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MY SLOGAN: TREAT YOURSELF!

Hi my name is Jen - I am 33 and married; a graphic desinger, a big sister, movie lover, horse rider, and board game nerd.

advice

I've never used an advice forum b4 but i guess i'll give you an over view of my situation first. I've been with my boyfriend for about 18months, he moved in to my house about 4 months ago, which was his suggestion. Everything was pretty good for a month or so but then we started to notice certain bits about each other, which is obviously going to happen. Silly little things like how we cleaned a room or when the washing up was done...silly little things. I, at the time, was going through a bit of a rough patch with my job, quite stressful and wasn't super happy or bubbly. My other half started to moan that I frowned too much or that i left the room in a mess etc but after doing a 12hour day i was tired and wanted to chill out. He works away on weekends so every weekend i did a full clean of the whole house, but this isn't the way he'd likes it doing. he is very particular about the way he likes things to be done and i'm trying to adapt to these ways but i know, he doesn't, that this isnt going to happen overnight.He's never been in a serious relationship b4 and seems to get very impatient when our relationship doesn't seem to be getting anywhere (where he wants it to go i'm not sure as he doesn't agree with marriage or kids and we're already living together) he's very good at pointing out my faults but can't take me pointing out any of his, he says he won't change for anyone and doesn't believe in comprimise. We're getting to the stage where we either do something about the situation we're in or we spilt up. I really don't want this to happen but I'm running out of ideas on what to do. He's got himself in a negative frame of mind and i don't know how to get him out of it. Please help?
Ps. I'm female and 22, hes 26 and obviously a guy!

Relationships are all about compromise. You do things you normally wouldn't do because you love your other half. It sounds like you are trying to make things a little cleaner for him, so he should give you the same courtesy and give you a break. If he is the one that moved into your home, he is going to have to get use to some changes and not expect everything to be done as he sees fit.

You also have to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. He doesn't believe in marriage or kids, do you? What kind of future do you see in a man that doesn't want to commit and is to selfish to make a few compromises for his girlfriend.

I have an.. well interesting sister. She is 4 years older than I am and I am nearly 18. My sister and I both live at home still. My sister acts as if her life is the most important life on the face of the earth, and she treats everyone around her like a lesser being. Sometimes I just want to physically hurt her because words just never get through to her, that is, if you can words out at all. She never lets people speak, especially when she is angry. She blames her problems on everyone else in my family, especially my mother and I'm starting to believe my sister is really breaking my moms heart to pieces. Her actions and words hurt all of my immediate family and it is so extremely peaceful and quiet when she is at work.

The thing that bothers me the most is that she always claims that her life is so much worse than everyone else's, no matter what they are enduring, she refuses to offer support, instead she will explain how much more difficult it is to be her. I can't stand being around her because she always insults me, she claims that she is just being honest when clearly - she is just being rude.

I had hoped she would be moving out soon but she enrolled in school again and so she will be staying at home for at least another 2 years. Its madness and I simply can't be around her.

When I have tried to explain how I feel and how badly she treats us she refuses to let me finish and assumes I am attacking her and she responds with attacks of her own. She always tells us how horrible it is to have a family like ours and how no one cares about her and how she wishes she could leave.

I have tried to tolerate her disgusting attitude and no one outside my family can understand my grief over this issue because my sister changes her entire self when she is around anyone other than our immediate family - she is suddenly nice. Therefore, no one else understands.

My question to advicenators is this - is there anything that I can say to my sister that will make her realize how bad she is hurting our family or do we all need to simply tough it out for the next few years until she moves out on her own?
However, even if we do tolerate her, I don't ever want to simply sever ties with my own sister - I want her to care about us and love us - I want her to be a friend to me. Not someone that hates us and supposedly makes her life horrible.

If she won't listen to what you have say, try writing her a letter. That way you can explaine how you are feeling in a calm and organized way. Let her know exactly what hurts you. "When you say_____, it upsets me because______." Don't blame or attack her, try to understand her side of things. Let her know that you want her to be your friend, not your enemy. Hopeful this non agressive action will soften her up.

I want a dog, but my 'rents say i cant...WHY NOT

I am sure you parents have good reasons. Dogs are expensive, and a lot of responsibility. But talk to them about it.

OK. To get to the point my friend *billy* asked me what I would do if he died. i told him I would cry (I wasn't really sure what he meant) and I asked him what he would do if I died. He said he would kill himself. But, he also said he would kill himself even if I didn't die. I am 12...he is only 11. His mom used to beat him and he never sees her. HIs dad lives in Alaska and he goes up every once and awhile. He isn't that great of a student and he doesn't think he is cute or anything. So basically he hates his life. He said he won't do it now but maybe when he is older. If he did kill himself I would probably blame it on myself because he really liked me and i sorta liked him and then I stopped liking him and it made him really lonely because he is new and doesn't have that many friends. I'm really scared that he is serious and one day will actually do something. I don't want to like refer him to counseling or anything. What should I say/do?

Your friend sounds like he has suffered a lot and is depressed. Asking what would you do if he died is a cry for help. Have you talked to your parents abouth this? If he is having suicidal thoughts, especially at this young age, he needs some counsling. Maybe talk to a school counsler youself and see what they recommend.

i have this friend... let's call him Duckie. well he recently began to date my other friend, (we'll just call her Juicyfruit). as foolish as it sounds, i would do anything to make someone else happy. and so i helped them set things straight and get going on a healthy relationship. but Duckie is my best guy friend in the whole world and i hug him every day when i see him between classes.
Juicyfruit is a jealous girl. she sent her other friend to set some "ground rules" for me. it was stated that i am not allowed to hug Duckie anymore unless Juicyfruit gives her consent. so i did what i thought was right and i confronted her. she said that she was sorry for losing her temper, and just to forget that she even cared about the hugging thing. in other words, she was pissed.
Juicyfruit is a sort of a player and Duckie might be able to make her stick with him so she can actually feel love. and jealousy would interfere with their own joy. i wrote a letter to Duckie telling him he was not to hug me, speak to me, or even look at me because i only cause trouble.
so i did what probably makes them happy. but after losing my best friend and having Juicyfruit's popular little friends look down on me with scorn, what do i do when i have made two people happy... but I'M not in the same bliss?
someone help me. i don't want to be selfish. all i ever wanted to do was make people happy. but i'm too STUPID to know if this has gone too far.

What does Duckie say about all of this?? If he is one of you best friends talk to him. Is he willing to give up your friendship for this girl? Just because he is dating another girl dosn't mean your friendship should completely change. If hugging eachother was a normal thing before, why isn't it now? This is something duckie needs to work out with his girlfriend. He shouldn't have to change for her. Don't let this girl ruin your friendship.

have question.

Is it wrong to expect a B-day party?
I am not someone that is selfish or anything of the sort but I dont know. on tuesday i will be turning 14 and i won't even be getting a cake let alone gifts. now my mother is poor and we don't have alot of money so this is the reason im feeling selfish thinking this. i have a cousin that turned 8 today and the had this HUGE bash infact they have had a big bash everyyear of her life but its like im to "OLD" now and no one thinks of me. i feel like im being selfish but yet i really would like to have something to look back on. turning 14 is something big for me cause turning 14 means being "more" of an adult now. another thing that is this i big to me is because i have never had a b=day party in my life. yeah if you count my aunt, grandmother, and 1 of my 2 sisters. my mom says oh, just wait till your sweet sixteen. yeah well she told me that when i turned 12 that i could have a big party when i turn 13 or 14, well i just feel like a big baby that wants gifts. i don't even care about the gifts its just that i feel as if no one even thinks about me. i just would like to have one day to myself for me instead always being the one everyone turns to. i have had 1 person send me a b-day card. i know i sound like a big selfish baby but i guess i need some advice.
sincerely
B-day party blues

If you really want a party, why don't you just throw one for yourself. Bake a cake, and invite a few friends over. If you are worried about paying for food, have everyone bring their favorite snack to share. Play some games, watch some movies. Just have some fun.

There is this boy in school that I live.He loves me back,but here's the problem.There is another girl in school he loves(she loves him back,too).Even though he said he loves me more,I am still worried that he will dump me 4 her.What do i do?I can't help but 2 love him!!

Love is a pretty stong word. I have a feeling no one is truly in love in this love triangle. If this boy doesn't want to be with just you then get rid of him. You deserve someone better.

Well see this one day i ahd my friend call my boyfriend up (i know not the best idea) and i had her ask him this one question on a scale from 1-10 1 being you hate her and 10 being you love her and he rated me a five thats like he thinks im ok well i donno if i should dump him or not i mean we have only been dating like 2 weeks and gone out on one date but only in a group of friends should i give him time or push him away?

Lots Of LOve,
Very Confused Girl

This boy hardley knows you, you have been on one date, and it wasn't even alone. Give him some time. You can't expect him to be in love with you yet. Why would you ask him to rate you anyway? Next time, call your boyfriend yourself and get to know eachother.

I'm 22 with 2 kids, my boyfriend of almost a year is 24. He's never been in love and has not developed any strong feelings for me. I don't know what to do, I really care for this guy. Can you give some advice?

You can't make someone love you. If you don't see this relationship going anywhere, maybe you should call it off. Especially if you have kids. You need a guy who loves you and your kids and is dedicated to having a family.

I know this guy that likes me, but I don't feel the same way. I've *nicely* turned him down, probably 3 times. But, he still keeps asking me out! He's asked for my phone number a bunch of times, and I've always refused, because A) My mom hates it when guys call my house & B) I'd only give my phone number to my boyfriend (if I had one). I feel soooo bad for this guy, but I'd never go out with him.. It's all so confusing!

Well since you have already tried the nice tatic 3 times, maybe it is time to be not so nice. Tell him you are just interesed in dating anyone at the moment, especially not him! Hopefuly he will get the picture.

A guy I know asked me out a week ago, and I refused, nicely. I thought it was all over... Until his younger sister came up to me, and asked if it was true that I'm dating her brother. I told her that I wasn't, and I that I like someone else. She said that her brother told a bunch of people that we're dating! I didn't beleive it at first, but by the end of that day, 5 other people asked if it was true! He's spreading all these false lies about me, saying that we went to the movies & made out... Well, here's the scoop: I went to the movies, but not with him. I saw him there, and he sat behind me. I touched his arm when I was walking outta the theater, I never kissed him, let alone make out with him! What should I do?

He is a delusional moron. Don't let him get to you. When people ask, just laugh it off and say, "Yeah, he wishes!" And if you ever run into this boy again, be confident and tell him it is very sad that he has to pretend to date you.

ok im in 8th grade but nxt yeari will be going into highschool and im so scared. the school im going to has over 2,000 kids. im really scared of not finding my class cuz its such a big school and im scared of all the boys that will hit on me
please please please help

Don't let High School intimidate you. It is not scary like kids make it out to be. By the end of the first week, you will easily know your way around and realize that the school is not as big is you thought. Just wait until you get to college and your classes are in 5 different buildings. I promise you, you will get the hang of that too.

And the boys shouldn't act any differently then you are use to. They may start talking to you more, but they won't be hitting on you all the time. Relax and enjoy this new chapter of you life.

i have been bleeding now for over a month.
I also bleed a little when i have sex?
but the blood dosent look like normal period blood it is a lot darker.Could i be pregnant?
thanx i would like some advice please.. from sam

Don't worry, you are not pregnant. But this does sound like a problem. You should see your doctor as soon as possible, bleeding for that long is unhealthy.

There is this guy at my school and he likes me but I don't like him I like someone else and that someone is also my friend. He knows I like him and we like to play around with eachother and I want to kiss him but the other guy was like stacking me and I don't like that and also he bleeds a lot and I donn't know what to do?

From Please help a desperte Girl

What do you mean he bleeds a lot?? Sounds very strange. If this boy is stalking you, talk to a school counsler about actions you can take to keep him away from you. As for the guy you like sounds like you have made the first step by being his friend. If you really like this guy why don't you just tell him, I am sure he will be flattered.

Okay this might sound kinda wierd but here it goes. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and I can't take it any more. I am in love just not with my husband. I still love my ex more than anything in this world and I don't know how to deal with it. We still see eachother all the time. Him and my husband work together. I see him every day. We even had an affair. Mynhusband knew the whole time and now he has found a girkfriend and wants us to stop seing each other. He has been with her for 2 months and I am so jelouse of her. What can I do??

The question is what do you want? You are unhappy with your marrige and "can't take it anymore" but you seem upset that your husband wants to stop seeing you. You and your husband have both been disloyal to eachother, so there is something deffinetaly missing in your marriage. If you no longer love your husband, why continue? Do you see things getting better?

About a month ago a friend of mine told me that she was seeing a girl. At the time I didn't think much about it but know I'm feeling a tad confused. I'd always thought of myself as straight but I think I've got a crush on her. This set me thinking hard enouh and on consideration I've realised that I find a whole bunch of other girls. I'm still definitely attracted to guys as well.

She thinks I'm straight as does everyone else. I don't know what I am or how I feel. She's got a girlfriend so it's not like I could make a move and experiment with her. What should I do?

You are still young and have a lot of self discovery ahead of you. Give yourself some time to figure things out. You need to understand yourself before you can persue a relationship, wether it is with a man or a women.

What do you do if you know a family member is having an affair and the wife has no idea why he is ending a 30 year marriage. Do you tell her or do you keep your mouth shut and let him hang himself?

Well if they are getting a divorce, then I don't think you should say anything. Don't get into the middle of things.

im quite shy when it comes to making the first move but id like some good advice on how to seduce my lover, he has said he would like me to do this but thats why i feel shy as hes waiting for me to do it, ca you help

He wants you to be more agressive, it's a turn on. So get yourself in the mood first. Dress up in something sexy, fill the room with candles. When he gets home, don't say a word, just go up to him and start something. He will love the surprize. And don't be shy, if he is your lover, you should feel comfortable around him.

my son and his cousin are both 3 and all his cousin ever does is bite and scram his face, he looks like hes been attacked by a cat! as soon as the old wounds are healed new ones appear, its really annoying me now, ive tried to separate them but its hard as his mother works full time and i look after him, ive now told my son to hit back as hes a very big boy for his age and mayby he wouldnt do it if he hurts him back, what do you suggest

I don't think you should tell you son to hit back, you don't want him to learn that fighting is ok. If you are looking after his cousin, you have the right to give him some punishment. I know he is only 3 and may not quite understand, but next time he attacks your son, tell him that it is wrong and make him have a time out. Keep doing this, repitition will make him learn. And let his mother now about the problem.

i'm a very hard working student who works extra hours from college and do all the work on time and i am so determine to do all of my work. but i have 1 problem that is,1 of my lecturer who is also my tutor, is so annyoing because he doesn't help me when i need it, he only say's i'm coming, but by end he gets to somone else or doesn't bother with me. only this teacher I'm always left as the last person to be looked at, which is so not fair and i had it right up to here! As i alot of work and harder then other student's but that doesn't give my lecturer to ignore me or not bother at all i mean this is soooo UNFAIR!!! and his excuse was today taht he doesn't help as i am the only student who gets more help than other students but that is soooo untrue and biased as he only see's me come and do extra hours etc...
please can u help me and tell me why my lecturer being like this even though he is nice to me but just not doing his job proprely, do u know wat i mean? give me some gd advice and tips thanx!

You are in college? You need to work on your grammer. I would be happy to help out, but I can't quite understand what you are talking about.

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