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humorist-workshop
What should I Say?
OK. To get to the point my friend *billy* asked me what I would do if he died. i told him I would cry (I wasn't really sure what he meant) and I asked him what he would do if I died. He said he would kill himself. But, he also said he would kill himself even if I didn't die. I am 12...he is only 11. His mom used to beat him and he never sees her. HIs dad lives in Alaska and he goes up every once and awhile. He isn't that great of a student and he doesn't think he is cute or anything. So basically he hates his life. He said he won't do it now but maybe when he is older. If he did kill himself I would probably blame it on myself because he really liked me and i sorta liked him and then I stopped liking him and it made him really lonely because he is new and doesn't have that many friends. I'm really scared that he is serious and one day will actually do something. I don't want to like refer him to counseling or anything. What should I say/do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your friend sounds like he has suffered a lot and is depressed. Asking what would you do if he died is a cry for help. Have you talked to your parents abouth this? If he is having suicidal thoughts, especially at this young age, he needs some counsling. Maybe talk to a school counsler youself and see what they recommend.
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If someone is thinking about suicide, that is a definite signal that he is depressed. Children <i>do</i> commit suicide. This is beyond your ability to correct and he needs medical help. You can listen and be his friend, but you cannot expect yourself to be able to help him in the way that a doctor can. This kind of depression is dangerous. I would encourage him to contact someone, an emergency telephone hot line, his doctor's office, a school counselor, someone who has experience in diagnosing and treating depression.
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I see how you are feeling, I have a friend with the same problem. Just keep on supporting him in every good thing he does (example: If he made an A then say good job and make him feel like he is loved.
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Billy certainly doesn't sound like he has it easy, but I also don't think he's truly serious about killing himself. If he specifically said he wouldn't do it now, then these are most likely just the kind of idle thoughts that most people have once in a while.
I hope you realize, though, that if he did (and like I said, I think that's VERY unlikely) it would have nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong at all, and Billy has problems in his life that are much, much deeper than your not liking him.
But Billy has, in his way, reached out to you for help. So if you want to be a good friend, I think the best thing you can do for him is just to be there to listen sometimes, and give him support when he needs it. Everyone needs someone to talk to, after all. Maybe you can help him make some new friends, too -- if he's lonely, that would probably do a lot to make him feel better about himself. What does he like to do? If you encourage him to get involved in some activities that he really enjoys, he will probably start feeling that life isn't quite that bad.
I know you said you didn't want to refer him to counseling, but I think it wouldn't be the worst suggestion in the world. Not because of the suicide thing, but just because he doesn't seem to have a caring, responsive adult in his life right now, and talking to one might help.
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Well, given that life sorta sucks for everyone untill they can get into the 'real world' and start living for themselves I don't think he will do anything, and he will probably find that life gets better. Personaly I would be very carefull that he isn't 'attention whoring' and trying to force to you to stay with him through manipulating you, so if you do think he might try somthing you need to tell an adult that you trust like a teacher, so they can maybe get him counceling. Of course the teacher might blow you off, then tell your parents. Who ever you tell, you need to tell someone.
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