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Husband claim depression as excuse ???
Ive been married for 20 years, my husband is 42, but acts like a 12 year old. He is irresponsible, impulsive, selfish, and out of control financially. He has made one bad decision after another, running up bills he never intends to pay, he has a really small attention span, often forgetting conversations 10 minutes later. Cant remember where he parked his car, where he left his tools, often leaving them on a job.Often causes arguements by repeating things wrong between others.Often sits and zombies out when the television is on, even shouting his name cant get his attention. Seems so distracted often says or does something embarassing,like blurting out things that have nothing to do with the current topic we're discussing, because he's not paying attention. He is very distant with all his kids, never talking or communicating with any of them, he only says hello when he gets home and thats it.All five kids are late teens and early 20's now and have no relationship with him or have any interest to. Each one is angry over his lack of attention or commication with them. He has no interest in friends or family.We have no socialized with other couples or friends in 18 years. When we do have a family get together or party, he cracks the exact same jokes, after that he is not capable of starting any conversation, and leads the company in the kitchen for me to entertain while Im cooking. He is often completely silent in the presence of everyone, because he doesnt have anything at all to say.Its bizarre and very uncomfortable for everyone. He has conducted his life so wrecklessly he is in huge financial trouble with 5 credit cards, he charged up and never once made payment on any of them, bounced checks in two states, owes two banks money, cheated the IRS five times, tryed to run a business 6 times, failed each time, and owes tons of bills, and almost cause foreclosure on our home several times. We won the lotto years back,a nd he squandered all the money on frivolous things he wanted for himself, never sharing a dime with his family or anyone.He hides snacks and treats I buy so he doesnt have to share with his own kids. Hides money from his paycheck to spend on himself. Never included me on any of his banks accounts. He has abused his checking account so bad he is no longer allowed to open an account in any bank. We are now flat broke due to his immaturity and schemes. Now that he has hit rock bottom, and has ruined every relationship with everyone he knows, he is now claiming depression because his father was an alcoholic and abusive. Is this an excuse for an immature, spoiled selfish man who is ashamed? Or is this a valid reason for the chaos of this crazy roller coaster life he's put us through? His mother says he is exaggerating about the abuse, and he was only punished by the father when it was deserved.She also told me that he was the only child the father payed attention to because he was a star athlete growing up. She says it was the other kids who were ignored and abused. He has taken advantage of every kindness anyone has ever offered him, never giving nothing back in return. He has a brother who is slightly "off" acts very hyper and loud, and has strange habits, he has a nephew diagnosed with ADHD. Is this depression, or is there something else wrong with a grown man who acts so irrpesponsible. Its as though he never learns, no matter how many times he fails, he goes right back and repeats the exact same actions and refuses to beleive the consequences will be the same. He cant remember anything he reads, hears or see's on television. Its like he is incapable of absorbing any kind of knowledge. His words, his ideas, everything about him is outdated and from the 60's and 70's time era. It is very embarassing when he speaks in front of company or any other adult we are around. There is always an uncomfortable silence after one of his embarassing remarks or comments.He is also addictive with gambling, and porn on the internet and movies,and was smoking pot for years until I finally got him to stop. he seems spaced out and zombie like at any given time of the day. What could possibly be wrong with a 42 year old who thinks and acts like this ?? If his family is saying he is exaggerating about the abuse, and they do not have any problems even close to ones he has, is he lieing and useing his father as an excuse, or could he possibly really be depressed for the last 20 years as he claims? His father died of cancer when he was 19, so he has not been an influence in his everyday life for over 20 years. Thank you
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I think the best thing for you to do, as a start, is to go in for couples counseling with your husband. You seem, rightfully, concerned that the doctors he's already seen aren't getting the whole story, and I think the only way to make sure that they do is for you to participate as well. Plus, I think it could only help you to have someone trained and impartial to listen to you; a therapist might be able to give you some very good advice about how to handle your husband's behavior. Your husband is the root of the problem, certainly, but he's making it *your* problem as well, and you shouldn't have to grapple with all these difficulties alone.
I do think he should stick with the medication for a while longer: it may take more than seven weeks for it to have a noticeable effect. But you should be in contact with the doctor who prescribed it, and let him or her know how things are progressing.
As far as the causes of his condition go: it really isn't possible for me to tell from here. There doesn't necessarily have to be a past experience that caused depression -- it could just be a biochemical thing. (It's also possible, I suppose, that his family never knew the extent of his father's abuse -- that does happen occasionally.)
But I do think that there may be more going on here than just "depression." I'm not an expert, but I think that may be too easy a label: his behavior does have certain things in common with that of clinically depressed people, but it seems more complicated than that.
I suspect it's probably going to take quite a bit of time to figure out what exactly *is* going on with him, so he and you both have to be committed to the process, and not expect any quick solutions. I wish you both the very best of luck.
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- Yes, he has depression. He may have other things going on too. Depression can be dangerous if he gets suicidal.
- He needs to be re-evaluated for the Lexapro. If one drug is not getting good results, the doctor can give him something different and it might work. Lexapro can cause memory problems, or cause them to get worse.
- Psycotherapy (talk therapy) is only effective if the patient is motivated and sees a need for it. A psychologist will not do anyone any good who is not willing to work on their issues themselves. If he can get an effective medication, he may respond to talk therapy better.
- Here is a website with a forum about mental illness:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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(i am 13) I think that you should sit down with your husband and talk to him about the situation. If he continues to act like this after your talk, i hate to say this but maybe go into counseling, or get a divorce. I know that you love your husband and he loves you but if you are concerned than you both should take a day off and discuss the entire thing. I hope that things will get better between you and your husband. I hope and will pray for your husband. And you never know, this could be just a phase for him. (since he's 12) Im just kidding but, i really think you should talk to him about the whole thing.
my love and wishes-
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Wow....
20 years you've been putting up with this? what a woman... Take some time for yourself. You don't deserve this. Go do something just for yourself. Don't care for a little while. Don't tell him though. Just up and leave. It may scare him enough to get with it. It may not. And why are you still with him again?
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dear, trolubled wife
there is no better cure for depreestion then cheering up and medicine will help but it all depends on the dna of the person and how the body will react to the medication and how many mgs it has in it and wat type how everthing works out between you two.
always, becca
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