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Well I must say you now have also left me speechless. I haven't heard compliments like that in a long time. I guess you bring it out in me. I have been so down in the dumps for the last month or two, and really one of the only things I have been looking foward to, was talking to you. You are the only woman I have talked to about any of this stuff that actually seems to know what they're talking about. You're actually the only person who knows the whole story. I can't talk about this stuff with anyone else, so I appreciate you helping me through this very tough time in my life. I have come to look at you as a great person and friend. One of the many things that is so refreshing about you is that you actually know what you want. I have been dealing with a woman that can't make up her damn mind, and it has pushed me to the point that I'm at now. And you also know how to hold a good conversation. Well listen, I'm gonna run and pick up my daughter, and then I got to go grocery shopping. Sorry to cut this one short, but I got off of work late today. I'll tell you, being in the military is not an easy job, but it pays the bills. I will talk to you soon.
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haha. when i started to read your response to my question, i said, "oh lord, what i am going to hear now". i kinda got scared. but in a funny way. as it relates to the other guy, yes he is married, and i knew this when i started the affair. i don't want him to leave his wife for me. this is like you said only an affair. he (the other guy) knows how i feel about wanting kids, he knows the whole story. so he is fine with it. we enjoy being with each other and if it so happens that i become pregnant by him then i will be quite fine with that. we actually discussed this a few times, he asked me if i would tell him if it is his child or not. i told him i don't know, but i know that i would, he is a real stand up guy. would i tell my husband, hell no, the reason being is that it would bring total chaos to my household. to many questions to answer. you asked if my husband found out what would he do, he would probally kill both of us. but i am sure he would leave and then do the same thing you did, try to get me back after a while. although i cheated, i am still the best thing that has ever happened for him and he knows this. have i given him my heart, hmmm.., i think have given him a portion, not the full thing. i try to keep a barrier between us and not allow myself to fall totally in love with him because i know that it would be hard for me to let go. and i know this isn't the case now, i can let go whenever i want to. i have before. but a part of me does love him. i have given my marriage everything just like you said, and i know the affair is immoral, but i am at a crossroad in my life. it is true that i want a loving happy marriage, but i want this from my husband. if i were to leave him, i don't think that i would want to get married anytime soon. when i do it again, i will be sure to do it right this time. my next husband will be my very best friend. i need a man that i can tell anything to and him not get upset. i need a loving, caring, romantic and compassionate man, not a joker. trust me when i tell you, i would have learned from my mistakes. if i were to end it with my husband, i will of course end it with the other guy as well, because that is when i will start fresh on my search for "mr. right". so i am not really looking for a future with this other guy, if that is what you are thinking. however, i must admit, if he were single, i would have given up my marriage to be with him. when i was going through some difficult times with my husband, he asked me what it was that i wanted to do, he asked me if i wanted to stay in my marriage or did i want to leave. he said that he knew that i would be much happier with him, which he was right about, but the fact that he is married is why i didn't leave. i know that i should begin my search for mr. right, but for me, i usually put the needs of others before my own. i keep telling myself, if i leave my husband, life for him and his son will be very hard, and i don't want to hurt them. also, we just moved into our own home about two years now, and i pump all of my savings into fixing it up the way i want it look and i really don't want to start over again. i know that it won't be hard for me because i am a very striving, independent person and people seem to find favor with me. as for my husband, he is not. i have already invested 10 years with my husband and i am just waiting on a return on my investment. what i am saying is that i really don't want to just flush all of that down the drain. yes it is true that i want my husband to be more like this guy, even though i know this guy also has his flaws, but i haven't seen them as yet and i hope i never do. i know that no relationship is perfect, and like i always say, you know what you have but don't know what you are going to get. i know that my husband loves me a whole lot, but he just doesn't know how to show it. i know that if he were more financially stable, that i would want or need for nothing. but for me i just feel like i am tired of settling for less in my life and i think i want and deserve more. i know that the next man that comes along may pretend to love me, may pretend to be mr. right, then when you marry then, they switch. this is what i fear. my husband, when i met him, in my eyes, was mr. perfect, almost everything about him was perfect, with the exception of a few thing like i knew he was a smoker, which i totally hated, but was willing to overlook because everything else about him was good. only to discover that this would be the cause of almost all of our arguments in our marriage. over the years of being married, he changed little by little for the worse. but i must admit that since i left him the last time and told him that i wanted a divorce and he really saw that i was serious this time and actually went and filed the papers, he has changed a bit. still can use some improvement, but it is ok now. i am just glad for the fact that we don't argue much anymore because this is what bothered me the most. i really am ok with his behavior, but for me i really want kids and i don't think i can overlook this. if he refuses to oblige then i will continue the affair and that is how it is going to be. at least i know if i try with someone else and it doesn't happen, then i know that maybbe there is a problem with me, but i hate the fact that he just sits there everyday as my clock is ticking and won't even make an effort to think about my feelings. that's why i am and will continue to be rebelous. this is my major issue with him for right now and also the fact that i need him to be more of a financial provider. he can accomplish these then we would be ok. when i was giving you advice i was saying the same thing, that i should be taking my own advice. lol. well ain't life something! and yes, you did do ok, however, everything you said, i already told myself over and over again. i am the type of person, who thinks long and hard before i make a decision. and i usually give warnings before i make my move, so you cannot say that you were not forewarned. p.s. i forgot to tell you happy fathers day. I had to respond to a previous question because the last response is not showing up on my computer, i don't know what is going on with the system today. Let me know when you receive.
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