adviceman49's advice column | Page 72

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

139697

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I'm 16 years old and had unprotected sex July 23 my boyfriend said he ejaculated on my lips but I can't help to have felt scared that I could be pregnant. I know it's stupid in the first place to have unprotected sex but it happened and I can't turn back. I was suppose to get my period this around the 5th or 7th of August and I have been having what feels like period cramps but I'm not sure if they're period cramps or am I pregnant? I don't feel stressed but I'm starting school soon maybe without noticing I'm stressing and it's causing my period to be late? Do women get early cramps that feel like period cramps when they are first pregnant?

I hate being the bearer of bad news but in your case it is unavoidable. Given the dates you gave it is possible for you to have gotten pregnant during that time period. Most women ovulate during the 14 days in the middle of their cycle. Working back from the date of your next period you were in the middle of this time period when conception is high.

It does not mean you are pregnant. It just means the chances of getting pregnant were higher during this time if you are like 85% of women. The fact that your boyfriend ejaculated on your lips only means that less sperm made its way in side you. His pre-ejaculate happens during intercourse (precum) to act as a lubricant. This has enough sperm in it to fertilize an egg if one is present.

My suggestion: Either take a home pregnancy test or since you are over 14 you can go to any doctor or women's clinic for a medical test and exam. Under a federal law known as HIPPA you can without parental knowledge or permission go to any doctor or women's clinic and have a medical pregnancy test done. The visit, the test and the results of the test are all confidential and only you can be knowledgeable of them. Just advise the doctor or clinic you wish to be seen under the HIPPA law.

NO one can see the results or know why you saw the doctor without your expressed permission to the doctor in writing. This includes your parents. Should you be pregnant your parents cannot tell you what to do about the pregnancy. Meaning they cannot force an abortion on you or keep you from getting one. They cannot force you to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. These are some of the protections under the HIPPA law.

If you are not pregnant talk to the doctor about birth control. This is also a protected right under HIPPA.

I was supposed to get my period on the 29 of July and I still haven't gotten it. It's now 10 days late I took a home pregnancy test and it came out negative. Why is my period late? I am so worried !!! Please help

If you have not had unprotected sex or sex within this last cycle you have nothing to worry about. If you have then wait ten more days and test again.

If you have had protected sex and are on birth control the possibility you are stressed out over the possibility you are pregnant. Stress will cause most women to miss their periods. Stress is the leading cause, ahead of pregnancy for missing a period. Other things that can cause a missed period are illness, antibiotics and certain OTC medications.

You have not said how old you are. If I were to guess I would say you are in your teens and still living at home. If you are over 14 you can without parental knowledge or permission go to any doctor or women's clinic and have a medical pregnancy test done. The visit, the test and the results of the test are all confidential and only you can be knowledgeable of them. under a federal law called HIPPA. Just advise the doctor or clinic you wish to be seen under the HIPPA law.

NO one can see the results or know why you saw the doctor without your expressed permission to the doctor in writing. This includes your parents. Should you be pregnant, which I do not believe you are, your parents cannot tell you what to do about the pregnancy. Meaning they cannot force an abortion on you or keep you from getting one. They cannot force you to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. These are some of the protections under the HIPPA law.

If you are not pregnant talk to the doctor about birth control. This is also a protected right under HIPPA.

Hey everyone i just wanna say thanks in advance to anyone who has any helpful suggestions. I am going to college soon and i really am in need of a computer. I have looked on Amazon and best buy. But there's so many out there, that i just don't know what to choose. I want a computer that packs a lot of space and has a good hard drive. That won't slow down when i have alot of things on it. I'd really prefer a laptop with: a webcam,maybe one that can turn into a tablet,and a disk tray,id really like one with a light up keyboard. But overall it doesn't have to have all of that (it'd be a bonus) but overall i want a great computer that will last. Also I'd prefer it to be cheap lol but im willing to spend $200-500 (maybe even to $600 ) thanks again

I've always favored Dell products. For the amount you wish to pay your not going to get everything on your wish list. Dell does have discount programs for students and payment plans.

What I suggest is you go on line to www.dell.com. Look at the different laptops they offer. Then call and speak with a sales agent and work with the agent to build a laptop with top items on it. Also make sure to take the in home service plan. This way if you have any problems they will send a repair person to you at school by appointment that is convenient to your class schedule.

With the exception of my tablets my computers have all been Dell. I upgrade every five years and have never had a problem they could not resolve and that was one time.

The week after my last period, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he didn't necessarily "finish" in me but just as procaution, I took the Plan B Pill in less than 24 hours.. After taking the pill I experienced spotting as if I was getting my period again but it was light flow. Now I'm almost 2 months late on my period. I took a pregnancy test (at home) when I was a week late, then another when I was two weeks late and then another a month and a half late on my period.. THEY ALL CAME OUT "NOT PREGNANT." Do you think I'm pregnant or could it be that the pill is affecting my cycle?

It is possible that the plan B pill has caused a change in your cycle. More likely the stress you have placed yourself under over the missed periods is the cause of your missed period.

Stress causes more missed periods then pregnancy, Your body has to maintain a delicate balance. When this balance is disturbed by something like stress it is quite possible you will miss a period. Antibiotics can also cause a missed period as can certain OTC products.

Try and relax with three home test all negative it is unlikely you are pregnant. If you were pregnant by this time you would have other signs. IF you feel you have to have a definitive answer then make an appointment to see your GYN.

So, I recently made a new friend and it was said that I drink a lot. So with that my new friend made a bet with me but we're both at a loss for what the winner/loser does/gets because we have not known each other very long. The bet is last person standing, with the intent of fulfilling the bet at a later time when we are sober. Ideas!!!??? We're both Young recently 21 so I can understand how stupid this may sound to some.

Back in my day the loser would have to do something stupid like rolling an egg down the street using only his nose. The winner would get his car washed for a month by the looser. Silly, funny things that didn't cost money since we rarely had any anyway.

Other things for the loser:

1. Collect a pound of hair
2. A day of community service
3. Doing a ride along with the police
4. Attend a MADD meeting

For the winner.

1. A free Lunch
2. Runs his errands for a week
3. Is the designated driver for a heavy date

Or whatever you can think of that costs less than $25 or is an obligation to the winner.

Hi. Im a college student from Philippines. My parents broke up when i was twelve, my father's the only one capable of sending me to college so im living with him and his second family now. The problem is, the way they treat me emotionally isnt good. I feel like tortured emotionally. I can actually tell this to my mother or relatives from my mother's side but i might not be able to go to college anymore since no one will support my education, though im a full scholar in our school, no one's gonna support my allowance. And i have a younger sister who has autism. No one, and i mean NO ONE's gonna support her because of she'sentally handicapped, (as what others say, she cannot be used, as a housemaid for example, unlike me who is thankfully normal) i need to graduate so i can get a good job and be able support her financially, as her only sister, i cant live the rest of my life letting her suffer the way i do now. I just told my father whatvi felt just recently when his second wife complained about me, always studying and sarcastically said im going to become a genius, that's insulting for me since im doing this for my academic scholarship. But right now, i feel insulted as well as angry, they're just playing loud music as if my feelings never bothered them. What will i do? Im the type of person that dont tell huge problems like this to few of my closest friends, they might not understand my situation since they're not from a broken family. Please. I seriously need an advice...

The reason your father's second family ignores you and may make you feel unwanted, especially your stepmother is simple. You are a reminder of your father's past life before them. They are being simple minded in being this way. Everyone has a past life and a divorced person has a past family that needs to be accepted and dealt with especially children. In simple terms your stepmother is being rude and obnoxious.

Unfortunately there is not much you can do about this especially if your father won't speak up for you. You are doing the right thing by getting your education. What you can do to minimize the problem is what I am going to suggest.

1. Accelerate your program for an early graduation. You do this by taking classes during the summer and intersessions.

2. stay away from home as much as possible. By accelerating your classes you need to study more. since studying at home is awkward at best study at the school's library until closing if you can. Use your father's home as a hotel. A place where you eat sleep and do your laundry.

3. When you can't be in school or the library if possible spend time with your mother and sister. If that's not possible try and spend as much time with friends as possible.

What I am saying is since you cannot change them the best you can do is to stay away from them as much as possible. If you are successful at accelerating your classes you can graduate anywhere from six months to a year earlier.

Once you graduate hopefully you find a good job and can leave your father's home.

im 18 f and my boyfriend and i had sex for the first time on the weekend however we had a really difficult time to actually get him to fit inside me. i know that probably just because i was a virgin however i want it to actually be pleasurable for both of us rather than a puzzle we have to solve. i also think that we should perhaps try some other techniques in the bedroom because its probably easier and more rewarding. so i was just wondering wether anyone had any tips ect

Sex for the first time is going to be a problem mostly for the women. Even when she is more than willing she will involuntarily tense up the muscles of her vagina as a reaction to the pain she anticipates having in from losing her Hyman if it is intact.

You’re now past this point and sex will get easier as you learn to relax and enjoy it. for right now the missionary position and lots of foreplay and oral sex if your partner will provide it, will go a long way in making you relax and making sure your own lubrication has prepared you for penetration.

Some other things you can do that will help you relax.

1. Make sure where ever you are having sex is safe and secure. Meaning you will not be intruded upon or interrupted.

2. Make sure you have enough time. So having sex at your parental home and trying to do so before a parent comes home is not a good choice.

3. You must be comfortable not only in your surroundings but on what you are having sex on. The back seat of his car, some old couch in the basement or on a rug on the floor of the basement are bad choices for comfort.

4. Lubrication: Make sure you use lubrication even if you are wet, especially for the first few time. Even if you tense up a bit good lubrication will help.

You are 18 now an adult in the eyes of the law. Certain privileges come with being an adult. One of them is having a sex life. TO your parents you may still be a child and they may get upset to find out you have an active sex life. Fact is they cannot punish you for having one. Facts are they can no longer punish you at all; you are an adult now.

Being an adult also means taking responsibility and being responsible. This means taking the proper precautions against unwanted pregnancy. You no longer need parental approval, even if using parental insurance, to see a doctor. Now that you have an active sex life you need to see your GYN for birth control.

Until you are married or in a long term, living together relationship, you must always insist that your partner wears a condom when having sex. This is your only protection against any STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus. Never believe a partner is a virgin or clean unless he has proof and then still insist on condom usage.

Men don't like condoms because it dulls' the feeling. Tough they are not the ones that get pregnant or who want to get pregnant at some time. If they want more sensitivity they can purchase the more expensive Lambskin condoms.

When I was your age the girls had a saying, "No rubber, no lover." That say was good then it is even better today.

Please don't judge me but about a year ago I was in a relationship with somebody who was a very bad influence on me. He convinced me to steal something from a store while I was with him and I got caught. The items were less than $100 so I was charged with Petite Theft and it was my first charge ever. I went through deferred prosecution and I thought I did everything they asked me to do (I paid $200 to the court and $200 as a donation to a company). I thought I was all in the clear. Now about two months have gone by and I just paid a ticket I received for not having proof of insurance (though I did have insurance). The lady on the phone told me I should check on my misdemeanor because it looked like something was going on.

I checked today on the courthouse website and it turns out something must have happened because they revoked my deferred prosecution and apparently they sent me a letter summoning me back to court but during that time I realized my ex was a jerk and I moved back home. The letter was sent back to the courthouse. I wound up missing the court date because I didn't know about it and now a capias has been issued with a $500 bond!

What do I do?! I'm so scared! I'm only 20 and I thought I had this all taken care of! The capias was issued in a different county than I currently live in and I never go to that county so the capias has been going on for a month.

I really don't want to go to jail. I'm in college and working and I can't afford to get fired or kicked out of my program!
I don't have a lot of money but do have enough to pay the $500 so should I go to a lawyer or should I talk to the court about it first and see if they'll reset my court date?

How do I get this capias to go away?

The capias is actually a Bench warrant for failure to appear. It matters not that you do not live, work or travel through the county it is issued in; it is on file in the legal system. Should you be stopped anywhere in the country and the officer requests a complete background check for you it will turn up.

What happens next is the Sheriff's office issuing the warrant is contacted and asked if they want you detained. If they say yes you will be arrested. Since this is a bondable warrant you should be allowed to post bond and be released. The bond is a guarantee of appearing in court in the county that issued the warrant. You will then be contacted with a new trial date.

My suggestion is you contact a lawyer. Let the lawyer make arrangements for you to turn to turn yourself in to the Sheriff's office, be booked and make bail. The whole process should only take an hour or so and can be done at time convenient for you so that you don't miss work or school. With your lawyer being with you; you probably will not see the inside of a jail cell.

The probable reason you were not arrested when you received the ticket for no proof of insurance. Is that the system that has the background information on outstanding warrants is a federal system and it goes down a lot. It may have been down when you were stopped or the officer did not run a background check.

HI !!
Well problem is that dad and I. We dont talk much. Infact i stopped talkin to my dad just cause he doesn't has a car. I havent even urged him to buy a car...and i can't even say..or tell him to buy a car..as I don't want him to try hard just for me and buy a car.
Likewise, my dad is arrogant too and he doesn't listen to others even if it's for a good cause.
I don't have a mom neither..and since me and dad don't talk much I feel my dad feels lonely and seeing him like that and not able to do anything I feel like a very very very very bad SON!!!
Ii don't know what should I do? should I die?
Damn writing all these makes me tear up for no reason...ik it might sound nonsense but i need your help please!!
Thank you,
Friend.

TO stop talking to your dad just because he doesn't have a car does not make a lot of sense to me since there are many other forms of communication rather then him coming to visit you. That's assuming you don't live with him.

Before I can offer advice I need to know why not having a car is the reason you are not talking to your dad or if there are other reasons. Your right to wonder what you should do? not because you might die but what if he dies and you realizes your reason for not talking to him was foolish and you regret it for the rest of your life.

i was 17 nOw .. i Have a baby via cs .. i want to use contraceptive pills .. but i do breastfeed what pills should i use ?

We are not doctors and cannot and should not be answering this question. This question has to be answered by a doctor. Either an OB/GYN, your baby's Pediatrician, or your family doctor.

The reason for this reason for this is anything you consume goes into your breast milk. Birth control medication is a form of hormonal medication which probably not be good for the baby.

I would suggest rather than ask birth control medication, you see your OB/GYN and ask what kind of non-medication birth control you can be prescribed or fitted for to use until you wean your baby from breast milk.

This whole day I've been crying on and off since my boyfriend(19) is going to be leaving for college in less than a week... I'm a senior(17) in high school and I'm really looking forward to graduate... But not the in between. I cant imagine going to school without him and I feel like I'm going to be so lonely. We are still planning to date throughout this coming year and I'm planning to go to the same college...
However, on top of all of this I get really scared he will find someone more prettier or more positive than me. He says hes not but I get really scared. I just really love him.
Please do not say that its just young love since its way more than that... I've lost my virginity to him and we've been dating for a while and I love everything about him. If anyone has been through the same situation I would thoroughly enjoy some help! Even if you haven't, I really need all the help I can get.

There is an old saying that "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Frankly that is not really true. There are other sayings that are better suited to your question, "What will be will be, and “If it is meant to be it will be."

Maybe your mom or dad said these to you, maybe not. The saying that best suits your question is, "What will be will be." You know it is also possible that you might find someone else. Your senior year in high school is very important year both from an education standpoint and socially as well.

I understand that today, right now you both love each other. You are correct in your feeling that once he leaves he might find someone new and you too might find one new which is a concern he might have. This is all normal for high school romances which are what the two of you have. High school romances rarely work out in the long term. Facts are that you may not be accepted to the same college. You are going to want to enjoy all the social events of your senior year and your friends are going to push you to do so. Something that is understood to be just platonic could very well turn out to be something more.

The best thing to do for each other is to say to each other; "I'll see you at Christmas, hopefully we will still have the love for each other that we have today." When he goes back to school after winter break if the loves is still there you say the same thing, I'll see you in the spring." What you’re doing is allowing each other to fully enjoy what this year’s school has to offer you. At the same time you are saving yourselves from a big hurt when he returns on Christmas break.

I've been there I have the bruises to prove it. I have also just celebrated my 44th wedding anniversary to the best woman I have ever met. Out of all my friends from high school only one of them is still married to each other.

I want to apologize in advance if this writing makes it sound like I'm accusing any parents or grandparents on this site of anything. I'm very upset right now, so please excuse me if this seems a little hostile. I don't mean to be nor do I mean to cause any problems, but there's something I need to know. When people say that they love their kids and grandkids equally, how many of them actually mean it? I know that many of them do, but I feel like grandparents say it waaaaay too often and don't mean it at all? I mean, grandkids aren't the same as actual children. Is it just some meaningless platitude grandparents feel they HAVE to say? And why is everyone so convinced that it's normal and does no damage if you don't love them equally?

Let's say that there's this man who has two daughters and seven total grandchildren who he's always alleged that he loves equally, but he doesn't and it makes me wonder if ANY grandparent actually does. Even if I'm wrong about him loving them equally, then equal love doesn't seems worthless. I know that's harsh and in sorry, but like I said, I'm very upset.

His oldest daughter has a son, Lane and two daughters Avery and Collins. He ADORES them. He never shuts up about them, especially Lane and anytime somebody wants to talk about anything else, he finds a way to change the subject back to them. They can do no wrong in his eyes and when they do wrong in someone else's eyes, he defends them and berates whoever is angry with them.

When he and his wife got separated, he moved ten hours away from her and his youngest daughter to be near his oldest who'd just had Lane. He lives so far away from his youngest daughter and her kids who all still live near his wife. He rarely comes to visit and when he does, he acts disinterested in the daughter OR the kids. If the oldest daughter and her family come as well, he parades her kids around and show them off to everyone he can. Many people don't even know that the youngest has kids.

His youngest has three sons and a daughter, Aaron, David, Jude, and Alexia. They get little to no attention from him at all and it hurts them more than he'll bother to think about. It drives his youngest daughter absolutely crazy and she gets sick of people saying that it's no big deal, that she's being unreasonable, and that it's no big deal to to the kids when they aren't the ones who have to put up with his bs.

The apocalypse would not have been able to keep him from being there when Lane was born. He was there when Avery and Collins were as well, but since he lived on town then, it was a lot easier. Aaron and David are fraternal twins and he didn't bother to come when they were born because it was too far away. He got TWO grandsons at that time and would not bother to come. They were born in October and he decided to wait until thanksgiving to see them, saying he shouldn't make two trips down there so close to each other.

Jude and Avery were born just over a month apart. His youngest daughter couldn't make it to Avery's baby shower because she couldn't travel. His oldest daughter was very understanding and blamed herself for it because she didn't plan it sooner, but their dad had a conniption about it. He treated her like the GD devil for not coming to her third baby shower (she had two for Lane). When Jude was born, the rules were different. There was no baby shower, but rather a smaller party called a sprinkle. Men weren't invited, but he could have sent a gift or some diapers or something and didn't. He also wasn't wasn't there when Jude was born either. Very hurtful.

No one expected him to be there when Alexia was born and he wasn't. His wife has been at ALL of the oldest daughter's kids events including baby showers, births, christening, baptisms, and when she can, even things like ball games and school plays. It's not fair that the dad won't do the same for the youngest daughter's kids.

He broke Alexia's heart by not going to her high school graduation, not because he couldn't or didn't want to, but because he was trying to bet back at her mother for at the time. Instead of directing his anger at the mother, he aimed it at his innocent, "loved" granddaughter. He missed a once in a lifetime event and does not regret it. He blames his youngest daughter for it.

He is a big church goer. He loves church and never misses it when someone he knows speaks at church for whatever. When Jude spoke at church near Christmas time, the dad was invited to come down. The oldest daughter and her family were coming to town for Christmas already and came a little earlier so they could hear Jude speak. Granddad was asked to come by Jude an BEGGED to come by Jude's parents, but he didn't. His reasoning was that he was mad arcHive at the time for something that wasn't even his business. He claimed to love him, but called him trash in the same sentance because he went out with multiple girls at the same time. He wasn't in an exclusive relationship with any of them, so technically he wasn't doing anything wrong. But granddad says that he's never been so embarrassed by a relative in his life.

I'm just sick of people putting their kids and grandkids through this kind of bs. I'm sick of some who do this kind of thing claiming to love their kids and grandkids equally when they don't and I'm sick of people who admit to loving one more saying that it's normal and okay.

I guess I mainly just needed to vent some anger, but please, if anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.

I am of the grandparent age though my child has not yet blessed us with grandchildren my extended family has blessed us with great-nieces and great-nephews. I can understand it is hard for a grandchild or great-niece or nephew to understand how someone can love them equally it is possible.

Yes even when there are great distances separating one or more of them from me and the others it is still possible to stay in touch and to let them know I love a care for them. Especially today with all the technology we have available. Even my youngest great-nephew who lives just outside of Dallas, some 1,800 miles from me, I can stay in touch with through pictures sent to to me and facetime.

My niece makes sure he knows me and knows who I am by reminding him who sent him that toy he might be playing with. She'll say to, who sent that to you and he answer Uncle XXXXXXX. He may get a few more gifts than the other but it is not out of favoritism it is because of the distance that separates us.

Judging by his playroom, which can double as a well stocked toy store, my wife and I are not the only Aunt and Uncle that send gifts of toys as a way for him to remember us. As he gets older and starts school I will start to write to him with email and other forms of Internet communication and the gifts will be sent only for Birthdays and Christmas.

I will write to him for two reasons.

1. To stay in touch with him

2. By sending Emails or some other form of electronic communication at his level of ability to read I will be helping him with his reading and writing in a manner I hope he will find fun.

I say again it is possible to love all my great-nieces and great-nephews equally I try very hard not to show favoritism as it is not right to do so. While it is possible to do so I also know that some grandparents some Aunts and Uncles will favor one child over another. This unfair and wrong for the other children. I don't know why they do it so I can't explain it to you it is no normal or okay.

Unfortunately if this is happening to you cannot at this time speak up and say something to them. when your older a time will come when you can remind them how they favored someone over you and is why you distance yourself from them or have not invited them to your wedding.

I have stage 1 kidney disease. I'm not diabetic, I don't have high blood pressure. I don't drink alcohol any more. I drink a lot of water 5 to 8 glasses of water a day to stay hydrated. My question is sometimes I wake up just feeling awful all over joints, muscles, head feels floaty. I try hard to get moving and be productive but I just feel yucky. This will last a few days and then I wake up one day and feel great for a few days. My husband is very supportive in either case. Any answers or suggestions out there? I have a great Dr. who listens well, but has no answers. I also have a Nephrologist I see rarely but when he does see me also listens well, runs tests, etc., but I'm still feeling this way. Any help anyone?

None of us are doctors and we cannot give out medical advice. Stage one Kidney disease is a chronic condition for which as you may know is no cure. Stopping the advance of the disease requires a change in life style. You say you do not drink any more; where you a heavy drinker at one time? If so this might be the cause of your liver problem.

As to your question. I live with chronic pain due to an inoperable skeleton injury. On days where my pain scores are higher than is usually can tolerate I feel as you write about feeling. I have to be careful the pain doesn't get out of control for pain causes, anxiety which can cause depression. I do have good days when the medication I take keeps the pain under control and I am almost pain free. I have noticed that the weather seems to play a part in how I feel. Warm to hot and humid days are bad. Dry cool days are good.

I suggest you listen to your body it will tell you when it is feeling good and why. On good days pay attention to everything. what you have eaten in the past 24 hours. The weather, your activities so on and so forth. On days you feel yucky do the same thing. Look to see what is different between the two days and try to eliminate that which is different from the bad days.

Of course there will be some things you will not want to do without. For those things when you want to do them or make a meal with them stop and think if your willing to suffer the consequences and how much you are willing to suffer. This is what I have to do with the things I have had to eliminate in order to try and stay as pain free as possible

Me - 24/F
Boyfriend - 26/M
Sister - 30/F

I just jumped to conclusions and did something that I totally regret.

After I came home from my boyfriend's house yesterday my grandmother asked me the reason why I didn't have my period at the moment. I told her that sometimes my period is late. She then asked me tell me when you get it, then she told me that if I'm pregnant that it's the end of my college. That really hurt me because my family has always said things along the lines of, "A family should support a pregnant woman in her endeavors in raising her child," and that if my sister became pregnant they would help her.

I am a college senior, they would only need to assist me and my boyfriend in raising our child for one semester. The two of us would save up and then get our own place and support our own child. My father whose been unemployed for years would watch the baby while my boyfriend worked (he graduates this semester, and would be needing a job) and I went to school. As a thank you for the support and free child care, my boyfriend would drive them around (I don't drive yet) and help out in areas where we could.

This is the scenario that I always thought up in my head, because I THOUGHT that they would want to help me.

Honestly, I am stressed about possibly being pregnant. I didn't take my birth control and it's been 35 days since my last period started. I'm just telling myself that before I was on the pill I would get my period the next week of the following month, ever since I first started having sex with my boyfriend four years ago.

Although I have experienced pregnancy symptoms, I've also experienced them before and it turned out to be nothing. I think that going off the pill changed my body chemistry more than I realized. I'm also nursing a yeast infection that started off from a bacterial infection. Possibly that is why I haven't had my period yet.

That's not the big problem though, really... no one needs to give me advice on that. The problem is that I made my sister, who means a lot to me, feel like total crap by pointing the finger at her for discussing the conversation that I had with her with my mother and grandmother, and then telling her that my boyfriend's brother's sister is a better older sister than her.... that's totally untrue and unfair. All of this stuff I said to her was said in a one-sided facebook message.

After she responded to me, I tried taking back all of the things I said. I sincerely apologized to her, she was angry because all I did was accuse her and she never got to respond back to me.

What can I do to make her understand that I'm sorry and that I love her?

Let me first say you had every right to be upset with your sister for discussing something that I'm sure was told to her in confidence with your mother and grandmother. Next: As far as missing your period if you just went off your birth control it takes time for the medication to work out of your system so you have some protection for the first month you go off the pill. If you just missed a pill you are still protected. Stress will also cause a woman to miss her period. In fact stress causes more missed periods then pregnancy. You are also dealing with a yeast infection. Any infection in general will upset a woman's delicate balance and a yeast infection more so.

"As for what you said to your sister and the posting on Facebook. You have already apologized which was the right thing to do. Go back on Facebook and if you have not already done so remove the hateful posting. You have not said what you said to your sister other than you apologized for what you said and tried to take it back. Write her or call her. If you write her make it an email or private message.

Tell her you were hurt and angry, that you grandmother that made you feel as if the family was going to abandon you if you are pregnant. It was wrong of you to say the things you said but you were extremely hurt and not thinking clearly. You might add, "I guess I just wanted you to hurt as bad as I did." "I'm sorry that was very wrong of me." "Can we please make-up and be friends and sisters again"

Of course use your own words but I think you see the point I'm trying to make. If your sister doesn't respond then just give her some time. I'm sure given time she will come back to you. Time heals all wounds and this is a wound that will heal.

(from the USA)

I've had my period for a few years (I'm 16 now, I'm not sure when I got it but it was somewhere around 11-13)

When I first got it, it was heavy and a deep purple-ish and/or brown. It was like this for a few months until it gradually became a deep red.

It has always been irregular since I got it.
I get it anytime of the month, sometimes I skip months sometimes I don't,(there where times where it was 3 or so at a time) and it ranges from super light to moderately heavy.
Sometimes I get cramps, other times I don't at all. And when I do they range from mild enough I can ignore them easily, to waking my mom up at 3 in the morning because they're so bad I can't sleep and I don't know what to do.(They only have been that bad a few times, usually lasting an hour or so and sometimes I feel them running through my thighs[these are the worst ones])
I have spotting sometimes, usually a day or two before I get it, sometimes my period is pretty much just spotting, at least for the first few days...sometimes I just get some cramps the day before and other times it just suddenly is there with no warning.

I always describe it as "it does whatever it wants"

I am currently underweight and have been losing/gaining weight frequently the last few months (have been very thin since I was born, but for a few years[including the time I got my period] I was a healthy weight),
I have an eating problem that started months ago but it's not Bulimia or Anorexia or anything like that(I posted another question in nutrition about it: "nauseous when I'm hungry, problems eating"),
and am under a lot of stress from time to time, which I know can effect it, but I think it's a little strange for it to always have been like this if any of those were the causes.

And before you suggest the doctor, my mom won't take me. Not even for my eating problem(which she thinks is all in my head). And I'm homeschooled so I can't ask a teacher or anything. And if I bugged her too much or went without her she'd be pissed. She said that irregular periods are normal, which I somewhat agree, the only reason I'm looking into it and asking now is because with my other health issues and the fact that it has been like this for this long I'm wondering if it could be caused by something serious or if it is in fact, normal and unrelated.

I don't know, I'm hoping you guys will be able to give me some insight on what it could be or give me some advice. Because frankly, it's getting annoying never knowing when it comes or how heavy it will be. Plus I would like to know if I'm worrying over nothing or if this, in fact, is a problem.

Sorry it's so long and for any unrelated or unnecessary comments/information.

Any thoughts or comments you could give would be greatly appreciated, even if it's not that helpful, It's nice to know someone is reading all the questions I ask...

Thank you greatly for reading

The fact that you are 16 and your main concern is your irregular makes answering this question easy.

Their is a Federal Law called HIPPA. Within that Law is a section that allows anyone over the age of 14 to see a doctor without parental permission and with full medical confidentiality, for anything concerning their reproductive system. Your concerns about your period qualify you to see any doctor of your choosing to discuss this problem and any other health concerns you feel may be affecting this problem/

If you don't want to use your parent sheath insurance then go to a free clinic or a hospital emergency room. There are programs you qualify for to be treated for free. Most importantly though is to tell the doctor or hospital you wish to be seen under the rules of HIPPA. This means that no one can see your medical records for this visit or any other visit under the rules of HIPPA without you written consent to the doctor. This includes your parents.

No judge will violate this protection and order the release of this information should your mom try to get a court order. This law was passed by congress for person just like you who needed to see a doctor but for reasons was not able to or fearful of parents finding out. It is also meant to allow young people to get medical help or have questions answered they would not ask their parents for.

Your mother is correct that a young women's periods are irregular. At your age and for as long as you have been having your period they should be becoming more regular. You should see a gynecologist(GYN). If nothing is wrong the GYN will most likely prescribe birth control pill to regulate your period.

While your with the GYN talk to him or her about the stress you are under. Stress is a leading cause of missed periods. It is also a cause for lack of appetite and being underweight is more harmful than being a little overweight. The doctor should be able to help you there as well.

I normally do not recommend going against a parent's wishes or to try and hide things from your parents. Just for the record I am old enough to be your grandfather. You have every right to see a doctor and no parent should keep a child from seeing a doctor when they feel they need to. If money is a concern as to why mom will not take you to a doctor then as I said either go to a free women's clinic or a hospital ER.

i rate hight

You need to expand upon your question. "i need bleeding my first night," Tells us only what you need not why or the circumstances around your question. without this information it is impossible to give you a qualified answer.

If I had to guess I would say you are not a virgin. You are getting married and your culture requires you to be a virgin on your wedding night. If I have guessed correctly I would answer as follows.

While it is possible to fake the pain of first intercourse; It is not possible to fake the bleeding Though not all women bleed when losing their virginity. Today's definition of virginity for women is never having had penis to vagina intercourse. It does not mean having an intact Hymen.

Today’s active women can break their Hymens in many different ways. Among them are Tampon usage, bike riding, gymnastics (even the type done in school), horseback riding, doing splits and many other things.

The hymen is an elastic piece of tissue covering the opening to your vagina that deepening on just where it is, it differs from girls to girls somewhat, its elasticity and whether it has more than one hole in it. The hole is needed so Menstrual blood can come out. If the Hyman is elastic enough it can stretch to accommodate you husband’s penis and not break when he first enters you.

Now if I am correct in what I have guessed you could tell your future husband in advance not to expect you to bleed on your wedding night as you Hyman was lost due to Tampon usage or as a younger woman playing sports or other activity. while I understand the importance of marrying a virgin is to some cultures. Even so and with the knowledge that one can be a virgin and not bleed is it right to start a life with a lie? So you not owe it to your husband to tell him the truth? Is he coming to your bed a virgin?

There is nothing wrong with your culture and its ways. I just think it is wrong in today's world for a man to go out and enjoy a sex life and then expect his bride to be a virgin on their wedding night.

I got employed recently and got my first month salary a few days back. The problem is one of my friends asked for 1000 bucks to lend him and he said he will return it next month. I know him since I was 14 and I'm 24 now. I know he won't return the money coz he already owes me money. I have a problem telling no and I agreed to give him the money. I am so confused on this. I don't have a lot of friends so I'm afraid of losing him. Further more if my mother comes to know about this she will kill me. I know the mother part sounds silly but thats how I grew up. I don't want to give the money nor do I want to lose him. The more frustrating thing is that I haven't spend any of it for my family nor myself. That adds to my dilemma. As far as l know he is jobless and will probably spend the money to get drunk and do other stuff. We have another friend in common and he has blew him off saying that he spent the money.Kindly advise me on this

The short answer is no; do not lend him the money. He has not paid you back for the first loan and you know or feel he will not pay you back for the second loan. I have been exactly where you are now. I have made the loans and lost the friends because they can't and haven't paid me back.

On the other hand my cousin called and asked me to loan him, $10,000. He needed it to keep the Bank from foreclosing on his house. I knew I would never see this money again if I lent it to him and it was money I would have to take from my retirement account.

His parent left him three quarters of a million dollars that he pissed away and now he was coming to relatives for loans. Nothing that happened to him including the pissing away of his inheritance was his fault. I said I could not loan him the money. Funny he and I still talk regularly. Losing the house was the best thing that ever happened to him.

The moral to my story is never second guess anything. You describe him as a friend, not as a boyfriend of fiancé. You owe him nothing for his friendship. If failing to loan him money will ruin a friendship then he is not much of a friend do begin with. Frankly he has already taken advantage of you by not paying back the first loan which makes him a poor friend to start with.

Tell him you cannot make him the loan and when he asks why. Just tell him he is a POOR CREDIT RISK. He probably won't understand what you mean but wait for him to ask. Then remind him he has not paid back the first loan. Do not let him talk you into loaning him more money with promises of paying back both loans for I feel certain you will never see the money again.

I'm attempting to locate somebody I haven't spoken to in months. The only way I have communicated with him was on a site that has now crashed, and I don't know his name. The username was incassum, he was 26, and I don't know where they lived. But he was an antinatalist, a philosopher, an atheist. And very interesting to talk to. I'm fifteen, myself, and had a username I'm not allowed to post on this site, though it's irrelevant anyways. If you are this person, please answer this and email me at fu.ckyou@outlook.com.

I do not believe you will find this person through this site. We answer questions submitted to us and are probably not the type of site he would look at.

May I ask why you are interested in someone who is a antinatialist (Anti Nationalist?), a philosopher, and atheist. You are 14 which makes him 11 years older than you. As an adult he has the right to believe what he believes. What he doesn't have is the right to preach his beliefs to someone your age which is why his site has been shut down, not crashed.

You have certain rights as well as do your parents. The most important right and obligation your parents have is to monitor and teach you which is why they have forbidden you to access that site. Among your rights is the right to learn about what he is preaching but in the proper context of learning not believing in.

There is nothing wrong with Philosophy as there is a lot one can learn from it. There is even nothing wrong with being an atheist as long as you have learned about religions first and made an educated choice to become an atheist.

As for being an Anti Nationalist at your present age can put you in serious harms way, especially in school where it will not be tolerated. Schools are not Democracy they are closer to a dictatorship as you are there to learn what they teach and only certain things are tolerated. Step beyond what they will tolerate and they clamp down hard. Being and Anti Nationalist or even preaching it in school or out of school and school officials will come down hard on you.

Another area you may want to reconsider is you email address. I can understand why you have chosen it. You need to understand that as you get older you may change your mind about some of the things you currently believe. If you have been paying any attention to the news of late. Then you know that people are being crucified for things they may have said or done years and even decades ago.

Your current email address can come back to haunt you in ways you cannot even imagine. It could harm future employment, especially if you need a security clearance. It could harm your credit rating making borrowing for cars and home more expensive or even impossible.

Yes you have every right to feel as you do . To speak out against the establishment if you wish. You won't be the first teenager or the last teenager to do so. My generation cornered the market on anti establishment. The difference today is social media and the WEB. We didn't have a never forgetting WEB to contend with. you do and it will come back and bite you when you least expect it and can least afford it to do.

Just some advice based on my many decades of life experience.

Hello, so we have a ferret and I am highly allergic and suffer from asthma,fur from the ferret makes it worse. Even though there is a ferret cage outside and they are capable of living outside my mum still brings it inside during the nights when my asthma gets bad. It's placed in the living room where I am usually sat. Do you think my mum should put my health first?

I have a hard time believing a mother would put a pet's well being ahead of that of her child. Is your mother aware of the severity of your asthma? Pet fur and dander regardless of allergies is a trigger for asthmatics. The fact that you are also allergic to pet fur makes me wonder how you can be in the same room with the ferret.

Yes your mother should put your well being first. There must be other places the ferret can be placed on those really cold nights that mom feels the ferret is safer in doors. What I suggest is as follows.

First: You need to talk to mom and explain to her how having the ferret in the house affects you. Make sure she understands that the ferret is making you sick.

Second: If the first solution does not work speak to your doctor and have the doctor talk with you mom. I'm sure the doctor can be very convincing that having any animal in the house is bad for you and instruct her to either get rid of the ferret or keep it outside.

Three: If neither one or two work you can ask for help through Child Protective Services, (CPS). There are several different ways you can contact them. You can ask a trusted adult like and Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent to contact them for you. You can wait until school opens and ask a trusted teacher or school principal to contact them. You can ask your doctor to contact them. As a last resort you can call them.

CPS can remove the animal, make sure the house is cleaned of any pet hair and make sure mom does not replace the ferret. CPS will also make sure that mom sees to it that you get proper medical care for you Asthma and allergies.

This question is slightly more complicated than you might think it is by looking at its title.

My friends go out every night. They play cops and robbers first and then go to the pool to play truth or dare. Honestly, I don't mind the cops and robbers part; I even like it. But the truth or dare part is what I'm at discomfort with. They come to my house every night and ask me to go with them to play and to this day, I've managed to play cops and robbers but leave when they start playing truth or dare, saying it's past my curfew when it really isnt. NOw that we've grown a little ollder, they know that I don't have a curfew that early and will want me to come play truth or dare with them. Also, since we are older, they are starting to make the truths and the dares more challenging such as kissing someone or making out with them or anything of that sort. I have never kissed someone and don't intend to kiss any of those friends anytime soon but backing out of a dare would make me seem like a coward and my friends would start excluding me if I did that. Before you start giving me advice, I want you to know that I have already ruled out a couple of options.
1. Saying "no" to them directly. This would make me seem like cowardly and theyre not REALLY good friends of mine so after a while they would completely kick me out of the group.
2. To make up an excuse every time I go. Believe me, I've tried this and after a while they have started getting suspicious.
3.To explain to them that I am not comfortable with Truth or Dare. As I said earlier, they're not really good friends of mine so they would probably make fun of me or something like that.
I know from the above you will tell me that I probably shouldn't be friends with them but they're the only people here (I'm at my cottage) and I really don't want to spend two months playing cards with my grandparents.
I'm sorry this was long and complex but I really need some help. I am sorry if I left some things out so feel free to ask me to give you more information you will need to help me out. Thank you so much!

Of course the best answer is the truthful one but since you do not wish to give that one to them you might try this one.

I am assuming your a guy if you're a girl just change the type of friend. It appears that these are summer friends you have at a summer cottage. You could tell them that playing cops and robbers is fine. When it comes to Truth or Dare the way they play it makes you feel as if your cheating on a girlfriend you have back home and you won't do that. You know that she is not cheating on you for she is away at a girls summer camp. Should they somehow start playing the drinking version of the game you just tell them you do not drink and you do not wish to start drinking.

You don't say how old you are but it is normal for you to feel as you do. It is also normal for them to play this game as they are as there is a bit of safety in numbers that they will not go too far with the making out.

When it comes to being comfortable with the opposite sex, to start hugging and kissing everyone matures at a different pace. You may be the same age as these kids but come from a different family environment or neighborhood environment as well. The day will come, probably not to far in the future when you will be ready to do these things. You really do not have to give anyone any excuses why you do not want to play this game with them. I understand your reason why you feel as you do and is the reason I gave you the answer to give them that I did.

If they cannot respect that reason, especially the girls. Then they are far more juvenile than you may think.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>