NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: Is there any alternative for the ineffetive, time and cost consuming local brokerage Real estate services...?

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here.

I work for a call centre, handling all the after-hours calls for real estate agents in my area.

Real estate agents work hard. They work very hard. I've seen agents receiving calls at 1 or 2 in the morning, and at 5 or 6 in the morning.

They are the ones who list your home. They know how to make it sound good. They know what it is worth, and how to sell it for that amount if not more. They are, indeed, effective. They place ads where people look. Most home buyers have found the properties they want to look at on either MLS or in a real estate flyer. Their advertising is certainly effective.

As for time-consuming... Do you know exactly what is involved in even one appointment for a property? The person who wants to see the property calls your agent (or their agent). Their agent calls your agent. Then your agent calls you to make sure it's okay. Then your agent picks the person up and brings them to your house. They try to make the sale. They will do this for some properties up to 10, 15 times a day. Not to mention the paperwork. There are, as I'm sure you know, mountains of legal paperwork to keep track of. You can't just have the other party write a cheque and go on their merry way.

Costly... yes. They do cost money. But they are worth every penny if they can get you what your home is worth (or more). And depending on the value of your house, it's not that expensive. Our agent was also the agent of the seller, so he only charged them 3% instead of the standard 5%. See if you can find an agent like that, as a way to save money.

All that being said... here are some helpful links for selling your own home.

http://www.forsalebyowner.com/

http://www.wikihow.com/Sell-Your-Own-House

Good luck!

Q: I recently went to an interview with Vector. I initially thought it would be a great place to work since their base pay is 15 dollars. It sounded like a nice job.

During the interview, she said you only earn 15 dollars per appointment. You'd be selling knives. I thought wow, how lame. Then she mentions for a starter pack it's $140. I even had one friend who went through vector and said it's not worth it.

Also, the manager was a total B***h. When I asked questions, she got sarcastic with me. And when we had to write down notes during the group interview, she noticed I wasn't writing down something, and got sarcastic with me, asking if my pen was broke. I was like, "wow."

The group interview lasted two hours. The manager said she liked me so she hired me. But I am very indecisive on whether I should take the job or not. So what should I do?

Anyone here who went through Vector? Or anyone who will give me a mere suggestion would be great.

I went through the interview as well.

Try Googling "Vector". You'll come up with a bunch of websites saying what a scam it is. Fortunately, I did that when I got called for the interview, so I had an idea of what I was getting into.

I found the interview to be a bunch of... for lack of a better word, propaganda. It felt like they were trying to brainwash me. "Our knives are good... you will sell our knives"

I too, tried to ask questions. I got the runaround when I did so. Then, they tried to pressure me into accepting the job. I had to tell the manager more than 5 times that I needed time to weigh my options, while she told me that I had to make up my mind NOW, since the job could be gone within minutes.

Then I got home and told my fiance. His response, "You know how I worked for CutCo last summer? That was Vector!"

In his summer, he worked his buns off. He drove all over the place to make appointments, and hawked knives to all his friends and family and THEIR friends and family. It was a little humiliating having to guilt people into purchasing from him, and the returns were minimal.

In a summer of working like crazy, he earned about $2500. That's why he joined the Reserves :)

Oh, and as if that's not enough... you are responsible for replacing any broken Cutco stuff from then on for other people. Not at any cost to you, but they will contact you, and you have to contact Cutco and arrange for the replacement. So this stupid job will stick with him forever.

Don't do it.

Q: I asked my fiance if he masturbated, expecting him to say no because he knows that I save myself for him, and never please myself unless he's there. He said around once every two weeks, in the shower. I think he's probably lying about how many times he does it because when he saw I was upset he said only four times since we've been together. We've been together for a Year and a half. It just doesn't add up. Not only that but I feel so hurt that he would rather do that than me. I can only think that he's in there fantasizing about other women. I feel like I can't satisfy him, and sex will never be the same. What do I do?

Your guy isn't masturbating because you're not enough for him.

In a way, it's a way for him to keep in touch with his body. I asked my fiance about why he does it, and he said that it's not sexual in the slightest. Just a bodily function, really. They don't get the same relief from masturbation that they do from sex.

Also, he's very likely fantasizing about you when he does it. If you two have been together for a year and a half and are engaged, you're his dream woman!

Don't worry about it, and most of all don't get upset with him over it. He will just be forced to hide this activity, which you can make yourself a part of. Ask him why he does it. Ask him what he's thinking of when he does it. Get... involved (trying to think of a way to keep this PG). Masturbation is as normal and healthy for adults as it is for teenagers.

Q: My aunt recently emailed me to ask me if I would pay her monthly house payment as she and her husband have had a difficult year financially. She works in a factory and her husband is a truck driver. Both have had their hours/pay cut due to the recent economy. However, they live in a rather nice home that they built 10 years ago, so I'm sure the house payments are quite high. Twenty years ago, she borrowed money from my mom and never paid it back. This has been a point of contention ever since. I have the money to help, and I know it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel as if I'll never see this money again? Should I give in and give her the money?

Can you afford to lose the money forever?

I didn't think so. There are two ways to get around this.

1) You can tell your aunt that you can't afford to help out at the moment. A little white lie in this case can save everyone's feelings.

2) You can lend her the money, but first, make a contract and have both of you sign it. That way, if she flat-out refuses to pay you back, you have a legal leg to stand on. Make sure that it says that she will pay you back, and by a certain date. Yes, it does sound sort of nasty to do to a relative, but that's the situation my parents and I have with my school loan from them.

Q: i asked a question like this before but i dont think i worded it correctly.

when i masturbate i dont actually finger myself, i just rub my clit. i dont really find fingering myself pleasurable at all.

so my question is, when i have sex, will i be able to have an orgasm?

You will definitely be able to orgasm. You just might not be able to climax through penetration alone.

This isn't a big deal though. Most women can't. The great part is that you know what you like and how you like it. That means you'll be able to lend a hand where needed to get you where you want to be when you do have sex.

Don't worry! You are perfectly normal. In fact, you're in a better position than many women are, since you know what does it for you.

Q: 17/f.

In my math class their is this girl, who is a dyke, and I have nothing against gay people or anything. I actually have a friend that is gay, just to clear that up right now.

Anyway, she always does really weird things when she is sitting next to me, like she put her lighter on, or she'll stick her tongue out and be like oh this is what i do to my girlfriend! and she just says all these things about her sex life, or her parents sex life too.. its really disturbing and I don't want to hear it. She isn't usually talking directly to me, but she is talking to the girl who sits on the other side of me, who i am friends with and is really the only person i talk to in class. I personally don't like hearing about anyones sex life, no matter who they are. Its awkward and to me personal information between them and their boyfriend/girlfriend.

I feel like if I say something, I'll come across rude, because she is kind of depressed and I don't want to make it worse or anything, and she is nice besides that, I just don't know what to do. Any help?

What this girl is doing is sexual harassment. If she is making you uncomfortable in a school environment, it has to stop.

Whenever she brings up anything sexual, point-blank tell her to stop. Tell her it's way too much information, or that her sex life is her own business, and you don't particularly care to know what goes on behind closed doors.

Do not be afraid of being rude. This girl is behaving in this way to make you uncomfortable, which is rude in itself.

If she won't stop of her own accord, talk to the teacher. See if you can move seats. Even if it means sitting with people you don't talk to, it's better than sitting next to her.

If that doesn't stop her, go to the principal. Most schools have a zero-tolerance policy on sexual harassment.

Do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable at school. Nobody should have to feel awkward and intimidated like that.

Just a note: before certain other advicenators criticize other peoples' answers, maybe they should do their research... the following definition comes from the University of Ottawa website:

"Sexual harassment encompasses a wide assortment of behaviours ranging from sexist remarks to sexual assault. Harassing behaviour can be verbal (foul and vulgar language, inquiries or comments about an individual's sex life, teasing because of unattractiveness), physical (brushing up against the body, inappropriate touching, sexual assault), visual (display of pornographic pictures) or can consist of gestures (leering and ogling). "

This is most certainly a case of sexual harassment, regardless of the sexual orientation of both parties involved.

If you are being made uncomfortable through inappropriate sexual remarks, that is sexual harassment. Take action as such, and ignore those who will make light of the situation.

This is a serious matter, and needs to be dealt with.

Q: So I'm 19 and have been very happily married for nearly a year. My husband and I are both in college and living on our own. I desperately want a baby. I know how hard it is, I raised my younger brother on my own for two years while in highschool. I know that it is terribly expensive, I know it is taxing emotionally and physically and in more ways than imaginable. I know it would mess with school and our plans and everything but the non logical half of me is completely going nuts over it.

Many people are just telling us to go for it and that things will work themselves out as we go along. A few people think I'm completely insane for even considering it.

I just don't know what to do, I've tried adopting far too many hobbies to get rid of this obsession. I can't get a pet because of our landlord.

I just need to know if I should go for it, or if I should keep trying to fight it. And if I should fight it, how?

I definitely understand. My fiance and I are 21 and 22, and we've been talking the baby talk lately. We too are in college, and we actually own our own house, so it's not too unreasonable. Here are the questions we asked that helped us determine that it isn't the right time for us. Maybe you'll have different answers!

1) Are you prepared to put school on hold? Who will give up their education, and for how long? Much as you may want to do it all at once, you cannot have a newborn and go to school full-time. This is the main thing that stopped me. I'm an engineering major, and if I'm out of school for more than 2 years, I can't go back. Period.

2) What are your living circumstances? You mention a landlord... are you in an apartment? Is this a place that you would be happy having/raising children? That was a go for us. We're in our own house in a reasonable neighbourhood.

3) Where are you financially? Are you just making ends meet? Do you have huge student debts? Are you fully self-sufficient? All very important. How long will it be until you have both graduated, and what expense will that entail?

4) Are you ready to give up being young? Sounds like a strange question to ask. My parents were 20 and 21 when I was born. The end result: they can't wait to be empty nesters, and they're whooping it up now like they're in their 20s again. You give up a big part of your lives when you have a child. This was the big reason why we decided to wait; we just want to take some time to enjoy each other before sharing our relationship. Selfish as it may sound, it's important to tell the truth about this.

It can work out. It happened for my parents. There are those who will say you're too young. I've seen people who are 40 have children and be terrible parents, and I've seen 15 year old moms who are incredible. It's all in you guys.

Good luck!

Q: soooooooo ok this is weird haha
16/f
well im a very hyper funny annoying loud person. im the class clown and i have alot of friends. i have a good life and id consider myself a well liked person that is always busy. everyone calls me crazy because of how spontaneous and trouble making i am. but i am starting to think that i actually am crazy. for instance, i have this inner voice. i call him simon. dont ask haha but the thing is i dont think of it as hearing voices because i know its a voice coming from my mind, not from something outside my body. so i didnt think it was schitzophrenia or anything. but its not my mind either. its like i have two minds. me and simon. but simon only says things about 4 times a day most of the time. i can be thinking of something totally different at the same time simon is thinikng. like ill be showering and my eyes will be closed while im washing my face, then simon will be like someone could be standing right in front of you in the shower and u wouldnt know it. and while he is saying this, my mind is going LA LA LA LA LA LA LA trying to be louder than simon so i dont get freaked out. and this is what bugs me. but sometimes simon can motivate me to do things. like today i was cleaning and simon chipped in and said, clean the sink in less than 30 seconds and you will get an A on your test today. and before i knew it i was scrubbing the sink as fast as i could. also the day after me and my boyfriend got in a fight, almost every task i did, simon said things like do this or your bf will break up with you. or do that and you two will get married. and it makes me do the tasks that simon tells me to do. like even if i really dont want to do the task, i do it anyway. and its anooying because sometimes simon makes me do things i dont want to. not harmful things but just dumb things. like ill be sitting at the couch then simon will chip in and say get the reomte off the other couch or your cat will die tomorow. so even though im too tired to get up, i do anyway. i know this is so rididculous because how would an inner voice control wat happens to me? its so dumb. yet i still keep doing everything it says because im afraid that what if those things do happen. its so annoying, please tell me whats wrong with me! this needs to stop. SIMON NEEDS TO GO. NEED TA GO.

Well, the way my doctor put it to me when I was concerned about hearing voices was that if I was questioning my sanity because of it, it means I don't have schizophrenia. I didn't really understand her until I met a schizophrenic individual, and he talked quite calmly about meeting the Queen, and the singer of his favourite band being God.

I know I get similar urges. I haven't personified them, but I know what you mean. As long as Simon hasn't threatened your health, and as long as he doesn't take over your life, you're probably okay.

If you are concerned, try talking to your doctor. They're a lot more understanding than you might think!

Q: I'm attempting to lose some weight before the summer starts so that i don't have to lose as much during the summer. Is 26 pounds a reasonable amount to want to lose in one or two months? If not, what's a reasonable amount? Also, what are some good ways to try and lose the weight? I'm not in any sports and my life is pretty sedentary so i need some help with this. Thanks in advance!

26 lbs is absolutely not reasonable to lose in a month, or even two, unless you are morbidly obese.

If you are quite overweight (obese), then 2 lbs a week is reasonable. I know, I know, it takes forever. I'm just starting an 88 lb weight loss journey myself, and looking at a full year of dieting before I can get to where I want to be. So to lose 26 pounds, you'll need about 13 or more weeks.

What seems to be working for me is www.myfitnesspal.com. It's free, and has calorie counters, exercise trackers, and forums so you can talk to other people about weight loss. It adjusts your calorie goals as you lose weight too.

In combination with a fairly low-calorie diet (but not too low-cal... that sends your body into starvation mode) I'm doing exercise videos at home, or riding my bicycle when I can fit it in around my 12 hour work days. I'm down 5 pounds now!

Make sure you take in tons of water, and, as always, you should definitely speak to your family doctor if you have one before setting out on a weight loss quest.

Q: like i know this is a stupid question but what exactly discribes the word 'fanny' ? is it the butt, or the other private part down there? and is it the girl or boys part, ot both?? haha i know weird question but i wanna make like really sure

For British people, the word means a girl's "privates".

For North America, it means bum.

Funny story... I was talking about how much I hate fanny packs, and my British friend was looking horrified. She was trying to figure out what people are packing in there, and why it's a fashion faux pas!

Q: Does anybody out there know where a person can buy a Kazoo?? I'm not sure if walmart carries them...but just a normal department store??....a Canadian department store??

I know that in the past, I've had the best success at dollar stores or WalMart.

It's kind of funny how the need for a kazoo does spring up from time to time...

Q: where can a 13 year old boy get a job at

As Darby pointed out, companies will not hire people under the age of 15.

However, I managed to find work when I was 13 through the public library. You could also try summer day camps, because they often hire counselors in training.

Try to make a good impression, and do your best to look and act older than you are. The more mature you seem for your age, the better your chances of finding employment.

Q: My friend and I always have "queefing contests" and the other night we were all sitting around with friends, having some drinks - and she told me to queef - so I did. Now the guy I'm into won't talk to me. He's grossed out! WHY?

I honestly have to say that I have never heard of sharing that particular bodily function with anyone else, let alone a large group of people!

Think of what it would be like if you were sitting around with some guys, and they started to have a contest to see who could pee the furthest. They all just whip it out and start peeing (you're outside). Would that be a turn-on? Likely, you would find yourself slightly grossed out, even on a subconscious level.

Thing is, what our bodies do is private. You probably wouldn't share the details of your latest menstrual period with a guy... why share something else coming out of your reproductive organs?

Doing things like this is vulgar and unladylike. Any man of quality is looking for a lady. Someone he can bring home to his parents.

Ways to win him back: first off, curb the noises. Don't curse, or talk dirty in general. The more he doesn't know about you, the more interesting you'll be.

Show him that you can be a lady, and he'll be into you again!

Q: Does anybody have more information on this? i mean really 23 cases out of millions and millions of people? these people probably over used the product? but does anybody have more information on this? ive already gone threw one bottle of hydroxycut Max and i have less than half another bottle left. ive gotten great results and i only have 5 more pounds to go. summers almost here i want to finish my bottle but now i am scared? its about a weeks worth and thats allllll i need but now im scared im going to get liver cancer or something but what more harm could i do? and how do i know if hydroxycut has done damage to me?

I just started using Hydroxycut last week, and it's done amazing things for me. I have made the decision to keep going.

*DISCLAIMER* I have not sought out medical advice, which is what I should do. I just happen to live way too far away from my family doctor to do so. If you can, talk to your doctor.

What I have done is ignore the directions, which say to take 6 pills a day, 2 at a time. I am instead taking one pill twice a day.

It's understandable that Hydroxycut would cause liver issues. In each pill is the equivalent caffeine of 2 coffees... that's 12 coffees a day if you follow their directions! Your body has to process all of that.

By cutting the dose, I figure I'm cutting my chances.

Again, though, to satisfy the nay-sayer in all of us, I have not made a medically educated decision here. And you should.

A big sign of liver damage is jaundice. If your eyes or skin are looking yellowish, go see a doctor right away.

Q: what would be considered "bad" or "good" brands of beer?

A bad beer has very little flavour of its own. What flavour it does have is overwhelmed by the alcohol. It's the kind that you have to drink for a while before enjoying it (ie you have to be too drunk to care what it tastes like)

Some "bad" beers:

Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors Light, Budweiser, Canadian, Blue.

A good beer will have a nice, full flavour. It should be enjoyable on its own, without the need for inebriation.

Some good beers:

Rickard's Red, Moosehead, Sleeman, Heineken, most dark beers.

An exception is Corona. It doesn't have much of a flavour, but it is nice and refreshing on a really hot day when you don't want to be drinking a heavy beer.

My suggestion: check out microbreweries in your area. You may pay a little extra, but your beer drinking experiences will be a lot more enjoyable.

Q: I found out that I have chlamydia. My doctor just called to tell me. I know it can be treated and so on. They also wanted to know my partners name. My bf and I broke up and I dont think I should give his name or information out about him. He doesnt even know that I have it. Also I dont even know if he is the one who has it. I looked it up and found out a lot about the disease. But my question is, how do i know which guy gave it to me. Obviously i am sexually active. and have had sex with three different guy. Can the doctor tell me when i got this disease or if i have had it for a while? I dont want to tell all three guys that i have it and they need to get tested is why. Thank You very much.

You made a big decision when you decided to have sex with each of those men.

Now you have to face the big consequences, no matter how embarassing.

No matter who gave it to you, or when you think you got it, your partners all have the right to know that they may have been exposed.

The doctor will not be able to tell when you got it. You should notify all partners that you have had any sexual contact with so that they have the chance to get tested.

If chlamydia goes untreated, it can cause sterility and other problems. Is it really fair to leave somebody to that fate because you are embarrassed? No.

Q: I was wanting to know what is the best brand of birth control and how protective is it against pregnancy?

As YG mentioned, there are many kinds of birth control, and you should definitely discuss your choices with your doctor.

However, some are not as foolproof as others. Birth control pills are 99% effective IF taken properly, and if nothing interfered with your absorption of it, such as vomiting. Injections, like Depo Provera, or implants are more effective in real life, as there is no way to mess it up. Keep in mind though that the time frame for these is longer and the potential side effects more serious than with the pill. So it all depends on when you plan on trying to get pregnant, what kind of side effects you can handle, and how good you are at remembering to take a pill every day at the same time.

Also, to be extra safe no matter what kind of birth control you are using, always use a condom.

Q: My son is 5 years and i'm trying to get topics to teach him. He goes to school but i also want to help him out a bit more.
I've been looking for 5 year old curriculums but they're aren't any specific things i should do.

recite the alphabet and recognise letter
count till 12 perfectly and recognise numbers
count to 20 missing some numbers
spell 2 or 3 words

what else can i get him to do and remember without pushing him too hard?i don't want to do something that he will forget or have alot of difficulties with.

Thanks.

First off, don't set boundaries for your son's learning. If he's eager to do more, then encourage it! Don't worry about pushing him too hard.

Try working on basic math skills like addition and subtraction. Food works great for this... small things like Smarties or raisins. For example, "If I have one raisin and you have one raisin, how many raisins does that make?"

Make sure you emphasize reading. Read to your son every night. If you don't read on a regular basis, start. It will help him to see that reading is a good thing to do.

Try practising the letters of the alphabet at odd hours of the day. If you're going through the mall, have him say the letters he sees. It can be a fun game for him.

Another thing that he could start with is writing his letters. Practise it with him, and show him how to do it if he gets stuck.

Don't rely on TV to teach your child. That is the biggest mistake that parents do these days. TV can be a good educational tool. However, parental involvement is the most important part of a child's education.

Q: This is more for the older crowd on the site, but I'm open to all ideas, I suppose.

I'm 21, he's 23. For physical reasons I won't disclose here, my boyfriend and I can't have sex or do anything sexual for awhile. He's dealing with some depression symptoms, and saw his psychiatrist today. She said we should do everything we can to be intimate.

But I need some ideas as to how, exactly, to do that without airing on the sexual side of things. Sex has always been the icing on the cake for our relationship, but we both have pretty strong sex drives. We haven't been very close physically as of late, and it's kinda driving me crazy. I don't NEED to have sex with him to love him, or to show him I love him, but I need some kind of closeness. I'm just not sure how to go about handling this with him. Even hugging me sometimes gets him all hot 'n' bothered, and that's a big part of the problem.

What do I do?

Here are a few things to try...

- Showering together. It doesn't have to be sexual, but it is very intimate.

- Cooking together.

- Feed each other (sounds really corny, I know, but it's actually pretty fun). A suggestion; do this with finger foods, because spaghetti isn't the best choice.

- Pick up a book on massage. One of my fiance's favourites is a hand massage.

- Go for long walks, and either walk hand in hand or with your arm linked through his.

- When you're on the couch, sit with your legs apart and have him sit between them and lean back on you (instead of the opposite). This keeps you from grinding against him by accident, but still provides the nice cuddliness.

- Grooming each other is also a good bonding exercise. I pluck my fiance's eyebrows every once in a while, or he'll brush my hair. Silly little things, but it lets each of you into a solitary part of the other's life.

Q: I wrote a novel a while back, been trying to get it published. I had a bunch of people beta-read it. Not people that have like deep insight in the technics of English language things, but just people that know a good story. They all gave my novel shining praise in that, asked questions and made comments when things needed clarifying, and I did what I could for what they brought up.
Recently, a friend who is a very technical person when it comes to literature read my first few chapters, and kinda ripped my book apart for its use of passive tense all the time, and several things. So far, no comment about the plot. And she asked me to stop submitting the book until she reads it all, and sees if there's more to rip apart and tell me.
Until just recently, I thought I was ready for publishing. Did my earlier readers lie to me? Were they just dumb? Is my current beta-reader being overly technical? Should I even keep bothering with writing if I can't even spot these technical things?

HELP!

Whose opinion do you trust? Both.

Obviously, your novel is interesting and has a good story. That's one of the most important parts!

The technical stuff... well, that's what editors are for. It may seem like she's "ripping apart" your book, but really, it's just some technical stuff that likely nobody but literary nuts or publishing company staff would notice.

Both aspects are important. Who knows... the technical things that your friend is suggesting could be the difference between getting rejected or being published!

Keep dreaming, and keep writing! And don't let it get you down that you made some technical errors. You have a talent to be proud of.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.