Question Posted Tuesday September 5 2006, 10:46 pm
my boyfriend is going to propose to me on christmas (i over heard...oops!) it will then be 7 months we have gone out. Is that bad? I mean it doesnt mean we are gonna get married...
That said, I'm going to ask you to think about what happens a lot in the movies when a guy asks a girl to marry him. They never talk about it in advance and the girl feels pressured into accepting it because it happens in public or sometimes the guy doesn't even give her a chance to accept, he just assumes that she will and puts the ring on her finger. Then what happens? She usually falls in love with another guy and doesn't end up with the guy that she was engaged to. I know it's the movies, but it does have some truth to it. The moral of it is always this: Don't EVER accept an engagement unless you are ready to commit yourself completely to that one person. If you do, yeah, that means that you're going to get married Engagement is the planning time before the wedding.
Now, it doesn't seem like that is what you want at this point in your relationship with him by the way you phrased your question. If that is the case, then overhearing that he's going to propose to you is a huge blessing. You can hint him out of it before it happens and you have to embarass or crush him on Christmas. Strike up a conversation about it and let him know that you're not ready. It's important to stick up for yourself and not just go along with things when he is ready. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to accept his proposal if you weren't sure if you were ready too.
If you think that you are ready to commit yourself just to him, go ahead and accept his proposal, it will be really nice. Even if you aren't, maybe you will be my Christmastime. A lot can happen in a few months. Good luck. :) [ sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Ask sizzlinmandolin A Question ]
MelLeDisko answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 3:47 pm: Well, I find it IS a little early to make such a big commitment to someone, but love conquers all. You just have to think if you WANT to be married to him, cause you can always just tell him, you don't want to get married right this second, that it might be a little too soon, etc. Some couples get engaged, and then don't actually get married until like, 3 years later! So you guys could always get married whenever you both feel comfortable and wanting to do it. But like I said, just think if you really want to get married to this guy. I hope I helped. [ MelLeDisko's advice column | Ask MelLeDisko A Question ]
lulabelle answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 2:21 pm: No, it's not bad at all. My question to you is...do you want to get married? If you say yes to his proposal there will be an expectation of a wedding at some point. People usually set a date from that point. So, yes, you will be getting married if you say yes to the question. If you're not ready for it than I would suggest that you say no for now. Tell him that you really love him but you are not ready for that kind of commitment yet. Since you know he is going to ask you ahead of time and if you are not ready for that kind of commitment, you may want to hint at how much you love the single life. If you have a goal you want to accomplish before you get married, talk about that. Stimulate conversation so that you two can talk about it and you can let him know how you feel ahead of time. That way he won't suffer the embarrassment of asking you and you turning him down. This could hurt him more than the two of you talking it out beforehand. But, if you are ready for it, then go for it. Nothing like spending your life w/someone you love. But no matter what you do you really need to think this over. It is a huge commitment and once it's made and you follow through w/it, it is more difficult and complicated than braking up w/someone. Be really sure of your decision. Good Luck no matter what your decision.
BitsandPieces answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 2:11 pm: Christmas is a ways off! So, you have only gone out for a few months. Yes, it is too eary to make that kind of commitment. I don't know if you are very young, but it is difficult to even know yourself until you are in your late twenties, let alone make a decision to marry someone else whom you don't really know. Experience and knowledge only come with time, which reveals more than you could imagine now. Plan to know yourself and your potential mate for a few years before jeopardizing your future. [ BitsandPieces's advice column | Ask BitsandPieces A Question ]
kristen22 answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 1:38 pm: No it's not bad at all. Love has no certain time limit! Me and my husband were together for 6 months when he asked me to marry him, and 6 more months later we were married. His good friend went on a trip and met a girl and they knew each other 3 days when he asked her to marry him (no there not ugly ppl lol) and they've been happily married for 3 years now. When you find that person....you got to hold on to em'. Best of Luck to you both.
-Marine Wife [ kristen22's advice column | Ask kristen22 A Question ]
Vikki27 answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 5:53 am: You say that it doesn't mean you are going to get married but that really is the reason you get engaged in the first place. An engagement signifies the agreement to make the permanent commitment to each other and get married.
It isn't necessarily bad but you really need to think about this one. Seven months is not a long time and while there is no doubt in my mind that some couples can be together a short time only before deciding to spend the rest of their lives together, it is a huge decision and not one you should agree to unless you are absoloutely certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will never want to be with anyone else.
Have a think and work out how you feel about him. If you know in your heart of hearts that you don't have that all consuming love for him, then you need to decide whether or not you want to accept his proposal. [ Vikki27's advice column | Ask Vikki27 A Question ]
Exquisitechick answered Wednesday September 6 2006, 12:53 am: Well. Its bad if you dont love him.
Ask yourself if your ready for that.
ask yourself if you wanna spend the rest of ur life with him.
Ask yourself will you be there for him thru anything?
Ask yourself if you really want to do this.
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