|
Out of Control Sister
I have an.. well interesting sister. She is 4 years older than I am and I am nearly 18. My sister and I both live at home still. My sister acts as if her life is the most important life on the face of the earth, and she treats everyone around her like a lesser being. Sometimes I just want to physically hurt her because words just never get through to her, that is, if you can words out at all. She never lets people speak, especially when she is angry. She blames her problems on everyone else in my family, especially my mother and I'm starting to believe my sister is really breaking my moms heart to pieces. Her actions and words hurt all of my immediate family and it is so extremely peaceful and quiet when she is at work.
The thing that bothers me the most is that she always claims that her life is so much worse than everyone else's, no matter what they are enduring, she refuses to offer support, instead she will explain how much more difficult it is to be her. I can't stand being around her because she always insults me, she claims that she is just being honest when clearly - she is just being rude.
I had hoped she would be moving out soon but she enrolled in school again and so she will be staying at home for at least another 2 years. Its madness and I simply can't be around her.
When I have tried to explain how I feel and how badly she treats us she refuses to let me finish and assumes I am attacking her and she responds with attacks of her own. She always tells us how horrible it is to have a family like ours and how no one cares about her and how she wishes she could leave.
I have tried to tolerate her disgusting attitude and no one outside my family can understand my grief over this issue because my sister changes her entire self when she is around anyone other than our immediate family - she is suddenly nice. Therefore, no one else understands.
My question to advicenators is this - is there anything that I can say to my sister that will make her realize how bad she is hurting our family or do we all need to simply tough it out for the next few years until she moves out on her own?
However, even if we do tolerate her, I don't ever want to simply sever ties with my own sister - I want her to care about us and love us - I want her to be a friend to me. Not someone that hates us and supposedly makes her life horrible.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If I were in your shoes I would write her a letter expressing all og my feelings and emotions. Tell her how u feel, tell her that your scared of her and she makes you upset everyday and your whole family loves her but she is out of control most of the time . . . or all of the time. Write what's in your heart, and don't make her feel like she's the powerful one and that she owns all of her family because she doesn't! Tell her that u want a sister who could go to the mall with and shop with and u want a sister who u could go to for advice, and tell her u want a sister who u could have fun with and actually talk to without her interrupting and being a b**ch. Well, I wish u the best and I hope everything will work out allright. If u have AIM then my screen name is Hookedup2u, i would like to see how everything goes.
]
Eventually she'll have to grow up. Usually people like this start to become less self centered when they have kids - now they've got someone totally dependent on them and there just isnt time to think completely about themselves. Just know you're a better person for allowing her to just fade quietly into the selfish bitchyness that she is.
]
have you ever heard of.
Dr. Phil on T.V.
]
Many people are just like that. There's nothing that you can do to make them change without putting your own feelings in danger. She's 22, she should be leaving you soon. Just try to ignore her actions. You've put up with her for your whole life, just live with her a little longer. She's your sister. You know that you love her deep inside.
]
You could always write her a letter. This may seem pointless as you live in the same house as her but it would be a good idea because she can't cut you off mid letter, she'll have to read the whole thing. Of course she could just bin the letter but if she did that then i'd give up if I were you.
]
If I am really stressed out, I will snap at my family because they're the people who are closest. But perhaps there's a more deep rooted problem here. Maybe your sister is suffering from depression - have there been any big changes in her life recently? This is a tricky problem because she won't let you talk to her. Perhaps you can send her an email, or write her a note telling her exactly how you're feeling, from your point of view, and that you're worried about her behaviour and what it's doing to your family. I think you can make her realise and cope with it too- she's still family, after all, and she needs to be told but needs your support as well. She probably DOES care about you deep down, but as i said, maybe there's something more to it than it seems. Good luck, hope all works out x
]
sit your sister down and ask her one question and give her one answer. ask her if she really really believes her family hates her. when she answers, tell her she is wrong. if she starts to flip out (which i am fairly sure she will) simply point out that if her family hated her so much they would have abandoned her a long time ago, so by staying her family loves her. also tell her that her family does hate one thing about her, though, her attitude. tell her this and ask her to think about that for a while. once you have said everything i told u, walk away. just walk away. do not turn if she calls u, don't respond if she asks you a question. give her the room she needs to see what she has and what she is throwing away by behaving this way. on the other hand, if while walking away you hear what sounds like a sincere apology, turn around and prove to your sister how much you love her and forgive her.
keep this in mind;
it takes great strength to tolerate one's faults, it takes love to forgive them.
]
Some people are so unhappy and refuse to admit it. They bottle it up inside themselved and attack other innocent people. Your sister sounds like someone who is suffering from insecurity. It is possible that she never leaves. She is probably on the verge of a huge change and it makes her crazy. All you can do is tolerate her, and treat her like you wish that she would treat you.
Maybe you can go away from home for college, and experience something different. I would just stay away from her until she gets out of this stage. Show her happiness, and maybe she will come around.
Good luck
]
I think maybe sending your sister a note or an email is a good idea, because you can really think about what you are saying and not get heated or angry when you are writing.
You may also want to decide to try and talk to her with someone there who you trust to sort of moderate the discussion so neither of you get out of line and your sister doesn't attack you.
whatever you decide to do good luck and remember not to lose your cool-
elmo
]
If she won't listen to what you have say, try writing her a letter. That way you can explaine how you are feeling in a calm and organized way. Let her know exactly what hurts you. "When you say_____, it upsets me because______." Don't blame or attack her, try to understand her side of things. Let her know that you want her to be your friend, not your enemy. Hopeful this non agressive action will soften her up.
]
More Questions: |