that don't create weight gain, and better diets and actually really help folks in your position. I am sure that he was needing encouragement at that moment as much as you were. But i could be wrong. However, I don't choose to entertain that thought in my own life, choosing to not be suspicious and thinking the worst possible thing of someones actions. I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, I choose to wait until I have truly asked and given a person chance to explain themselves. I can understand why you reacted and started yelling at him. This issue affects both of you in different ways. A couple who loves each other need to be of the same mind in any big issues that affect them. However, the method and carrying out of how the two are of the same mind is not going to necessarily be done in exactly the same way.

For the next example, I will share from my life that my first marriage was verbally abusive. I know the difference from an outright verbal attack to just a male fumbling with the right words. The man I have now as husband is supportive. But every once in a while the words come out wrong and when I point out what they could be taken as he will laugh too because he knows he isn't under attack from me for what he said. Then he will correct his words. And mind you...this is a man who believes a males purpose in life is to be supportive of women.
You may never get an apology from him if he truly can't see what he did wrong. To be yelled at instantly for something he said, which when he goes introspective and looks at his own intent in his heart and he never meant any malice or hurtful words, I know I wouldn't feel like apologizing, and neither would you if you know your heart was in the right place and just the words were wrong.
My guess is that your boyfriend is burying a heck of a lot of emotions on this, stress, sadness, anger, disappointment and not directed at you dear but the situation as I've stated before, lack of options that work great the first time.
I am not trying to pick on hon. I know if I were in your situation, I'd probably feel the same. I had my bad situation in the past and when stuck there, it's really hard to see any possible ways to do anything differently myself. But I challenge you to have a talk and if you feel prompted, to apologize for snapping at him and let him know that you are as frustrated as he must be. Don't criticize what he says, just ask how he is feeling. If he believes nothing else will help diet wise, just say I understand. But if inventors in the history of the world gave up after so many failures right before the time their invention worked, we may have had to wait longer for things like the telephone, light bulbs, cars and other things to come into existence. Let him know that you do not want to ever give up hope that the next one does work.
If he still can't seem to get out supportive words or actions, give him very very extremely specific actions (not ideas) but spell out something like, if I lose another 10 lbs, at the point I can get on the scale and prove that to you, I'd like to celebrate with you and I going out to .... and doing ...... Some guys can be creative and come up with ideas on their own but the great majority can't or accidently do so every once in a while. An example is that my ex only ever got 2 different gifts for me that were perfect that I won't forget the rest of my life. My current husband doesn't get gifts often but he nails it everytime, its something I like. Maybe I like a different color better or slightly different design but he is showing me that he cares.
I hope you understand what I am getting at. I tried to change who I was personality wise and looks and everything for my ex. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I learned through getting older, and life experience that he and I were never a good match. We were too different and what I needed or he needed was vastly different from who each of us really were and there was nothing wrong with who I was, just that I had a guy too different from me.
I could go further into explaining that but all you need is encouragement that all your fighting is likely not necessary and that there are other ways to have a peaceful loving relationship, as long as he truly is right for you in all other areas. The only issue would be if you rate this issue of him not knowing the right words to say, or not being more emotional as a trait in a man that you can NOT live without, then you dear, are with the wrong man. I would not jump to conclusions. Only you can know who is right for you. If in the end, after much talking, and if you find you can not live without better supportiveness, then you may want to ask me for a document I have on understanding what your needs are and based on that, having a list of criteria of what the right man for you would be. This doesnt guarantee there won't be dissagreements occasionally, but as perfect as humans can be. So if you need to give more info, that we were lacking about what he said and did, anything that could change what we all advise, then I invite you to write me with any other specific questions on this situation of yours, or you can ask for my document on 'How to find Mr. Right'. Its not something I came up with after my divorce. I was ready to stay single. But God gave me hope giving me this info. I put it off a while, but when I acted on it, I finally found my 2nd husband.
I wish you the best dear.

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I adopted my Husky about 2 years ago. The vet thinks he's 10 years old now. He was chipped with old info- his owner must have moved and left him behind. When we got him he was potty trained and everything, and he doesn't bark which is an AWESOME bonus for me. But right off the bat there have been some major quirky issues that are subtle at first, but they've become too big to ignore.
He is an attention whore. Ohhhh my gosh, you can pet him for 30 mins straight and it's not enough. NEVER enough.
He does not like to play with any toys. At all. I've legitimately tried everything- squeakers, crinkly ones, realistic animal ones, frisbies, tug rope, laser pointers, bones, even Kongs with food in them he gets tired of after a while. Playing is a bonding experience and you can get out a lot of energy with it, but he won't do it. So he gets bored. He digs holes, chews up random objects in the house (why doesn't he like bones if he'll chew up my floss?!?!)
So I took these as signs of pent up energy. I can't seem to exercise him either! When we walk it's like I'm not going fast enough, he pulls really bad and gets 10/10 distracted, looking for rabbits to hunt or something. He lunges after other dogs and snaps at them, wanting to fight. I've tried to work on all these things to no avail- he's soooo stubborn. The stop and turn around technique doesn't work. I taught him "look at me", but we start walking again and he instantly pulls. I've worked with him for, not joking, 6 months on this and NADA. STILL A PULLER.
So I take him on bike rides, but he just gets bored. We go for 2 miles and we get home and an hour later he's needy again. It's like it doesn't fulfill him.
SO as a means to work his brain somehow, I've tried to teach him tricks. Wont. Do. It. I taught him lay down but barely. He gets so frustrated, he just whines or won't listen- gets up and walks away.
I feel so fed up. I love dogs, I've had them before. And I love huskies, but I'm at a loss with this one. Why does nothing work? Can anyone relate, or does anyone have any advice?

Hi hon. I used to have a black lab/greyhound mix. The grey hound part in him always needed to run. We got him at barely a year old. But we had him til he got old. We tried to teach him how to walk properly on a leash and how to listen and follow commands but the worst was his pulling and trying to break free and race off. So we hired a personal dog trainer to come to our place a couple times a week til he was trained. These dog trainers know what they are doing. This gal would go out with me as I took him for a walk and show me what subtle things I did wrong that sends mixed messages to dogs. Animals are much more intelligent than we credit them.
Our dog was so well trained that he learned to stay at our side. If he forgot himself and walked a few steps ahead of me when he should walk exactly at my side with his head not straining to be any further past the front of my body, then I only needed to give the command to heel and he would stop and begin back up...yes I said backing up and check to make sure he wasn't even a couple inches further ahead of me. It was hilarious but made walking him fun again. I did add one thing though, I came across lots of neighbors I would chit chat with for a bit and if the dog got antsy and tried to pull ahead, I had stomped a foot as I said 'heel'. So now all I had to do was stomp a foot while conversing with a neighbor, and without my having spoken a word, he would stop pulling, back up and wait patiently. I highly recommend getting a trainor that comes to you rather than taking to a class where other pets and owners are present, especially since you will also need training for how he deals when he sees other dogs on a walk.
I agree that the dog may have abandonment issues. Pets do not forget things like this and it can for sure influence how they act. My daughter has a cat someone left behind when they moved and the landlord asked if anyone wanted the kitten about a yr old. That cat exhibited some issues of being afraid of being alone. However the daughter is well versed in how cats communicate with humans and has done a great job and the cat adjusted wonderfully.
When our dog got really old, he began to act anxious when we weren't home. We tried every the vet suggested, and there was't anything physically wrong, so we tried a toy ball that you can record your voice on to comfort your dog every time they move the ball playing with it (motion activated) but the dog would have to want to play with it, and that did not work. He eventually got so freaked out he was like that when we were at home and trainors could say it wasn't a behavior thing anymore but that like a very old human, he could be losing his mind, the vet agreed and when it got so bad he no longer had any quality of life, we sadly had him put to sleep. Your dog doesnt sound that bad off. So heres a product I saw on facebook some months ago and went searching for as I couldn't remember what it is called. I loved the video of the first one. It might be reassuring to your dog.

So heres the links for Pet Chatz the first is where you contact the pet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udlzRaB-pKg

And paw call, is when the pet contacts you (if they hopefully don't over do it, lol)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK1JizzhaCs

and a review of the products

http://bestpettrackers.com/petchatz-greet-treat-videophone-review/

Consumers on other sites seem to have given it a very high rating.
Good luck with your dog.

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My fiancé asked me to marry him 2 yrs ago & we were planning to marry this September but I'm having doubts about it because we live together & his bank stmts have his mothers name on the acct with him! I've been divorced 24 yrs & he & I have been a couple for 7 yrs. The house he refers to as ours is in only his name on the deed & we filed a joint tax return last yr together. If something happens to him, His mother benefits. He also has a safe that I don't have access to either. I live 600 miles from my family but I'm in the same town as his mother, (he is an only child) 41 yrs old! We already have a trip planned to Hawaii but my feelings for him have changed. I told him that it would be him & me not him, his mother & me. He didn't say a word. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

You are not wrong or over reacting.

In 7 years time, you've had a good chance to see in depth where he stands as far as how important you are to him and where you stand in importance with reference to his mother.

I will share something that I heard a male explain on line in dating advice for women regarding how men think and what is reasonable to expect or not. He did say that men are able to juggle many priorities in their life but that a girlfriend should be one of top three priorities. A wife should be number one.

There's one of the red flags Adviceman mentioned. It does not take long to know if someone is right to marry unless you see them once a month. You folks are living together so I know that's not the issue. He had been with you for 5 years before ready to commit. Did he have to talk himself into it even though he deep inside doesn't feel ready or did he have to talk his mother into it?

Even if he has dated or was married in the past, what counts right now is your status with him. You
have been Engaged for the 2 years!! In that time is when couples talk about and discuss all legal things that need to be taken care as well as plans for the wedding itself. If he has not yet discussed any such things with you, he most likely is putting it off because he knows you won't agree, especially if his mother wants to have control of all his legal matters rather than you. Won't it be a nice surprise to discover after the honeymoon? I don't know how the two of you have discussions but conversation implies that more than one person is talking. If you brought up that you wanted to marry to be just with him, not with his mother in the midst of everything and he said nothing in return, then he is still avoiding subject for a reason. (Another red flag)
He is 41 and no longer should be needing his Moms advice or for her to be running his financial life...or more...I don't know. You are there. How much does she do for him. Is she choosing and buying all his clothes, does she remind him to get car oil checked and set up any such appointments for him? How much the adult is he. Is he is acting fully as an adult, then the question focuses on her, is she meddling in his life? (another red flag) If you can say she is, then is he allowing it or is he telling her its his own life to live according to how he sees fit and does not jump to fulfill all she tells him or wishes him to do.
You may have left out important details that might change my answer but based on just what I have here, I am very concerned that he is not a good choice. Your feelings you say have changed. Only you can know if it's a temporary change due to his not answering you or if this has been coming for some time, building up and his non answer was the final straw. Try to pin him down to have a deep thorough discussion of everything you have issues with. There must be some changes in place already before the wedding date because I wouldn't count on these financial changes made after the marriage. He will put it off and not want to talk about it if he is avoiding you on talking about it. So if you need peace of mind to know whether to stay with him or cut it off now, then try to engage him in discussion about things that the two of you as a couple should already be able to do. Its already like you've been married for 7 years. If in that time there's been no show of the two of you working cohesively together on everything, then it's not going to magically happen after a wedding ceremony.
I am with Adviceman, this guy doesnt sound like a good choice.

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Hello, this friend of mine has started to give me a hug every time we meet and it's been twice he's done it. He's like oh (mention my name) approaches and gives me a hug. We've hugged few times when we're out with our friends saying goodnight in a group, that was like ages ago but lately seems like he likes hugging me whenever he sees me getting closer with his open arms looks more like offering a hug. Now, I'm thinking probably he knows I like him because we had a chat weeks ago and told me look I know that you like me and I like you he said it in a high insisting tone. I was bit uncomfortable as I didn't want him to find out just yet as we're only friends but he ended up saying you like me and I like you part so I got no clue I mean I do like him. For example he would sing a song to comfort me if he thinks I'm moody or sad. What is all this? We both have significant others in our lives therefore I feel extremely wrong to even like him. Any suggestions at all? Thank you

When you say you like him, do you like him as a friend, or are you feeling things that one would feel to someone who is more along the lines of a potential lover. If you like him as friend only, make sure he knows where you feel comfortable drawing the line, things that are not okay for him to be doing, things that are not appropriate for a mere male friend.

I'd say yes, he does absolutely know you have some kind of interest in him. And I am supposing he is good at picking up on your body language, or facial expressions. He is That sure that you have more interest in him than just friend that he was willing to tell you how he feels. Just keep in mind that liking someone is a far step from being in love with a person. So just as it goes with no matter whom you meet, you can't really know them well enough until you have spent plenty of time around them.
I don't know how long you've been with your significant other but as I said, after enough time, if often enough weekly, you can get to know a person pretty good in a few months and really good by 6 months on. This kind of knowing in depth about a partner if what helps you to decide finally is the current one is a keeper or whether to move on. Some don't use dating as this discovery process and go straight to making a commitment to someone to date only them and that is before really knowing them well enough, only doing so based on the level of physical attraction. Relationships built on attraction alone, do not survive. That all said, if you are totally sure that current bf is the love of your life and one who wants to marry you someday, then just make sure male friend knows that, that there will never be a chance for him to be anything more than just a male friend. You admire him as a person and that's all.
But I don't think that's what he picked up on, you must have been entertaining thoughts about you and him. So if you are generally not a person who greets everyone you know with a hug (i am) then his hugs will feel inappropriate to you and you have the right to ask a friend to stop. I am guessing you may never have resisted the hugs so he assumes it is welcome.
If you are attracted to him and not sure whether to start dating him if he and you drop your current significant others, then we need to talk more.

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24/f

Let me first say that my previous special education job was difficult. There was not a day where I didn't get yelled at, kicked, pinched, or hit. It was overwhelming. On top of that, there was so much paperwork that I did not completely understand. I have gaps and I did not receive training at this job.

After this experience, I decided to search for a general education job. But I only receive special education job interviews or when I go into an overview for a regular teaching position, I get offered a special education position since they are higher in demand.

I was told that my previous job was very difficult onsidering it was a last-stop school, they did not think it would be as bad as my previous job and that I should not be comparing my experience to potential job offers.

I was offered another special education job but turned it down because I didn't feel excited about it and I wanted to be on the road to a general education setting. How will I do that if all I get are job positions I do not want?

I considered substituting but I have the fear of students testing the waters and boundaries and my need for consistency and structure. Also the pay is significantly lower. What if the special education jobs are the only ones that are offered to me?

Should I accept the next one if I don't get anything else? Should I try substituting?

If you are not currently working, and want to avoid special education, it may be best to take substituting and perhaps also do private tutoring. The two together would be job experience for general education. You don't have to do it forever. Do it for a couple of years and then start looking for the full time job in education you want to apply for.

If scared about kids testing you to see how far they can push the boundaries with a sub teacher, that's actually a GOOD thing. It's a good way to get your feet wet and if you can find ways to win the classrooms respect, especially when they are most likely to make it tough for you, then handling your own class someday will be a piece of cake.

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In college, I had a teacher who made me feel emotionally protected and hugged me a lot. Then I graduated in May. I won't be seeing her again any time soon. Each day this summer I've become more distraught over this fact. I miss her more every day and feel as though no one will ever love me that much ever again. How can I get over this? Do I want to get over it?

Everyone needs to feel emotionally protected and loved. This is not something to get over. However, not every person who comes into our life is there forever. Some come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since the teacher is no longer in your life, I'd have to say it was for a season, meaning the period of time you were in school. Maybe all she was in your life briefly for was to show that there are people in this world who will treat you this way and to show you that this is something you need to strive for, finding perhaps friends and a life partner who fulfill this for you and you are their emotional protection and love as well.

If you continue to look over at your shoulder at the past and continue focusing on what it was like in the past, you will miss your current life. It will fly by empty and unrewarding because your gaze and your heart was too busy on the past and therefore you could miss the person or people who come into your life after college who may be as great or better than she was to you.
IF it helps, examine your thoughts such as "no one will ever love me again". We all do distorted thinking at some point in our lives. But some people get stuck there and believe these thoughts whole-heartedly which can cause depression and hopelessness. So what is wrong with that thought. Have you figured it out? It is something I have heard a psychologist call 'all in one thinking' or 'predicting the future'. So unless you have the psychic skill of foretelling the future, you do not know for sure that this is so. If uou counter that with saying, but I know there are others like me who said the same thing and no one ever loved them or cared about them the rest of their lives...then I have an explanation for that too.
Your subconscious mind, or subm. for short, is always listening to what ever it is that a person focuses on the most often. Some of us focus on good stuff, and some focus on bad stuff The problem is, the subm. does not seem to understand that and figures that whatever we focus on the most is the most important to us. So the subm. will cause your conscious or awake mind to make choices that puts you in a position to fail getting the emotional support and love you say you want because you are too focused on the loss of it. Thats what is taking up all your attention, nothing in current time is, just the past. So beware, as your subm. most likely will interpret this as you never ever wanting to have that kind of support and love again...and will cause you to make choices or omit taking chances, and you will then be just one more person who lived out their life, always sad, unloved, not supported.

So you need to stop looking at the past and every time you catch yourself thinking the thoght that no one will ever love you again, capture that thought and tell yourself that it isn't true. That you will find love someday. Negative thought occur more often than positive ones so you may have to banish that distorted thought several times per hour but it should get better over the coming weeks. It is hard work to retrain your mind. If you find you can not do this, the only answer lies in seeking professional help. Once you are no longer plagued by the past and current distorted thoughts in abundance, then being open and ready to recieve, the right things and people will come into your life for the season or the lifetime part.

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Right, this friend of mine and I have known for almost a year. In our late 20's and we go to same Uni. we always have pretty good laugh and get along fine. we both have girlfriend and boyfriend, however somehow, I have always felt that he liked me and I like him too. recently he mentioned few times in a different occasion saying that, 'I would have married you if I had met you few years ago but we can stay mates, ok' and I replied to him not in this life as you have a gf and I have a bf, may be in another life and he said, 'well you said it not in this life' so are we warming up for next life then, he asked and I replied yeah' normally when we're chatting we are always smiling but this time it just looked serious was he hoping for us to start something if he had become single in the future or what? he did say, bottom line is, 'you like me and I like you' that's it ok. guys, what's he saying? is he hoping to start for us to get together if we both were single or what? I can't get him out of my head and I think he feels the same way as well but wouldn't tell. thank you all

I could swear I answered a question like this word for word a short time ago. I am not going to go into all the detail again. My question to you is "Why are you wondering what he is up to?" If you can not answer that, let me help. You don't have to answer me, just answer your own heart. "Are you 100% happy in your current relationship? Can you see yourself marrying or staying with current bf life long, see him as father of your children? The reason I ask is this: When I was unhappily married the first time, it was so easy to look at other guys and try to imagine what life would be like with them, and sometimes wondering if there were ulterior motives to anything and everything he said or did, as far as I was concerned. I know also now what it like to have the opposite. I am remarried now to a man that I am 100% happy with and the second guessing of the moves of any other guy is a thing of the past. I have eyes in my head and am not dead, so attractive guys may catch my eyes but I no longer wonder if he might be slightly interested in me because I have what I want and am very happy.

Any information he gave you were things he should never have spoken especially that if he'd met you before current gal, that he would have married you. What kind of helpful info is that. He's made his decision, its the other gal, not you. Let it go. If you can't, then you may need to take a long break from seeing him just as a friend. If not, you may have to stop seeing him entirely but not without explaining. I'd throw it back into his face. "Listen, you told me information that is not helpful and doesn't change anything except that I am now constantly scrutinizing every thing you say and do because you once said if you'd met me earlier, you'd have married me. Exactly what were you hoping to achieve with that? Since it is now too weird for me and there is no purpose to my being in friendship to remind you that you have made a decision, whether right or wrong, to stay with your current gal, its best we no longer see each other, even as friends. If you are so in love with me, break off with the other girl and come after me when you are free. I don't think you will. You are just a nice but very confused man. Good bye

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