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Loaning money to a family member
My aunt recently emailed me to ask me if I would pay her monthly house payment as she and her husband have had a difficult year financially. She works in a factory and her husband is a truck driver. Both have had their hours/pay cut due to the recent economy. However, they live in a rather nice home that they built 10 years ago, so I'm sure the house payments are quite high. Twenty years ago, she borrowed money from my mom and never paid it back. This has been a point of contention ever since. I have the money to help, and I know it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel as if I'll never see this money again? Should I give in and give her the money?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If it's been 20 years since she gave your mom money, what makes you think that she will repay you this time?
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I think that if your aunty and her husband are really really in a tight jam and are unable to pay their mortgage and you are in a position to help them out, then you should. I think if you are going to do something for someone, you should do it from the heart, or don't do it at all. What if you were in your aunts position and you were unable to pay your mortgage, would you want her or someone else to help you. If your aunt is really hurting financially and is really unable to afford the mortgage payment then I think you should help her out without even worrying about receiving the money back. We are here on earth to help our brothers and sisters out when they are in need. This is how we get our blessings. Who knows maybe one day maybe someone will do the same for you. If you only want to lend the money to your aunt and both of you have a clear understanding that that is all it is "a loan" then you should make sure that you have something in writing stating that she has a certain length of time to pay you back. Just do whatever you think is right, the decision in the end is yours, go with your gut. Good luck in whatever decision you make.
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House payment? So we're talking at least a grand here, absolute bare minimum, probably more like 3-5k.
Hell no. Helping an obvious user is not "the right thing to do"
Lets cut through the bullshit, because theres really one simple question you need to ask.
Can you afford and do you want to make the sacrifice of whatever their house payment is as a gift?
Because thats what this is. If you set yourself on getting it back, make her sign a contract, all you're going to do is increase the resentment you feel when you get fucked over.
"I'm sure the house payments are quite high"
She hasn't even given you an amount? She's not approaching this like an adult who recognizes that she SHOULD be on her knees when asking something like this. She's acting like shes entitled, given your "this is the right thing to do" comment I'd guess its a common attitude in your family.
By that I mean no insult, merely that you guys seem to feel like family owes you help (a belief I do not share)
I do not think you should give in. High house payments? You don't owe her a spontaneous gift of thousands of dollars just because she's family.
But if you choose to give it, steel yourself to it being a one time gift, because if she chooses not to repay it, theres not really alot you can do besides extending the shit and family drama for another generation. Its not like you're going to be able to sell the debt to a debt collector. Set up payments, make her think its a loan, but steel yourself to drop it if it blows up into something you don't want to deal with.
I still recommend against it.
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Heres how I look at it. If she's got the balls to ask for money, you have every right to have to balls so say listen here, you borrowed money from my mother 20 years ago and never repaid it. I'll give you the money (because that IS what family is for, to help each other out in times like these!) but not until I get a signed agreement that you WILL pay me back. (And negotiate about how she will go about paying you back, make up a plan!) And tell her flat out, if she doesn't work according to the plan, not only will she definitely be on the family shit list, but you WILL take legal action, family or not.
I'm a pretty straight forward kinda of gal. Everyone needs to be sometimes! Hope this helps :)
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Can you afford to lose the money forever?
I didn't think so. There are two ways to get around this.
1) You can tell your aunt that you can't afford to help out at the moment. A little white lie in this case can save everyone's feelings.
2) You can lend her the money, but first, make a contract and have both of you sign it. That way, if she flat-out refuses to pay you back, you have a legal leg to stand on. Make sure that it says that she will pay you back, and by a certain date. Yes, it does sound sort of nasty to do to a relative, but that's the situation my parents and I have with my school loan from them.
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No.
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