It sounds like at least you have your head on straight. You know what you want in life and that is a good thing. I also know what I want out of life, and it sucks because I just reached my goal, and now it is stripped from me. But I still want the same things, so now my goal is to get back to where I am now. It will just be with a different woman now. As for you, no one can tell you “If you want to find someone else.” And I know that you already know that. I don’t really even know how you are supposed to figure it out. You might be waiting for the “Ah Ha” moment, but that might never come. At least you have your priorities straight. Very admirable. I am financially comfortable, but I’m still not exactly sure what I want to be when I grow up. L.O.L. I got like 12 more years in the military and then I can retire, or get out next year when my enlistment is up and search for a part time job while I continue school. Or finish school while I’m still in the military. I’m not sure yet. It’s something that I think about constantly, but I just can’t put my finger on it. I am actually waiting for my “Ah Ha” moment as well. I do know that I want a happy family with a few kids, and a job that I love to go to everyday. I have also thought about teaching as well. I want to grow old with someone, and love them unconditionally for the rest of my life and for them to feel the same about me. I want so many things that I have but am about to lose. But you are right, if this is what is meant to be then that means that God has bigger and better plans for me. I know he’s got my back. I just wish he could give us a glimpse of what our future is going to be like. We have these life changing decisions to make, and we are scared to make them because we aren’t too sure how it’s going to turn out. But I strongly believe that we have to accept the things we cannot change, but change the things we can. If I make a decision that turns out to be the wrong one, then it’s never too late to try again. As long as we are alive and kicking, we can make ourselves happy. I have already started taking those steps. I can’t change what my wife is doing and is going to do, but I can become the man I want to be and all I need is the support and love from my family and friends. I know that my life isn’t over, it’s only just begun. What is my next step? I’m not sure yet, but I know it will come to me. As for you, maybe just make the decision you think will be the best for you. I understand that you don’t want to hurt anyone because you are a loving, caring person. I also understand that you feel the need to put others before yourself. I too have done this my whole life. If you love your husband and want to stay married to him, then do it. If you just can’t deal with it anymore, then leave. “Do you want to find someone else?” Well, I can tell you if you’ve thought about it, then you probably do. I may be totally wrong, but my gut tells me that you are just scared to leave him even though you want to. My gut has been right so far for me. I don’t want to act like I know how you are feeling, or what you are thinking. And I also don’t want to push in one direction or the other. I just think that you do deserve to be happy, so whatever it is that’s going to make you TRULY HAPPY, do that. If staying with your husband is going to make you truly happy, then stay. But I do think that you should end the affair. Again that is just my opinion, but instead of being with 2 men that can satisfy almost every one of your needs, try to find one man that can do it on his own. I think this will make you truly happy.
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