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AHHHHH!
I must say that I am so damn aggravated right now. Every day she seems to do something that really pisses me off. I keep going back and forth on if I want to even put up with it anymore. She is on a trip for work right now, but she is only about an hour away, and she drove there. She is staying on base over there so she doesn’t have to commute 2-3 hours every day, plus it’s free. Well, when she left Sunday she told me that she would at least make a couple trips during the week to spend some time together and so she could see Aubrey. Well she was hanging out with her friends on Sunday night and didn’t get to bed late, same thing with Monday. So Tuesday when she got off she said she didn’t want to come home because she hadn’t slept really well, and she was just going to go to bed early. Well Wednesday she told me that she was up really late again drinking with some friends. I still didn’t mind that much. I really do want her to have fun, and clear her head. So yesterday I was expecting her to come home. I was really looking forward to it because I really miss her. She got off and called me, and said she had a long hard day, and was going to make a beer run, and they were going to have a cookout or something like that. I got pissed. Here I am every single day, cleaning the house spotless so if she comes home the house will be clean. I have made so many changes in my work schedule, lifestyle, personal life, etc. And she can’t even drive and hour to spend some time together. It’s such BS. Plus whenever I have talked to her, she is with people so she doesn’t want to talk. Which is fine, a couple of times, but when we are going through what we are going through, she needs to get her priorities straight. I mean all I’m asking for is some small gestures that can at least show me that she still wants this marriage to work. Actions speak louder than words, and all of her actions are saying that she doesn’t give a shit about me or our marriage. I am getting even more angry typing this, so I’m sorry for being upset. I have just been trying SO hard, and all she wants to do is drink with her friends. Once again I don’t mind that she is out having fun, but I know if it was the other way around, I would rather come home every day to see her, and she can’t even come home once. I think I am sounding like a woman right now, LOL. No offense. Plus I also am extremely paranoid that she is hooking up with a bunch of guys while she is down there. She could be, and I wouldn’t even know. Before I never even worried about that kind of stuff because I trusted her completely. Now I wouldn’t put it past her. But if I bring it up, it’ll just push her farther away. I am really wondering if I can even deal with this anymore. I am so scared to lose everything, and have to start my life over again, but she just isn’t trying. You know after talking to you, every time I talk to her or think about her, I feel like I’m dealing with an immature little girl. I am getting fed up with it, and now I’m back to wondering what I am going to do. What do you think? Sorry you got double emails, I just wanted to vent.
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Go ahead and vent, it's totally understandable. I am beginning to feel your pain more and more everyday. You are really putting alot into makig this work and she is not giving a damn about what happens. Her actions remind me of what I did when I was tired of putting up with my husbands bull shit. Don't get me wrong, my situation and your situation are totally different, I cheated, but I feel like i had every right too. Not only did I tell my husband that I was unhappy, but I gave him every opportunity to make it right and he didn't try on his end. (Sounds like what your wife is doing huh). In your case, you did nothing wrong, but you find yourself doing your best to make things right, like you are to blame for what happened. When I was tired of trying to get my husband to change and do what needed to be done, I developed a "don't care attitude" and this is what I think your wife is doing now. Although I still sort of loved him, I was not prepared to keep being unhappy so I would do things that I know would piss him off, just so he could get tired and leave. Sometimes I prayed that he would find out that I was cheating, then i would have him out of my life. I just couldn't deal with the sadness anymore. In your case, you did absolutely nothing wrong, from what you have told me, you were nothing but good to your wife, yes it is true that you may not have given the quality time to your daughter that she may have wanted you to, but she should be able to cut you some slack seeing that you did everything else correct. Before I started cheating on my husband, I thought to myself for a very long time. I would find myself in bed writing down all the positive things he did and compared them to all the negative, I would find that there was no comparison. The bad always outweighed the good, so i developed a don't care attitude. Without a doubt, your good should outweigh your bad based on what you have told me. Your wife is trying to push you to your limit, but you allow her too. I think it is time for you to give her the harsh treatment since the better you is not working for her. Maybe she will like that better. Some women are suckers for bad treatment. It's time to show her that you have done your best to make your marriage work, but she was not willing to meet you half the way, now you are done trying. My advice to you is to stop trying to give it your all. Let her think and see that you are done, and whatever happens happens. Then maybe this will shake her up a bit. Your wife knows the type of person you are and she is trying to see how far she can push you and get away with it. Don't let her. If you do, she will continue to do this to you. Good luck, let me know how it goes.
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