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I'm a 15 year old girl. I'm responsible and respectful. I don't drink, smoke, have sex, do drugs, or anything of the sort. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost 4 years and have no interest in having one, I get exceptional grades, and I'm extremely focused on my schoolwork and acting career. The problem is with my father. This past winter, I met a guy in my drama class. I'm a freshman and he's a senior, I'm white and he's black. We have no interest in a relationship, but we are very good friends. I have alot of guy friends, and this was no different. I'm friends with this guy because I can relate to him. We both struggle with depression, have a love of acting, and we just get along great. He gets good grades and has a future. He's respectful to authority and gets along with everyone. We started talking on the phone. It was just general stuff-cooking, acting, music, that kind of thing. My father is kind of racist, which is stupid, i know. He thinks that a person shouldn't associate with a black person outside of work or school. He's being a hypocrite, since I know that he's had plenty of african-american friends. Anyways, my father (whom I have no respect for for several reasons and who doesn't live with me and hasn't since before i was in kindergarten) found out and now I'm not allowed to talk to any guys on the phone whatsoever unless its my boss or a male relative. He said he'd reconsider when I'm 16, but he's already said that he probably won't allow it until I'm 18. This is ridiculous-I've already told 3 guys this year that I wouldn't go out with them, and I dont want a boyfriend at all. I'm a responsible teenager and I simply want a little freedom. I never go anywhere with my friends, and I've never done anything to make them not trust me. My father gets mad if I say anything about my friends, or anything at all besides my grades and schoolwork.He constantly puts me down about my grades and schoolwork and makes fun of me, but i'm required to call him once a week and endure the rude remarks. I just want to be able to talk to my guy friends on the phone, and i think this is extremely unfair. He won't listen to my point of view at all. How can I get him to see things my way?
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It sound like you need to tell your dad how you feel! But if he's racist you may have a problem. In this case maybe you should talk to a doctor, or teacher, but dont follow your dad in being racist.
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you probably cant change who he is, and so you dont live w/ him, ignore his b.s. and dont listen to him. Dont let him get to you. If you are responsible you should be able to have any frinds you want, and go wherever you want with them. You obviously make good choices.
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if your father is racist, then your going to have a hard time getting him to see it your way. what you should do, if you haven't already, is tell your father the truth. I had a similer problem with my dad, when he moved out. soon enough i tried all in my power to avoid him, because i didn't want him in my life. then one day when he tried to talk to me, i let him know, that the things he dose is destorying our relationship and my love towards him. you should do the same, let him know that you dont appriciate his put downs, and you know your a great responsible teenager. you shouldn't have to take his crap, espically if he's not living wiht you. so don't tell him, let him know. it might take him some time to relize it, but maybe it'll make him relize how stupid he really is being. :) good luck
mscrazy07
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Now don't take this the wrong way, but your dad sounds like a dick. You don't live with him right? Then he has no control over you, he can't control who you talk to over the phone or anything of the sort. He can't even control if you phone him once a week. If all you get out of him is rude remarks then stop calling him. Don't base who you talk to on who your dad likes.
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Maybe you could invite this guy over to have dinner with your family or hqave him just spend some time with you and your father. It will be really hard, but if this guy is a good guy and shows that around your father then maybe you dad will start to see your way. GOOD LUCK
P.S. I kno what you are going through my dad is the same way LOL
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He probably will never see tings your way.
He doesn't live with you anyway...how is he going to know what you do or what you talk about with your friends? He has alomost no control over you.
Talk to the person you live with is all I can say. If you still can't talk to your male friend on the phone, then just tell him when your with him. You may not be able to talk to him on the phone, but you can at least see him at school.
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My first reaction: your father doesn't live with you, and you only talk to him once a week. How is he even going to *know* whom you talk to on the phone? I would start by conferring with your mother, or whoever it is you actually live with, and seeing if *anyone* is *ever* going to enforce a rule that's this unreasonable.
If there's something about this situation that I'm missing -- that is, if your dad does have any measure of control over your phone calls, or anything else in your life -- then there may still be a couple of things you could try.
I don't get the sense that your dad is a real big fan of reasoned discourse, but you could always try to get him to explain to you what exactly is behind these rules. Point out (calmly) that you've always been responsible and obedient before, but that now you're old enough, you'd like to comprehend the rationale. Maybe hearing him try to justify himself will provide you with some clues about how to get around his objections. For example, if he's worried that you're talking to strange, untrustworthy guys, offer to introduce them to him (or, better yet, to your regular guardian), so that they're "approved," so to speak. Or try to come up with a compromise: if his argument is that you'll get distracted from your work by talking to guys on the phone, then see if you can agree on a set number of hours per week of phone time. If your grades don't suffer, you have some ammunition to negotiate raising the amount of time.
If none of this works -- which it might not -- then you're facing the fact that your dad is an irrational control freak; you're going to have to decide whether it's worth it to you to make a stand now, or whether you want to grit your teeth and live by his rules for the next few years. It really depends on how important the relationship with him is to you, I guess.
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Have you told your father what you just told us, aside from the slightly accusatory (though most likely true) remarks involving him? If not, you need to do so. If you have, and he's still being - excuse my bluntness - assholeish about you seeing this guy, maybe he needs to meet him. If this guy is really as nice as you make him out to be, maybe he'll be able to charm your father into liking him and giving you the freedom you want.
Sometimes with situations like this, it's good to use what you have/want to get what you want. In this case, use your friend to get your dad to give you freedom. Talk this over with the guy first and make sure he's okay with helping you. I hope this helped!
-Siren
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The only wasy to be heard is make yourself heard though loud words and extreme actions. There is no way to change a persons mind unless you are hitting them on a personal level, SO make your self heard by impling powerful emotions focusing on his reactions,
Chris
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