Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
128201Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
17/f
I'm vibing with this guy (so basically seeing each other) I was his matric farewell partner and we've gone on a few dates and we speak everyday. Weve been vibing for about 10 weeks. He told me he likes me and hopefully I'll be his girlfriend someday and stuff. But what are we actually before it's official and how do I know when it's official? When should I have the talk about "what are we?"? A guy in my school said he wants to talk to me tomorrow about what the guy I'm seeing did a few weeks ago and asked about when we started vibing and stuff and I take it that it's about another girl - obviously I'm gonna be upset about it but do I speak to the guy about it and ask if it's true or something because since we're not official is he allowed to do what he wants? I'm really confused about where I stand and how this works ..
There is no real exact rules that one can look at to know when a relationship is official. After a divorce, I was dating at age 50. There was no internet when i was a kid but there was now and I used it to cut down the search time for someone I wanted who'd be Mr. Right for me. We met in dating site. We met in person asap, in a week of chatting on line. I never asked him to be my boyfriend and he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We never announced to family that we were 'official'. Why? Because in reality, it just kinda happens and sneaks up on you. The only people I know who put such importance on having the title of being official is young people. Most dating is not being official but rather the process through which we learn what we like and do not like, what qualities we are looking for in a person and always searching for someone better the next time, never settling for less. Do not judge a person by what anyone else has to say about them. It could be gossip with no way to prove their innocence. Judge a guy by how he treats you. I will say this, most guys in your age range are not ready to be in a serious committed relationship. I wouldn't worry about the word 'official' as a guy can say anything to get what he wants at the age. Its experience in dating for a few but males have raging hormones at that age and in their 20's too. They are more interested in eventually getting to experience sex and then getting as much of that as they can without committing to anyone. Of course thats not what you want to hear but it is a big part of why being official means nothing. A guy can say he likes you or loves you. My first husband said he loved me but he treated me like crap, and was verbally abusive. So you can't count on a guy asking you to be his girlfriend or become official as meaning you are now in the best relationship you'll ever be in, in your whole life. Again, the telltale signs are in how he treats you, even how he treats others. Such as if he treats his mother, sisters or any other females like crap, you can't expect him to treat you any better. You also can not totally count on the fact that two people vibe or have feelings or interest or feel attracted to each other as meaning they are the best choice for a relationship partner. I met a lot of guys on the internet dating site before I met my husband. I had initial levels of interest, attraction or 'vibing' as you call it with these guys and they felt it too. But after spending time with them, I eventually saw certain things that i wanted to avoid in a guy. People put their best behavior on to 'catch' someone, to catch their interest, and will change who they are to attract someone, change their behavior mainly but that takes lots of personal energy. So after weeks or months, when they think you are so into them you'd never leave, then they revert to their old self which could be something terrible. Thats how my first husband fooled me and even my parents. After I was married, in a couple months, he became someone that was different from who he'd pretended to be. If a guy likes you, he will start to spend more time with you. If his interest in you is deeper than skin deep, and he really likes who you are on the inside, personality, that guy will always come back, will want to treat you well, would never intentionally hurt your feelings,is quick to apologize and wants you not because you are prettier or smarter than someone else, he prefers you.
Hi all, 30F - kitty in question (Lu) is turning 10 in April.
I've had her since she was 10 weeks old (which means part of this is my fault, I'm sure), and I can't clip her claws, I can't brush her, and I sure as hell can't bathe her. Scruffing her does nothing (it doesn't work on some cats), and it is REALLY difficult to swaddle her, though that kinda helps with claw-clipping
When I say "I can't," I mean I get seriously bloodied - she bites, claws, kicks, and it's a success if I manage to actually get one or two claws done without a new scar.
I've tried giving her a treat per claw she lets me clip, but she's overweight and I don't want to keep doing that.
Because she's overweight, she can't clean about half of her body, so that's something I kinda need to do, too... but anytime I get near that half of her, same thing.
I'm like an inch from trying to get her to a groomer, but "trying to get her" there is the key phrase...
Any ideas? Thoughts? Thank you all
We used to have to get something from vet for our dog for fourth of July when he got really scared. The stuff they gave us made the dog so relaxed he could barely walk, just sleep. So ask your vet if there's something that can be given to the cat in its food so it becomes sleepy. YOu'll have to mention cat's age and it being overweight, and see if theres anything they can recommend.
I only see him during one of my classes. He always goes to his group of friends to talk when he has free time, and I'm scared I'm being rude if I interupt them just to talk to him. I can't really ask him questions about the material since we don't play the same instrument. If I ever do figure out a way to talk to him, how do I keep the convo going? I have really bad Social Anxiety so it's really hard for me to think if what to say next. Any tips on how to at least be in the talking phase with him?
I had severe social anxiety as a kid and teen but was cured of it in my senior year and didn't have to see a Dr. In fact, back then, it was still called shyness and no one really knew what to do for this anxiety. Depending on what instruments you play, there may yet be a few ideas of something you can invite him to do. If drumset, this won't work. Otherwise, if you like going Christmas caroling and think you can get some singers committed to do caroling sometime in December, now is the time to practice for that. It could be just you and him playing instruments for background and others singing or I have seen two teens outside a grocery store playing carols during christmas season but you have to get permission from store manager first. then you set out a hat and get tips as well. But this is something you'd have to spend some time practicing. It may not appeal to him. As far as what appeals to him, even your personality may not appeal to him. The fact that he is a crush means its one sided right now. YOu know you like him. He may not end up liking you romantically once he got to know you. The only way to give it a chance to see which way he goes is to spend time together as just friends first.
But as you know, its hard to walk up to someone you know let alone someone you don't know to say something, starting conversation first. SO the best thing I can do is share the story and what you need to do to get over social anxiety. This is one thing I am positive people can be healed of because it happened to me. A childhood friend just told me she used to think I was so serious back them. I wasn't ever serious. It was my anxiety that gave her that impression and so many others may feel the same of you and not realize it is hard for you. Depending on how much you practice the steps, you can improve in a very short time but must work at it daily. So now, I share my story and the steps to take to overcome social anxiety.
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
Hello, right I’m trying to figure out what my boyfriend of few months meant by this when he said this the other day on the text message when I was away for a week and I was asking him, how much did he miss me, he said loads because you’re MY sally, how can I not miss you.’ When he said you’re MY sally, is he feeling something like owning me or something?? Or is he truly thinking that I belong to him??? Thank you
Don't overthink this. I highly doubt he is stating that you are his property like a house, a car or such as men believe in some other countries. If he says My and your name, it's the same as having said 'my girlfriend' but a bit more personal and with more emphasis because he wanted to convey how special you are to him. If you were not so special, he might not have missed you at all.
I'm a female who has been with both guys and girls. With girls, I like it in theory (meaning imagining myself dating, kissing, etc either a girl I know or an imaginary idealistic one) and in practice. I know for a fact I am a girl attracted to other girls. I like creating an idealistic man in my head and imagining dating him, but I can never meet a guy in real life who holds my interest. It's not just that they don't 100% meet my idealistic imagination, neither do the girls, but no matter what type of guy I go for, they can never sexually or romantically hold my interest. Guys just seem so basic and boring compared to girls. I'd be more turned on by an ugly/below average girl than a handsome guy, speaking from experience. However I still enjoy thinking about some sort of "dream man" who would be perfect for me, in a similar way that I imagine girls. I'm not sure what exactly this means. I identify as lesbian although occasionally I wonder if I am bi simply because of my own thoughts.
I can answer your question. I used to go to swing clubs with my ex. I met many women there who were bi. That did not mean they liked many guys sexually same as females. They met only one man who appealed to them who was their husband. The husbands were understanding and took their wives to the club so they could have fun with other women while the men didn't get involved with anyone. I had a chance to talk to many of the husbands. So if the idea of the right man still appeals to you, it's up to you whether you focus on finding that man especially if you are marriage age and want kids but you prefer woman for romance and sex. It might be a good idea to focus on females and if the right guy comes along, then of course date him, get married.
If you are a minor, have fun with the gals but do not focus on finding a boyfriend or husband until you are older. If you are old enough and want to find that one special one who is the only man that turns your crank, then you may want to put out a profile on a dating site where you specify that you are bi, have female lovers but looking for a husband who is open minded and okay with that and he will be your only male lover. Looking for a man who is okay with it and open minded, can be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. YOu'll get lots of gals hitting on you and men who lie but a dating site is how I found my 2nd husband. If you have any other questions like this, just write me from my column. Good luck dear
I caught her putting Neosporin on her vagina a few
Times she doesn't know I know.we haven't had sex for weeks is she cheating
If you were putting any ointment on your penis, would that mean you were cheating? I think you are jumping to conclusions. Whats really bad is that the two of you can not talk to each other about this. The only cheating going on here is the gynecologist being cheated out of money for a Dr. appt. If she has seen the Dr. and he prescribed it for whatever ails her, then that's good. If however she is just guessing and self treating, that's not a good idea. Oh and by the way, some things like Herpes should not instantly make you believe she is cheating either. Both you and her can be carriers of the virus without ever having had a breakout for most ones life. So stop jumping to conclusions and have a talk and find out what is wrong. Then encourage her to get proper treatment is she hasn't yet.
I'm being laid off from my job as a scribe in a week and I had already found another job to take it's place as a hostess. I had picked that job because the manager said he would work with my class hours.
I would be taking a big pay decrease, but I think it might be worth it because my last job had me up every night until 5 or 6am and I was always sleeping in on accident until 2pm or so and not getting everything else (like homework) done because I was just too dead tired.
However, right off the bat they want me to work thanksgiving, which is a very big deal to my mom. I always help her prepare and I need to be there because it's also my brother's birthday. When I accepted the job I also wasn't thinking that I was supposed to go home to stay with my mom for a week, which is a week I was looking forward to relaxing because I didn't have classes.
I also just found out they only pay twice a month on weird dates. This bothers me because what happens if I don't find out until it's too close to a bill being due that I don't have the money to pay it? I'm used to being paid weekly.
I'm also going to have to go out and spend money on new clothes for it because the wardrobe is all black and I don't have much black. I was trying not to spend much money because obviously I'm being laid off soon and clothes add up fast.
Next, I found out even though GPS always says its only 25 minutes away that through driving there and back four times, it's actually more like 45 minutes due to traffic lights and back ups on two lane roads. That's kind of a long way and a lot of gas money. I would probably be spending $20 a week on gas money.
On crowded nights they also don't allow you to park in their parking garage. This is a big issue for me because there's 0 parking anywhere near the resort so if I get there and there isn't any parking I have to park like 15 minutes down the street and there's no way I'm walking alone at night down a street to get to my car. I'm very petite and this is really risky for me. I would also be late getting there if I can't find parking and they're really serious about attendance.
On the plus side, I'm hoping maybe I could work my way up to serving and earn tips because it's a high end restaurant and I'm sure they're big tips.
The manager also lets whoever is closing take home food, which is really cool.
My mom doesn't want me to take the job because she's really worried about my safety. I've had bad run ins with men more than I'd like to share because as soon as they see how small I am they try to force me into doing things knowing I can't fight back... and I'm not allowed to bring weapons into the resort. She's worried that men will follow me out to my car.
She thinks I should just wait it out until I find something else, but what if I can't? I've applied for a bunch of other places and nobody could work with my class hours or I didn't have enough experience.
What should I do?
As I started reading, I thought I'd end up saying its better to take a job if you'd otherwise end up with no income when laid off and hunt for something better while working there. I thought the sheduling around your school hours was a plus too However when you got to the point of the distance and time and gas involved to get there when your pay is diminished, that was a major issue. Then you mentioned limited parking and having to park far away and walk, those two situations kill it. Its not a good fit for you. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with family but work hard even then to keep putting your feelers out for a better job.
I got sent home early today because the assistant managers kept complaining. Is that bad?
I work on the sandwich line at a restaurant. Today the sandwich line was already full with workers and i had nothing to do. I wiped down the work stations and did some tasks that were assigned to the prep team, such as dishes and cutting up ingredients. I kept asking if there was anything else for me to do, because i just didn’t want to stand there doing nothing. They didn’t really have anything to do and the assistant managers were complaining to the manager that hired me. He sent me home thirty minutes early. I feel bad because i feel like he regrets hiring me and the assistant managers don’t like me. The restaurant owners were there today, they complained too. I cleaned. I feel like they don’t like me because they know i have a disability and can get nervous, so they want me out and regret hiring me. Maybe that’s why assist managers are complaining to the manager. My job coach got me this job, btw.
What else am i supposed to do when every task has been completed and there’s nothing to do?
As already said, some shifts can be slower than others and managers will send someone home early if so. However, I worked fast food for a while as an older person and everyone else was younger. Some of the shift managers didn't like me either. It had nothing to do with my work. I cleaned and did better and faster than everyone else and was better with customers. If you end up sent home early pretty regularly, then yes, there's a problem. In my case, they worked me down to hardly any hours and then for a month of weekly schedules the store manager no longer scheduled me in though I was available to work. What this means if it happens to you is that a company can not hire you is your work is acceptable. They have to have a good reason and not liking your disability or other workers just not liking you as happened to me, is not a valid reason to fire a person so what they will do is keep giving you less hours until you get tired of it and just quit. I finally quit mine officially because I could not get food stamps while I was still technically on the books as an employee even though they were not working me. Since you have a job coach. Keep in touch with the coach and let them know if other than this one time, it seems to happen more often. If there is no problem with your work and they are not willing to make something up to put in your profile, then your job coach can help with any discrimination against you just because of disability. I could have fought it but for me, I no longer liked the job because of all the crap and didn't want to win a case just to continue working with a bunch of young people who didn't want to work with an older person their parents age.
Hello,
Can someone explain this when my boyfriend of month said to me, “you had a contrast in your body language that drove me mad and I liked you from day one.” What’s he saying? Is that the good thing he’s saying?? Thank you for the answers!
Not everyone knows about or has studied up on what different types of body language mean but it is a very reliable way to know something about another person as far as whether they are interested in you or not. All people also look one way when trying to remember something or look the opposite way when lieing. It's almost like an instinct and we don't even realize we're doing it. Whether he really understands body language or not, he saw something that he liked. There's always the chance that a person used the wrong term or work to describe what they mean to convey to another. So I would not even want to guess what he actually meant by it, however as you've already been told, it was a good thing since he's liked you since day 1.
If you want the details, you'll have to ask. Some guys don't give details much or at all until asked. They simply get to the point. Drives me crazy with my husband. I have to ask him on the average once a day to explain in detail why or something he said and he's always willing to. ITs not weird and wont' be taken wrong at all even if you ask now after the fact. The act of you just asking for more information shows a guy you really were listening to him and that you care enough to ask and it will make him feel good to explain to you. So ask. You could say, hey the other day when you said, " such and such--apply whatever you need details on", I didn't ask what you meant. I know its a good thing but I'd like to know and understand exactly what this contrast you saw in my body language was. its that simple dear. Get used to asking cus I am grandma age and I have yet to come across a male who will anticipate my wanting more detail and tell me things in detail instead of a 'to the point phrase' only.
Had no success downloading current Firefox via dial-up connection. Probably have to take computer to someone with high-speed or buy used computer and transfer browser from it.
Yes, dial up would be the problem. Todays computers require high speed internet to download pretty much anything. When My husbands daughter sent us her used computer, the husband tried to download all the basics I'd want on it, Firefox, Open Office for documents, etc. and he was trying it at Starbucks on a day they had bad internet and it wouldn't work even then.
Hi :) im 18 and im in last year of high school..so every 3 months during the school year we have a "meeting" with our class teacher and everyone from the class(there is 28 of us in class) speaks with him for 10 minutes individually, the class teacher asks us how are we and how we are doing on other classes..and everytime he asks me how am i and i always say im fine...so on tuesday i have a 10min "meetin " with him (my class teacher)and i want to tell him that im not well , that im depressed(yes i really am)..i just feel so lonely, i have 2 close friends(Diana and Caroline) in class and i know they like me...but still no one texts me first, and i take long time until i get comfortable with someone, i also have social anxiety so im scared to talk to people(idk why but i do), im just scared of pepple, even after my friends told me they care about me i still feel lonely..and also i go to same class ,school with my twin brother, and they like him , even girls in my class like him more than me..he texts with almost everyone (girls, boys) and im invisible (nobody texts me, nobody cares about me :/)..i just want to tell it my class teacher(im not really close with my parents and i dont want them to know) bc i dont know what to do..im just so f*cking lonely but i try so hard to talk to people in my class , trying to be friends with them...i dont know what am i doing wrong ..whats wrong with me ? i just cant keep doing this anymore
Depression and anxiety are not the same thing but closely related as far as I believe, due to fact that problems with our thoughts will affect both. Only clinical depression needs medication whereas the temporary depression due to a situation can feel just as bad but not be the bodys inability to create it's own NT's, neuro transmitters but just tied to distorted thinking. I have family with both types of depression, clinical and situational. Of course the ones with situational ones were given a list of simple things to do that will automatically raise those levels of the hormones that are too low or otherwise called 'depressed levels'. There are still Drs who do not check first to see if a person has one or the other type of depression and put them on medication immediately. Its up to you to ask for a Dr. licensed in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy like the daughter who saw one and he realized she was never depressed before, only now due to getting dumped by boyfriend. She followed that list of things to do and was fine again and hasn't had any depression since then. If your parents won't take you to a Dr. then definitely tell the teacher so they can put you in touch with those who can help.
As for social anxiety, I can relate. I can't say if thats what you have but I was terrified to talk to people as a kid and teen. When younger, I wouldn't even go up to front of class to sharpen my pencil because I was terrified of people staring at me to see what I was doing. I could never do book reports and had failing grades as I refused after the first time when I shook and hands got clammy and my heart pounded in fear, I would stammer and felt like crying. Compared to just not knowing how to start a conversation or being shy, what I had is social anxiety although in the past there wasn't such a thing as social anxiety, it hadn't been termed yet and I was called shy. So there were no Dr. visits to help with that. In my last year of high school, I finally got desperate enough and tired enough of being this way that I was willing to try anything that could cure me and make me normal. Since Drs. didn't talk about or know this stuff yet, I just prayed and asked God for help and the list of things he gave me to follow and do were exactly what I read a few years ago in a book I read to see if I could recommend in the column here. The Dr, turned author wrote the exact same stuff that I got in answer to prayer and was cured in a short time, just a couple months or less. I have saved that list to share and will post it in here. If you do get checked out and depression is confirmed, you may want to see a Dr. who is licensed in CBT. Too many with situational depression are on meds and it doesnt help because its not going to the root of the problem, ones distorted thinking. IT would be the same crazy thinking if you had a cut or scrape that got infected and instead of treated the infection, just slapping a bandaid on it as the cure. Its not going to get better without flushing out the wound and treating with antibacterial ointment.
Heres a website of the Dr. turned author so you can know what I've shared is on the level and give you hope which is what you need most right now, that you can get better.
https://feelinggood.com/
And here's my doc pasted in on how to deal with social anxiety. If you do not improve by following my instructions, then you will also want to ask a Dr. for help with the anxiety.
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
23/f
I've been with my boyfriend for quite some time. The only thing is that I moved out of state. I'm a flight attendant so I just would go visit on my days off.
Anyways, I feel like whenever I ask him to visit, he doesn't seem anywhere near excited and tells me reasons why he can't come visit. He's on my flight benefits so money isn't an issue.
Before he was in school, so I never asked him to visit. I was completely understanding and wouldn't want to take him away on his only days off.
He's done with school now. Just looking for work.
One time I asked him and he just plainly said he wasn't feeling good. So I was fine with that and flew there instead.
Another time he said he'd think about it, and didn't tell me until the day of that he wasn't coming. So I flew there.
Another time I told him if he wants to visit on my birthday, it's no big deal but he can if he wants. I asked him again and he said he made plans to help his friend pack up his house because I said it was no big deal. I shouldn't have said it was no big deal but I thought he'd want to spend my birthday with me.
Then he did visit me. I did have to feel like I was pulling his leg.
And last week I asked him to visit me today but he said he needs to buckle down and try harder on applying for jobs online. I told him he can come here and apply online. He said he he wants his dad to help him and he'll back back at the end of this week. He'd be going back at the end of the week so I didn't understand.
I'm just getting tired of flying back there on my days off. I want my days off to really be my days off. I live in the sky, I don't need to fly on my days off. Besides that, he lives with his parents so it's not the greatest. I'm glad his parents are okay with him living there while he looks for a job with his degree but if he's not working, why can't he see me more?
When we're together it's amazing. When he has visited, it was so much fun and he loved it.
This time I didn't fly back. I'm thinking just don't go back and if he really wants to see me, he'll come here?
I talked to him and every time he had his reasons for not visiting. I know he doesn't like flying. Complains about TSA and he gets motion sickness. He'll take meds though.
But I mean he's dating a flight attendant..I'm just tired of me always flying back and I've told him.
Any other ideas besides just simply not going back? Is there anything else I can say to him?
It makes me feel like he doesn't miss me. He'll assure me he does but always has reasons for not visiting.
It's not your job that is the problem hon. Something is not right with him. My guess is like adviceman that either he has one or more females closer to home to spend time with and you are just one more contact in his little black book of females to call when he's 'ahem' lonely. Think of married couples who are really in love and one is in the service. When their out , it isn't for the length of a couple flights but months and months and longer and yet if a couple truly had no problems between them and both love each other dearly, then they long to see each other and look forward to it. Doesn't sound like he looks forward to seeing you, no matter how much you feel its all good when you are there. I would also say to take him off flight privileges. Then read this list, a test made up by a guy for females to know when a guy is really truly in love with a girl or not. I must say I have heard the bits all separately at times but seeing them all in a list really makes an impact. I am going to guess that the way you feel about him is not the way he feels in return. Heres the test:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
is It normal for your mom to have a dildo
My first question is the same you've already been asked, why were you looking in Moms privates cabinet. I assume this was somewhere in her bedroom. If you found one in a kitchen drawer or a coffee table drawer, in shared common spaces for the family only then would it be in bad taste and wrong.
I have never known dildos or any sexual toys to come with a label limiting use to those of ages 25 or younger. The only limitations I know of concerning age is that minors (below 18) are not allowed to enter a sex toy shop to buy such things in the first place.
So there is no expiration date for males or females to have orgasms and enjoy sex. Sure we don't have the hard bodies of youth when we are parents or grandparents. But if the sexual organs still work, theres no reason why not to. If you think its odd to think of Mom as sexual creature, try to think of anyone older, lets say your grandma. Don't know her age. But let me assure you it is very normal to enjoy sex with a partner or self pleasuring and that does not exclude having ones male partner use sex toys on his lady. My husband does. I just turned 59 and plan to keep having sex til the day I die. It may take more lub and use of toys more often but there are health benefits to sex as well. Many more than you can imagine.
I've been in my job for nearly 3 months and my co-workers all moan everyday about management and how much they can't be bothered. At first I thought it was a blip but every single day when I walk in there's someone saying something about why they hate working at the company or are peeved about something.
As a new employee I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about the role when in such a negative environment. What should I do? They also send lots of group emails about the managers and I can't join in because I feel it's not right that a new employee slags off people who I don't know!
I don't know what to do ?
Don't assume they have a reason to feel that way. They could all be very negative people and if it wasn't bosses, they'd find something else to gripe about. Most negative people are like that, always finding something to complain about. Give yourself time and if you discover for yourself that you do not enjoy the management where you are, start looking for other employment while still working there. There's nothing you can do to change their attitudes. All you can do is choose as you have, to not participate
Are Firefox and Yandex browsers available on disc and who sells them?
I haven't heard of disc's for downloading as it is free to download Firefox anyways. Heres the link to that on line:
https://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/?wa=CID24319
Me and this guy have been talking and hanging out fora few months months. I've told him about my depression and he's been really understanding and supportive, but I was wondering if I should tell him about me hurting myself. Would it be a good/bad idea? Should I trust telling him that? What if he reacts in a bad way?
(I am taking mood stabilizers and antidepressants PLUS going to therapy. I don't need any advice or help on dealing with self harm, but I appreciate the concern.)
Thanks.
If its hurting self in the past, it's not necessary. If its on going and you currently do it, it might be nice to him to eventually know, especially if you guys get closer and it looks like it might be a long term relationship. I can't tell you how he'd react if he found out by accident. Everyone is different, so he may shrug and say, Its okay, I understand or he could start to wonder what else you've kept secret from him and start to wonder if he can trust you. I just don't know. You know him best. You will need to decide whether to tell him.
I am an 18 year old girl. I am engaged but when I saw my ex I realized I still have feelings for him. I am getting married in 6 months. I don't have any clue. I told my fiancée but he doesn't understand and he wants me to explain. But I cannot for the life of me figure it out myself. Help. Please.
Once again, I must whole-heartedly agree with all adviceman said.
I married at age 20 and that was too young. I may have been mature as you probably are but thats not enough. I did not have enough relationship and people knowledge to understand what I was really getting into. Yeah, my marriage lasted longer than the 5 years, 30 but the marriage was over long before we hit 5 years and I stubbornly stayed on until I finally wised up after the stress and abuse took its toll on my health.
I am not saying either guy would be a bad choice but if you are not sure, you won't be able to mentally be there for your husband because you're thinking of someone else.
When you have loved someone and romance and sex was involved for the female, she mentally ends up feeling ties to the guy. ITs not something you can see. IT doesnt matter if he left you or you left him, these invisible ties, ties your souls and until you are ready to mentally see yourself cutting the rope that ties you to him, you will always have this trouble. I was counseled when I was leaving my husband to do this and I did. It truly did make a difference. Even though my guy was abusive, and I clearly had good reason to leave him, I still would have hung in there unless the cord tying me to him no longer exists. It may seem silly that something you can't see would have such a strong effect, but what have you got to lose by trying it. You also need to tell your subconscious mind to remind you every time you do think of him. If you know for whatever reasons that it is over between you and the ex and its only the feelings, remind yourself of this each time he comes to mind and keep telling yourself why its over and tell yourself to stop thinking of him as a lover or bf. He has been demoted to only being an acquaintence, some one you know but not someone you have a close relationship with. If your fiancee is the right guy, he'll still want to marry you in the future. But it may be best to wait until you've had a chance to live some of your life as an adult and mature more before you marry. Hope this all helps
I'm 23 and just went to the dentist today for the first time since I was 14. Of course the dentist found about 8 cavities in various stages. I do brush my teeth twice a day and regularly whiten them so he didn't find much plaque and there's only two serious cavities, but I still need to take care of them all. Some of them are the same cavities I had when I was 14 that my dad never got taken care when I was a child and that really makes me feel sick.
I know there are people who never had the money or good fortune to go to the dentist so I'm lucky that he took me at all. However, I'm still feeling very frustrated because he did have the money, he always just wasted it on other stupid things and now I'm paying for it with my health and having to take on a second job to be able to afford this...all while in school.
On top of that he had the nerve to tell me that I need to get braces...well of course now that I'm an adult insurance is less willing to pay for a portion of braces. I feel like it takes a lot of guts to tell me that I need to get braces now. Why didn't he get them for me as a kid so I wouldn't have to be dealing with this as an adult? I think it was rude of him to even say something, because my teeth aren't that crooked at all. Nobody else in my whole life has ever told me I need to get braces and I even have a best friend who's a dental assistant (she's actually the one who stressed to me that I really needed see a dentist for the two big cavities I have).
Anyways, my father is really making it seem like it's my fault and telling me I need to make sure that I keep going to the dentist and need to shop around for prices for invisalign. I have half a mind to tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. He knows how hard I already work just to keep myself in college because that was yet another thing neither of my parents ever saved for. He really has some nerve acting like I'm not doing my best while paying for my own car, insurance, college tuition, rent, groceries, etc.
Is there a polite way I can tell him that this was kind of his fault and that this wasn't due to me not taking care of my teeth, but regular occurrences that happen when a parent doesn't bring their child to a dentist? There were only one or two of these cavities that developed since I was 18 so it's not all my fault.
I already have really bad anxiety about my appearance and always wanting to look pretty because I always feel ugly, now that he said that to me I feel even worse and I'm going to be obsessed with my teeth now. I already spent half an hour tonight brushing my teeth with $20 prescription toothpaste and then spent another hour doing whitening. Now I keep wondering if everybody has always thought I had gross teeth and just never told me. When he said that to me I started crying and wanted to jump out a window.
Using a dental school is one good way to go and I have one more. When I was tight on money with no insurance, I called any dentist in my area and told them I was low income and asked if they knew of any dentists in the area that did work for low cost. Two didn't know, the 3rd one had a referral and that dentist did all the work and even tried to give me idea's of places to apply for jobs to earn more.
Trying to tell off your Dad won't change your situation. You just had parents who weren't the cream of the crop, basically they sucked cus there is always free dental clinics and stuff for low income parents and as you said, that wasn't even the case.
You are letting this eat you up inside and that is not good. You may want to check out some basic counseling, try at your school. Your statement: I feel even worse and I'm going to be obsessed with my teeth now, is something that alarms me. See, I have learned some things myself and realize now that is called by psychologists as distorted thinking. Your words and actions will follow your thoughts. If you do not believe it and reject what Dad or anyone else says that is not a supportive statement about you, then you will not have any anxieties about your appearance. I had anxieties as a kid and teen so I know what I am talking about. My guess is that it's possible you already had anxieties about your appearance before your Dad said you need braces. And subconsciously you thought you'd use that to have more reason to be upset with him. Again I ask, will it change your situation? The answer is no.
What you do need to be concerned about is getting your worst cavities taken care of immediately. Deep cavities can end up becoming root canal jobs which are more expensive. And absessed teeth can compromise your health by slowing releasing toxins into your system that can affect your overall health and have in extreme cases caused a person to end up in the hospital.
Counseling cant hurt and I seriously suggest that as the bitterness and hurt you feel will also affect your overall physical health and mental health. Find both a low cost dentist and some counseling hon.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months. I’ve known him for over a year though. We met through working together. In the beginning he did everything to get my attention. He’d go to the gym with me, we’d go to the movies, he took me to San Antonio, and our conversations were always super friendly and he cared about everything i had to say, i fell for him because he seemed like a really fun and caring man. here lately though he has done nothing but play video games from the time i get to his house until about 3 in the morning. The only time i get his attention is when he wants to have sex, then right after he goes back to his games. It’s super annoying because he’s on his headset screaming at the game and talking to his friends, so not only do i have to listen to the sound of him shooting at virtual zombies i have to listen to him yelling at the game too. We don’t go on dates anymore. I don’t feel loved at all. Every time i ask to go somewhere he doesn’t want to go or he has no money. I have confronted him about it a few times, but he says I’m too needy of his attention and lashes out, it ends up in nothing but negative emotions when i try talking to him, so i have tried to stay quiet, but i want more time too. There’s been times where i have thought about leaving, but i have already invested so much into him and we work together so i don’t want to make things awkward, but I’m at a loss. I feel
like i should be a priority and when I’m around his attention should mostly be about me. I don’t know what to do without starting a fight. Can someone tell me what they would do in this situation??
Adviceman is right, he is taking advantage of you. All that stuff he did in the beginning, seeming to have some money to spend on you was all just a sales pitch, false advertising. He was pretending to be someone he is not. I am very familiar with this in people. And its not just males but females do it too. When we want to catch ourselves a partner, we are on our best behavior and will adjust what we say and do to catch the attention of the person we want to get in relationship with. It sometimes lasts weeks, or a few months, this fake persona period. After a person thinks they have you on the hook and you will not want to leave the relationship, they then revert back to their REAL TRUE self. So what you are seeing is who he really is now. Whether he wants to and will change in the future depends on him and first if he's willing to admit that he is neglecting you and putting all his energy into gaming.
If you really feel like wanting to see if you can do something that just might be the thing to give him reason to change, then you can try this. Have a talk in which you set your boundaries. Talk about the change in the amount of attention he pays you. A relationship needs both people putting in equal amount of work for it to succeed. My first marriage was lopsided, I put in the work, he didn't and eventually I ended it. There were other problems too but they don't relate here.
You have to be willing to go through with any consequences you give him or else it won't work. Tell him and also put it in writing that if he doesn't start putting you first or at least as one of his top 3 priorities with a job being one, then you will leave him. If he really loves you, he will see his error and change but I am not holding out hope that he will. I know too many young ladies personally whose husbands sat at home all day on gaming and in some cases, neglecting a child while the gal worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. And the guy wasn't even doing a good job of caring for his own child. Most all these ladies have left their husbands and some filed for divorce. This guy is only a boyfriend and easier to leave if it comes to that. Heres some info from a guy on youtube who gives dating advice to women by explaining what men are like if they really love a woman. I added to it. I will add that in next, a test to discover if this man really loves you, after all, it is love you are looking for right? Not working for free as some guys maid, butler, cook and free sex person. Here it is:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
Awhile back I went out with my friend's boyfriend behind her back. I know I shouldn't of, but he was clearly more into me than her and he said he wanted to break up with her anyway, so I gave in to temptation.
When my friend found out she physically attacked me when she saw me next at school. I fought back out of self-defense. The principal called the cops and I was the one arrested because my friend and 2 friends of hers who were there when it all went down lied and said I'd started it.
We ended up going to court and neither her and her friends nor me changed our stories. On Friday, I was found guilty. I'd never been in trouble with the law before, but because the judge thought I lacked remorse and needed to learn a lesson, he sentenced me to a month in juvenile hall.
I've been given the weekend to get my affairs in order. I have to turn myself in on Monday to begin serving my sentence.
Ever since yesterday, I've been asking myself if I really do deserve this even if I didn't start the fight for going behind my friend's back. Do I? Am I crazy for thinking this?
I don't know if I'll see any answers to this question before Monday, but I definitely will read them once I'm out.
It's Monday so too late to help. This is unfair and no you don't deserve to go to Juvie hall for this. People swap partners all the time and it's not considered a crime to go to jail for. Assault and battery is and since she lied, you get the short end of the stick. What I want to know is what this boy is doing. Only he can help. If he could tell his story that he was dating her and was planning to break up with her and told you so and so you both went out together. If he hasn't broke up with her yet, he needs to and tell officials that she just got pissed off learning he went out with you and that this accusation against you and likely what she's doing along with her friends to get back at you. She is in the wrong and as soon as it can be found she and friends lied, they will be the ones to get fined or go to juvie hall. Even if you can't get out early, I'd pursue this after wards so you can get this charge taken off your record and clear your name. If this guy is too chicken to speak up for you and at least give the court reasonable doubt that you may not have done what she said you did, then he is a loser and you shouldn't consider getting back with him. If he really cares about you, he'd be outraged and speaking out to help. What about your parents. If you haven't told then what went down, they need to know. Their daughter is wrongly accused of all things. Don't be embarrassed, you did nothing wrong going out with him. He was wrong that he was too wimpy to officially break up with her. If he had, it would be all the more reason to question her accusations that come right after his break up and you starting to date him. Even if he had told her, she would have reacted the same way just because you now dated someone who dumped her. I know about that stupid rule young people have to not date your friends ex. And she was wrong to falsely accuse you. You have a case to go after her and your parents should know so they can do whatever they can while you're in there so if you have a chance to call them, tell them what you told me, about what the guy said and how she immediately reacted to your going on a date with him. They need to know so they can help work to clear your name, possibly their contacting a lawyer and maybe getting hold of this guy and having him interrogated and then the girl as well.