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When to have kids?
So I'm 19 and have been very happily married for nearly a year. My husband and I are both in college and living on our own. I desperately want a baby. I know how hard it is, I raised my younger brother on my own for two years while in highschool. I know that it is terribly expensive, I know it is taxing emotionally and physically and in more ways than imaginable. I know it would mess with school and our plans and everything but the non logical half of me is completely going nuts over it.
Many people are just telling us to go for it and that things will work themselves out as we go along. A few people think I'm completely insane for even considering it.
I just don't know what to do, I've tried adopting far too many hobbies to get rid of this obsession. I can't get a pet because of our landlord.
I just need to know if I should go for it, or if I should keep trying to fight it. And if I should fight it, how?
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I definitely understand. My fiance and I are 21 and 22, and we've been talking the baby talk lately. We too are in college, and we actually own our own house, so it's not too unreasonable. Here are the questions we asked that helped us determine that it isn't the right time for us. Maybe you'll have different answers!
1) Are you prepared to put school on hold? Who will give up their education, and for how long? Much as you may want to do it all at once, you cannot have a newborn and go to school full-time. This is the main thing that stopped me. I'm an engineering major, and if I'm out of school for more than 2 years, I can't go back. Period.
2) What are your living circumstances? You mention a landlord... are you in an apartment? Is this a place that you would be happy having/raising children? That was a go for us. We're in our own house in a reasonable neighbourhood.
3) Where are you financially? Are you just making ends meet? Do you have huge student debts? Are you fully self-sufficient? All very important. How long will it be until you have both graduated, and what expense will that entail?
4) Are you ready to give up being young? Sounds like a strange question to ask. My parents were 20 and 21 when I was born. The end result: they can't wait to be empty nesters, and they're whooping it up now like they're in their 20s again. You give up a big part of your lives when you have a child. This was the big reason why we decided to wait; we just want to take some time to enjoy each other before sharing our relationship. Selfish as it may sound, it's important to tell the truth about this.
It can work out. It happened for my parents. There are those who will say you're too young. I've seen people who are 40 have children and be terrible parents, and I've seen 15 year old moms who are incredible. It's all in you guys.
Good luck!
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Get a puppy and get through school.
Its not an uncommon (or unhealthy) desire to have where you are in life, but what you need to be thinking about is current circumstance. You're both in school, you're both poor as shit, and at this moment you would have to sacrifice the baby's well being or your own.
If you wait until at least one of you is done with school and has managed to land a decent job, you will be much better off yourselves, and the baby will be too.
Stick to the plans. You're at a critical point, and if you decide to derail yourselves here it could take more than a decade to get where you need to be, as opposed to 6 months after someone finishes school.
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If you can't afford it, definitely don't do it. If you don't have enough money, the financial strain alone will pull you and your husband apart. I honestly think that you should wait until you go through school. You know how hard it would be. Once you have degrees, you will be able to get better jobs. With better jobs, you'll be able to give your baby so much more.
I'm not saying you couldn't do it, you definitely probably could have a baby and still go through school. But I think it would be a lot better if you waiting a couple years. At least until you get your associative degree. You'll be able to get a better job then at least and you'll only be 21 when you get it.
You need to just keep telling yourself, two more years, two more years. You'll still be young, plus you'll have a degree and a better job. Way too many people get pregnant because they want a baby when they're really not ready for it. Financially, mentally and physically. That's just not fair for your baby.
Wait a couple years so that you're sure to provide the baby everything it needs.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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In my opinion, go for it!
You are fully aware there will be financial and emotional obstacles on the way when caring for a child. It's also important that you're able to afford it, too.
Make sure you have a decent home, you two are in a stable relationship, and you're receiving enough income to care for a child. If so, there's nothing wrong with having a kid. To point is as long as you have what it takes, then what's stopping you?
I wouldn't think you're insane. Children are a blessing. I would certainly love to have kids soon as well and I am your age.
So go for it! I wish you luck.
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