|
| |
|
I am almost 19, female, and a freshman in college. The semester will be over in two weeks, but until then I have to continue to suffer, as I have done all semester, because my 17 year old roommate is arrogant, lying, rude, and has no regard for personal space and my own feelings. All semester, she has smoked in our dorm room, which is against the rules, and has left the room in shambles. The rare times that she does clean, she has the gall to blame me for sitting there doing my own thing and not helping her. I keep my own areas clean, and do not feel like I should be held responsible for her messes. I am allergic to the cigarette smoke, and have told her on numerous occasions that if she does not care about my health, perhaps she should care about the school policies. I do not like being a tattle-tale, but I did inform the Security personnel about her misadventures on numerous occasions, but nothing has been done about it. She has been rude to me, and to my fiancé, even going so far as to tell him to, "...get the hell out of my house..." It is not her house, it is our dorm room, and I was told by college personnel that I am entitled to have him visit as long as it is during scheduled visiting hours. He has done nothing to her, and has been nothing short of cordial after said occasion. Her latest thing is to accuse me of having stolen her lighter. I do not have it, nor do I have the other ones that she claims have come up missing. She said she left it in the bathroom, where she usually smokes, although she claims that she came in from outside and put it there. At any rate, I cannot stay another minute with the childe. She also stated that she would start stealing my stuff, just so that I would, "...see what it feels like..." The thing is, I believe she already has stolen some of my belongings, as I am missing various items of jewelry that are not expensive, but were mine nonetheless. I need to know how to deal with this situation. (link)
|
If it were earlier in the semester, I would tell you to move out, but there's no way the college administration is going to fix you up with another room with only two weeks to go. You also can't do much with negotiation or threats at this point -- her behavior isn't going to change before the end of the year.
Put all your small personal items that you care about in a box, and ask one of your trusted friends, or your fiance if he's nearby, to look after it for the next two weeks. (Don't tell your roommate you're doing this, though -- it might just set her off worse.) Then spend as little time in your room as possible.
If you have a good friend with extra space, you could also ask if you could crash with them for a while. But that's really a last resort.
|
There is a place in California that has a red bridge but i forget the name of it. Do you know what it is called?
(link)
| |
I think you mean the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
|
|
Alright, someone help me and try to tell ma few diets. I know about Atkins, I can't go on Slim fast, I need more info on low Cal, I need a way to loose from 30 - 50 pounds I'm not in a hurry so anything can be good really. Please help! (link)
|
You might want to consider seeing a nutritionist, who can help you come up with a diet that's specifically designed for you and your needs.
If you're looking for a low-carb diet, I think that the South Beach Diet (created by a cardiologist) is a *lot* healthier than Atkins. If you aren't, I think Weight Watchers is probably your best bet.
If you really want to burn fat, though, be sure that you combine your diet with a proper exercise regimen (regular activity that gets your heart pumping). That's probably the healthiest and the best thing you can do for yourself.
|
|
My best friend just became really close to this girl named Briana. Briana's really fun to talk to, but I recently found out some bad stuff about her; she cheats on her boyfriends, backstabs all her close friends, and she smokes pot. She told me about the pot thing and even asked if I wanted to join her! I, of course, said no. I don't know how to tell my best friend, because she'll accuse me of lying because "Briana's so nice!" I'm just scared that Briana will get my friend into smoking and stuff. HELP. (link)
|
I don't think you should say anything about how Briana cheats on her boyfriends or backstabs her friends, because for all you know, that could just be mean gossip. The pot smoking is different, because you heard about that from Briana herself.
One thing that you could do is to tell your friend that you're kind of worried about Briana. Explain about the pot smoking, say that you're concerned that Briana is getting involved in something so stupid and self-destructive, and ask your friend for advice. That way, your friend gets a heads-up about what Briana's into, but you don't look like you're trying to undermine Briana's reputation. And maybe between the two of you, you can come up with a way to steer Briana away from the stuff -- it might be really good for her to have friends who realize how dumb it is.
But why do you assume that your friend would automatically accuse you of lying if you told her? Is there something else going on here? Are you, possibly, worried that you two aren't as close as you used to be, and that Briana has something to do with that? If so, that's a completely separate issue, and maybe you should work on your relationship with your friend before you bring Briana's actions into it.
|
|
O.K there is this boy that likes me. I don't like him but I feel bad... Like how do I say no without hurting his feelings? I had already told him no but he keeps asking me out... I need help! (link)
|
When he's asked you out in the past, how have you said no? I mean, have you actually told him that you don't want to date him, or has it been more like "sorry, I'm busy that night"?
If you've been trying not to hurt his feelings by softpedaling your rejections, it's probably time to be a little more straightforward. If he asks you out again, you can say that you're flattered, but you're just not interested in him romantically. (You can tell him that you'd like to be friends IF that's actually what you want -- don't say it if you're hoping he's just going to leave you alone.)
If he already knows that you're not interested, but he keeps going after you anyway, then you have to be even firmer. Tell him that your answer isn't going to change, and that it makes you uncomfortable that he keeps approaching you for dates, so you'd appreciate it if he would stop.
It's very nice of you not to want to hurt his feelings, but there's only so much you can do. Obviously, you should be polite and you shouldn't say anything insulting. Beyond that, though, it's much kinder to him in the long run if you're clear and forthright.
|
I am my worst enemy when it comes to men. I build a room that I mentally lock myself away in from men. I know that it's there yet I don't know have to fix it. I am a single 36 female, single, no children never married and have only had 2 other serious and sexual partners. It has been 2 years since I have been in a relationship.
I went to this party back in the begining of Oct and was introduced to the nice guy. No stars or anything he never crossed my mine after that night. Althought in my opioion I think I came off kind of rude...(He walked me to my car when I was leaving. I thanked him got in and was ready to drive off. When he took afew steps back to the car to offer that he could sit and wait with me while I warmed up the car I said it wasn't necessary thanked him again and just drove off.
Two weeks later I get a called from my friend and learned that he has been begging and hounding my friend for my phone number. I couldn't even remember what he looked like and thought hell why not. We chated off and on over the next few months. We went out the dinner 2 times and had enjoyable conversation. 4 months into knowing each other we had a hot and heavy date. Tons of fondling and caressing but remained fully clothed. We talked several more times after that evening with conversation getting hotter and hotter. It was obvious that something was going to happen. On MBA allstar weekend he called we started talking and I put the question what gives on the line. He doged the question and when I offered that we be phone buddies he said ok if that's what I want. And that it wasn't what he was saying. Needless to say I got bolder and down right invited him to an "adult outing". He said he wanted to watch the game and would call me after. Well for the next 3 days which covered allstar weekend I felt like I was pulling teeth with him. I am a direct and up front person. If it is on my mind and heart it will come out. I told him directly it has been over 4 months what does he want and expect is this going somewhere or should we cut ties. He wanted to be in a open relationship sex if it happened but with no string. This concept is foreign to me. I have had two partners and both occured as committed monogus relationships. I blow up from his reponse and said well that wasn't what I was looking for and wished him will but told him to loose my number. I later learned from my friend about his past and his last two relationship and then I felt bad and wanted to eat my words. I have tried reaching out to me but he won't call me back. I had my friend call him and he said yeah he will call me but it has been over two weeks and he hasn't called. Should I confront him in person myself? Or let it go and take some classes or use a book to write my feelings? He is 37 single, no children, never married but once engaged. I know he is a nice guy and I could still be his friends even if not a sexual partner. What should I do? Also, after talking to my friends and family I seem to be like a dinousur or something is it really ok to have sex with someone with no strings attached? Am I wrong? (link)
|
You don't say what about his past and his last two relationships made you change your mind. Truthfully, I don't think that even if women had stomped all over his heart in the past, you should judge his behavior any differently. If he is so damaged that he can't even treat you with courtesy, he's not the kind of guy you want in your life.
I think that you may be trying a little too hard to make excuses for him because you *want* him to be a great guy; he got your hopes up, and it's very hard to let go of that. But don't turn him into something he isn't. Maybe instead of your big chance for a new relationship, he was meant play a different role: the guy who reminded you that you are a desirable woman, and the guy who showed you that you are not willing to compromise when it comes to being treated with respect.
There are certainly people who have sex with no strings attached. For some of them, it works fine. For others, it turns out to be empty and depressing, but they accept it because they don't really believe they deserve any better. If you are the type of person who requires some level of intimacy and trust from a sexual partner, more power to you. You certainly should not feel you have to change.
If it would make *you* feel better to talk to him and get all this off your chest, go right ahead. But you have to be honest with yourself: if you're doing it because you hope he'll respond a certain way, it isn't a good idea. He's not likely to give you what you want. (In your place, I would probably use a journal instead.)
You'd probably feel a lot better if you could figure out why and how you lock yourself away in this "room" you mentioned at the beginning of your letter. A journal or classes could help with that; but if self-reflection doesn't get you anywhere, you should consider talking with a counselor, who might provide some new perspectives. As you start to understand your own behavior better, I think you'll find it easier to make connections with men who have real potential.
|
dear, any one
one of my friend is a gay/lisbaian
person i dont think its tht bad but it goes alout against my religion is it wrong of me not to care even tho my religon says that they will not go to heaven at least thts wat my mom says but im 16 and 16 a very confussing age
*The confussed 16 year old* (link)
|
This person is your friend. If he or she is a good friend, then that's all that has to matter to you -- if you don't care about their sexuality, then it's not an issue in your friendship.
Let God take care of who goes to heaven and who doesn't. It's not your place, or indeed your mother's, to judge that sort of thing. You are only responsible for your own behavior, not theirs.
|
|
Ive been married for 20 years, my husband is 42, but acts like a 12 year old. He is irresponsible, impulsive, selfish, and out of control financially. He has made one bad decision after another, running up bills he never intends to pay, he has a really small attention span, often forgetting conversations 10 minutes later. Cant remember where he parked his car, where he left his tools, often leaving them on a job.Often causes arguements by repeating things wrong between others.Often sits and zombies out when the television is on, even shouting his name cant get his attention. Seems so distracted often says or does something embarassing,like blurting out things that have nothing to do with the current topic we're discussing, because he's not paying attention. He is very distant with all his kids, never talking or communicating with any of them, he only says hello when he gets home and thats it.All five kids are late teens and early 20's now and have no relationship with him or have any interest to. Each one is angry over his lack of attention or commication with them. He has no interest in friends or family.We have no socialized with other couples or friends in 18 years. When we do have a family get together or party, he cracks the exact same jokes, after that he is not capable of starting any conversation, and leads the company in the kitchen for me to entertain while Im cooking. He is often completely silent in the presence of everyone, because he doesnt have anything at all to say.Its bizarre and very uncomfortable for everyone. He has conducted his life so wrecklessly he is in huge financial trouble with 5 credit cards, he charged up and never once made payment on any of them, bounced checks in two states, owes two banks money, cheated the IRS five times, tryed to run a business 6 times, failed each time, and owes tons of bills, and almost cause foreclosure on our home several times. We won the lotto years back,a nd he squandered all the money on frivolous things he wanted for himself, never sharing a dime with his family or anyone.He hides snacks and treats I buy so he doesnt have to share with his own kids. Hides money from his paycheck to spend on himself. Never included me on any of his banks accounts. He has abused his checking account so bad he is no longer allowed to open an account in any bank. We are now flat broke due to his immaturity and schemes. Now that he has hit rock bottom, and has ruined every relationship with everyone he knows, he is now claiming depression because his father was an alcoholic and abusive. Is this an excuse for an immature, spoiled selfish man who is ashamed? Or is this a valid reason for the chaos of this crazy roller coaster life he's put us through? His mother says he is exaggerating about the abuse, and he was only punished by the father when it was deserved.She also told me that he was the only child the father payed attention to because he was a star athlete growing up. She says it was the other kids who were ignored and abused. He has taken advantage of every kindness anyone has ever offered him, never giving nothing back in return. He has a brother who is slightly "off" acts very hyper and loud, and has strange habits, he has a nephew diagnosed with ADHD. Is this depression, or is there something else wrong with a grown man who acts so irrpesponsible. Its as though he never learns, no matter how many times he fails, he goes right back and repeats the exact same actions and refuses to beleive the consequences will be the same. He cant remember anything he reads, hears or see's on television. Its like he is incapable of absorbing any kind of knowledge. His words, his ideas, everything about him is outdated and from the 60's and 70's time era. It is very embarassing when he speaks in front of company or any other adult we are around. There is always an uncomfortable silence after one of his embarassing remarks or comments.He is also addictive with gambling, and porn on the internet and movies,and was smoking pot for years until I finally got him to stop. he seems spaced out and zombie like at any given time of the day. What could possibly be wrong with a 42 year old who thinks and acts like this ?? If his family is saying he is exaggerating about the abuse, and they do not have any problems even close to ones he has, is he lieing and useing his father as an excuse, or could he possibly really be depressed for the last 20 years as he claims? His father died of cancer when he was 19, so he has not been an influence in his everyday life for over 20 years. Thank you (link)
|
I think the best thing for you to do, as a start, is to go in for couples counseling with your husband. You seem, rightfully, concerned that the doctors he's already seen aren't getting the whole story, and I think the only way to make sure that they do is for you to participate as well. Plus, I think it could only help you to have someone trained and impartial to listen to you; a therapist might be able to give you some very good advice about how to handle your husband's behavior. Your husband is the root of the problem, certainly, but he's making it *your* problem as well, and you shouldn't have to grapple with all these difficulties alone.
I do think he should stick with the medication for a while longer: it may take more than seven weeks for it to have a noticeable effect. But you should be in contact with the doctor who prescribed it, and let him or her know how things are progressing.
As far as the causes of his condition go: it really isn't possible for me to tell from here. There doesn't necessarily have to be a past experience that caused depression -- it could just be a biochemical thing. (It's also possible, I suppose, that his family never knew the extent of his father's abuse -- that does happen occasionally.)
But I do think that there may be more going on here than just "depression." I'm not an expert, but I think that may be too easy a label: his behavior does have certain things in common with that of clinically depressed people, but it seems more complicated than that.
I suspect it's probably going to take quite a bit of time to figure out what exactly *is* going on with him, so he and you both have to be committed to the process, and not expect any quick solutions. I wish you both the very best of luck.
|
A bunch of my friends keep complaining that they do not have dates for prom. They have even stated that they will not go if they do not get a date. Some of them have gone so far as to say that they will not go unless someone asks them.
I, for one, have a date, because I got off my sorry ass, swallowed my pride, and asked my best guy friend to go with me, because I'd rather have fun and have fond memories of prom than ruin it by going with anyone I'm remotely romantically attached to - I learned my lesson at my ninth grade social. Whenever my friends complain and I tell them that maybe they should do something about it, they pretty much tell me to shut up because I have a date and "I'm not one to talk." Which is fine, but why complain to me when I took care of the situation already?
I really want my friends to be there, and it's not like they don't like my date or anything. This is the only time of their life they'll get to do something like this, so why don't they want to go? I understand that money can be an issue for some people, but not going because you don't have a date is a stupid reason to give.
What should I tell them the next time the situation arises? (link)
|
I think there are a couple of things you can do. One, you can keep quiet and let them vent, since that's what they seem to want. I can imagine it would be sort of tiresome for you to have to listen to it, though.
The other possibility is, instead of telling them to do something about it and repeating yourself, you could come up with some concrete suggestions for them. Like "how about going with Mike [or whoever]? He doesn't have a date and he's a nice enough guy to spend an evening with." Or "you know, a bunch of you could go as a group, and then you'd have people to hang out with plus be able to dance with whomever you want." They may reject all your suggestions, but at least it'll get them thinking constructively about possibilities.
If they keep being this boring and whiney about it, though, I wouldn't even bother with any of it. Just say "well, I really hope you can be there," and change the subject.
Oh, one other thing? It's definitely not the only chance they'll have to do something like this. You'll all have plenty of opportunities later for formal dances, most of which will be a whole lot more fun than prom. So if you get the sense that somebody really just isn't that into it and is using the date thing as an excuse, let it go.
|
my mom has a friend and her daughter erased my game on my gameboy and I almost beat the game
how can I confront her? (link)
|
Was it an accident, or did she mean to? If she did it by accident, "confronting" her might be a little harsh. Also, it makes a difference how old she is.
If she's around your age, or at least old enough to understand what she did wrong, then I think you should just tell her what happened next time you see her, or next time you're playing with the gameboy, and ask her to please be more careful.
If she's a little kid, then say the same thing, but to both her and her mother. Don't accuse her, or try to upset her, but just make it clear that this is something that matters to you. She may be too young to be playing with the gameboy anyway, and if so, you should just keep it out of sight when she comes over.
If the kid did it on purpose just to be bratty, then no matter how old she is, I would simply not let her play with it anymore. If she apologizes, fine, but you should protect your possessions from destructive people. On the other hand, this honestly isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, so I would avoid making a huge stink about it -- you'll just look petty.
|
I have been told that I am a very gifted actress, and my drama teacher said that I should get into theatre camp, but I live with my dad, and money is tight. I really want to go to theatre camp, but all the places I looked at are day camps that cost way too much money. (my dad has a tough job and cant drive me to and from camp so it would have to be an overnight camp) any ideas what I should do?
HELP ME!!! (link)
|
A lot of performing arts camps offer scholarships to kids who need financial assistance. Most of these camps have websites, and you should be able to find out there if financial aid is available. You should get right on that, though, because the deadlines may be coming up.
If you can't get a scholarship through the camp, organizations in your community may offer something. Ask your drama teacher, or your school guidance counselor, and see if they have any tips.
Depending how old you are, you might also be able to raise some money by getting a job for after school, and for the part of the summer that you wouldn't be at camp. I doubt you'd be able to pay for the whole thing yourself, but you could probably make a bit of a dent.
|
Their is a boy I like and their is a three year age difference. He said I'm too young. Am I really? He's only two grades higher than me, but that is my brothers best friend. Do you think it would be wrong to go out with him?
(link)
|
Well, it wouldn't be *wrong*, exactly. Depending on how old you two actually are, a three-year difference isn't enough to be really creepy, but it could definitely be enough to make a relationship difficult. You two are at slightly different stages in your lives: you probably have different interests, and are looking for different things out of a relationship.
If he himself says you're too young, I'd take him at his word. He seems pretty clear about it, I'm afraid. If you still like him in a year or two, the age difference may not seem so big to him. But by then, you may have moved on to someone who's more on your level -- I wouldn't recommend waiting around.
|
|
I'm a 15 year old girl. I'm responsible and respectful. I don't drink, smoke, have sex, do drugs, or anything of the sort. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost 4 years and have no interest in having one, I get exceptional grades, and I'm extremely focused on my schoolwork and acting career. The problem is with my father. This past winter, I met a guy in my drama class. I'm a freshman and he's a senior, I'm white and he's black. We have no interest in a relationship, but we are very good friends. I have alot of guy friends, and this was no different. I'm friends with this guy because I can relate to him. We both struggle with depression, have a love of acting, and we just get along great. He gets good grades and has a future. He's respectful to authority and gets along with everyone. We started talking on the phone. It was just general stuff-cooking, acting, music, that kind of thing. My father is kind of racist, which is stupid, i know. He thinks that a person shouldn't associate with a black person outside of work or school. He's being a hypocrite, since I know that he's had plenty of african-american friends. Anyways, my father (whom I have no respect for for several reasons and who doesn't live with me and hasn't since before i was in kindergarten) found out and now I'm not allowed to talk to any guys on the phone whatsoever unless its my boss or a male relative. He said he'd reconsider when I'm 16, but he's already said that he probably won't allow it until I'm 18. This is ridiculous-I've already told 3 guys this year that I wouldn't go out with them, and I dont want a boyfriend at all. I'm a responsible teenager and I simply want a little freedom. I never go anywhere with my friends, and I've never done anything to make them not trust me. My father gets mad if I say anything about my friends, or anything at all besides my grades and schoolwork.He constantly puts me down about my grades and schoolwork and makes fun of me, but i'm required to call him once a week and endure the rude remarks. I just want to be able to talk to my guy friends on the phone, and i think this is extremely unfair. He won't listen to my point of view at all. How can I get him to see things my way? (link)
|
My first reaction: your father doesn't live with you, and you only talk to him once a week. How is he even going to *know* whom you talk to on the phone? I would start by conferring with your mother, or whoever it is you actually live with, and seeing if *anyone* is *ever* going to enforce a rule that's this unreasonable.
If there's something about this situation that I'm missing -- that is, if your dad does have any measure of control over your phone calls, or anything else in your life -- then there may still be a couple of things you could try.
I don't get the sense that your dad is a real big fan of reasoned discourse, but you could always try to get him to explain to you what exactly is behind these rules. Point out (calmly) that you've always been responsible and obedient before, but that now you're old enough, you'd like to comprehend the rationale. Maybe hearing him try to justify himself will provide you with some clues about how to get around his objections. For example, if he's worried that you're talking to strange, untrustworthy guys, offer to introduce them to him (or, better yet, to your regular guardian), so that they're "approved," so to speak. Or try to come up with a compromise: if his argument is that you'll get distracted from your work by talking to guys on the phone, then see if you can agree on a set number of hours per week of phone time. If your grades don't suffer, you have some ammunition to negotiate raising the amount of time.
If none of this works -- which it might not -- then you're facing the fact that your dad is an irrational control freak; you're going to have to decide whether it's worth it to you to make a stand now, or whether you want to grit your teeth and live by his rules for the next few years. It really depends on how important the relationship with him is to you, I guess.
|
|
When I go back home on weekends, my parents get really upset when I want to take off in the evening and see my friends. They complain that they never get to see me and all this, and don't understand why I even want to keep in touch with my old friends anyway, it's nuts. So I'm thinking about going and staying with friends in their town and just not telling my parents that I'm there. I know if they find out they'd be really upset, but they guilt me if I don't spend every second with them when I'm in town. Is it wrong to lie to my parents about visiting my hometown, or a necessary evil to see my friends? (link)
|
How often do you go home, and how much time do you usually spend with your parents when you do?
It seems like there ought to be room for a compromise here. The one thing you want to avoid is making your parents feel like they're just providing a hotel for you to crash at during your visits home. So if you make an effort to *plan* things with them, as well as wih your friends, they might be somewhat soothed. For example, you could offer to cook Sunday brunch for the family, but spend Saturday evening out. That way, they might feel less like they're getting your leftover scraps of time, if you see what I mean.
If you're not home very much, you really do need to make an effort to spend at least part of your visits with them. If you're coming back to your hometown nearly every weekend, I think it's fine to schedule a few during which you're pretty much only seeing friends -- but then, make sure that the next time around, you have quality time with your folks. I really wouldn't hide your visits from them: you never know whom you might run into, and it could get extremely awkward.
|
|
OK me and my friends were having a discussion and one of my friends stated that the faith of catholic is just another branch of christianity, but catholics have very very different beliefs then christians do. Can someone help me make up my mind? (link)
|
The short answer: Yes, Catholicism is a branch of Christianity. So is the Eastern Orthodox Church, and so are the many Protestant denominations (which, I think, are what you're referring to as Christians). The central thing that they all have in common is believing in Jesus Christ as the Messiah.
I'd suggest going to the encyclopedia in your school library and looking up Christianity. You should get a pretty full explanation there.
|
|
ok so there are these 3 girls tommy summer and jordan lets call them (tsj)then there is me darci and courtney lets call us (adc)ok so tsj used to me really close friends with us but now tsj have like theri own little inside jokes and we all used to be really good friends but now whne tommy or summer are 2gether they are big bitches then whne summer and jordan are togfether they are bitches me darci and courtney try talkign to then but the when the words come out they go right through tsj ears they ignore us and we fell excluded an really want to tell them how we feel but if we do we are afriand that they will hate us even more.... ok so here is whats going on summer ignores me all day except for history and jordan hates my gut which i dont know why and tommy never talks to me its the same going on with courtney and darci to those stupid bitch whores leaves us out of everything should we write them a note telling them how we feel or should we just let it go???i mean summer and jordan have these little inside jokes like cherry and bazooka and all this crap and it pisses me off the most cuz they leave us out of the picture andi fell like choking them they need to be more nice to us shoudl i tell them that?? ok we are all in 8th grade and i know we should resolve it asome how but its still not gonna work i really really really nedd help on what to do???? help (link)
|
Let it go. They're not your friends anymore, and it sounds like they don't deserve to be. Don't give them any attention, because it makes them feel superior when you do. A note will not change anything, except give them one more thing to snicker about.
You, Darci and Courtney should stick together and not care who "leaves you out of the picture" -- you don't need those girls. You never know: at some point, one or more of them might wake up and start acting decent to you again, but I wouldn't hold your breath.
|
|
My husband has panic disorder and has suffered from panic attacks his entire life. He is on medicine for them now, but he is having a hard time holding a job. I love him dearly but am afraid if I stay I will never have anything, and I'm afraid of the judgement that will be passed on me by my family. I love him and don;t want to abandon him, am I crazy for staying? (link)
|
No, you are not crazy for staying! I mean, you're *married* to him -- remember the whole "for better or for worse" thing? Remind your family about that, if they give you any trouble.
If he weren't making a real effort to get better, my answer might be different, because then he wouldn't be taking his responsibilities to himself and to you seriously. But if he's willingly undergoing treatment, and is trying to find and hold jobs, then I think you're right to stay with him, and to give him all the support and love you can, for as long as you feel you can hang in there. Good luck to you both.
|
|
All right, here's the picture. I'm a boy in 8th grade. Last year, I was a bit of a pervert and got a huge rep as one. That all changed over summer break. However, no one realizes that, and so my rep still stands. That is the only reason I cant get a girlfriend. And for some reason, I feel a need for the companionship, and not on the level of just friends. What should I do? (link)
|
Given that you don't have the greatest rep right now, I think your best bet is to concentrate on getting girls to like you as a friend first. If they don't know the "real" you, they probably are going to feel a little hesitant about going out with you. But if you start by getting to know each other in a non-romantic way, with no pressure, pretty soon they'll trust you enough to believe that you're not actually a pervert, but a sweet, respectful guy. And then, they'll tell their friends how awesome you are. :) Seriously, if you get friends who are girls on your side, that'll be the best possible thing for your rep -- and, in the process, you might find a girlfriend who's a true companion.
|
|
Ive noticed my friends all around me are starting to get married. Sometimes I feel the pressure from society that its a womans role or duty to define herself as a wife and a mother...but somehow I dont think I am equipped with those feelings. I feel like I had a taste of what living with someone was like. I was with a guy for 3 and a half years--I loved him to death and I honestly think I couldn't have found a better guy or even imagine it, and somehow every morning when I wake up and have breakfast with the person, I dont feel good--it feels weird..the night before would be exciting and wild and fun but in the morning I feel like a domesticated housewife getting ready for the day and seeing my "husband" off to work. Maybe I have intimacy issues. I like spending time with people and having fun when I feel like it and I like being alone when I feel like it. I don't want to live with someone that has to be exposed to my moods 24/7, I am just not comfortable with it nor am I comfortable with their moodiness. Girlfriends are a different story. I think that as long as I find plenty of friends and activities in my life I will be okay...but I feel a little weird for feeling this way because I love being in love. I dont know..maybe its because every single person in my family is divorced...or maybe because relationships are so fickle nowadays and everybody seems to leave one another..I am probably scared of the investment. P.S.--At some point in my relationships when they last a long time--I always do something to sabotage it..its as if I really dont want it to last. What is going on with me? Are these real indicators or am I just jaded or is it my age? I am 25 years old. (link)
|
I think that mostly, everything you say sounds absolutely normal. There's no reason why you *should* want to get married at 25 -- it's a good age for some people, but it's way too early for others. It sounds like you still have a lot of exploring to do.
Maybe you're sabotaging your long-term relationships because you know in your heart that these guys aren't the right ones for you. A man can be absolutely great, but just not the person you ought to spend the rest of your life with. But the nicer he is, the harder it is to admit something like that to yourself -- and to the guy! -- so at some level, it may be easier for you to deliberately screw it up.
Instead of taking your feelings as evidence that there's something wrong with you, take them as a useful signal. You'll know that a guy is really worth sticking to when you realize that he's someone you want to have breakfast with for the rest of your life. :)
It does strike me as surprising, though, that you associate mornings-after with being a "domesticated housewife." I mean, being attached to someone definitely doesn't imply being a stay-at-home. Do you feel that when you're in a long-term relationship, you tend to put the rest of your life on the back burner? Because if you do, I could certainly see why being with someone feels limiting. Ideally, being with a significant other should give you the support and energy to accomplish even more.
It's possible that your family history has affected your perspective on marriage and relationships, definitely. But just because the people close to you had bad experiences, that doesn't mean that you have to. If you're feeling emotionally stuck, it couldn't hurt to talk to a therapist. You seem pretty thoughtful and insightful about your situation, so I bet you'd get a lot out of talking to someone who's trained in these issues.
|
I had the scariest day of my life the other day. I am an advicenator as well and the other day, i was walking to the park, and a guy sexually assulted me. The worst thing he did was finger me but it was still scary. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone because i already have enought problems as it is. I am only fourteen and haven't even had my first kiss yet. People are always spreading rumers that i am not a virgin and i was okay with it until now. Please Help me
Violated (link)
|
I'm so sorry that such a terrible, frightening thing happened to you. Please do NOT listen to anyone who suggests that you were at all at fault, or didn't do enough to prevent it, which is just completely ridiculous.
I hope you will consider telling someone, because you just shouldn't have to deal with this all alone. I think first of all, you ought to tell your parents, but if you really, truly feel like you can't, at least talk to the guidance counselor at your school. I'm sure that he or she will keep it absolutely confidential from the other students at school. Or look in the phone book for a rape crisis hotline in your area, if you're super-concerned about anonymity.
Please also keep in mind, as others have pointed out, that not telling the police makes it more likely that this creep will attack someone else.
Write again if you need to, okay?
|
|
