Member Since: May 2, 2009
Answers: 54
Last Update: May 29, 2014
Visitors: 3904
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Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help (link)
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Do NOT send him any more pictures. If you do, you are only going to be adding more fuel to the fire. If he is already threatening to blackmail you with one photo, do you think he is going suddenly change his mind when you send another? What happens when he gets mad at you again? I do hope that this serves as a learning experience for you. No matter how much you think you love a person, never do anything that can and will come back to bite you in the butt later down in life. Remember, what you give the world, you can never take it back.
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So my boyfriend & I recently discovered we both had chlyamdia. I got it cured. But my boyfriend on the other hand, hasn't yet. He went but they sent him somewhere else, anyways we were messing around we been using condoms since we found out but I was messing around & I was teasing him & didn't think anything of it but I just licked the top of his dick (the head) & just remembered you can get chlymadia through oral. I didn't think about it, but it was literally just a lick. Not a suck or anything. One lick! Lol he didn't cum or anything. Is there a chance I have a chlymadia? Please answer asap! (link)
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My suggestion to you would be to go online and read about chlymadia as it relates to oral sex. If you experience symptoms associated with chlymadia, then you should go back and see a doctor again. As I understand, chlymadia can actually live in your system and go undetected for a very long time, as some people experience symptoms while others don't. So you should go and get checked out once again just to be safe. You should take your boyfriend with you as well. If he refuses to go then you should discontinue sleeping with him because he does not care about you and your health. Don't let him give you excuses as to why he didn't get medical attention. And just a note to you; its better to be safe than sorry because if have once again contracted this disease and leave it untreated, it can affect your chances of having children.
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Hi i have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have a beautiful 1 year old son, have a home, and i love him to peices. We had an big argument and now becuase of over the course of our long relationship he feels liek the same things keep coming up and now he feels liek he cant put up with it anymore. he says it over. he loves me but he cant do it anymore. so im going to have to move out but im trying to figure out how to save this!?! i really really really want this relationship to work. i love him and want us to move forward and do all the great things we have set for our family. what can i do to try to get him to see that i am willing tomake the changes so that we can be great?! (link)
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I can understand your plight, I may be wrong, but my understanding of your message is this, you keep nagging your boyfriend about the same issues over and over again. Maybe it is because you want him to do something that he is not doing or because you want him to change the way he does things, but whatever the case may be, the same issues keep coming up because you are annoyed about it. Am I correct? Women will usually complain when something is bothering them. Most men do not like to be nagged and it will take you a long time to understand that you cannot change a person, but eventually you will. That person must be willing to change within themselves. If he doesn't want to change, you will find that you will be arguing for the rest of your life. I think that if you told him a few times already what it is that you don't like, its now time to leave him alone and let him make the transition on his own. Don't nag him. I guarantee you, if you continue to nag, you will loose him. And for God's sake, if you say that you forgive him, don't bring up that same issue when another arguement comes around. Forgive and let that situation die. I do think that counselling will be a great idea and give him a little space and tim eto blow off his anger, he will come around.
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My boyfriend is a few years older than me. In a year I will be transfering from the local college i attend now to a university about 3 hours away. He has already completed college.
I love him and i want to be with him, but i cant help thinking that i should get the college experience that most people do. This isn't to say i want to "get around", but just experience being with different guys. He understands this and realizes if this is what i want then he can't argue with me.
I am so torn. I love him so much and i really can see myself being with him in the long-run, but i dont want to look back at my life and regret the fact that i never had that true college experience like my friends. I never expected to have a boyfriend going into college, so I don't know what to do.
There is always the option of taking a break, but that usually ends with one person heartbroken. I dont want anyone to get hurt.
If anyone has had a similar experience or has anything to say on the matter, I'd appreciate it. Thanks so much. (link)
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I really understand what you are saying. I felt that same way at one point in my life, but just in a different situation. I got married when I was 21 and i never really dated before getting married. After years of marriage, I felt like I was missing out on something. I felt like I never got the chance to date and be with different guys, who knows, maybe there was someone out there better than the husband I had. All sorts of thoughts start running through you mind. But let me tell you this, if you know deep down inside that what you now have is true love, don't waste your time trying to find out what else is out there. You may go off to college and have fun, yes this is true, but a few years down the line, when you have gotten older and matured, you look back on life and wish you had not made the choices that you did. Then when you realise that you had a really good man, and because of your choices, you lost out, you will truly regret it. On the other hand, if you are not looking to settle down any time soon and you feel like this guy is not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I would suggest to you, that you should "see other people" so to speak. My advice to all young woman these days is to NEVER settle for less than the best. God only wants the best for his people. If you feel like you are not getting the best out of your presently relationship, run like hell. The right one is out there. Good luck to you! I hope this helps.
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i need help. there is a boy in school and we never met i am home schooled and so is he. we had a live lesson and at the end is student chat he wants to be my bf. i didn't know at first and now i do want to be his gf. i have sent him messages that i want to be his gf over the past 2 weeks. he is not answering me. what can i do i want and need a bf i am desperate what should i do right now i just sent him 3 messages today already. i need help. (link)
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Even if you are desperate to have a boyfriend, you should never show it. What is meant to be will be. You already told him that you like him, if he wants to be your boyfriend, then let him come to you. Give him time to make up his own mind. When young ladies portray themselves as desperate individuals some guys take full advantage of that. They sometimes feel like that you will do whatever it takes or whatever they want you to do just to keep them. There is no need to rush or be desperate. Just relax, take a chill pill. Sometimes things happen for a reason. If he doesn't want you, maybe that is God's plan. He may not be the right guy for you, God may have someone better all lined up for you. Just wait, and be patient. The right guy will come along and you will know when it is true love.
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Yeah I know it’s been real crazy. My new shift at work has its good and bad. The good being that I am shift supervisor and can pretty much do whatever I want, and also it’s much more laid back. I get a lot of stuff done when I’m not at work because I can really function on less sleep for some reason. Also I get to go to the gym before work instead of after which I prefer to do because I hate going after a full day’s work, and it’s hard to do that when you have to be a work a 6. The bad is that I don’t get to see my daughter as much because she can’t spend the night. It’s been real crazy on all the shit I’ve been going through. We’ve both been pretty civil through all of this. I haven’t really talked to her though except for a few times through text and the last time I went to visit my daughter we hardly said two words to each other. I don’t really remember the last thing I told you so I will just start telling you some stuff.
Her mom came and spent a week with her to help her settle in to her apartment. I know her mom hates this and is praying for us to get back together, but I also know her mom doesn’t have the balls to tell her that. I talked to her mom while she was here and I she didn’t really even know the whole story. She didn’t know that she was in love with the other guy and doesn’t think that they are seeing each other, even though I know that they are. Jenni is telling everyone that the break-up was mutual. She’s only told like 2 people the whole story. I know that she is only doing that because she is scared that everyone will hate her. I also know that while her mom was here that they didn’t even talk about it. They are both the same in regards that they put on an act that everything is fine. After her mom left I noticed a small change in her. I don’t know, maybe it’s finally kicking in that she is alone. I really don’t know though. I’ve been trying my hardest to keep busy, and I’ve been doing ok. My biggest problem is that I just want to be happy again. If I see her with another man it’s going to be difficult no matter what, but if I’m still alone then it’s going to be even harder. I know it sounds bad, but I don’t want her to be happy. She wants so badly for us to be friends. She told me that she hopes that we can get to a point one day where we could all go out to dinner one night, or if she has a B-Day party for our daughter, that I would come. She even bought me a birthday present last week. What’s that about? She actually was even getting mad when I wasn’t returning her texts and emails. What do you think about that? She says that she wants us to be friends for our daughter’s sake. My parents divorced when I was like 2 under almost the exact same circumstances. They never once hung out together, and I turned out fine and have always had a great relationship with both my parents, so I don’t buy into it. There is no way in hell that I can picture myself being “Just Friends” with her. Not after all of this. I’m not sure if I already told you this but I talked with her and she told me that she had been having problems in our marriage for a long time. I asked her what it was that I did wrong, and she said “I don’t want to hurt your feelings anymore by telling you all of the things you did wrong.” She makes it sound like I was this horrible husband. I know I wasn’t but I had no idea she was that unhappy. She never even gave me a chance to fix the things I did wrong. She has already had her “Closure” but I haven’t yet and it’s making it much harder on me. Everyone we know is in utter shock and disbelief because they thought we had a perfect marriage. And I’m in the same state of shock because I thought of our marriage the same way everyone else did. Perfect. I know now that she didn’t think it was perfect. She told me that she always acted like it was perfect because she wanted to show people that it was possible. I only wish I would’ve known that. What do you think about all of that?
On a different note, how are things going for you? I know last time you said everything had gotten much better. I hope it’s stayed that way
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Well, what I think? I think that your wife really misses you. Like you said, she tends to make it seem like everything is ok, but actually it may not be the way it looks. She may want you to think that life is fine without you, and therefore try her hardest to make it look like life is a box of chocolates for her right now, when in fact she may be wanting you back. I say this because of her actions. The buying of the gift and her getting upset when you didn't respond to her text. This is a sign that she still has feelings for you. And also the fact that you want to see her unhappy and hurt also shows that deep down you still have feelings for her. I know that you haven't have closure as yet and I honestly think that you don't want closure. I think what you really want is your wife back, but you just resent her for all that has happened. Can you honestly say that you do not want your wife back in your life? My gut is usually right and it is telling me that you cannot honestly say that. I don't know you that well, but I know you enough to know that you deeply and truely love your wife and want your marriage to work. Am I correct? I know that there are many questions running through your mind, will you too ever get back together again? are you ever going to forgive her for what she has done? If you do get back together, will you ever look at her the same? Does she even want you back? Tell me the honest truth, what is it that you honestly want? Do you want to move on with someone else, or do you want to be with your wife, provided that some changes are made? I know that you are still hurting and this is probally the hardest thing that you have ever had to deal with in your life, but I do hope that things get better real soon. Reply.
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First, yes I am Michael. And I'm not sure about the whole settlement thing for the house. I don't think she wants the house or anything to do with it. I am going to try and refinance it in just my name, and she already knows that. She is the one who actually recommended it. So I don't think it should be a problem. No I will find all of this stuff out when I talk to a laywer, but like I said, she already has a new life. I actually already found a roomate I believe. He is a guy I work with who I am already friends with. One good thing about that is, he is 29 years old, so he ain't some party animal who is going to be destroying my stuff and constantly having parties. I am still not sure if I am going to go that route yet, but I know I have options. As for the messanger thing, If you message me and I don't answer, its because I'm not here. I only have it at home, but my computer is always logged on. So I'm not ingnoring you or anything. I have to head back to work though. I will talk to you later. (link)
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Hey Michael, sorry it's been so long, seems like we never catch each other online anymore. I have not been able to get internet service at home for the past couple of weeks, so it's just in the daytime that I am online now. And I know your work schedule is quite hectic as well. I feel like I abandoned you, I am sorry. I guess it is back to us chatting from advicenators. I have grwn accustom to receiving your emails and I miss them,so get your hands busy! L.O.L. Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you. How is everything going?
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The first thing I am going to focus on will be to get a lawyer and protect myself. I will make sure I dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s, so nothing can ever come back and bite me in the ass. I will keep myself out of harm’s way. Now the second thing I am going to look at, is making some changes in my lifestyle. I am going to refinance my house and car, and try and save some money there, because it will be very important to me to keep my house. I will cut back on a few other things, and I might have to live tight for a while, but I won’t give her the satisfaction of ruining my life. She will be throwing her money down the drain while she is paying rent in “her” apartment. If I have to get a roommate for a while, then I might have to sacrifice my privacy. Oh well. If I can hold on to this house, it will be very huge for my future. I am still young and I own a home. I mean not a lot of people can say that at my age, and it is something that I am very proud of. Plus when Mrs. Right does come along, she will look at me and see that I have my head on straight, and I’m not just some lowlife. I have very good credit so hopefully I can get a good interest rate. But I will just have to wait and see. As for her, she has definitely already started a new life. And I know she is probably living on top of the world right now. Loving life, and counting the days until “Mr. Perfect” comes home. Oh well, I feel that the best revenge is for me to live well. So that when she sees that I am still living in the house that we bought together, and sharing it with whatever woman I end up with, it’s going to tear her up inside. The only real thing that I am very worried about is who she brings around my daughter. There are a lot of scary things out there. Abusers and molesters, and that worries me sick. Now I know my wife would never knowingly put my daughter in danger, but you never really know someone until it’s too late. Well thanks for the chat, and as always thanks for being a friend and giving someone to lean on. Talk to ya soon. (link)
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No problem, you seem to know what you are doing, guess you don't need me anymore, haha. I feel ya and I agree whole heartly with everything you are saying. You say that you would like to keep the house, but would you want to bring another woman into the same house that you shared with your wife, wouldn't that bring back a wqhole lot of memories? And it's ok if you have to live tight and make some sacrifices for a while, that is what life is all about. You gatta give a little to get alot. And also, I don't know how your laws are over there, but during a divorce setlement, wouldn't you have to sell the house and split the profits? Or sometimes the courts will rule in favour of one person keeping the home and continuing with the payments. Well anyway, you do what you have to do and keep me updated. By the way are you Michael?
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Listen, I am going through some serious stuff right now, and I need to get it all out, and I would really like for your best advice, and please don’t think any less of me. This will most likely be a lot of information, and as a good friend, I would like for your honest opinion. In the last day my thinking has done a complete 180, and now I am not a happy person. I am angry, but please know that none of this is directed at you.
Since the beginning I have been nothing but been a sweet, forgiving, loving person who has done everything in his power to save my marriage. Well this is what happened. I have come to realize through a best guess, that her affair was going on A LOT longer than she lead on. She fell out of love with me, and saw everything in the other guy that she wished I would be. She then fell in love with the other guy. Now through their constant conversations and emails they built a fantasy life together. I know this because I read one of the emails, and in it they discussed building a family together and moving away together, and living happily ever after. Well this is the reason she never tried to reconcile our marriage. She already had another life planned. A life she wanted more than the one she already had. When she finally had the courage to leave and say she wanted a divorce, she was perfectly fine with it. No remorse, or regret. She would live as a single mother for 3 more months or so. Then “Mr. Big Shot” will come home and will move in with her, and start their life together. He is higher ranking than her so he makes a lot more money than either of us. So she isn’t loosing anything. She is only gaining a better man with more money, who will love her and treat her right, blah blah blah. She doesn’t know the truth about the real world. She is brainwashed by the guy. He has cheated numerous times on his other wife, and also had an affair with a married woman, and has two kids that he is paying child support on. He is 8 years older than her, and he is a dog. This is all fact, and even my wife knows what he has done in the past. But she is still blinded by all of this. Well she changed all of her passwords for facebook, and myspace, and email. I had a friend visit her facebook page since I don’t have an account and the other guy is miraculously friends with her again. I know, that’s a BIG SHOCK. L.O.L. Now see the problem is this. I have never in my life been an asshole. I have been the nicest guy you would probably ever meet. She knows this and she is using it to her advantage because a lot has gone down. I would like to copy and paste an email she sent me and tell me what you think. Sorry if this is long but please read:
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found an apartment for Aubs and I. I put a deposit down today and I get the keys on Saturday. I have tried to split all our bills pretty fairly and this is what I came up with.
i will take my Escape, Cell Phones (until we separate them), Insurance (until we separate them), Day Care, and then the rent/electric/gas for my apartment.
You take the GTO, Direct TV, Internet, mortgage, electric, gas and water for the house.
It came out to be that your bills are about $400 more than I am taking. I looked up child support and with our situation, I think I figured out you would have to pay $700 a month. So I say we just split the bills like this for now at least until the house is sold.
Speaking of the house-i didn't know if you wanted to keep it and get roommates or sell it. If you want to sell it, we need to look at getting a realtor and putting it on websites.
The only other thing is the big credit card and my student loan. I am fine with taking my student loan because it's in my name, and you taking the credit card because it's in your name. The credit card only has less than $4000, and the student loan is $6000, but I am fine with that.
The apartment is $935 a month, so I am going to take the savings to help with my first payment. We have $1500 in savings and I was planning on taking it all. I made it to where your July 1st paycheck no bills are due, so you will have the 1640 to yourself. I figured we are even.
So here is a breakdown for your bills: GTO: 422 due the 15th (it is taken out directly from the checking), Electric due the 15th, Gas due the 16th, Direct TV due the 3rd, Internet due the 15th. And the Mortgage. I have been paying every 2 weeks, and $50 more, but I am going to cancel that. I will make it to where it's due on the 1st, so you may want to start the direct deposit to take out half the 15th, half the 1st. This Friday I get paid and will pay the rest for the month of July. So the next payment isn't due till August 1st-so you may want to go to finance to start the automatic withdrawl to start July 15th.
I will be coming to the house periodically to start picking things up. I would like to take the downstairs TV, couch, spare bed, a ps2, aubreys crib, glider. You can keep all the stuff in the living room including the computer, and the bedroom set, and the table and chairs if you want. Just let me know. I might have some people help me get the big stuff on Saturday probably, but I'm sure you will be gone anyway.
I know this is a lot I am word vomiting on you, but i want to make sure we can just be civil about this and help each other out. I hope you know that I don't want to screw you over, and I think I did a lot to try to help you out that not many girls would. I hope we can be friends one day, I'm not asking the be bff, just enough where we can be ok around each other for Aubrey. Please let me know whenever you want to see her, take her for a night, or a weekend, or whatever, even if it's just for an hour. I will never say no to you seeing her, I hope you know that. Let me know what you think about all this, and if there are any issues.
-Jenni
Now this was sent 3 days after she left me. And when I talked to her she was completely fine. She actually put on her facebook page that “Things Are Looking Up” So now I’ve changed my way of thinking. I will not be Mr. Nice Guy and roll over and die. I did absolutely nothing wrong and now it’s time to play hardball. I am going to protect my daughter and me, but I will no longer care what happens to her. I can burn her, and I am planning on it. I know that she will screw me the first chance that she gets, and I am pissed. You see, I have loved her so much for the past 7 years of my life. But she has changed dramatically. Every day I am finding out the she is changing into a woman that I no longer love. SHE IS NOT THE WOMAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I will not stand by and let her destroy my life while she sits on the top of the world, and laughs at me. You said that you don’t think I have it in me to be an asshole. Well, that was before she decided to walk all over me. The thing that is really sad is she is destroying her life for a fantasy that will never come true. This guy will break her heart and will kick her to the curb the first chance he gets. And she is going to be left with nothing, and I can care less. I know that is ruthless, but like I said, I don’t know this woman. Am I being unreasonable? Be honest, because if I am than I will take a step back and look at this logically. I mean she signed a 12 month lease on an apartment 3 days after she moved out. Are you kidding me? How can somebody honestly do that to a person, and then move on so quickly. This has led me to believe that this has been going on for a very long time. And she most likely slept with the guy. Probably more than once. I will no longer do anything to try and win her back, and I will not be nice about any of this. I am going to get a lawyer first thing in the morning. Locks will be changed and bank accounts emptied. (Before she takes it all) What do you think? What should I do? Please help, and be honest
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Sorry for just getting back to you. I have been a bit busy. I was about to tell you not to sell the house yet, because there might have been a change of her changing her mind and coming back home, but after reading the email that she has sent you, it appears that she had her mind made up a very long time ago, even before she moved out. It appears that she was working out all these details while you too were going through your troubles. She seems to be quite content and has no plans of ever coming back ad she has no remorse what-so-ever. I don't blame you for seeking a lawyer and I would have cleaned out the bank account the moment she sent the email. That is if whe hasn't cleaned it out already. I think you should change the locks, because once she has moved out she should have no reason to be coming back. Let her come in to get her stuff out but only when you are at home and make sure that she gets all of her stuff out one time, in that way she will have nothing to come back for. As for the things that she stated she wants to have out of the house, that will be for you to decide whether or not you will give them to her because I don't know if you want them or not. I would also try to get custody of my daughter, if not full then partial custody. This is the reason why I chose not to get a joint account with my husband, we tried it out once and he kept going to the ATM machine without my knowledge, so when I found out I closed the account without his knowledge and transfered all the funds to a new account with my name only, it's not like he was contributing any money to the account anyway. I don't think that you are being nieve, you are just doing what needs to be done. If you don't do it, she will. So go ahead and do your thing. I am here for you if you need me. Do you use instant messanger, because you can get me much faster that way. Even when I am work I am signed on. So you can type in my email address and get me at foxynaenae1979@hotmail.com. Later!
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Yes we do think a lot alike. I am 25. I know I'm all young and stuff, even though I feel so damn old right now. L.O.L. I was actually starting to be ok with everything and getting pumped up about being "free" so to speak. But then I just got a text from the X and she said that she got an apartment and she moves in this weekend. She asked if I wanted to get together soon to talk bills/money and that kinda stuff, or if I didn't want to meet she would just email me. I told her whatever she wants, that it doesn't matter to me. I want to try and put on a "don't care" attitude cause that seems to be what she is doing. That actually snapped me back to reality. But oh well, there isn't anything I can do now, except move on. Plus if she really doesn't care about doing what she did to me, than she is extemley selfish and I don't want to be with her anyway. I think I'm getting there though. And it might be faster than I had anticipated. Been doing a lot of stuff for myself lately. Practing in my band, going to the gym, watching a lot of "Deadliest Catch." I love that show. I got out of doing a lot of my hobbies cause my family was always more important. But what the hell, it's just me now, and I am doing ok. Thanks to you. I think if I hadn't had you to talk to, I would be going absolutley nuts right now. You've been awesome, and I know I said it before, but thanks. (link)
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Wow! You just brought tears to my eyes, I consider that a great compliment. Didn't know I made such an impact in your life. I have always been told ever since I was a little girl that I was wise in age. People would tell me that I think like an old person. I guess your wife has really made up her mind about moving on. She can bet her last dollar that it is not going to be an easy road, but experience is the best teacher. I am also stubborn like she is. I hate being told what to do. I would rather go out there and fall on my face and pick myself up than for someone to tell me "don't do that cause you are going to fall on your face". L.O.L. I also watch deadliest catch sometimes, my husband seems to like that show more than I do, so I watch it sometimes with him. It's is a good show, but they just have too many reruns. I love watching national geographic channel when they have the animals on. I am an animal lover. But it is really good to see that you are handling your situation rather well and I do hope that you find Ms. Right.
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It sounds like at least you have your head on straight. You know what you want in life and that is a good thing. I also know what I want out of life, and it sucks because I just reached my goal, and now it is stripped from me. But I still want the same things, so now my goal is to get back to where I am now. It will just be with a different woman now. As for you, no one can tell you “If you want to find someone else.” And I know that you already know that. I don’t really even know how you are supposed to figure it out. You might be waiting for the “Ah Ha” moment, but that might never come. At least you have your priorities straight. Very admirable. I am financially comfortable, but I’m still not exactly sure what I want to be when I grow up. L.O.L. I got like 12 more years in the military and then I can retire, or get out next year when my enlistment is up and search for a part time job while I continue school. Or finish school while I’m still in the military. I’m not sure yet. It’s something that I think about constantly, but I just can’t put my finger on it. I am actually waiting for my “Ah Ha” moment as well. I do know that I want a happy family with a few kids, and a job that I love to go to everyday. I have also thought about teaching as well. I want to grow old with someone, and love them unconditionally for the rest of my life and for them to feel the same about me. I want so many things that I have but am about to lose. But you are right, if this is what is meant to be then that means that God has bigger and better plans for me. I know he’s got my back. I just wish he could give us a glimpse of what our future is going to be like. We have these life changing decisions to make, and we are scared to make them because we aren’t too sure how it’s going to turn out. But I strongly believe that we have to accept the things we cannot change, but change the things we can. If I make a decision that turns out to be the wrong one, then it’s never too late to try again. As long as we are alive and kicking, we can make ourselves happy. I have already started taking those steps. I can’t change what my wife is doing and is going to do, but I can become the man I want to be and all I need is the support and love from my family and friends. I know that my life isn’t over, it’s only just begun. What is my next step? I’m not sure yet, but I know it will come to me. As for you, maybe just make the decision you think will be the best for you. I understand that you don’t want to hurt anyone because you are a loving, caring person. I also understand that you feel the need to put others before yourself. I too have done this my whole life. If you love your husband and want to stay married to him, then do it. If you just can’t deal with it anymore, then leave. “Do you want to find someone else?” Well, I can tell you if you’ve thought about it, then you probably do. I may be totally wrong, but my gut tells me that you are just scared to leave him even though you want to. My gut has been right so far for me. I don’t want to act like I know how you are feeling, or what you are thinking. And I also don’t want to push in one direction or the other. I just think that you do deserve to be happy, so whatever it is that’s going to make you TRULY HAPPY, do that. If staying with your husband is going to make you truly happy, then stay. But I do think that you should end the affair. Again that is just my opinion, but instead of being with 2 men that can satisfy almost every one of your needs, try to find one man that can do it on his own. I think this will make you truly happy. (link)
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Good advice, I will take it all into consideration. L.O.L. And I think you are right, maybe I am afraid to leave. May I ask how old you are. You seem to think the same way that I do, most of the time.
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Yeah I know exactly what you mean. It is a very scary thing. We bought the house we are living just a little over a year ago, and I’ve only done a few small things to it since then. We started off living in a crappy ass house on base, we both got restationed after a year, and rented a little 2 bedroom apartment. After a little over a year we decided to rent a house because of privacy issues and such. We lived there for 2 years or so and then decided to buy a home. We loved it. It’s in such a nice neighborhood and great schools and everything. So everything that I have worked for my whole life is now coming crashing down and I have to start all over again. Probably live in a shitty little apartment again. It is a very scary thought. I also don’t want to get married again for a while, but I do want to be in a relationship with someone. I have never been the partier or the “Player.” I couldn’t just start dating a bunch of women, and have fun. It’s just not the type of person I am. So I am going to be looking for the next Mrs. Me. Although I won’t jump into marriage for a long time, because I now have my guard up. And I really don’t know what to say about what you’re going through. Your situation really sucks, and I’m sorry for that. It sounds to me like the biggest problem is that you don’t want to give up your marriage because you’re not sure what would happen afterwards. You are scared of the unknown. Well you’re definitely not alone there. Another thing is the whole not wanting to hurt him and his son. That is a very difficult situation, and it’s hard for me to be biased, because I didn’t want my wife to leave, even if it was just because she didn’t want to hurt me. Staying out of an obligation or because it’s easier. These are the same things my wife told me why she didn’t want to stay married. She didn’t want to stay just because it was easier than starting over, or because she felt obligated. So maybe she is right. YOU have to make YOU happy. You are the only person you have to live with, so why put yourself through pain and unhappiness. One thing that I have been trying my hardest to focus on is everything happens for a reason. I am starting to have some faith that whatever happens will happen because it’s supposed to. If my wife comes back, then maybe this was just a test. If she doesn’t then that’s because I wasn’t meant to be with her. Things of that nature. I guess what I mean is even though I am going through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through, I have hope that something better is out there, and I will be ok. I am scared of the unknown. I wonder every day if I’m ever going to find something better than what I had. Bur I am not going to have any regrets because the time we did share was great, and I have a little girl now. I guess there are a lot of “what ifs” For you what I would suggest is fight for what you want. If you want a loving happy marriage, then fight for it, even if it’s not with your husband. If the next guy isn’t the right guy, then keep looking. I know that’s tough because you said your clock is ticking. I don’t know. I guess there really is no right answer here. My suggestion would just be to listen to your heart. If you don’t think it’s ever going to work out with your husband, then you shouldn’t waste your time. I think the sang goes, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.” I can tell that you really do love your husband. I think if you didn’t you would’ve been gone already. Maybe he will change. I’m sorry that I can’t be more help on this subject. It is kinda hard when I am going through a very similar situation. The best advice I can give is this. You are scared of the unknown, well the unknown is this. No one knows if things between you and your husband will ever get better. No one will know if he can and will change. And no one knows if you will ever be truly happy with him. But if you do decide to leave him, I do know that you WILL find someone else. (link)
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I know that I will find someone else, no doubt about that. I am every mans dream, and he knows this. The question is, do i want to find someone else? I always follow my heart. I think for me, I am just waiting on the right opportunity to leave. Right now I am really focused on accomplishing my dreams. I dream of owning my own store and I am presently working towards that. I am also trying to save up enough money so that I can purchase another home and leave him in the one that we just got, because although I made the deposit on the home, if I were to take it from him he would have no where to go. And I wouldn't want to see him left homeless. When he had issues at home and I had planned on leaving, he knew that I was just trying to save up enough money to go, he asked me and I told him. I like your self confidence and your positive attitude towards your situation. And I too believe that what is meant to be will be. God has a plan for each of us, and sometimes we try to hold on to things that God is trying to pull us away from because he has something better in store for us. I am just taking everything one day at a time and I try not to stress myself out about anything anymore. I use to really let things bother me one time ago, but not anymore. Life is too short for that. Anyway, I gatta run now. Will chat later.
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Well I must say you now have also left me speechless. I haven't heard compliments like that in a long time. I guess you bring it out in me. I have been so down in the dumps for the last month or two, and really one of the only things I have been looking foward to, was talking to you. You are the only woman I have talked to about any of this stuff that actually seems to know what they're talking about. You're actually the only person who knows the whole story. I can't talk about this stuff with anyone else, so I appreciate you helping me through this very tough time in my life. I have come to look at you as a great person and friend. One of the many things that is so refreshing about you is that you actually know what you want. I have been dealing with a woman that can't make up her damn mind, and it has pushed me to the point that I'm at now. And you also know how to hold a good conversation. Well listen, I'm gonna run and pick up my daughter, and then I got to go grocery shopping. Sorry to cut this one short, but I got off of work late today. I'll tell you, being in the military is not an easy job, but it pays the bills. I will talk to you soon. (link)
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haha. when i started to read your response to my question, i said, "oh lord, what i am going to hear now". i kinda got scared. but in a funny way. as it relates to the other guy, yes he is married, and i knew this when i started the affair. i don't want him to leave his wife for me. this is like you said only an affair. he (the other guy) knows how i feel about wanting kids, he knows the whole story. so he is fine with it. we enjoy being with each other and if it so happens that i become pregnant by him then i will be quite fine with that. we actually discussed this a few times, he asked me if i would tell him if it is his child or not. i told him i don't know, but i know that i would, he is a real stand up guy. would i tell my husband, hell no, the reason being is that it would bring total chaos to my household. to many questions to answer. you asked if my husband found out what would he do, he would probally kill both of us. but i am sure he would leave and then do the same thing you did, try to get me back after a while. although i cheated, i am still the best thing that has ever happened for him and he knows this. have i given him my heart, hmmm.., i think have given him a portion, not the full thing. i try to keep a barrier between us and not allow myself to fall totally in love with him because i know that it would be hard for me to let go. and i know this isn't the case now, i can let go whenever i want to. i have before. but a part of me does love him. i have given my marriage everything just like you said, and i know the affair is immoral, but i am at a crossroad in my life. it is true that i want a loving happy marriage, but i want this from my husband. if i were to leave him, i don't think that i would want to get married anytime soon. when i do it again, i will be sure to do it right this time. my next husband will be my very best friend. i need a man that i can tell anything to and him not get upset. i need a loving, caring, romantic and compassionate man, not a joker. trust me when i tell you, i would have learned from my mistakes. if i were to end it with my husband, i will of course end it with the other guy as well, because that is when i will start fresh on my search for "mr. right". so i am not really looking for a future with this other guy, if that is what you are thinking. however, i must admit, if he were single, i would have given up my marriage to be with him. when i was going through some difficult times with my husband, he asked me what it was that i wanted to do, he asked me if i wanted to stay in my marriage or did i want to leave. he said that he knew that i would be much happier with him, which he was right about, but the fact that he is married is why i didn't leave. i know that i should begin my search for mr. right, but for me, i usually put the needs of others before my own. i keep telling myself, if i leave my husband, life for him and his son will be very hard, and i don't want to hurt them. also, we just moved into our own home about two years now, and i pump all of my savings into fixing it up the way i want it look and i really don't want to start over again. i know that it won't be hard for me because i am a very striving, independent person and people seem to find favor with me. as for my husband, he is not. i have already invested 10 years with my husband and i am just waiting on a return on my investment. what i am saying is that i really don't want to just flush all of that down the drain. yes it is true that i want my husband to be more like this guy, even though i know this guy also has his flaws, but i haven't seen them as yet and i hope i never do. i know that no relationship is perfect, and like i always say, you know what you have but don't know what you are going to get. i know that my husband loves me a whole lot, but he just doesn't know how to show it. i know that if he were more financially stable, that i would want or need for nothing. but for me i just feel like i am tired of settling for less in my life and i think i want and deserve more. i know that the next man that comes along may pretend to love me, may pretend to be mr. right, then when you marry then, they switch. this is what i fear. my husband, when i met him, in my eyes, was mr. perfect, almost everything about him was perfect, with the exception of a few thing like i knew he was a smoker, which i totally hated, but was willing to overlook because everything else about him was good. only to discover that this would be the cause of almost all of our arguments in our marriage. over the years of being married, he changed little by little for the worse. but i must admit that since i left him the last time and told him that i wanted a divorce and he really saw that i was serious this time and actually went and filed the papers, he has changed a bit. still can use some improvement, but it is ok now. i am just glad for the fact that we don't argue much anymore because this is what bothered me the most. i really am ok with his behavior, but for me i really want kids and i don't think i can overlook this. if he refuses to oblige then i will continue the affair and that is how it is going to be. at least i know if i try with someone else and it doesn't happen, then i know that maybbe there is a problem with me, but i hate the fact that he just sits there everyday as my clock is ticking and won't even make an effort to think about my feelings. that's why i am and will continue to be rebelous. this is my major issue with him for right now and also the fact that i need him to be more of a financial provider. he can accomplish these then we would be ok. when i was giving you advice i was saying the same thing, that i should be taking my own advice. lol. well ain't life something! and yes, you did do ok, however, everything you said, i already told myself over and over again. i am the type of person, who thinks long and hard before i make a decision. and i usually give warnings before i make my move, so you cannot say that you were not forewarned. p.s. i forgot to tell you happy fathers day. I had to respond to a previous question because the last response is not showing up on my computer, i don't know what is going on with the system today. Let me know when you receive.
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I did not get it. Sorry. I guess you got to get typing again. (link)
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Yes sir! Give me a few.
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I had a hard time sending it too. It kept telling me not to use the phrase L.O.L, but without the periods. I typed it without the periods and it said I couldn't use chat lingo or something like that so I just changed it a little. Please send again though (link)
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did you receive?
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Pretty much everything you said is what I was thinking and feeling. I kinda feel like she is just walking all over me. Taking advantage of my niceness. It really upsets me because of how I feel about her. If I didn't love her, it would be so easy to just leave. I hate being at the very bottom of her priority list. I understand that she isn't in love with me, but she told me she wanted to make it work. And she even said that she still looks at me as her best friend, but she isn't treating me like that. She is being extremely selfish and treating me like crap. I haven't talked to her yet today, and I am very curious to see what she is going to say. I have a feeling that she is going to tell me she is going to come home tonight. But she knows I was pissed that she didn't come yesterday. Too little too late. I really think I am going to stop being the loving, caring, forgiving, and understanding husband that I have been. It almost makes me feel like less of a man that I have been letting her walk all over me. I am actually letting her do this to me, and I'm ashamed of that. It must have a lot to do with me being dependent on her like I said before. I need to get my head out of my ass and really start focusing on myself. It just sucks cause I don't really have anywhere to go. Maybe I should just ask her to leave again. I don't know. It's so overwhelming. My brain hurts. LOL thanks for listening. You really are great. I do wish my wife could be more like you. I will keep you updated. (link)
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haha. when i started to read your response to my question, i said, "oh lord, what i am going to hear now". i kinda got scared. but in a funny way. as it relates to the other guy, yes he is married, and i knew this when i started the affair. i don't want him to leave his wife for me. this is like you said only an affair. he (the other guy) knows how i feel about wanting kids, he knows the whole story. so he is fine with it. we enjoy being with each other and if it so happens that i become pregnant by him then i will be quite fine with that. we actually discussed this a few times, he asked me if i would tell him if it is his child or not. i told him i don't know, but i know that i would, he is a real stand up guy. would i tell my husband, hell no, the reason being is that it would bring total chaos to my household. to many questions to answer. you asked if my husband found out what would he do, he would probally kill both of us. but i am sure he would leave and then do the same thing you did, try to get me back after a while. although i cheated, i am still the best thing that has ever happened for him and he knows this. have i given him my heart, hmmm.., i think have given him a portion, not the full thing. i try to keep a barrier between us and not allow myself to fall totally in love with him because i know that it would be hard for me to let go. and i know this isn't the case now, i can let go whenever i want to. i have before. but a part of me does love him. i have given my marriage everything just like you said, and i know the affair is immoral, but i am at a crossroad in my life. it is true that i want a loving happy marriage, but i want this from my husband. if i were to leave him, i don't think that i would want to get married anytime soon. when i do it again, i will be sure to do it right this time. my next husband will be my very best friend. i need a man that i can tell anything to and him not get upset. i need a loving, caring, romantic and compassionate man, not a joker. trust me when i tell you, i would have learned from my mistakes. if i were to end it with my husband, i will of course end it with the other guy as well, because that is when i will start fresh on my search for "mr. right". so i am not really looking for a future with this other guy, if that is what you are thinking. however, i must admit, if he were single, i would have given up my marriage to be with him. when i was going through some difficult times with my husband, he asked me what it was that i wanted to do, he asked me if i wanted to stay in my marriage or did i want to leave. he said that he knew that i would be much happier with him, which he was right about, but the fact that he is married is why i didn't leave. i know that i should begin my search for mr. right, but for me, i usually put the needs of others before my own. i keep telling myself, if i leave my husband, life for him and his son will be very hard, and i don't want to hurt them. also, we just moved into our own home about two years now, and i pump all of my savings into fixing it up the way i want it look and i really don't want to start over again. i know that it won't be hard for me because i am a very striving, independent person and people seem to find favor with me. as for my husband, he is not. i have already invested 10 years with my husband and i am just waiting on a return on my investment. what i am saying is that i really don't want to just flush all of that down the drain. yes it is true that i want my husband to be more like this guy, even though i know this guy also has his flaws, but i haven't seen them as yet and i hope i never do. i know that no relationship is perfect, and like i always say, you know what you have but don't know what you are going to get. i know that my husband loves me a whole lot, but he just doesn't know how to show it. i know that if he were more financially stable, that i would want or need for nothing. but for me i just feel like i am tired of settling for less in my life and i think i want and deserve more. i know that the next man that comes along may pretend to love me, may pretend to be mr. right, then when you marry then, they switch. this is what i fear. my husband, when i met him, in my eyes, was mr. perfect, almost everything about him was perfect, with the exception of a few thing like i knew he was a smoker, which i totally hated, but was willing to overlook because everything else about him was good. only to discover that this would be the cause of almost all of our arguments in our marriage. over the years of being married, he changed little by little for the worse. but i must admit that since i left him the last time and told him that i wanted a divorce and he really saw that i was serious this time and actually went and filed the papers, he has changed a bit. still can use some improvement, but it is ok now. i am just glad for the fact that we don't argue much anymore because this is what bothered me the most. i really am ok with his behavior, but for me i really want kids and i don't think i can overlook this. if he refuses to oblige then i will continue the affair and that is how it is going to be. at least i know if i try with someone else and it doesn't happen, then i know that maybbe there is a problem with me, but i hate the fact that he just sits there everyday as my clock is ticking and won't even make an effort to think about my feelings. that's why i am and will continue to be rebelous. this is my major issue with him for right now and also the fact that i need him to be more of a financial provider. he can accomplish these then we would be ok. when i was giving you advice i was saying the same thing, that i should be taking my own advice. lol. well ain't life something! and yes, you did do ok, however, everything you said, i already told myself over and over again. i am the type of person, who thinks long and hard before i make a decision. and i usually give warnings before i make my move, so you cannot say that you were not forewarned. p.s. i forgot to tell you happy fathers day.
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Hmm, where to start. I am still pretty depressed but you are right in that it isn’t as bad as I thought I would be either; maybe because I’ve already been through the worst of it. The day after I found out the second time and she had told me it was over, I was pathetic. Crying and crying and crying. I haven’t cried yet since she dropped the “D” Word. I don’t really know if I will or not. Like I said I keep going back and forth. Earlier today I was at work thinking about everything, and anything I could do to get her back. But then on the drive home, I started thinking that I don’t want anything to do with someone that would actually do what she did to me. A weird thing happened just moments ago too. I was reading your response and the phone rang, it was her. She said, “I just wanted to wish you a happy father’s day.” I said thanks and that was it. But it was just the way she sounded over the phone, almost sad. Oh well maybe she was just trying to make me feel guilty because I had to work, and couldn’t see my daughter today. Another thing is I really don’t think I can be an asshole. It’s strange that you kinda seem to know me pretty well. We are a lot alike I think. I also love to fish. I can remember my dad waking me up at 4 in the morning to go out on Lake Michigan in our boat. We would stay out there all day and fish. It didn’t really matter what we caught, but if we were lucky we would catch trout or perch, and then we would take them home and pig out. Those are some of my greatest childhood memories. I haven’t fished that much lately though. My parents live on a farm and have a few ponds in the back, so every time I go home I like to try and go back there and have a few beers and throw a line in. I must say though that I am very sorry for what you are going through too. But I actually do like to talk and also like to give advice. I am actually thinking about becoming a psychiatrist or therapist or something of that nature after I get out of the military, and it’s about time you asked me for some advice. L.O.L What do I think? Well, first I can say that I do not judge you or think less of you. I think you are a spectacular woman, and it’s very unfortunate that you are married to a man that doesn’t seem to appreciate you. Now as for the other guy though, I think you are making a mistake with him. You said that he is married, and won’t leave his wife. So I take it then that is more a less a fling, and you two just really enjoy spending time together. Have you given him your heart? If so then you could end up really getting hurt and I wouldn’t want that. Another thing is what would happen if your husband found out? Would he be like me, or would he split? Also, are you trying to have a kid with the other guy? I ask only because you said you wanted kids and you couldn’t have any with your husband. I feel you on this one though, because I also want more kids. All in all, I think the affair is a mistake. Too many people can end up getting hurt, including you. I think you have 2 choices, and they are basically the same that I gave my wife. Either give your marriage everything you’ve got or get out. Now before you say anything I know that you already have given your marriage everything you’ve got, but your husband refuses to cooperate, which is why I do not blame you one bit for the affair. I do think that you had that right. Yes it is still morally wrong, but your case was different than mine in that I never seen it coming. I didn’t even know we were having problems. You gave your husband every chance to make the effort the fix the marriage. You seem to want the same things that I do, which is a loving happy marriage. Well are you going to get that with either man? If the answer is no, then you should continue your search for the “Mr. Right” you were talking about. I know that the other guy is great because of how he treats you, but is it permanent? My point is this. You want your husband to be more like the other guy. You love your husband and don’t want to leave him. You want your husband to be the one that shows you all the love and affection, much like I wanted and needed this from my wife, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants and deserves that. But is your husband ever going to change? Are you going to be miserable for the rest of your life staying with him wishing he would change? If you don’t think he will ever change and you are going to continue to be unhappy, then I think you should make yourself happy, and find someone that will be yours and only yours and give you all the things that you need. He does exist. I am sitting her telling you this, and it’s crazy because I should be taking my own advice. L.O.L Well that’s what I think. Did I do ok? (link)
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Not sure if you receved my response, but if you didn't, please let me know.
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Yeah I hear what you are saying and I do agree with you. I AM SINGLE NOW! It’s very scary to me because I haven’t been single in 7 years. I don’t even know where to begin. I have been taking small steps the past couple of weeks to work on my self esteem, and you have actually played a big part in that and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have believed every word you have said and you have made me see that I am a good man. The man that I thought I was before this all happened. And I have learned a huge life lesson. No matter how perfect you think someone is, they can still break your heart. Well I need to focus on the fact that I am better than her and that she doesn’t deserve me, instead of always thinking that I didn’t deserve her. I was the best it’s ever gonna get for her, and she is in for a rude awakening. Let me ask you this and be straight with me. I have been going back and forth on how I should act toward her now. Should I ignore her, be an asshole, or what? The problem is that I don’t even want to associate with her anymore, but we have a child together. My wife had said that she wants to still remain friends, but that’s out of the question. At least for a very long time. Or do I act like everything is cool? I’m not sure. Well anyways, thank you again so much for everything. You really are a great person to talk to. How are things going with you? Any changes? (link)
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Thanks for the compliment! Glad to know that I was apart of someone else's happiness. You don't seem as depressed as I thought you would be, given the circumstances. That's good. I don't think that you should be hostile to your wife, even though she did what she did. When you see here every bone in your body will want to kill her, (LOL), but will that solve anything? Whats done is done. I am not saying that you should go out of your way to talk to her or do anything for her, but just try to leave the anamosity behind. You asked if you should be an asshole toward her, I don't even think you have it in you to do that. If you want revenge, the best way to get it is not be bitter to her, allow her to see what she is missing. Let me tell you something about women, well I am not sure about all women, but I can tell you about me. If I was in a relationship and I decided to call it quits for whatever reason, I left the relationship, and now I have to come in contact with you for the sake of the kids, you become hostile toward me or start an argument, I would be telling myself, "I am glad I left that asshole, who doesn't know how to treat a woman. On the other hand, you approach me calmly, like nothing ever happened, i would be like, damn, after all I did to him, he doesn't resent me, why did I leave him. Maybe I should try to see if he will take me back. A woman knows when she has done something wrong, she knows when she has made a mistake. When she realizes that she has, she will try to get you back. If she realizes that she cannot obtain that goal, it will eat at her everyday. She will be miserable in her persuit for happiness, knowing that she had it all along and never realized it. "You know what you have, but you don't know what you're gonna get". This always scares me. Let see what it will do for her. Try to be active in your daughters life as you possibly can, and don't allow her to see any hostility between the both of you. I repeat, try to be as involved in your daughters life as you possibly can. Don't allow her to grow up and resent you like I did my father for not being there for me. It took me until I was an adult to forgive him. As for me, I guess I can say things are going a bit better. I am keeping my sisters two kids for the summer and he really loves kids, so he has been taking them to the beach alot, he and I went fishing last Thursday. I really really love fishing. We have argued much lately, and he tries to be more affectionate these days. However, I am still cheating. I honestly think my reason for doing this is because of the fact that I want children. My husband and I have been married, July will make 9 years and we don't have kids. I have been to the doctors many time, done lots of test and they all come back fine. I did have however, irregular menstrual cycles, and that has since been solved. The doctors told me that they need him to come in and have his sperm tested, and he has refused to go for the past 9 years. I know he wants kids really bad, but I can do nothing if he doesn't play his part. I know that he has 2 kids already, (one lives with us), so he blames me for not being able to have kids. But although he already has kids, he is a heavy marijuana smoker and this lowers your sperm count. I will be 30 next month and my clock is ticking, so I don't want to live my entire life not knowing whether or not I can have kids because of the stupidity of my husbands ego. I think he is afraid of what the doctor will say. I am putting the blame on him, I just want to know if the problem lies with me, so that I can have it corrected or accept the fact that I would not be able to have kids. But I am at a stand still if he refuses to see the doctor. the doctor told me that I am wasting my money, because this is a 50 50 thing. I am only fixing half of the problem. So this is why I haven't ended the affair, to be honest with you. The other reason is because this other guy treats me much better than my husband does. There is not one thing in my house that I can say that my husband bought for me. I can count the number of times he has taken me out to dinner in 9 years on one hand. But he does cook for me everynight, so I guess that counts for something. With this other guy, there is never a time that I ask for something and don't get it. There is never a time that I call him and he doesn't come. If I say I need a back rub or a foot massage, he is there. If I ask my husband, he will say, good for you, or some silly remark. Then fall asleep without doing it. Another reason, my husband, when I first met him was gorgeous, he was my dream guy, then all of a sudden he decided he wants to become a rasta, and didn't want to cut his beard. I couldn't stand this and I left the marriage several times because of this. Then he would shave to get me back and then start growing it again. I do not like bearded face men, especially if it is unkept like my husband's was. Another reason, we only have sex when my husband wants it, and that is usually once or twice a week. He is always tired. I have a very high sex drive and with this other guy, I must say he can handle himself very well. We can have sex everyday, sometimes, three, four times in a row. My husband only goes once and that is it. If I say lets go again, he says no, maybe later. So do you think that I am wronng for what I do? I know that I am wrong, but what am I to do if my husband wants to be selfish and not comply? I don't really want to leave him, but I want him to stop being stubborn. Any suggestions? Sorry for putting all this on you, but at least it will take your mind off your own situation.
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I really hope you get this email soon. I am really having a very hard time right now and I need someone to talk to. My wife came home today from her trip. She got home while I was at work and she called me and she sounded ok over the phone. I came home for lunch to see her, and I also wanted to talk to her about everything that I was feeling. A lot about what I told you in the last couple of emails about her not even trying. Well I came home and we talked for a little while. I told her that I was tired of all the back and forth and up and down crap. I said I was tired of feeling like I was being walked on, and taken advantage of, and tired of doing all the work, and not receiving any reciprocation. I said that I loved her very very much and I would do anything and everything to make it work, but she really needed to meet me half way. I said you basically have 2 choices: Either you divorce me, or you give our marriage all you’ve got. There is no in between. So I went back to work and told her when I get home that she had better had made up her mind. It was basically shit or get off the pot. Well I got home and she told me that she didn’t want to hurt me anymore and that she wants a divorce. So my marriage is over. I am so devastated and I don’t even think it’s really even hit me yet. I am in shock because I never even really thought that this was going to happen. I’m sure you probably knew that this was where it was going, or at least thought it would, or maybe you didn’t. I don’t know. I never believed it though. I thought we could get through anything, and I never gave up. I feel very weird too. Part of me is still very much in denial, but the other part is thinking that it will be ok. I’m not really sure how I feel yet. I left shortly after that to get away from it all and spend some time with friends. I got home a little bit ago, and she is gone. I don’t really know what I am supposed to do now. I feel a way that I have never felt before, and I’m not sure how to fix that. I am trying to focus on the good, and I don’t see much of that. I know that I need to move on, but this is my life, and now I have to start all over. I really feel that she is making the biggest mistake of her life, and it almost gives me a sense of satisfaction. I am not an angry or violent person and this might sound very cold and I hope you don’t think less of me for saying this, but I want her to be miserable. I want her to hurt like I am hurting right now. I want her to get her heart broken. I hope she goes out looking for something better than she has now, and when she realizes that she threw away the best thing that ever happened to her, I hope she comes crawling back. And I want to look at her and say I told you so. Maybe that’s ruthless, and maybe I wouldn’t even react that way, but that’s how I feel right now. I also want to find someone great and rub it in her face. Do you think that’s too cold? Part of me is trying to focus on those things because it might help the healing process. Another part still loves her more than anything and I can’t picture my life without her. What am I supposed to do now? What would you do? I think I am done with trying to win her back, but like I said I am still very much in denial. I’ve never had so many emotions at the same time before. Well I hope to hear from you soon. You have really been great the last couple of weeks, and just talking to you gives me hope that I can someday find somebody who will make me happy again. (link)
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Wow, to be really honest with you, I never really thought that she would go as far as to tell you that she wanted a divorce. I knew that you both needed some time apart, but for to say that she wants a divorce means that she has already made up her mind as to what she wants. Maybe she has already found someone else. Or maybe she is still seeing that other guy. But whatever the case is, I can assure you that the exact thing you predicted will happen, will. She will realize what she is missing and then want to come back into yuor life, and I hope that when she does, you have already found someone else who will love you and treat you like you should be treated. I think the reason for her not trying to make it work was because she was looking for an escape and by you confronting her, she embraced that opportunity to free herself from the marriage. My advice to you is to move on with your life and forget about her. I know that will be the hardest thing in world for you to do, but you have to. Yes you will miss her and want her back, no matter the circumstance, but I think it is best for you to be with someone who wants to be with you and not someone who will just be there out of obligation. I know that you will be lonely and depressed for a while, but you will bounce back and get over her eventually. I am so sorry that things turned out the way they did, but you needed to know what was on her mind and how she was thinking and now you know. You should have been done trying to win her back a long time ago, it was her that should have been her trying to win you back. You asked, what would I do? I would move on and forget about her. Try to find true love and learn from the mistakes I made in my marriage, so as not to make the same ones in my relationship. I think you need to love yourself a little bit more, rise your self confidence level and just live each day one at a time. Your wife will come crawling back, full of regrets, but only can determine whether or not you will still want to take her back. I'm here anytime you need to chat. Wishing you well.
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I must say that I am so damn aggravated right now. Every day she seems to do something that really pisses me off. I keep going back and forth on if I want to even put up with it anymore. She is on a trip for work right now, but she is only about an hour away, and she drove there. She is staying on base over there so she doesn’t have to commute 2-3 hours every day, plus it’s free. Well, when she left Sunday she told me that she would at least make a couple trips during the week to spend some time together and so she could see Aubrey. Well she was hanging out with her friends on Sunday night and didn’t get to bed late, same thing with Monday. So Tuesday when she got off she said she didn’t want to come home because she hadn’t slept really well, and she was just going to go to bed early. Well Wednesday she told me that she was up really late again drinking with some friends. I still didn’t mind that much. I really do want her to have fun, and clear her head. So yesterday I was expecting her to come home. I was really looking forward to it because I really miss her. She got off and called me, and said she had a long hard day, and was going to make a beer run, and they were going to have a cookout or something like that. I got pissed. Here I am every single day, cleaning the house spotless so if she comes home the house will be clean. I have made so many changes in my work schedule, lifestyle, personal life, etc. And she can’t even drive and hour to spend some time together. It’s such BS. Plus whenever I have talked to her, she is with people so she doesn’t want to talk. Which is fine, a couple of times, but when we are going through what we are going through, she needs to get her priorities straight. I mean all I’m asking for is some small gestures that can at least show me that she still wants this marriage to work. Actions speak louder than words, and all of her actions are saying that she doesn’t give a shit about me or our marriage. I am getting even more angry typing this, so I’m sorry for being upset. I have just been trying SO hard, and all she wants to do is drink with her friends. Once again I don’t mind that she is out having fun, but I know if it was the other way around, I would rather come home every day to see her, and she can’t even come home once. I think I am sounding like a woman right now, LOL. No offense. Plus I also am extremely paranoid that she is hooking up with a bunch of guys while she is down there. She could be, and I wouldn’t even know. Before I never even worried about that kind of stuff because I trusted her completely. Now I wouldn’t put it past her. But if I bring it up, it’ll just push her farther away. I am really wondering if I can even deal with this anymore. I am so scared to lose everything, and have to start my life over again, but she just isn’t trying. You know after talking to you, every time I talk to her or think about her, I feel like I’m dealing with an immature little girl. I am getting fed up with it, and now I’m back to wondering what I am going to do. What do you think? Sorry you got double emails, I just wanted to vent. (link)
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Go ahead and vent, it's totally understandable. I am beginning to feel your pain more and more everyday. You are really putting alot into makig this work and she is not giving a damn about what happens. Her actions remind me of what I did when I was tired of putting up with my husbands bull shit. Don't get me wrong, my situation and your situation are totally different, I cheated, but I feel like i had every right too. Not only did I tell my husband that I was unhappy, but I gave him every opportunity to make it right and he didn't try on his end. (Sounds like what your wife is doing huh). In your case, you did nothing wrong, but you find yourself doing your best to make things right, like you are to blame for what happened. When I was tired of trying to get my husband to change and do what needed to be done, I developed a "don't care attitude" and this is what I think your wife is doing now. Although I still sort of loved him, I was not prepared to keep being unhappy so I would do things that I know would piss him off, just so he could get tired and leave. Sometimes I prayed that he would find out that I was cheating, then i would have him out of my life. I just couldn't deal with the sadness anymore. In your case, you did absolutely nothing wrong, from what you have told me, you were nothing but good to your wife, yes it is true that you may not have given the quality time to your daughter that she may have wanted you to, but she should be able to cut you some slack seeing that you did everything else correct. Before I started cheating on my husband, I thought to myself for a very long time. I would find myself in bed writing down all the positive things he did and compared them to all the negative, I would find that there was no comparison. The bad always outweighed the good, so i developed a don't care attitude. Without a doubt, your good should outweigh your bad based on what you have told me. Your wife is trying to push you to your limit, but you allow her too. I think it is time for you to give her the harsh treatment since the better you is not working for her. Maybe she will like that better. Some women are suckers for bad treatment. It's time to show her that you have done your best to make your marriage work, but she was not willing to meet you half the way, now you are done trying. My advice to you is to stop trying to give it your all. Let her think and see that you are done, and whatever happens happens. Then maybe this will shake her up a bit. Your wife knows the type of person you are and she is trying to see how far she can push you and get away with it. Don't let her. If you do, she will continue to do this to you. Good luck, let me know how it goes.
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