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Boyfriend visiting
23/f
I've been with my boyfriend for quite some time. The only thing is that I moved out of state. I'm a flight attendant so I just would go visit on my days off.
Anyways, I feel like whenever I ask him to visit, he doesn't seem anywhere near excited and tells me reasons why he can't come visit. He's on my flight benefits so money isn't an issue.
Before he was in school, so I never asked him to visit. I was completely understanding and wouldn't want to take him away on his only days off.
He's done with school now. Just looking for work.
One time I asked him and he just plainly said he wasn't feeling good. So I was fine with that and flew there instead.
Another time he said he'd think about it, and didn't tell me until the day of that he wasn't coming. So I flew there.
Another time I told him if he wants to visit on my birthday, it's no big deal but he can if he wants. I asked him again and he said he made plans to help his friend pack up his house because I said it was no big deal. I shouldn't have said it was no big deal but I thought he'd want to spend my birthday with me.
Then he did visit me. I did have to feel like I was pulling his leg.
And last week I asked him to visit me today but he said he needs to buckle down and try harder on applying for jobs online. I told him he can come here and apply online. He said he he wants his dad to help him and he'll back back at the end of this week. He'd be going back at the end of the week so I didn't understand.
I'm just getting tired of flying back there on my days off. I want my days off to really be my days off. I live in the sky, I don't need to fly on my days off. Besides that, he lives with his parents so it's not the greatest. I'm glad his parents are okay with him living there while he looks for a job with his degree but if he's not working, why can't he see me more?
When we're together it's amazing. When he has visited, it was so much fun and he loved it.
This time I didn't fly back. I'm thinking just don't go back and if he really wants to see me, he'll come here?
I talked to him and every time he had his reasons for not visiting. I know he doesn't like flying. Complains about TSA and he gets motion sickness. He'll take meds though.
But I mean he's dating a flight attendant..I'm just tired of me always flying back and I've told him.
Any other ideas besides just simply not going back? Is there anything else I can say to him?
It makes me feel like he doesn't miss me. He'll assure me he does but always has reasons for not visiting.
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It's not your job that is the problem hon. Something is not right with him. My guess is like adviceman that either he has one or more females closer to home to spend time with and you are just one more contact in his little black book of females to call when he's 'ahem' lonely. Think of married couples who are really in love and one is in the service. When their out , it isn't for the length of a couple flights but months and months and longer and yet if a couple truly had no problems between them and both love each other dearly, then they long to see each other and look forward to it. Doesn't sound like he looks forward to seeing you, no matter how much you feel its all good when you are there. I would also say to take him off flight privileges. Then read this list, a test made up by a guy for females to know when a guy is really truly in love with a girl or not. I must say I have heard the bits all separately at times but seeing them all in a list really makes an impact. I am going to guess that the way you feel about him is not the way he feels in return. Heres the test:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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I hate to say this but it sounds to me as if you are traveling all over the country and maybe the world while he is at home possibly finding companionship closer to home. If t is possible I would check to see if he is using your flight benefits without you. If so that should be an indication he has an interest closer to home.
His excuse of looking for jobs on-line is a bit lame. I know this is the 21st century and things are done on-line more and more, still there is no replacement for wearing out some shoe leather ad visiting the places you might like to work and applying in person. You need a really outstanding resume to get pick for an on-line application. Where applying in person shows initiative. If he is just using on-line applications he is showing me a lack of initiative.
If I were you I would cancel his flight benefits and start looking at some of the good looking young First Officers you are flying with. For one thing you know their future earnings potential and you can see their work ethic and how they spend their layovers.
This guys constant excuses are telling me his interest in you is not what it use to be.
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