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Sorry this is long, but very important that you read
Listen, I am going through some serious stuff right now, and I need to get it all out, and I would really like for your best advice, and please don’t think any less of me. This will most likely be a lot of information, and as a good friend, I would like for your honest opinion. In the last day my thinking has done a complete 180, and now I am not a happy person. I am angry, but please know that none of this is directed at you.
Since the beginning I have been nothing but been a sweet, forgiving, loving person who has done everything in his power to save my marriage. Well this is what happened. I have come to realize through a best guess, that her affair was going on A LOT longer than she lead on. She fell out of love with me, and saw everything in the other guy that she wished I would be. She then fell in love with the other guy. Now through their constant conversations and emails they built a fantasy life together. I know this because I read one of the emails, and in it they discussed building a family together and moving away together, and living happily ever after. Well this is the reason she never tried to reconcile our marriage. She already had another life planned. A life she wanted more than the one she already had. When she finally had the courage to leave and say she wanted a divorce, she was perfectly fine with it. No remorse, or regret. She would live as a single mother for 3 more months or so. Then “Mr. Big Shot” will come home and will move in with her, and start their life together. He is higher ranking than her so he makes a lot more money than either of us. So she isn’t loosing anything. She is only gaining a better man with more money, who will love her and treat her right, blah blah blah. She doesn’t know the truth about the real world. She is brainwashed by the guy. He has cheated numerous times on his other wife, and also had an affair with a married woman, and has two kids that he is paying child support on. He is 8 years older than her, and he is a dog. This is all fact, and even my wife knows what he has done in the past. But she is still blinded by all of this. Well she changed all of her passwords for facebook, and myspace, and email. I had a friend visit her facebook page since I don’t have an account and the other guy is miraculously friends with her again. I know, that’s a BIG SHOCK. L.O.L. Now see the problem is this. I have never in my life been an asshole. I have been the nicest guy you would probably ever meet. She knows this and she is using it to her advantage because a lot has gone down. I would like to copy and paste an email she sent me and tell me what you think. Sorry if this is long but please read:
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found an apartment for Aubs and I. I put a deposit down today and I get the keys on Saturday. I have tried to split all our bills pretty fairly and this is what I came up with.
i will take my Escape, Cell Phones (until we separate them), Insurance (until we separate them), Day Care, and then the rent/electric/gas for my apartment.
You take the GTO, Direct TV, Internet, mortgage, electric, gas and water for the house.
It came out to be that your bills are about $400 more than I am taking. I looked up child support and with our situation, I think I figured out you would have to pay $700 a month. So I say we just split the bills like this for now at least until the house is sold.
Speaking of the house-i didn't know if you wanted to keep it and get roommates or sell it. If you want to sell it, we need to look at getting a realtor and putting it on websites.
The only other thing is the big credit card and my student loan. I am fine with taking my student loan because it's in my name, and you taking the credit card because it's in your name. The credit card only has less than $4000, and the student loan is $6000, but I am fine with that.
The apartment is $935 a month, so I am going to take the savings to help with my first payment. We have $1500 in savings and I was planning on taking it all. I made it to where your July 1st paycheck no bills are due, so you will have the 1640 to yourself. I figured we are even.
So here is a breakdown for your bills: GTO: 422 due the 15th (it is taken out directly from the checking), Electric due the 15th, Gas due the 16th, Direct TV due the 3rd, Internet due the 15th. And the Mortgage. I have been paying every 2 weeks, and $50 more, but I am going to cancel that. I will make it to where it's due on the 1st, so you may want to start the direct deposit to take out half the 15th, half the 1st. This Friday I get paid and will pay the rest for the month of July. So the next payment isn't due till August 1st-so you may want to go to finance to start the automatic withdrawl to start July 15th.
I will be coming to the house periodically to start picking things up. I would like to take the downstairs TV, couch, spare bed, a ps2, aubreys crib, glider. You can keep all the stuff in the living room including the computer, and the bedroom set, and the table and chairs if you want. Just let me know. I might have some people help me get the big stuff on Saturday probably, but I'm sure you will be gone anyway.
I know this is a lot I am word vomiting on you, but i want to make sure we can just be civil about this and help each other out. I hope you know that I don't want to screw you over, and I think I did a lot to try to help you out that not many girls would. I hope we can be friends one day, I'm not asking the be bff, just enough where we can be ok around each other for Aubrey. Please let me know whenever you want to see her, take her for a night, or a weekend, or whatever, even if it's just for an hour. I will never say no to you seeing her, I hope you know that. Let me know what you think about all this, and if there are any issues.
-Jenni
Now this was sent 3 days after she left me. And when I talked to her she was completely fine. She actually put on her facebook page that “Things Are Looking Up” So now I’ve changed my way of thinking. I will not be Mr. Nice Guy and roll over and die. I did absolutely nothing wrong and now it’s time to play hardball. I am going to protect my daughter and me, but I will no longer care what happens to her. I can burn her, and I am planning on it. I know that she will screw me the first chance that she gets, and I am pissed. You see, I have loved her so much for the past 7 years of my life. But she has changed dramatically. Every day I am finding out the she is changing into a woman that I no longer love. SHE IS NOT THE WOMAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I will not stand by and let her destroy my life while she sits on the top of the world, and laughs at me. You said that you don’t think I have it in me to be an asshole. Well, that was before she decided to walk all over me. The thing that is really sad is she is destroying her life for a fantasy that will never come true. This guy will break her heart and will kick her to the curb the first chance he gets. And she is going to be left with nothing, and I can care less. I know that is ruthless, but like I said, I don’t know this woman. Am I being unreasonable? Be honest, because if I am than I will take a step back and look at this logically. I mean she signed a 12 month lease on an apartment 3 days after she moved out. Are you kidding me? How can somebody honestly do that to a person, and then move on so quickly. This has led me to believe that this has been going on for a very long time. And she most likely slept with the guy. Probably more than once. I will no longer do anything to try and win her back, and I will not be nice about any of this. I am going to get a lawyer first thing in the morning. Locks will be changed and bank accounts emptied. (Before she takes it all) What do you think? What should I do? Please help, and be honest
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Sorry for just getting back to you. I have been a bit busy. I was about to tell you not to sell the house yet, because there might have been a change of her changing her mind and coming back home, but after reading the email that she has sent you, it appears that she had her mind made up a very long time ago, even before she moved out. It appears that she was working out all these details while you too were going through your troubles. She seems to be quite content and has no plans of ever coming back ad she has no remorse what-so-ever. I don't blame you for seeking a lawyer and I would have cleaned out the bank account the moment she sent the email. That is if whe hasn't cleaned it out already. I think you should change the locks, because once she has moved out she should have no reason to be coming back. Let her come in to get her stuff out but only when you are at home and make sure that she gets all of her stuff out one time, in that way she will have nothing to come back for. As for the things that she stated she wants to have out of the house, that will be for you to decide whether or not you will give them to her because I don't know if you want them or not. I would also try to get custody of my daughter, if not full then partial custody. This is the reason why I chose not to get a joint account with my husband, we tried it out once and he kept going to the ATM machine without my knowledge, so when I found out I closed the account without his knowledge and transfered all the funds to a new account with my name only, it's not like he was contributing any money to the account anyway. I don't think that you are being nieve, you are just doing what needs to be done. If you don't do it, she will. So go ahead and do your thing. I am here for you if you need me. Do you use instant messanger, because you can get me much faster that way. Even when I am work I am signed on. So you can type in my email address and get me at foxynaenae1979@hotmail.com. Later!
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