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on a fence...whats going on with me??
Ive noticed my friends all around me are starting to get married. Sometimes I feel the pressure from society that its a womans role or duty to define herself as a wife and a mother...but somehow I dont think I am equipped with those feelings. I feel like I had a taste of what living with someone was like. I was with a guy for 3 and a half years--I loved him to death and I honestly think I couldn't have found a better guy or even imagine it, and somehow every morning when I wake up and have breakfast with the person, I dont feel good--it feels weird..the night before would be exciting and wild and fun but in the morning I feel like a domesticated housewife getting ready for the day and seeing my "husband" off to work. Maybe I have intimacy issues. I like spending time with people and having fun when I feel like it and I like being alone when I feel like it. I don't want to live with someone that has to be exposed to my moods 24/7, I am just not comfortable with it nor am I comfortable with their moodiness. Girlfriends are a different story. I think that as long as I find plenty of friends and activities in my life I will be okay...but I feel a little weird for feeling this way because I love being in love. I dont know..maybe its because every single person in my family is divorced...or maybe because relationships are so fickle nowadays and everybody seems to leave one another..I am probably scared of the investment. P.S.--At some point in my relationships when they last a long time--I always do something to sabotage it..its as if I really dont want it to last. What is going on with me? Are these real indicators or am I just jaded or is it my age? I am 25 years old.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all let me tell you that, being 16, I'm not really qualified to give advice on this sort of subject.
You're 25? You're still young. You don't need to settle down at 25. Don't worry about marrige, sleep around a bit. If you don't want to settle down yet don't. It's that simple.
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i think you are just scared of a commitment. since you know that nowadays when people get married, they usually don't stay together because most people just rush in to marriages and they don't take the time to get to know that person. also, since you have had a broken heart so many times, you are scared that when you get married your husband will just break your heart. but even though you feel you are forced to get married since everyone else around you is, just remember that you don't have to get married until your ready, and nobody will look down on you because you are not. but what my true advice to you is, just keep looking for a guy that makes you truly happy, and when you find him you won't feel like a house wife because you will truly be in love.
hope this advice will help!
best of luck,
adviceprincess
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I think that mostly, everything you say sounds absolutely normal. There's no reason why you *should* want to get married at 25 -- it's a good age for some people, but it's way too early for others. It sounds like you still have a lot of exploring to do.
Maybe you're sabotaging your long-term relationships because you know in your heart that these guys aren't the right ones for you. A man can be absolutely great, but just not the person you ought to spend the rest of your life with. But the nicer he is, the harder it is to admit something like that to yourself -- and to the guy! -- so at some level, it may be easier for you to deliberately screw it up.
Instead of taking your feelings as evidence that there's something wrong with you, take them as a useful signal. You'll know that a guy is really worth sticking to when you realize that he's someone you want to have breakfast with for the rest of your life. :)
It does strike me as surprising, though, that you associate mornings-after with being a "domesticated housewife." I mean, being attached to someone definitely doesn't imply being a stay-at-home. Do you feel that when you're in a long-term relationship, you tend to put the rest of your life on the back burner? Because if you do, I could certainly see why being with someone feels limiting. Ideally, being with a significant other should give you the support and energy to accomplish even more.
It's possible that your family history has affected your perspective on marriage and relationships, definitely. But just because the people close to you had bad experiences, that doesn't mean that you have to. If you're feeling emotionally stuck, it couldn't hurt to talk to a therapist. You seem pretty thoughtful and insightful about your situation, so I bet you'd get a lot out of talking to someone who's trained in these issues.
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Why does marriage mean that you are inherently "settled down". Why does marriage mean that you must magically become "domesticated"?
Anyway... I would honestly suggest talking to some sort of professional about this. It would appear that you have some various anxiety issues surrounding commitment.
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I would have said it could be your age; you are still relitivly young, and possibly somewhere you brain is going, 'I shouldn't have to settle down yet!'. I wouldn't worry about it to much. You say you don't feel comfortable being exposed, and exposing otheres, to moods, so that might indicate intamacy issues as you suggested. I think it might be profitable for you to go to proffesional. *hug*
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