I don't have time for a relationship and it makes me really sad?
Question Posted Thursday August 31 2017, 2:19 pm
All of my college friends are getting engaged or married and I don't even have time to date.
I work full time, and take four classes. I'm always either working, doing homework, or studying. When it's not one of those then there's some kind of other life or family obligation. I can't take less classes because then I would fall under full time status.
Every time I try to date somebody I realize within a week I have 0 time to see them. If I try to make time I get extremely stressed because I have other things I need to be doing.
I feel like I'm going to be one of those people who will be single forever because I have to put work before anything else. I have to pay my own bills and the job I want will require me to get at least a Masters, but I'm aiming for a PhD for better job security. That means I'll be in school until I'm at least 30.
All in all, I get extremely depressed about it. I want to go out and spend time with somebody. I want to have fun and make memories. I don't want to constantly be so busy, but right now I feel like I have no choice. I have to do what keeps a roof over my head.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Dragonflymagic answered Friday September 1 2017, 1:54 pm: I am going to bet that some of your peers who are getting married but are in college, are either working part time or the parents have been funding their college, and there are likely some who will not be putting in as much schooling as you plan. You are correct that there isn't much time to date. You have two things that both take a high priority and should be given a great amount of time. You choose schooling. If you are having second thoughts, then put the finishing up of school on hold, date, marry, have a kid or two and then with husbands support, go back to school, before the kids are teens and more expensive to raise.
On the other hand, being in school until age 30 may sound depressing, interfering with a love life. However if you sitck with this path, you will not want to waste time to find Mr. Right, marry him and have kids right from the start.
If wondering if age 30 is too old to get married or be trying for a kid, I know plenty of women, including myself who waited to have kids, I was 27, 30 and 33 for each my 3 kids. So if you decide to stick with school til 30, I would suggest you use an internet dating site like E Harmony, one of those you pay membership to use. Men using these are more likely to be ready to settle down and marry and have kids. You don't end up having to date a lot of duds for several years until you happen across the right one. Use of a dating site cuts out that hunt for a needle in a haystack futility of trying to find an eligible man who meets your needs and wants.
One more thing to mention regarding age....don't know if you know this, but after scientific tests and research, its a known fact that the pre-frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for good decision making and foreseeing of possible issues down the road, and being more accepting, less critical, etc... is a part that is not completely mature and done growing until people reach age 25 at the youngest and it could be more like 30. It is way more challenging to marry or attempt raising a kid at any age younger than the range I gave you. It can be done but can be very frustrating with a good possibility of making lots of mistakes or not the best decisions.
When I met my 2nd husband through dating site, we were both older and lived far enough apart that it was not working to see each other after work weekdays. Sometimes he had to work half a Saturday. We'd known over just weeks that we were a good bet for each other so we moved in together. His work days were long 12 to 14 hours easy. So he felt he had no time for me. But living together made it so we got to see each other late evening, sleep next to each other, wake together and have weekends together. We had that for 3 yrs before his job status changed and it worked for us. OUr kids were all grown, and it was just concern about our marriage. I know its not your situation, but I add this to show that when you've found the right person, where theres a will, theres a way. I wouldn't go back and do it any other way. You need to come to a place where you know that in looking back later, you would be able to also say, I wouldn't have done it any other way if I could go back in time. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
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