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How to talk to my crush?
I only see him during one of my classes. He always goes to his group of friends to talk when he has free time, and I'm scared I'm being rude if I interupt them just to talk to him. I can't really ask him questions about the material since we don't play the same instrument. If I ever do figure out a way to talk to him, how do I keep the convo going? I have really bad Social Anxiety so it's really hard for me to think if what to say next. Any tips on how to at least be in the talking phase with him?
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Social anxiety can be crippling but you cannot let it run the show and prevent advancement or good. You should see a doctor (psychiatrist) to get treatment to make it manageable. It doesn't mean you are crazy to get it treated with medication and counselling.
You have to realize boys are just as fearful as you are to approach you and girls in general. There is nothing wrong with introducing yourself to him. As if he would be interested in going to a party or hanging out with friends at a movie or bowling etc. This is a way you can gauge interest from him without asking him out or revealing your crush. All he can do is say yes or no and at least you'll know where you stand. Just remember he fears rejection and embarrassment as much as you do.
In a situation like this where you really want something badly you have to make an attempt for it. All he can do is say yes or no and he will likely want to get to know you. Maybe you'll get a relationship from it. You just have to convince yourself to talk to him and do so no matter what. In the end doing it will show you that anxiety shouldn't stop you from experiencing something so natural. If he says no or doesn't want to get to know you it's on him not you and he misses out on a great person. I have a feeling it will go right for you and you will at least get a friend out of it.
Another approach is to be honest and approach him introducing yourself and explain talking to new people is so difficult because you have social anxiety disorder. Tell him you have always wanted to get to know him but it held you back. Unless he's a total ass he will understand and likely hangout with you I you ask.
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I had severe social anxiety as a kid and teen but was cured of it in my senior year and didn't have to see a Dr. In fact, back then, it was still called shyness and no one really knew what to do for this anxiety. Depending on what instruments you play, there may yet be a few ideas of something you can invite him to do. If drumset, this won't work. Otherwise, if you like going Christmas caroling and think you can get some singers committed to do caroling sometime in December, now is the time to practice for that. It could be just you and him playing instruments for background and others singing or I have seen two teens outside a grocery store playing carols during christmas season but you have to get permission from store manager first. then you set out a hat and get tips as well. But this is something you'd have to spend some time practicing. It may not appeal to him. As far as what appeals to him, even your personality may not appeal to him. The fact that he is a crush means its one sided right now. YOu know you like him. He may not end up liking you romantically once he got to know you. The only way to give it a chance to see which way he goes is to spend time together as just friends first.
But as you know, its hard to walk up to someone you know let alone someone you don't know to say something, starting conversation first. SO the best thing I can do is share the story and what you need to do to get over social anxiety. This is one thing I am positive people can be healed of because it happened to me. A childhood friend just told me she used to think I was so serious back them. I wasn't ever serious. It was my anxiety that gave her that impression and so many others may feel the same of you and not realize it is hard for you. Depending on how much you practice the steps, you can improve in a very short time but must work at it daily. So now, I share my story and the steps to take to overcome social anxiety.
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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