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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Ok so my dad started dating this chick and after a couple months she moved in well to make a long story short she moved out and her son was still living with us and is still but they were broke up so..after a while and other stuff i had end up having sex with her son multipule times and me and him are like i dont know what you'd consiter us. But i really love him like alot and i cant stand not being around him but the problem is that he says he has feelings for me but then its like he goes out on the weekends and hooks up with all these chicks and i thinking like is he just using me bcuz im conveniant because i live with him or does he really care about me. Like i asked him i was like are you just using me hes like no and then hes like why are you using me or something...i was like ehh no. But the thing is like when i mention bout the other girls hes like naw your different. I have no clue because i love him but i just dont know what to do because he gets with alot of girls but its not like i cant just not talk to him i mean he lives with me and i love this boy like none other. And its like when im around him and things are going to happen i cant stop myself to say anything i just go for it because i fell so strongly bout him if that makes any sence.Then when i hear hes been talking to some chicks it breaks my heart thinking hes probably trying to fuck them.

I'm assuming that by "hooking up" you mean doing sexual things with. If you don't mean that and he's just hanging out with other girls, suck it up. He can have other friends. If I was right and he's actually getting intimate with other girls you need to set an ultimatum for him. You don't want to be with him if he's lying to you and doesn't really care about you, do you? It'll just be more heartache in the end. The ultimatum is this: you're either going to be with me or you're not - stop hooking up with other girls or I'm not going to be intimate in any way with you anymore. You need to follow through with that too. If you find out he hooked up with another girl, there's no way he cares about you as much as he claims to and you need to move on and not give in to the urges you may have to have sex with him, or anything for that matter. You can still be friendly with him, just take away the sex. I know this kind of thing is hard to do when you like someone as much as you like him, but the pain you feel from not being with him is going to be much less than the pain you would feel if you stayed with him. Good luck.

My sexually abusive boyfriend ripped me while trying to fist me. I told him it wouldn't fit, he doesn't listen to me protest. He did say he was sorry and that he didn't intentionally mean to hurt me. It ripped a good 2 inches long, between my labia and my clitoris. It was bleeding like crazy last night, and this morning when I went to the bathroom it is still bleeding. Should I seek medical attention? how will I explain something like this without telling them my boyfriend is sexually abusive?

EDIT: I'm really disappointed that you didn't go to the emergency room, but that's another story. I'm concerned about something else now, that's, sadly, more important than that. After you get this taken care of by a doctor I would suggest seeing a psychologist. Did you notice how everyone but you is very concerned about you? Doesn't that worry you at all? Maybe you are the one that is wrong here, ever think of that? Seeing a psychologist can confirm things for you. You can tell them all about your relationship and they will tell you if he really does care as much as you think he does. If your psychologist tells you that the relationship is fine, then you went and proved us all wrong and you can rest, knowing that there's nothing wrong. If they say the relationship is as unhealthy for you mentally and physically as all of us fear that it is, then you need to trust that. If you are in an unhealthy relationship you need to get out no matter what the circumstances. We're a bunch of kids with advice. A psycologist is a professional. Professionals know more about this kind of stuff than you do and they can help you get through it if you need that.

You keep saying that you love him, but does he love you back? Even if you love him, if he doesn't love you back, your love means nothing. If he doesn't love you, there's no happiness for you in a relationship with him. Are you happy? Don't say that just loving him makes you happy. If he isn't making you happy there's no point in letting this go on. The point of life is to find happiness. I don't think you are finding it with him. Maybe you found love and it feels good, but love without happiness is just a lot of pain. Love is a very painful thing. You can, if you let this guy go, find another love. One that makes you happy and treats you right. There is no such thing as "the one". There are lots of guys out there that you can love and be happy with. If this one is hurting you, don't settle for that. Find someone that won't hurt you. He is out there. Be strong and leave this guy. Be selfish for once. He is causing you so much mental and physical pain. No one deserves that. You are a very giving person. Find someone that won't use, or abuse you.

Please see a psychologist. I know you don't think that anything is wrong, but all of us do. That must mean something. Seeing a psychologist can set your mind at ease. Abuse is wrong and should never be allowed to happen. You said yourself that he was abusive. You must be worried to a point. Do it for the people that care about you. They want you to be safe and happy. You should want that for yourself too. Good luck. :)

Go to the emergency room immediately. That is a very serious injury. Tell them exactly what happened. The doctor isn't going to tell anybody else, including your parents, if you ask them not to.

After you get out, dump your boyfriend as soon as you get the chance. There is no reason for you to put up with that no matter how nice and wonderful he is to you outside of sex. He intentionally hurt you no matter what he says or tries to make you believe. You told him not to, he did it anyway. That is intentional even if he does feel a little remorse afterwards. If he really cared about you, he would have made sure that you got to a doctor himself. You can die from that kind of injury if you don't get to a doctor. His abuse is going to continue. People don't change. Don't wait around for him to change and don't make excuses for him. He doesn't deserve them and he doesn't deserve you. You'll find someone that is just as nice to you and likes you just as much as he does that isn't going to physically or emotionally hurt you. Trust me. There's lots of guys out there that are really great.

If you take anything out of this, it is that you need to seek medical attention right now. Good luck.

Today I randomly started going through my elementary school memories and I thought about how there was never anything to worry about and how it was really peaceful and joyful. The memories I have are so detailed that I just started crying. I miss not ever worrying about anything and not ever having a reason to be sad. I'm only 16 and I already long to be young again. What do I do?

I know what you're feeling. I've felt that way before and it's not fun at all. It feels safe thinking about the past because there's no variables, nothing to worry about. It's easy to focus on the good things. The future is a scary thing because you think of all the bad things that could happen. The thing is, lots of bad things happened in your past too and you got through them.

Try to think about your future as fondly as you did in the past when you had no worries. What did you do all the time when you were a kid? Dream about the future. You dreampt about all the things you'd be able to do when you were older and how awesome your life was going to be. Do that now!

The only difference between your childhood and now is that you have worry in your life. Get rid of the worry and you'll be a kid again. That's what got me through it. I realized that I am me. I'm not a kid, I'm not an adult, I'm a person and I can have whatever attitude I want to have about my life. I started getting excited about the future and all the amazing things I'll get to do as my life goes on, just as I used to do when I was younger.

I hope that something I said can help you out, and if it doesn't, remember that you're in a very confusing time in your life and that in a few years you will feel better about things. Good luck. :)

Hi um I was wondering what the difference is between a guyfriend and a boyfriend.
And what you do with a boyfriend? Haha like umm. What do u while ur their bf or gf

Thx please answer
!
Best wishes,
B.

To be honest, there isn't much of a difference between a guyfriend and a boyfriend. Basically, a guyfriend is just a regular friend. Like a girl would be to you. You can share secrets, hang out, or anything else you might do with a female friend. A guy is your boyfriend when you have a verbal agreement that he is. You don't have to do anything differently with him than you would with a regular friend. You just call him your boyfriend. You don't even have to tell other people about it, it can be a secret between the two of you. Many people are under the impression that you have to be intimate with a guy in order for them to be your boyfriend. This is not the case at all. You don't HAVE to do any of these things, but a boyfriend can be a source of physical intimacy for you. Holding hands, kissing, touching, and things like that would be something you might do with a boyfriend that you probably wouldn't, or at least shouldn't, do with a regular friend.

15/f/uk

Im 15 and from england..
Me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex almost 2 weeks ago. It didnt last very long because we realised what we was doing was wrong. He was only in me for about 5 seconds.

He didnt cum.. but we know about pre-cum and the such..

Last night i pressed on my lower stomache and it hurt a little. And all last night i was worrying about being pregnant. This morning i woke up feeling really sick and had a slightly upset stomache. i still feel kinda sick now. and my stomache still hurts when i press on it. My boobs feel slightly sore every now and again.

Could i be pregnant?

If im pregnant i dont know what to do! if my parents found out they would ban me from seeing my boyfriend forever, i would be grounded and never aloud out, i would be in sooo much trouble!

My period isnt due until around the 17th-25th (it always varies) i cant wait until then to see if i miss it cos its driving me insane with worry! i know i shouldnt worry because it could cause me to miss my period but i really cant help it!

I cant get a pregancy kit because my parents would find out
I cant get in to the doctors
I cant afford an abortion ive heard its really expensive

I really dont know what to do :(

Any advice?

Does your boyfriend know about any of this? If not, tell him. Don't freak him out, but let him know that you are worried. Since you can't get a pregnancy test yourself, have your boyfriend get it for you. Having a friend do it is another option, but you probably want as few people to know about this as possible. 5 seconds is a pretty long time. I hope that you now realize how important it is not to get caught up in the moment. Make sure you have protection for next time.

Try not to worry about it too much right now. The first outward symptoms of pregnancy aren't supposed to come out until 4 weeks after the incident. Many of the symptoms you are experiencing can be caused by stress. You're obviously in a lot of stress. Stress can also cause you to miss your period. Don't let that happen, because then there would be a reason to worry. You'd have to get tested at that point.

A pregnancy test can put your mind at rest before you stress yourself out to the point of missing your period. Please do what you can to get one and try to stay as calm as you can. Worrying isn't going to change anything. Good luck and remember never to have sex without protection unless you are trying to get pregnant.

My boyfriend and I both have an account on this site. There are some questions I ask about him that I don't want him to see. Is there any way to block a user from seeing questions, without them knowing they've been blocked.

Thank you,
JM

Nope. The best suggestion I can give is to answer your own question. If he sees that you answered the question, he's not going to think that you asked it. I THINK that you can do that and that it is allowed, but I'm not positive. Check with Dangernerd first. Just as long as you don't give yourself feedback, it should be fine. Boosting your ratings isn't allowed and if caught, it'll be trouble. Good luck.

I don't know if this goes here but here goes...Iam 17 and I still sleep with my mom,I don't sleep with her as much as I use to becouse i relize that iam a little old to be sleeping with her,but when I start thinking about my dad who died when i was about 12 I get so upset that I can't sleep so I end up crawling in bed with my mom and my stepdad gets up and sleeps on the couch so I can have more room,but i was wondering why do I do this when iam 17 I think i may have some kind of mental disorder.Is there a disorder that cause this?what are some ways that I can start to sleep in my room or at least on the couch in the living room?please help me!

You're carrying a lot of emotion around with you. It seems like sleeping with your mom is the only way that you can express it. If you can find other ways to let your emotions out you may begin to rely less on sleeping with mom. The best suggestion I have for this type of thing is to express yourself through writing. Write short poems or stories about your dad. You don't have to share them with anyone because just getting it out of your mind and onto the paper helps a lot. Another idea is to write down all the things that make you sad or afraid or anything like that, and burn them. You need to find closure with this. Yeah, it was a really tragic event, I'm really sorry that it happened to you, but you need to let it go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting it or making yourself feel good about it, it means not letting it affect your everyday life anymore. If you find that nothing you can do works, find someone that can help you, like a counselor or a psychologist. Good luck.

my boyfriend is going to propose to me on christmas (i over heard...oops!) it will then be 7 months we have gone out. Is that bad? I mean it doesnt mean we are gonna get married...

My fiance and I had lots of conversations about getting married before he proposed to me. I thought it was very respectful of him to talk to me about it before he just went and proposed.

That said, I'm going to ask you to think about what happens a lot in the movies when a guy asks a girl to marry him. They never talk about it in advance and the girl feels pressured into accepting it because it happens in public or sometimes the guy doesn't even give her a chance to accept, he just assumes that she will and puts the ring on her finger. Then what happens? She usually falls in love with another guy and doesn't end up with the guy that she was engaged to. I know it's the movies, but it does have some truth to it. The moral of it is always this: Don't EVER accept an engagement unless you are ready to commit yourself completely to that one person. If you do, yeah, that means that you're going to get married Engagement is the planning time before the wedding.

Now, it doesn't seem like that is what you want at this point in your relationship with him by the way you phrased your question. If that is the case, then overhearing that he's going to propose to you is a huge blessing. You can hint him out of it before it happens and you have to embarass or crush him on Christmas. Strike up a conversation about it and let him know that you're not ready. It's important to stick up for yourself and not just go along with things when he is ready. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to accept his proposal if you weren't sure if you were ready too.

If you think that you are ready to commit yourself just to him, go ahead and accept his proposal, it will be really nice. Even if you aren't, maybe you will be my Christmastime. A lot can happen in a few months. Good luck. :)

In high school, I was picked on a lot for being a little nerdier (big glasses), less well-dressed, and also less affluent than most of my peers. Now, I'm of grad-school age and I'm the subject of a false rumor that sounds pretty bad and has been quite damaging to my reputation. (In high school, I ignored the rumors and just concentrated on my studies. People just dropped the rumors about me because i deliberately isolated myself from them and seemed not to care.) NOW, during grad school, i'm the subject of new rumor(s), I've ignored the rumors for about eight months or so, but they have not died down. Instead, they have escalated, and more and more people are talking about it.

The rumor going around school is that "X girl saw me masturbating in the library bathroom." I have pretended not to hear it, and have ignored it for some time, but like i said, the rumor has escalated instead of died down, and now it's starting to annoy me that the grad students are talking about it so frequently, and the fact that i have overheard the rumor repeated for so long (several months). Now, although I know who the originator of the rumor is (I have heard her name repeated many times as the source of the rumor), I don't really know her as a person--I've never talked to her before. I don't realize why she started the rumor other than the fact that I don't dress as well, I'm not as pretty or popular, I'm not "cool", I don't appear to be wealthy or cool(from my clothes you can tell), and the fact that she picked me to start a rumor about because I'm an easy target--kind of nerdy, the shy, introverted type.

My question is, since I now have overheard it so many times who the originator of the rumor is (almost every single day), should I just email her and ask her to stop? I've already asked all of my friends who told me, "Just ignore the rumor. It's so stupid that they have got to stop spreading it and talking about you. Don't email her. If you do that, you'll just trigger her to create even more rumors about you [i.e., she could say that you are harassing or threatening her by emailing her and that you are a crazy, violent person, etc]."

I.e., "Please stop talking about me. I didn't do anything to you, and I'd just appreciate it if you please let the rumor die and talk about other stuff. Thank you," could be taken out of context, and she could spin it as, "She actually emailed me, told me to fuck off, and then threatened to hurt me. Now, she's harassing me. She's totally off her rocker, and this is harassment."

The reason my friends think this is a poor idea is because they believe she will spin or take out of context whatever polite email I write her and spin it as harassment or something crazy, etc.

Anyway, all I want is for the rumor to stop and for people to stop talking about me. I realize that it is partly my fault--I should have spoken up way, way earlier and corrected people after overhearing it the first time, but I didn't because I thought it was so ridiculous (and also technically unfeasible) a rumor that it would certainly die down.

If it really was a rumor it probably would have died down by now. My guess is that the girl that started it did, does, and will continute to believe that what she is saying is the truth. There was probably either someone that looked like you masturbating in the bathroom or maybe it really was you but she misinterpreted what she saw or heard. Grad school isn't high school. People don't just pick out other people and make up stories about them. It's got nothing to do with how you're "nerdy" or "not cool". Those kinds of things die down in college. Don't look so far into it and don't get so angry about it. My advice to you is to talk to the girl in person and get things straightened out. Don't attack her. You don't know her side of the story. Ask her what it is in a calm, collected, and nice way. Sad to say, the rumors probably won't stop. However, if you can straighten things out with this girl and ask her to tell people that it's not true, people will at least know the truth and it will become more of a joke to them than a viscious accusation. Good luck.

ive heard many stories, but if you have sex when is it easiest to get pregnant. i heard its easiest RIGHT b4, during, and after your period .. but my boyfriend told me its the hardest right after. does anybody know ?? please && thnxz

It's easiest to get pregnant 12-16 days into your cycle. Your cycle starts on the first day you get your period. This is because around that time, your body ovulates (releases an egg). However, very few women have a regular enough menstrual cycle to be able to use the calendar method as a sole form of birth control. It includes not only counting days, but checking your temperature and discharge. It's not very effective when used by itself at all. If you have sex use another method along with the calendar method, like a condom, and you'll have an even smaller chance of getting pregnant. I hope I cleared things up for you. Good luck!

In highschool I learned that don't just getgirlfriend because you want it and that's what God wants in my youth club. I agree with my leaders. How do I find one? How do I get the courage to ask? To date? To entertain her?

I don't think that God would want you to just find a girlfriend. I would think that God would want you to be with someone that you really cared about. God would want you to try to find love, not just randomly date people. I am Christian and I felt as if my highschool classmates were being very nonchristian by having so many boyfriends and girlfriends. I waited for the person that I felt I might be able to marry, have kids with, spend the rest of my life, and the rest of eternity with. Don't date just to date. If you are interested in meeting girls to find someone that you like, not just to find someone that you can date, you'll find her. You don't even have to look. God will lead her to you or you to her. All you have to do is recognize it when He does. If you happen to find someone that you like, the courage will come. Good luck. :)

hi
my period is always late about 15 days up to a month sometimes I even skip a month. Now last month I got it August 22nd and it was over on the 27th. Me and my husband had sex on September 3rd we were into the moment and he ejaculated in me. I peed right away and again peed 4 times, after that took shower right away. I also took a pregnancy test the next day it was negative which was a relief. But I know they can't tell right away.Is there a chance I could be pregnant since I dont even think I was ovulating. I also think I got everything out. I dont feel pregnant at all. And some women say you just know when you're pregnant I cant wait until the 22nd to rechek myself again please let me know. Do you ovulate on the 14th day from the time your period stops or when it starts. OH God this is all so confusing. Please answer this as soon as possible. Thank you !

You can't clean everything out. There's not a chance. Especially since you said that all you did was pee a lot. Pee does not come out of your vagina. Since you have a very irregular menstual cycle, it's very possible that you are pregnant. If you don't want to get pregnant use a condom or other form of birth control next time. That would take away a huge part of the chance of pregnancy and a lot of the stress you are feeling right now. It was kind of sily for you to do the pregnancy test the day after. Of course it was negative. The chemicals in your body that it is testing for aren't there until 2 weeks after you have sex even if you are pregnant. Next time wait the two weeks. A woman with a regular menstrual cycle would ovulate on the 14th day from when her period starts. However, since your cycle is so irregular, you are ovulating all over the place at odd times. As frustrating and stressful as it is, there's nothing you can do about all this for now. Once it's been two weeks and you take another pregnancy test, you'll know for sure and can go from there. There's no use in getting all worked up about it just yet. The mistake was made and you can't go back and fix it. Good luck.

I've got scars on my face. Acne scars. How do I get rid of them? Do I use lemon juice? How long will it take?

There's probably a bunch of different products and it depends on the person which one will work for them. My advice to you is to see a Dermatologist. Dermatologists are skin doctors. I saw one once and he knew exactly what I needed. It took like 5 minutes and all he did was ask a few questions. A Dermatologist can actually perscribe something to you that's not available over the counter too. Perscription drugs will, in all likelihood, work a lot better than any home remedies or over the counter medications that you can get.

Good luck! :)

I've dated this guy Mike, He was my first real boyfriend.In the start of our relationship, He was a totally sweet guy. after we dated for about 2years, I started to realize he wasen't "mr. amazing" for me. He started to addicted to drugs and started to get snobby with me. I broke it off, I'm a major drug-free person. I had to grow up in a drug filled family, I can't take having a boyfriend with those problems. After about 2months I met this guy Aaron He's a little older then me, He's got a good head on his shoulders. Not to mention he's amazingly sweet. He's currently my boyfriend, But I haven't told him about Mike, he's asked about past relationships I told him, they werent important. Some of feels like I'm not ready to move on. I havent seen Mike in about 5 months, why is taking so long to get over him? I have this really sweet guy, who's a great person who cares for me.
I'm 18 by the way & Aaron is 20.

You were with Mike for a long time and the breakup was over something more or less material. I really admire you for breaking up with him though. I think it was the right thing to do. You two just wouldn't be very compatible even if you did have strong feelings for each other. So, yeah, all that said, it's going to take a while to get over him.

In any case, you could probably get over him a little faster. I think that it's taking so long because you're holding it all in. Tell Aaron about him and it might make you feel so much better about everything. Don't, however, go and tell your boyfriend how much you miss/still love Mike or anything of that nature. You don't want to hurt Aaron's feelings. Say things like, you still care about him and worry about his problem. You might even go so far as to say that you did love him if that was the case. Try to stick to the factual stuff though. Like the story that you told on here. How Mike was into drugs and you realized that you couldn't be with him even though you still had feelings for him.

I think that maybe if you can get some of this out in the open, you'll not only feel better, but Aaron, being the sweet, wonderful guy that he is will help you get through it. Guys can sometimes surprise you like that. Honesty is not overrated. Good luck! :)

Ok, there are so many sex questions going around that I'm getting really confused, so here are some that I need answers to so it can straighten everything out.
1. If the guy REALLY doesn't cum, can you get pregnant?
2. What is the big diference between pre-cum and cum? or is there no difference?
3. With a condom, what is the % of pregnancy? without a condom? with birth control? with birth control AND a condom?
4. On average, how long does it take for a guy to cum?
5. How common ARE STD's?
6. If you have sex with a carrier of an STD, will you for sure get it?

I RATE FOR ANYTHING THAT ANSWERS ANY QUESTION!

Your questions have been answered pretty well already, but I'd like to give you the link to a really great website. It will give you the answers to pretty much all the questions you have about sex and more. It's entirely informational.

http://www.coolnurse.com

kjhglksdjfh does anyone know how to get rid of shin splints? i've been icing and resting and streching for about a week and it won't go away!

I've had them before and I totally feel your pain. If you're icing, resting, and stretching, there's not much else you can do. It takes awhile for them to go away. There is one more thing that may help. If they aren't new already, get new shoes. Running in old shoes can sometimes be the cause of shinsplints and getting new shoes is sometimes the solution. Good luck!

okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do?

If you really cared about this guy you would want him to go back to rehab. Not wanting him to go back is just thinking about yourself. If he is still smoking after rehab, he hasn't changed and he needs to go back. This problem needs to get taken care of for health, wellbeing, and safety. Until it is, he's not going to be a very good partner in a relationship. Plain and simple. If you really want to be with him, you need to realize that his problem is beyond your control and that he needs to get help from another place. Having him promise not to smoke and asking him not to and praising him when he doesn't is obviously not doing enough good. Keep showing your support, but know that supporting him just isn't enough. So, don't do anything. Don't turn him in. He's going to get caught on his own and he's going to end up back in rehab. These are positive outcomes for him, for you, and for your future. You're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing more that you can do. You're actually doing a great job in being his girlfriend. If things get too crazy for you, it would be best to end the relationship. Think about yourself first. Good luck.

I cried alot today with my contacts in. Now they are fuzzy. I can still see, but it's a little fuzzy. Should I change them? And why did it do this?

The fuzzyness is salt residue from your tears. Clean them off with your regular contact solution and they should be fine. If they aren't ok after that then change them. :)

me and this guy told eachother that we liked eachother, and as soon as that happened.. i figured we were about to hook up.
but then he had a talk with me, and tld me he realized he's in love with his ex, and he told me we have to postpone whatever it is we have until he gets over her..if he ever does get over her.. doesn't it sound like he doesnt wnat to get over her??
anyways, the questions is, does this sound like a bad idea? i dont know, the reason im hesitating is because´im afraid of being his sloppy seconds, or hisplan B, you know??
but still.. i really want him, so something inside me tells me maybe he was just trying to be honest with me, he didn't want to start anything while he still has feelings for her..
so what am i supposed to do now?
wait for him?
go on with my life until he's decided what he wants?
any ideas? anyone been in a similar situation?

thank you!

It sounds like what he said is more or less of an excuse to not date you. That doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or doesn't want to date you. He clearly does.

So why would he be hesitant about dating you? Because you live so far away from each other! He has it in his mind that the relationship would not work well or get to its full potential long distance. Which is absolutely true. Long distance relationships are very stressful. Sometimes they can work, but unless you can get closer together within a few years, they end in a lot of heartache. You get very emotionally close to someone when you are far away from them, so it's even more painful when the separation happens. If he could see you more, the feelings for his ex would likely go away much more quickly. It's important for a relationship to be close emotionally as well as physically. A huge percentage of what people say doesn't come out of their mouths. You're missing out on a huge part of each other by not being together. You can show more intimacy and be able to trust your partner so much more.

My advice would be to wait. Date other people, whatever you want. If it happens that you can make it so you can see each other, say once a month, then I would suggest to pursue a relationship. Until then, keep friendly contact with him, but don't expect anything to happen anytime soon. Good luck.

At the beginning of summer, I started developing an eating disorder. I didn't know why I wouldn't eat and I didn't understand why it was happening but it scared me and the rest of my family. My mom wanted to take me to the doctor but I kept telling her that I was fine and everything was okay. Not long after, I was volunteering at the hospital and passed out. My mom then decided that she was going to take me to the doc. By the time she took me, things were starting to get better for me and I was eating normal again. The doctor took blood work and told me that the blood work was fine. I've figured out why I haven't been eating. When things get bad for me or something happens that just makes me really upset, I don't eat and it's something I can control. Other things happen to me that I can't control but food is the one thing that only I can control. When I'm happy and life is good, I can eat like a pig. What should I do to stop this?

I think that you should talk to a counselor or psychologist. What you are doing is not a positive way of coping with your problems. Not feeling in control of your life and needing something to be able to control does not justify anorexia. Just like needing a way to cope with emotional pain does not justify cutting. There is nothing to justify what you are doing. I know that sounds kind of harsh so I want you to know that I do understand why you feel the way you do, I have felt the same way before. However, I got past those feelings and realized that my physical wellbeing was just as important as my emotional wellbeing and that it was very unhealthy to sacrifice one for the other. I found positive ways to cope with distress. You need to admit to yourself that you need help. You already kind of have by asking this question, but you need to be able to tell yourself and others that you are not fine, you are not okay. Admitting it is taking control of it. Right now, as much as you feel it, you are not in control. Not at all. At first, you did not know why you weren't eating. It wasn't something you did on purpose. That is not control. You're really hurting yourself. Your mom seems to really care about you and that is a great thing. If you could talk to her about seeing a counselor or psychologist about your problem I think that she would be more than willing to support and help you. There are also hotlines that you can call if you can't bring yourself to talk to someone face to face just yet.

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention
1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PT)

Eating Disorders Center
1-888-236-1188

I realize that you probably don't have a severe eating disorder, but these people will be able to help you anyways. If nothing else, please call one of these numbers. It's free so even if they can't help, it's worth the try.

Good luck.

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