|
How do you get the excitement back?
I've never used an advice forum b4 but i guess i'll give you an over view of my situation first. I've been with my boyfriend for about 18months, he moved in to my house about 4 months ago, which was his suggestion. Everything was pretty good for a month or so but then we started to notice certain bits about each other, which is obviously going to happen. Silly little things like how we cleaned a room or when the washing up was done...silly little things. I, at the time, was going through a bit of a rough patch with my job, quite stressful and wasn't super happy or bubbly. My other half started to moan that I frowned too much or that i left the room in a mess etc but after doing a 12hour day i was tired and wanted to chill out. He works away on weekends so every weekend i did a full clean of the whole house, but this isn't the way he'd likes it doing. he is very particular about the way he likes things to be done and i'm trying to adapt to these ways but i know, he doesn't, that this isnt going to happen overnight.He's never been in a serious relationship b4 and seems to get very impatient when our relationship doesn't seem to be getting anywhere (where he wants it to go i'm not sure as he doesn't agree with marriage or kids and we're already living together) he's very good at pointing out my faults but can't take me pointing out any of his, he says he won't change for anyone and doesn't believe in comprimise. We're getting to the stage where we either do something about the situation we're in or we spilt up. I really don't want this to happen but I'm running out of ideas on what to do. He's got himself in a negative frame of mind and i don't know how to get him out of it. Please help?
Ps. I'm female and 22, hes 26 and obviously a guy!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Now you know how he is like better than when you didn't live together...Try to alk things out. if you already did that, do it again. If he just doesn't get it...too bad, so sad, but he just isn't the one.
That's why you date, peoples! To know the person better, not to have sex with them after dinner :-/.
(not pointing at anyone *here* that i know of, even if i said "peoples")
]
If this guy doesn't want to live life the way that you want to live it then you're going to have to do something about it. Obviously, he isn't the right guy for you if you don't have the same goals and ideas of the future. If he doesn't want to get married and have kids then I don't really know what exactly he could want in life. Don't waste your life on people who you can't see yourself with in the future, I think it's time to move on.
]
Relationships are all about compromise. You do things you normally wouldn't do because you love your other half. It sounds like you are trying to make things a little cleaner for him, so he should give you the same courtesy and give you a break. If he is the one that moved into your home, he is going to have to get use to some changes and not expect everything to be done as he sees fit.
You also have to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. He doesn't believe in marriage or kids, do you? What kind of future do you see in a man that doesn't want to commit and is to selfish to make a few compromises for his girlfriend.
]
The one thing I'm sorry to hear is that he's not open to compromise. That alone will be the one determining factor in whether you stay together or not. You say it was HIS idea ot move in with you. When you catch him in a semi-pleasant mood, sit down with him and explain to him that although you know that there is a certain way that he like things to be done, remind him that he did come into your space and having done so, has to be open to the fact that things are not going to be as he'd like them to. Tell him that you care enough about him to try and do SOME things his way, but that overall, the house and living conditions have to be pleasant for ALL involved. Explain to him your fear about the impending dissolution of the relationship if things don't change and tell him that's not what you want. That doesn't sound as if you're giving him an ultimatum. If things still don't change and he's not open to compromise, then you'll have to leave.
]
hiya, i am in a similar situation as you, i have moved in with my partner (in his house) which was his idea and just like you said it was all fine at first and then we also started to notice small things about each other that were starting to get really frustrating, however i was the one that is like your partner,and after a while we had no choice but to relise that no relationship is perfect and if its only things like these that we are begining to find hard, its not the end of the world or the near end to the relationship, we were able to talk to each other properly and both give our opinion on what was bothering us and to be in a long term relationship both people may have to make small changes to make it work. tell him everything you feel about the situation, and ask him if the relationship is worth it and what he really wants he has got to try and make some changes, and that your relationship isnt all about him, he needs to understand what being in a relationship is all about and stop being so selfish. he should be grateful and understanding that you let him move into your house, if he isnt willing to change for no one who does he think he is making you change so much for him. tell him if he cant try and adjust to your life, you wont stain your guts out to do so to his, and then see what he says. its the year 2004 not 1900 so men need to stop trying to be so overuling,it dont work like that any more. talk about the future and what you both want and are both looking forward to, do what ever makes you happy!!
]
More Questions: |