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Should I loan him money
I got employed recently and got my first month salary a few days back. The problem is one of my friends asked for 1000 bucks to lend him and he said he will return it next month. I know him since I was 14 and I'm 24 now. I know he won't return the money coz he already owes me money. I have a problem telling no and I agreed to give him the money. I am so confused on this. I don't have a lot of friends so I'm afraid of losing him. Further more if my mother comes to know about this she will kill me. I know the mother part sounds silly but thats how I grew up. I don't want to give the money nor do I want to lose him. The more frustrating thing is that I haven't spend any of it for my family nor myself. That adds to my dilemma. As far as l know he is jobless and will probably spend the money to get drunk and do other stuff. We have another friend in common and he has blew him off saying that he spent the money.Kindly advise me on this
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The short answer is no; do not lend him the money. He has not paid you back for the first loan and you know or feel he will not pay you back for the second loan. I have been exactly where you are now. I have made the loans and lost the friends because they can't and haven't paid me back.
On the other hand my cousin called and asked me to loan him, $10,000. He needed it to keep the Bank from foreclosing on his house. I knew I would never see this money again if I lent it to him and it was money I would have to take from my retirement account.
His parent left him three quarters of a million dollars that he pissed away and now he was coming to relatives for loans. Nothing that happened to him including the pissing away of his inheritance was his fault. I said I could not loan him the money. Funny he and I still talk regularly. Losing the house was the best thing that ever happened to him.
The moral to my story is never second guess anything. You describe him as a friend, not as a boyfriend of fiancé. You owe him nothing for his friendship. If failing to loan him money will ruin a friendship then he is not much of a friend do begin with. Frankly he has already taken advantage of you by not paying back the first loan which makes him a poor friend to start with.
Tell him you cannot make him the loan and when he asks why. Just tell him he is a POOR CREDIT RISK. He probably won't understand what you mean but wait for him to ask. Then remind him he has not paid back the first loan. Do not let him talk you into loaning him more money with promises of paying back both loans for I feel certain you will never see the money again.
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It sounds to me that the problem here is not in lending your friend the money. You can logically see here that giving him the money is a foolish decision. The problem I see lies in your inability to say no. Here is the thing, saying no is not a bad thing. When we say no we are actually setting boundaries for ourselves and others. People will treat us how we allow them to. When we set boundaries we are telling others how to treat us. By telling your friend no you are telling him you will not be taken advantage of. Since your new found confidence will be new to him, he may get upset. But that is ok. You can not please everyone. If you try you will find yourself miserable. Have the courage to say no. And if your friend refuses to be your friend, then that is a blessing. You wouldn't want a friend who is only using you to be an ATM.
***Visit my self-improvement blog at mindfulmema.wordpress.com***
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It would be very foolish to lend this money to someone who is still in debt to you and has not even attempted to repay the original sum. He's really asking you to give him the money I think? Your mother would be mad if she found out and with very good cause. It's not at all silly to say this, we often use our parents values and maxims to evaluate our decisions. Often all our lives, and if their values were sound that's no bad thing. Likewise it's natural for us to learn from their mistakes too, as it were. Maybe she made a similar 'loan' under similar circumstances herself at some time and 'learned the hard way'? If he will be solvent and able to repay it in a month, then you should first of all ask him why he needs this sum right now. The orignal sum he owes you, I think you had better consider as lost already. Friendships are more difficult to evaluate and set terms on. But mate, if your friendship with this guy will stand or fall on you giving or not giving him some cash then think hard about whether it's a bit one-sided, and whether this particular friend may be one you could well do without.
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Normally, you can lend a friend a dollar and you won't expect it back. But dear, a thousand dollars is not a joke. You can't seriously give him the money knowing nothing will come back.
As his friend, sustaining his vices would be very very unfriendly, what you can do is give him what he needs! and even that's too much. If he leaves you for not giving him the money, then you'll know he's not a true friend.
You might be happy with him as a friend, but if that's how he'll act, then I'll say it now that is not true friendship
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