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When to know if your relationship is official - and how it works before it
17/f
I'm vibing with this guy (so basically seeing each other) I was his matric farewell partner and we've gone on a few dates and we speak everyday. Weve been vibing for about 10 weeks. He told me he likes me and hopefully I'll be his girlfriend someday and stuff. But what are we actually before it's official and how do I know when it's official? When should I have the talk about "what are we?"? A guy in my school said he wants to talk to me tomorrow about what the guy I'm seeing did a few weeks ago and asked about when we started vibing and stuff and I take it that it's about another girl - obviously I'm gonna be upset about it but do I speak to the guy about it and ask if it's true or something because since we're not official is he allowed to do what he wants? I'm really confused about where I stand and how this works ..
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There is no real exact rules that one can look at to know when a relationship is official. After a divorce, I was dating at age 50. There was no internet when i was a kid but there was now and I used it to cut down the search time for someone I wanted who'd be Mr. Right for me. We met in dating site. We met in person asap, in a week of chatting on line. I never asked him to be my boyfriend and he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We never announced to family that we were 'official'. Why? Because in reality, it just kinda happens and sneaks up on you. The only people I know who put such importance on having the title of being official is young people. Most dating is not being official but rather the process through which we learn what we like and do not like, what qualities we are looking for in a person and always searching for someone better the next time, never settling for less. Do not judge a person by what anyone else has to say about them. It could be gossip with no way to prove their innocence. Judge a guy by how he treats you. I will say this, most guys in your age range are not ready to be in a serious committed relationship. I wouldn't worry about the word 'official' as a guy can say anything to get what he wants at the age. Its experience in dating for a few but males have raging hormones at that age and in their 20's too. They are more interested in eventually getting to experience sex and then getting as much of that as they can without committing to anyone. Of course thats not what you want to hear but it is a big part of why being official means nothing. A guy can say he likes you or loves you. My first husband said he loved me but he treated me like crap, and was verbally abusive. So you can't count on a guy asking you to be his girlfriend or become official as meaning you are now in the best relationship you'll ever be in, in your whole life. Again, the telltale signs are in how he treats you, even how he treats others. Such as if he treats his mother, sisters or any other females like crap, you can't expect him to treat you any better. You also can not totally count on the fact that two people vibe or have feelings or interest or feel attracted to each other as meaning they are the best choice for a relationship partner. I met a lot of guys on the internet dating site before I met my husband. I had initial levels of interest, attraction or 'vibing' as you call it with these guys and they felt it too. But after spending time with them, I eventually saw certain things that i wanted to avoid in a guy. People put their best behavior on to 'catch' someone, to catch their interest, and will change who they are to attract someone, change their behavior mainly but that takes lots of personal energy. So after weeks or months, when they think you are so into them you'd never leave, then they revert to their old self which could be something terrible. Thats how my first husband fooled me and even my parents. After I was married, in a couple months, he became someone that was different from who he'd pretended to be. If a guy likes you, he will start to spend more time with you. If his interest in you is deeper than skin deep, and he really likes who you are on the inside, personality, that guy will always come back, will want to treat you well, would never intentionally hurt your feelings,is quick to apologize and wants you not because you are prettier or smarter than someone else, he prefers you.
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