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I'm the Terrible Younger Sister, Who Accused Her Old Sister
Me - 24/F
Boyfriend - 26/M
Sister - 30/F
I just jumped to conclusions and did something that I totally regret.
After I came home from my boyfriend's house yesterday my grandmother asked me the reason why I didn't have my period at the moment. I told her that sometimes my period is late. She then asked me tell me when you get it, then she told me that if I'm pregnant that it's the end of my college. That really hurt me because my family has always said things along the lines of, "A family should support a pregnant woman in her endeavors in raising her child," and that if my sister became pregnant they would help her.
I am a college senior, they would only need to assist me and my boyfriend in raising our child for one semester. The two of us would save up and then get our own place and support our own child. My father whose been unemployed for years would watch the baby while my boyfriend worked (he graduates this semester, and would be needing a job) and I went to school. As a thank you for the support and free child care, my boyfriend would drive them around (I don't drive yet) and help out in areas where we could.
This is the scenario that I always thought up in my head, because I THOUGHT that they would want to help me.
Honestly, I am stressed about possibly being pregnant. I didn't take my birth control and it's been 35 days since my last period started. I'm just telling myself that before I was on the pill I would get my period the next week of the following month, ever since I first started having sex with my boyfriend four years ago.
Although I have experienced pregnancy symptoms, I've also experienced them before and it turned out to be nothing. I think that going off the pill changed my body chemistry more than I realized. I'm also nursing a yeast infection that started off from a bacterial infection. Possibly that is why I haven't had my period yet.
That's not the big problem though, really... no one needs to give me advice on that. The problem is that I made my sister, who means a lot to me, feel like total crap by pointing the finger at her for discussing the conversation that I had with her with my mother and grandmother, and then telling her that my boyfriend's brother's sister is a better older sister than her.... that's totally untrue and unfair. All of this stuff I said to her was said in a one-sided facebook message.
After she responded to me, I tried taking back all of the things I said. I sincerely apologized to her, she was angry because all I did was accuse her and she never got to respond back to me.
What can I do to make her understand that I'm sorry and that I love her?
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Let me first say you had every right to be upset with your sister for discussing something that I'm sure was told to her in confidence with your mother and grandmother. Next: As far as missing your period if you just went off your birth control it takes time for the medication to work out of your system so you have some protection for the first month you go off the pill. If you just missed a pill you are still protected. Stress will also cause a woman to miss her period. In fact stress causes more missed periods then pregnancy. You are also dealing with a yeast infection. Any infection in general will upset a woman's delicate balance and a yeast infection more so.
"As for what you said to your sister and the posting on Facebook. You have already apologized which was the right thing to do. Go back on Facebook and if you have not already done so remove the hateful posting. You have not said what you said to your sister other than you apologized for what you said and tried to take it back. Write her or call her. If you write her make it an email or private message.
Tell her you were hurt and angry, that you grandmother that made you feel as if the family was going to abandon you if you are pregnant. It was wrong of you to say the things you said but you were extremely hurt and not thinking clearly. You might add, "I guess I just wanted you to hurt as bad as I did." "I'm sorry that was very wrong of me." "Can we please make-up and be friends and sisters again"
Of course use your own words but I think you see the point I'm trying to make. If your sister doesn't respond then just give her some time. I'm sure given time she will come back to you. Time heals all wounds and this is a wound that will heal.
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First let me just say it is usually bad to accuse or say something like that to a sister. However i can tell that this was a comment that was said cause by allowing your emotions to rule you, which i think you should try to work on. Yes it was mean, BUT hopefully if you say your sorry, give your sister sometime, and then stay calm and approach her at a later time saying that you were just really stressed out over everything surrounding the whole situation then i cant see why she couldnt find it in her hear to forgive. Even if some time needs to pass before you speak again. Sometimes giving someone some space for a while is the best medicine. If shes older than you then im sure she can see things from your point of view or at least understand how stressful this can all be.
you should take an early pregnancy test to see if you are pregnant because you dont even know really. Even when i was on BC (and ive been on almost every kind) my husband and i still used a condom, and i think you may want to consider having those on hand more often after such a scare like this. BC isnt only your responsibility, its his too.
If you have an infection down there i would putt off having sex at all right now until your fully healed. I had the beginnings of one before and the doctor said that sex could exacerbate it and do more harm then good.
; )
if you do go to the doctor over that you could ask for a blood test. thats the most accurate way to know if your pregnant. theres no mistaking it.
good luck.
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Just be sincere and keep telling her that youre sorry and let her know you reacted in anger assuming she said something to mom and grandma that you were telling in confidence. Perhaps grandma found out another way.
You mentions coming off the pill but I am not sure why or when that fell in the scheme of things. The pill though can cause pregnancy symptoms because the hormones in it fake your body into believing that it is pregnant so it wont release an egg. thats why some girls react to the pill by feeling pregnant, and sometimes the symptoms are so uncomfortable and severe they need to switch to another type of birth control. At no point should a girl not be on any birth control if switching just because she had issues with it, that means you may not be protected fully, especially if still having sex.
You also mentioned yeast or bacterial infection and that got me thinking about something I learned by accident. I remember a time I had an infection that didn't go away on its own and I was on the pill at the time. So I saw my Dr who prescribed antibiotics for it. My Dr. failed to say anything, but when I got to the pharmacy, the pharmacist asked me if I was on the pill and I wanted to know why they asked. I was told that the medication would lessen or cancel out the effect of birth control while I was taking the antibiotic for my vaginitis. So if you were taking antibiotics at any point in time, you may not have been covered by the pill for that one reason. I was upset that the Dr failed to tell me. All I had to do is make sure that if I had sex, that hubby and I used condoms during that time.
So, yes, after this much time, its a good chance you are pregnant and waiting to take a pregnancy test isn't going to make it less likely or change the outcome, so why not just take the test so you know the answer. ANd remember that Grandma grew up in another age and has a mind set of a girl being pregnant back then pretty much ruined her life. Its not so today. She may have agreed with Mom in the past conversations on the subject to keep peace with your Mom rather than voice her own feelings and opinions that differed, but for some reason she had no problem showing you her true thoughts on it. Grandma is likely worried for you and just isn't thinking straight about how to support you properly in her speech and just saying things she normally wouldn't only because she is so concerned. Dont let it get to you. get a test and then have a good family talk if you are pregnant. Good luck dear.
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