Yeah I hear what you are saying and I do agree with you. I AM SINGLE NOW! It’s very scary to me because I haven’t been single in 7 years. I don’t even know where to begin. I have been taking small steps the past couple of weeks to work on my self esteem, and you have actually played a big part in that and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have believed every word you have said and you have made me see that I am a good man. The man that I thought I was before this all happened. And I have learned a huge life lesson. No matter how perfect you think someone is, they can still break your heart. Well I need to focus on the fact that I am better than her and that she doesn’t deserve me, instead of always thinking that I didn’t deserve her. I was the best it’s ever gonna get for her, and she is in for a rude awakening. Let me ask you this and be straight with me. I have been going back and forth on how I should act toward her now. Should I ignore her, be an asshole, or what? The problem is that I don’t even want to associate with her anymore, but we have a child together. My wife had said that she wants to still remain friends, but that’s out of the question. At least for a very long time. Or do I act like everything is cool? I’m not sure. Well anyways, thank you again so much for everything. You really are a great person to talk to. How are things going with you? Any changes?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? foxylady answered Sunday June 21 2009, 9:30 am: Thanks for the compliment! Glad to know that I was apart of someone else's happiness. You don't seem as depressed as I thought you would be, given the circumstances. That's good. I don't think that you should be hostile to your wife, even though she did what she did. When you see here every bone in your body will want to kill her, (LOL), but will that solve anything? Whats done is done. I am not saying that you should go out of your way to talk to her or do anything for her, but just try to leave the anamosity behind. You asked if you should be an asshole toward her, I don't even think you have it in you to do that. If you want revenge, the best way to get it is not be bitter to her, allow her to see what she is missing. Let me tell you something about women, well I am not sure about all women, but I can tell you about me. If I was in a relationship and I decided to call it quits for whatever reason, I left the relationship, and now I have to come in contact with you for the sake of the kids, you become hostile toward me or start an argument, I would be telling myself, "I am glad I left that asshole, who doesn't know how to treat a woman. On the other hand, you approach me calmly, like nothing ever happened, i would be like, damn, after all I did to him, he doesn't resent me, why did I leave him. Maybe I should try to see if he will take me back. A woman knows when she has done something wrong, she knows when she has made a mistake. When she realizes that she has, she will try to get you back. If she realizes that she cannot obtain that goal, it will eat at her everyday. She will be miserable in her persuit for happiness, knowing that she had it all along and never realized it. "You know what you have, but you don't know what you're gonna get". This always scares me. Let see what it will do for her. Try to be active in your daughters life as you possibly can, and don't allow her to see any hostility between the both of you. I repeat, try to be as involved in your daughters life as you possibly can. Don't allow her to grow up and resent you like I did my father for not being there for me. It took me until I was an adult to forgive him. As for me, I guess I can say things are going a bit better. I am keeping my sisters two kids for the summer and he really loves kids, so he has been taking them to the beach alot, he and I went fishing last Thursday. I really really love fishing. We have argued much lately, and he tries to be more affectionate these days. However, I am still cheating. I honestly think my reason for doing this is because of the fact that I want children. My husband and I have been married, July will make 9 years and we don't have kids. I have been to the doctors many time, done lots of test and they all come back fine. I did have however, irregular menstrual cycles, and that has since been solved. The doctors told me that they need him to come in and have his sperm tested, and he has refused to go for the past 9 years. I know he wants kids really bad, but I can do nothing if he doesn't play his part. I know that he has 2 kids already, (one lives with us), so he blames me for not being able to have kids. But although he already has kids, he is a heavy marijuana smoker and this lowers your sperm count. I will be 30 next month and my clock is ticking, so I don't want to live my entire life not knowing whether or not I can have kids because of the stupidity of my husbands ego. I think he is afraid of what the doctor will say. I am putting the blame on him, I just want to know if the problem lies with me, so that I can have it corrected or accept the fact that I would not be able to have kids. But I am at a stand still if he refuses to see the doctor. the doctor told me that I am wasting my money, because this is a 50 50 thing. I am only fixing half of the problem. So this is why I haven't ended the affair, to be honest with you. The other reason is because this other guy treats me much better than my husband does. There is not one thing in my house that I can say that my husband bought for me. I can count the number of times he has taken me out to dinner in 9 years on one hand. But he does cook for me everynight, so I guess that counts for something. With this other guy, there is never a time that I ask for something and don't get it. There is never a time that I call him and he doesn't come. If I say I need a back rub or a foot massage, he is there. If I ask my husband, he will say, good for you, or some silly remark. Then fall asleep without doing it. Another reason, my husband, when I first met him was gorgeous, he was my dream guy, then all of a sudden he decided he wants to become a rasta, and didn't want to cut his beard. I couldn't stand this and I left the marriage several times because of this. Then he would shave to get me back and then start growing it again. I do not like bearded face men, especially if it is unkept like my husband's was. Another reason, we only have sex when my husband wants it, and that is usually once or twice a week. He is always tired. I have a very high sex drive and with this other guy, I must say he can handle himself very well. We can have sex everyday, sometimes, three, four times in a row. My husband only goes once and that is it. If I say lets go again, he says no, maybe later. So do you think that I am wronng for what I do? I know that I am wrong, but what am I to do if my husband wants to be selfish and not comply? I don't really want to leave him, but I want him to stop being stubborn. Any suggestions? Sorry for putting all this on you, but at least it will take your mind off your own situation. [ foxylady's advice column | Ask foxylady A Question ]
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