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What Do I Do Now?
I really hope you get this email soon. I am really having a very hard time right now and I need someone to talk to. My wife came home today from her trip. She got home while I was at work and she called me and she sounded ok over the phone. I came home for lunch to see her, and I also wanted to talk to her about everything that I was feeling. A lot about what I told you in the last couple of emails about her not even trying. Well I came home and we talked for a little while. I told her that I was tired of all the back and forth and up and down crap. I said I was tired of feeling like I was being walked on, and taken advantage of, and tired of doing all the work, and not receiving any reciprocation. I said that I loved her very very much and I would do anything and everything to make it work, but she really needed to meet me half way. I said you basically have 2 choices: Either you divorce me, or you give our marriage all you’ve got. There is no in between. So I went back to work and told her when I get home that she had better had made up her mind. It was basically shit or get off the pot. Well I got home and she told me that she didn’t want to hurt me anymore and that she wants a divorce. So my marriage is over. I am so devastated and I don’t even think it’s really even hit me yet. I am in shock because I never even really thought that this was going to happen. I’m sure you probably knew that this was where it was going, or at least thought it would, or maybe you didn’t. I don’t know. I never believed it though. I thought we could get through anything, and I never gave up. I feel very weird too. Part of me is still very much in denial, but the other part is thinking that it will be ok. I’m not really sure how I feel yet. I left shortly after that to get away from it all and spend some time with friends. I got home a little bit ago, and she is gone. I don’t really know what I am supposed to do now. I feel a way that I have never felt before, and I’m not sure how to fix that. I am trying to focus on the good, and I don’t see much of that. I know that I need to move on, but this is my life, and now I have to start all over. I really feel that she is making the biggest mistake of her life, and it almost gives me a sense of satisfaction. I am not an angry or violent person and this might sound very cold and I hope you don’t think less of me for saying this, but I want her to be miserable. I want her to hurt like I am hurting right now. I want her to get her heart broken. I hope she goes out looking for something better than she has now, and when she realizes that she threw away the best thing that ever happened to her, I hope she comes crawling back. And I want to look at her and say I told you so. Maybe that’s ruthless, and maybe I wouldn’t even react that way, but that’s how I feel right now. I also want to find someone great and rub it in her face. Do you think that’s too cold? Part of me is trying to focus on those things because it might help the healing process. Another part still loves her more than anything and I can’t picture my life without her. What am I supposed to do now? What would you do? I think I am done with trying to win her back, but like I said I am still very much in denial. I’ve never had so many emotions at the same time before. Well I hope to hear from you soon. You have really been great the last couple of weeks, and just talking to you gives me hope that I can someday find somebody who will make me happy again.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Wow, to be really honest with you, I never really thought that she would go as far as to tell you that she wanted a divorce. I knew that you both needed some time apart, but for to say that she wants a divorce means that she has already made up her mind as to what she wants. Maybe she has already found someone else. Or maybe she is still seeing that other guy. But whatever the case is, I can assure you that the exact thing you predicted will happen, will. She will realize what she is missing and then want to come back into yuor life, and I hope that when she does, you have already found someone else who will love you and treat you like you should be treated. I think the reason for her not trying to make it work was because she was looking for an escape and by you confronting her, she embraced that opportunity to free herself from the marriage. My advice to you is to move on with your life and forget about her. I know that will be the hardest thing in world for you to do, but you have to. Yes you will miss her and want her back, no matter the circumstance, but I think it is best for you to be with someone who wants to be with you and not someone who will just be there out of obligation. I know that you will be lonely and depressed for a while, but you will bounce back and get over her eventually. I am so sorry that things turned out the way they did, but you needed to know what was on her mind and how she was thinking and now you know. You should have been done trying to win her back a long time ago, it was her that should have been her trying to win you back. You asked, what would I do? I would move on and forget about her. Try to find true love and learn from the mistakes I made in my marriage, so as not to make the same ones in my relationship. I think you need to love yourself a little bit more, rise your self confidence level and just live each day one at a time. Your wife will come crawling back, full of regrets, but only can determine whether or not you will still want to take her back. I'm here anytime you need to chat. Wishing you well.
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