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Friend has started to have sex talk!
Lately, we have been talking dirty a lot, a lot actually. Mostly sexual stuff. He told me the other day he will make me scream when we were out with our friends but when he told me that we both were alone together having ciggies.
Now, after introduced through my friends he and I've become really close in only a few months time and sharing and talking when we see each other at college, he always has to buy me lunch, insists to pay always, even though I want to pay for my own meal but wouldn't let me. He's such a decent boy. After the joking, talking, he's started to ask me questions like if you're wild, your nipple should be hard, I think you're quite shy in the bedroom, this kind of sex talk makes your knickers go wet, are they wet, I think I'm going to get stiff he said, do you talk dirty in the bedroom at the end of the class the other day, I told him you're always horny, he said, no you are. I can make a baby in you yeah, I asked him back what coz I didn't hear him properly he said the same and looked at me replied no just kidding. Most recent is while he told me he will make me scream.
I like him and he likes me too, I'm sure but we both have a partners at home. When we said goodnight the other day, he told me he loves it how we get on. Is this wrong to have a friend who does the sex chat and refers me that how he will make me scream, saying you're always horny, your nipple should get hard when if you're wild in the bedroom? Now, what is he trying to achieve? While I was away for a week, he said he missed me, I said you didn't, he said I didn't say that, you've said it, I said really you didn't miss me, he looked at me with that deep hint of shy look said, I always miss you( said my name), Always. So, what's all this? Has he started to have feelings for me or what? I think I have a feelings for him. Starting to. Thank you for the advice.
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Ask him nicely that these kind of talks have started bothering you and you would like to limit them from your conversations.
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This guy either has never considered you just a friend or if he did, it was only for a very short period of time, like days or a couple weeks or so before he decided he would pursue you as if both of you were single. Would you be okay with your current bf having these same kinds of talks with a girl he claims is just his friend> I'll bet that's what your male friend plans to tell his girlfriend if she finds out.
My guess, though I could be wrong, is that he is holding onto his current gf as insurance in case the gal he really wants doesn't pan out. He may not really care for her any longer and she's just better than nothing to him.
However, if you want to truly consider you and him as a couple, I must say that IF he can so callously leave the girlfriend at home while he is out talking sex with and making comments to get a female to believe he really wants her as a package deal, meaning not only for sex. I say it could be a shallow personality flaw, of looking at females only skin deep and when he tires of one, keeps the current one while he searches and tries to convince the next female into his bed.
The real tough question you need to ask of yourself is "Why have I even been allowing him to speak like this without putting up a fuss? If you consider a half hearted statement of "But I have a bf, so don't say that." spoken only once or twice and not in anger to be a deterrent, then he would do this behavior to his dying day if he wished. As long as you take it and allow it, he'll keep on doing it. The best way to get the message across that its not proper is to warn him in a stern voice to stop it, that you were too chicken to ask him to stop before and if he opens his mouth in this visit to utter any word or phrase that You deem to be sexual of nature, then you will walk out and never meet with him ever again and he will have lost you as a friend. You can go on to tell him that you are happy with your boyfriend and not on the hunt for something better. Welll....that is unless you want to dump the bf in hopes this male sex talking friend could be your Mr. Right.
You say he is a friend, but other than hanging out together and doing all his sex speech, you did not give me any examples of what he does for you and how he treats you that show he is truly a friend. I am not talking about paying for meals or opening doors, all the stuff smart men do to impress a girl but a relationship can't be built on that.
If you are not sure what to look for in a male to know he is truly behaving as a friend, and not put on as a show to impress but coming from deep down, a part of his character that won't change, remember you can write me specifically from my column and ask me to get a better idea of what to be looking for. There is a slight chance he may really be truly treating you as a friend and also have deeper feelings for you. But do you really want a guy who strings along one female while wooing another? Men know that females have a weakness. They need to hear affirming statements of how beautiful they are and how sexually alluring they are as well and women who don't have or never have had that, crave it so much that they can drop common sense, and go for such a guy assuming his words mean it is all true.
Take heed, words are cheap and easy to say. ITs the carryin out of the acts that one can expect unasked from a friend because they know you that well, acts that show how much they care about you without thinking of you as a sexual creature, just as a friend, albeit female, then you truly know they really care and love. Love is too often confused with lust. Lust isn't to be confused with love. Love is caring about your partner, still pleasing them even if you are tired, or letting them sleep when they feel they are becoming sick instead of demanding sex. Lust is having a craving that must be fed and you will see it fed without having to give anything to the another person, the focus being ones own pleasure rather than that of your partner. Lust can evaporate after a period of time and without love to carry the relationship, it then dies, whereas, Love will make you want your partner for life.
You have a lot of decisions to make. You have an opportunity to learn more of what you want and don't want in a partner that you want to be with for life. Most females want that. Don't settle for less. I can't tell you who is the 'less' to be with, current bf or male friend inappropriately talking sexual stuff with you.
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