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boyfriend&his problems.
okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do?
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he obviously has no self control and dont blame it on scott. scott has his own problems but this one isnt scotts problem. josh could have said no but he doesnt and hes ruining his life because of it and if he wont give it up for you then i say leave him i know this isnt what you want to do so rate me low for telling the truth but im not giving you a cheesy answer ive seen people get hurt in these situations and josh will only get worse so leave him before it gets really bad.
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Ok, so I know you are going to hate my answer, but I don't care because it is the plain and simple truth, and that's what I'm all about.
It isn't Scott's fault, it's Josh's fault. Josh CHOOSES to smoke it with Scott. It isn't the people he hangs around with, it's Joshes fault. Josh CHOOSES to hang around people who smoke weed. Josh CHOOSES not to say "NO". You making him promise you not to smoke again will never work. Josh has to CHOOSE to stop smoking for himself, not for you, or he will never be able to quit. Keeping an eye on him is a waste of your time. You can't watch him 24/7, and, like I said, he makes that CHOICE. Maybe rehab is what he actually needs- there are professionals who can help him in rehab.
But most of all, blaming his friends or the crowd he CHOOSES to roam with is pointless. It isn't his friends' fault for the CHOICES he makes. Josh it the one who is at fault. Blame him for what he CHOOSES to do.
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you need to ask whats more important in his life smoking weed or being with you and if he answers you you tell him if you really care about me youll stop smoking weed and if i cathch you again im sorry to say you wont be seeing me again because if he truely loves you hell do everthing he can to stop
ps:try to help him stop
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If you really cared about this guy you would want him to go back to rehab. Not wanting him to go back is just thinking about yourself. If he is still smoking after rehab, he hasn't changed and he needs to go back. This problem needs to get taken care of for health, wellbeing, and safety. Until it is, he's not going to be a very good partner in a relationship. Plain and simple. If you really want to be with him, you need to realize that his problem is beyond your control and that he needs to get help from another place. Having him promise not to smoke and asking him not to and praising him when he doesn't is obviously not doing enough good. Keep showing your support, but know that supporting him just isn't enough. So, don't do anything. Don't turn him in. He's going to get caught on his own and he's going to end up back in rehab. These are positive outcomes for him, for you, and for your future. You're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing more that you can do. You're actually doing a great job in being his girlfriend. If things get too crazy for you, it would be best to end the relationship. Think about yourself first. Good luck.
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Short answer: leave him.
Long answer: You don't need this guy's problems. There are some who can occasionally smoke weed and do just fine, just as there are those who can have a drink every night and not be an alcoholic. Your boyfriend is not Just Fine - he has a major problem and he doesn't seem interested in solving it.
You have offered what help you can, and he seems more interested in skirting the rules than fixing the source of the trouble. He's obviously not above doing something really dishonest in order to maintain his habit - what does that say about his character? What happens when he does something you would be upset about, and he knows he can get away with it if he tells an easy lie; do you think he'll be truthful with you?
You aren't his watchdog, conscience, or mother. It's not your responsibility to keep him off drugs. I suggest you tell him that you think he has a drug problem and that he has to choose between you and the weed. If he picks you, then offer him help for as long as he makes an effort to go clean. If he picks the weed, then be grateful he won't be dragging you down with him.
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You should do nothing, except think about whether you want to still be with this guy or not.
You can't make him stop. You've done your very best to try and help him, you've been there for him in everyway, but you can make him accept your help. At some point you'll just have to accept that he isn't that serious about quitting. He is choosing to continue smoking; he is choosing the run the risk of going back to rehab. His friends being smokers is a really lame excuse. They don't control him anymore then you do. He is choosing the pot.
Of course you don't want him to go back to rehab! You care about him! You want the best for him! That's understandable and good of you, but he doesn't seem to want the best for himself, so your hands are tied.
Love him all you can, stalk his every moment in school to keep him safe if you really want too, but he will smoke anyways. He has made it pretty clear that he has no interest in changing his lifestyle, even if it means going back to rehab, even if it means hurting your relationship. If he decides to change, he might change, but until he makes that choice, nothing you do will have any effect.
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