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My dad acts like a teenager with no rules, how can I make him be an adult?
I'm 23 and I'm so sick of my dad living his life like he's a teenager. He's so irresponsible about everything and it infuriates me.
For example, he took an extra key I had for my apartment without asking. I found out when he started just walking into my home without knocking. I told him the extra key is for my roommate's fiance, but he doesn't care and won't give it back. They're also not normal keys so I can't just have to locks changed.
When he does come over he acts like he's coming over to help me with something, but he just lays on the couch and sleeps all day. Yesterday he woke me up barging into my apartment at 11am so he could sleep on my couch until 6pm. It's so incredibly rude, but he thinks because he's my father he has a right to come over whenever he wants. He needs to go home and sleep in his own bed, but he doesn't because he has too many animals and they keep him awake.
Next, whenever I need his help (like today I really needed to go to the cellular store because my phone broke and he has a password on the account so he has to come with me) he always shows up extremely last minute or not at all. If I ask him when he's coming he won't answer me or will tell me one time and then show up hours past that.
Going back to the pet thing, he always picks up new animals and even though I tell him don't bring any over he does anyways and then he leaves them here to get them out of the house. Last time I had to find a home myself for a kitten he brought over. Yesterday he left another cat at my place. He knows I'm not allowed to have more than my one cat. He also won't find homes for the ones he already has. He just expects people to look at his facebook photos of them and adopt them. Then whenever he does find a home for one he takes in 5-6 more.
He eats extremely unhealthy, for breakfast he has snack cakes and he only drinks powder tea and soda. He never takes care of himself. He's been sick for three weeks because he refuses to take the antibiotics prescribed to him.
He cusses out people at his workplace and then wonders
why he hasn't been promoted in over 20 years. He told his boss he doesn't give a f**k what he thinks. He wonders why he can't get a different job when he hasn't made any good references and has worked at the same entry level job his whole life.
He's in an insane amount of debt because he took a loan out on a house without even seeing it and when he moved in realized it was falling apart and needs lots of repair work he can't afford. He's about to file for a second bankruptcy and thinks that will make all his problems go away. He's been in the house 5 years now and the AC has never worked.
Instead of saving his money it all goes towards his animals and stupid stuff like toy cars he thinks are collectible. He let his animals break every item in his house, spray all over the walls, and ruin his furniture. It's all disgusting. His whole life is disgusting and he won't even try to fix anything.
Please help. What can I do? I'm so sick of my dad living like that. I want it all to stop and to have a normal dad with a nice home and no animals destroying everything. I want him to be able to get a normal job he enjoys. I want him to eat healthy and have nice things. I want him to stop using my apartment as his bedroom. I want him to actually help me and do things in a timely manner instead of sleeping all day and waiting around until the last minute.
I can't stand it anymore!
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If the landlord knows the reason why you want a new door knob and key, he should understand. If however, he is not okay with you ordering and getting it put in, he may have a specific type and want to have it installed himself as long as you are the one paying for the one he chooses that match the style of the rest of apartments.
As for your Dad acting like a teenager, hon, sorry to say but your Dads actions with collecting animals is a disorder, the same as hoarding things until the place is unsafe to live in and spending all ones money on caring for the animals. It is very likely that his place is not fit for a human to live in. When a hoarder has these kinds of issues, and run out of space in their home, being compelled to keep adding more stuff or animals, they will start putting stuff in storage sheds on their property, or it spills out into the yard and much the same, he can't sleep so he is using your place as an extention of his own space, starting with sleeping there, only because his animal hoarding drove him to it. It will not get better on its own. This is when professional help is needed.
Hoarding was included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013, which means that all forms of the condition, including animal hoarding, are officially considered a psychiatric disorder. (found this on internet)
Heres a link to article about animal hoarding:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You'll notice the mention of ability to take proper care of the animals. They may recieve food but do all the animals get regular vet checkups, plenty of exercise, have a proper place to go potty, have a proper amount of space to move about in the home? Yes, a typical hoarder can have animals that are starved, infected or have some infestation, and even a couple of dead animals somewhere in the house but if there are so many animals that it is affecting his own well-being, that is when a family member has a right to call in the professionals to help him because he won't be able to see that he is doing anything wrong. The very fact that he cannot sleep at his own place any longer and comes to sleep at your place and without your permission, just shows that not only is it affecting his well being via lack of sleep, but there is something not quite right in his mind if he doesn't realize it is wrong to steal a key to your place, and also wrong to invite himself over to a place that is not his.
The next link has suggestions at the end of whom to contact to reach out for help.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
So even if the animals seem well cared for if that's the case, the fact that his quality of health and ability to sleep in his own home let alone other issues you may not know of, that's enough to override his wishes and get him professional help. I have heard of plenty of stories where at the point that something about living in their own home is challenged or disturbed by the presence of too many animals, that it now becomes an issue of Dads welfare. There is help to get placement for all the animals without you or Dad finding homes. There will be agencies in your own state that do that if need be.
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From what you have written you are saying your father is rude, intrusive and lazy, but he does have a steady job. That's is the up side. On the downside he is heavily in debt, doesn't take care of himself or follow doctors orders.
If you want you might have a case for conservatorship something you would need to discuss with a lawyer. This would allow you control over his finances and depending on the type of conservatorship the court assigns you may have control over hi health and well being as well. The one pint that might stand in the way is his ability to maintain a job for 20 years.
I don't see your father changing just because you have asked him to. You could get a court order to keep him from coming into your apartment. It is called an order of protection; though I don't believe this is what you want either.
I know the type of lock you have I put one on my then girlfriend, now wife's apartment because one of her roommates passed out keys like party favors. You can have the lock changed. It will be expensive and it will be at your cost. You will need to ask the landlord for permission and make sure to give the landlord a key. You need to tell the maker of the lock how many keys you want when you purchase the lock.
As for the phone you don't need your dad on your account any longer. Take the phone in for repair and trade it for a new phone under your own name. Your 23 if your credit is good you don't need your father on the account.
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