"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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Okay, so, I'm 21 f. I'm a voice teacher. I was born Jewish, but my beliefs have melded into Agnosticism with a touch of Hindu over the years. One of my best students keeps gravitating towards all these "god-songs" (Think David Archuletta, Angels) as I call them, things that talk about believing in "the father" or "my Jesus," and it's really, REALLY getting on my nerves. This student is 23, by the way, so he's not a little kid. His parents are major Catholics (and they hate me).
I suppose I might also include that this guy is my ex-boyfriend-turned-best-friend. So I can't just drop him as a student. Besides, he's fantastic. He has nearly a four octave range full voice, and I enjoy listening to him sing. (Which actually says quite a bit, because I'm one of the harshest critics out there. I'm hard pressed to find any singers I actually enjoy listening to. I can always find something completely off-putting about their singing or their song choice.)
Anyway, my issue is this:
He wants to work on religious songs, and I feel like I can't condone it because I don't believe in "god", I don't feel comfortable with the term, and I just...I don't know. Those songs bother me quite a bit.
On the other hand, I feel I'm being a bit hypocritical because - and I hate to admit this - I sing for a church choir. BUT, I'm getting paid big bucks to do it, and the director has some crazy connections in the music world.
I'm not the most religious girl (obviously) but the one firm issue I have with the three big ones (Christianity, Muslim, and Judaism) are that they believe in this "Almighty God," and I just HATE it for some reason.
I'm not even sure why, but the idea of one of my students/friends singing something like that upsets me.
Anyone have any insight or suggestions? (link)
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You need to step back and realize something VERY important:
It's HIS LIFE, not yours.
It's HIS DECISION, not yours.
If he is happiest singing "god-songs" then let him, even if he can do much better than that. It's perfectly fine to tell him, "I think you could do so much better than these sorts of songs," but you need to realize that this is what he wants to do.
It sounds like he may need to stop being a student of yours because you're letting things get to you that are unacceptable. As a teacher, you need to realize that your student is not you, but simply a part of your training. You have helped him, yes, but from there he makes the calls.
Tell him the truth, if you have to. He really needs to be taught under someone else who hasn't had feelings for him and who can step back from the TYPE of song and simply listen to the voice. Your job is not to judge songs, but to judge his voice. Let him know something around the lines of: "[Name], I have come to realize that our past relation is affecting the way I instruct you. I feel like it is in your best interest to find another voice teacher that doesn't have this sort of barrier. You have a beautiful voice but I am just letting things get to me that are not acceptable. I am sorry."
Seriously, if you continue the way you are you will end up hurting this guy in some fashion. If you tell him to stop singing what he loves to sing then you may end up discouraging him. If he is too discouraged he may abandon the idea altogether.
Please, step back and realize your students are just students. They are not you or under your control. As a teacher, you only HELP them grow. If they have grown and want to go back to something they just really enjoy then that is their decision to make.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. My answer does not have to do with religion or his choice of music specifically, please remember that. My answer is from one person who was going to college to become a teacher to a person who currently is already an instructor. Religion or religious upbringing has nothing to do with response, for all I care you could have said he was into satanic chants and I would have responded the same.
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sorry this is so long but i really need advice, i know i'm not suppose to say this but really i will give 5 to anyone who answers because i'm so lost..
i made a huge mistake, i wish i never was put in this situation but i realize i have to deal with it now. my best friend for three and a half years has a girlfriend of two years. a couple weekends ago we were talking about sex and somehow we got to talking about us. i admit, i am horny i am a virgin im 18 years old. so when was like "hell yeah i wanna have sex with you" i really did mean it. i know that it's wrong to do though. he is the one i want to be intimate with, i've always liked him. different guys have wanted to do things with me but i can't do it with them, i always find myself thinking, "i want to do it with my best friend.." but i don't want to feel like i'm being used, and i don't want to lose it to someone who has a giflriend. well we were talking about this two weekends ago and i was like sorry cant this weekend i have my period so i was like in two weeks we can and then last night he texted me and was like.."we still doing it this weekend?" i was like haha yeah! so now he still thinks were doing it but i definately have been having doubts. there are so many reasons why i shouldn't but i REALLY want to with him. it's been weird this week i have been having dreams about us, and getting sexual. i've been thinking about it so much. the thing is if i don't do it with him i feel like he would think i was a tease. i know he is going to text me and be like, "ready?!" and i don't know if i should tell him in a text or have him come over and then explain to him. if he comes over though he will be excited because he will think he is getting "some" and then i would say like, "you know i really want to do it with you but the fact that you have a girlfriend, just makes me know that its wrong." and then after he wouldn't know what to say and things would be awkward but i still really want to hang out with him. i am so torn, i don't know what to do. i am the WORST at talking about things like this, i've never had an actual boyfriend which makes it worse. i can't resist this kid, everytime i'm around him i WANT HIM. but he seems to "want his cake, and eat it too" which makes me sad but i feel like degrading myself and just doing it because to me, it's something i feel comfortable doing with him and only him. i'm not the girl who is like oh i have to do it just to do it. well i would really appreciate if someone could help. thank you so much (link)
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I completely understand how you feel and that's why here at Advicenators we try to encourage people to think things through completely before they go about sexual activity.
So many things can go wrong, as you know. Condoms can fail. The birth control can fail. You could wind up pregnant by a man who loves another woman, unwed, unhappy, lost, confused, etc. Or with an abortion--which may end up hurting your body WAY more than giving birth would. You're not stupid though, you know this, I'm sure.
The problem is that you'll always have these feelings for him and giving him what he wants, physically, would only cause things to become worse. He would continue to use you, you would continue to be led on by him. You know this. A girlfriend of two years isn't going to be dropped tomorrow for a friend of 5 years, seriously. He just sees something in her that he cannot see in you, or you'd be dating him.
Don't text him and DO NOT wait until he comes over. Call him on the phone. Call and say, "Hey [Name], I have decided that I do not want to do the sex thing. It's wrong and we both know it. You have [Girlfriend's Name] and it would be so hurtful to have to be the other woman, especially since you've been seeing her for so long. I have feelings for you and this would only make things into a big mess. I hope you understand and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm a tease. I let my hormones get the best of me and I wasn't thinking clearly. I hope we can put this behind us and continue being friends--and only friends. This is how things need to be and we both know this is right. Maybe if you and [Girlfriend's Name] don't make it...well, then maybe we can try something with us, but this really isn't the right time."
If you have to, write down what I said to say and read it out loud to him on the phone. That is the best way to word things, in my opinion.
Text will make this too awkward. He won't get your full detailed answer. He may feel then like you're a tease--especially since it will be so informal.
Waiting until he comes over is a bad choice. In the heat of the moment, you could lose yourself and go through with it, leaving you in deep regret later. Don't put yourself in a bad situation like this.
If he tries to convince you otherwise, he simply does not respect you as a human being. Seriously.
If he decides to not be your friend then he, again, simply does not respect you.
He may get upset and not talk to you for a couple of days because he needs time to think this through too. He, likely, has let his hormones get the best of him too in this situation so let him have time to cool down from suddenly realizing this sort of thing.
Don't bring up sex again with him after this unless he's single and available. If you even start going into this sort of conversation things can get VERY bad, especially if you realize that this is not right again.
It's good that you realized your hormones got the best of you. I am proud of you for coming to this conclusion before you went through with the act. From experience, I can tell you that sex at the wrong time and/or with the wrong person can REALLY hurt a person emotionally and mentally--something that can never be healed or fixed even years down the road.
Be friends with the guy and don't cross the line anymore. You know he isn't going to drop his girlfriend of 2 years so, if you must, pretend he is married. Would you sleep with a married man? Hopefully not.
You never want to be the other woman. Nobody ever likes the other woman. The other woman always wants more and is always being led on. She is constantly a depressed woman. She constantly craves love and affection so she cycles that horror over and over throughout her entire life.
Just be you and wait for the right, single, available, sweet guy and things are going to be alright.
I know it's hard to control yourself sometimes, but this is something that needs to be done. I am, again, so VERY proud of you for realizing that this was not right. You have no idea how proud I am to have read this. You have no idea how much I want to hug you and give you a good congratulations.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Call and tell him right away. No need to make the wait longer, your anticipation may end up scaring you into doing it anyway. Just relax, take a deep breath, and dial his number.
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16/f
I have an interview with Shaws supermarkets on Tuesday Morning. Can anyone tell me typically what type of questions they tend to ask? I just want to be as prepared as possible. I need to start saving for college and a car now so I kind of really need this job. (link)
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I assume an interview at Shaws Supermarkets would be like an interview at Wal-Mart, or any other grocery store chain. I've worked at TWO grocery stores now, one chain (Wal-Mart).
At Wal-Mart, they asked me situational things, as well as personality questions. They want to know HOW you are and HOW you're going to react to the environment.
Think of the job and what it is going to entail. If you'll be a cashier, think of:
Counting money quickly and properly
Giving correct change back (always counting the money back to customer)
Waiting on customer after customer while being tired and sore
Putting the customer first
Making a good first impression (Smile and GREET every single customer no matter how horrible you feel)
The busy holiday seasons (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.)
PLU Codes, UPC codes memorization
Cash register operation
Then apply it to the questions you are asked by the interviewer. At Wal-Mart I got questions like:
"It is very, very busy and you notice that you should have been off 5 minutes ago. You're waiting for a CSM (person above you) to come relieve you but you cannot spot them. You have 5 customers in line, each with larger shopping carts full of items. What do you do?"
The answer, by the way, is to call for a CSM. You never turn down customers. You never leave the register. You never leave without letting someone above you know you're leaving.
"What is a time in which you had to handle two difficult tasks at the same time?"
"What is a time you had a difficult deadline to meet? How did you approach this, and what were the results?"
"What is a rule you dislike but follow anyway? Explain."
"What law do you disagree with [but follow anyway--may be tacked onto this question]?"
"Do you feel that most people are honest?"
"Do you feel that a person would steal if they KNEW they wouldn't be caught?"
"If you saw a coworker take a pack of .99 gum from a register without paying for it, what would you do, if anything?"
"Why do you feel you're qualified for this job?"
"Why do you want to work at Shaws Supermarkets?" (The wrong answer is "I'm desperate" "I need a job" you need to look enthusiastic about the job, looking forward to working with those people and for those customers.)
"What positive aspects can you bring to this job?"
"What are you doing with yourself right now?" or "What are your hobbies?" (school, looking for work, gymnastics, sports, babysitting, knitting, etc.--whatever you do, but don't lie.)
"What do you feel is your weakness?"
"What would you do in this XYZ-Stressful situation?"
Throw things in there, when it's appropriate, that they will want to know about you. If you catch on quickly then let them know. If you love dealing with the public then tell them. If you have a great memory that's good to put in there. If you have never missed a day of school (or VERY few) then they'd love to know. Whatever strong points you have, try to slide them in here-and-there. At the end of the interview, remember to shake hands and thank them "very much" for taking time out of their schedules to interview you today.
Remember to ALWAYS call them back after the first interview. Give them 2 - 3 days and then call them back to say, "Hello there! I am so-and-so and I had an interview on (day) with so-and-so [ask to speak to so-and-so then]. I was just wondering if you had gotten around to reviewing my application and interview yet..." If they tell you no, then ask when they think they'll be done with that so you know what else needs to be done--and if they say "probably on Friday" then call back on Friday and do the same thing.
I had to call Wal-Mart back plenty of times before I was hired. Call back until they tell you that someone else was hired or, simply, you were not hired. Don't be afraid to be rejected--they give you time to call them usually to see if you truly are interested in this job. You don't want to seem desperate, but you DO want to seem confident of your abilities. KNOW that they will hire you because YOU CAN DO THIS better than the other person/people they interviewed. You're not calling to see if you got the job--you're calling to see when you'll be starting. That is how confident you need to be.
Relax and be yourself. If you're not a peppy person then don't pretend to be. If you're confused, lost, or misunderstand something then let them know (one of my interviewers at Wal-Mart had to repeat a question to me a few times). They don't want someone pretending to be a robot there, they want someone with a friendly face who can deal with stress easily.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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i told a guy that i like him and hee says he likes another girl but im still sexy i really want him do i wait or move on?
thanks
loveboys (link)
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Move on.
Guys say things like that because they know you like them and they want to keep you as a "back up" plan. This means that when he cannot find a "good enough" girl for him then he'll settle for you for awhile. Usually the guy leaves you for other women, and you're left very heartbroken.
If he truly wanted to be with you then he would be pursing you. Don't listen to him trying to lead you along, this is how "friends with benefits" while someone is in a deep relationship starts out. Someone tells someone else that they just think you're the cats pajamas but they can't be with you because of XYZ. This is crap and it's the WORST thing to do to someone.
Spare yourself the heartache and move on before you get in too deep.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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is it okay for a girl to watch porn? is it like illegal to watch it online and stuff? (link)
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Actually, regarding the other user's answer, it is illegal to watch or view pornography under the age of 18, 21 in some U.S. states.
To the side here (I am a paid user) you've listed your age as "15"--making it illegal for you to view pornography online.
So, depending on your country and state, the law may differ. Pornography is not illegal, but viewing or creating such things while under the age of 18/21 is very illegal. I am uncertain of the consequences, but I'd say that you and your parents would be in trouble if it was found.
I certainly wouldn't want to make a bad choice in my viewing and have my parents taken in for questioning as to why they allowed you to view pornography. It's considered damaging to your young mind so I'm sure your parents wouldn't be so happy to find out they could be in trouble for your sexual curiosity.
There is a reason why porn sites make you click a link, claiming you to be at least 18 (21 in some states) so that they are not liable for any "damages" done to you. The site will clearly state that there will be "adult content" on the site and if you have made a mistype then to EXIT or click that you're under 18/21. They don't just put that sort of thing on porn sites for the hell of it, you know. :)
I suggest you wait until you're old enough (in your country and state) before viewing as to avoid all possible consequences.
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18 female
so there is this guy. we were texting and we got on the subject of sex. well i'm still a virgin, he knows that. he has only done it with one other girl. anyways me and him were talking about doing it and then i was like you wouldn't be able to handle me ;) and he was like yeah right! i was like im serious, and i was like guess you'll just have to wait and see. well then it really started to bug him and he wouldn't stop asking me why i didn't think he could handle me in bed. truth is i know he could, i just wanted to get him excited and so when he kept asking i didn't know what to say. finally i was just like ok if i said that you could handle me, will you leave it alone!? and he was like yeah see your full of it, you know i can! and then i was like maybe you can, maybe you can't. then he stopped texting me and i haven't talked to him since. like two weeks ago that was too! i don't know if he got mad at me, if he was annoyed, if he just didn't want to talk anymore or what? i'm not the kind of girl to like keep texting him either if he doesn't say anything back, i think thats annoying. but what do you you think happened? now i'm worried that he is pissed at me, did i do something wrong and if i did can i fix it somehow? thanks :) (link)
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He thought you were going to be freaky in bed and he would be able to have some alternate dimension sex with you if he kept pursing you. He thought this from you saying he couldn't handle you. He probably thought you had some very, very big kink that would be exciting and new for him.
Turns out you're just a regular girl. When you finally just flat-out told him that you're "normal" then he backed off. He figured you probably weren't as exciting and you'd be the same as the other girl he was with with no major kink. You're a regular girl, which he can pick off the street at any point if he truly desired (in his mind).
He also probably saw you as very, very easy in those moments. He probably thought, "Wow, she must be a very horny girl! I can SO get into her pants, and have a new kind of kinky fun while I'm doing it!" When you admit that you're just a normal girl, he backed off, figuring that you weren't as easy as you once made yourself out to be. So, you pretty much stated, "I am REALLY easy!" and then you back-tracked and said, "Okay, I'm not THAT easy..." which made him turn away. You were super easy for a moment, then he realized you were just normal, and that isn't as much fun, you see--now it takes work to get into your pants (in his mind). You aren't a special person to him, so why would he take the time?
Personally, I wouldn't worry about this guy anymore and just move on. If he is going to stop talking to you for days, let alone weeks, after a sexual discussion then he probably really isn't the one after all. A lot of people can be left with emotional scars and baggage when they enter that sort of "relationship" because they are never truly fulfilled and always will be seeking more. Humans were simply made for companionship, otherwise we wouldn't be what we are today and we wouldn't seek others' approval as much as we do.
I also think that leading a guy on to have sex with you is not the wisest choice, especially in this manner. You told him something you simply weren't just so he'd be sexually interested in you. This is not the best way to play this sort of game because if you two have sex he WILL know then and be more inclined to cut off all contact after the activity. If you REALLY want to snag a guy this way (which, of course, I do not recommend) then be yourself and tell them the truth--you're a virgin and, obviously, horny. Most guys will go for any girl who is openly horny because she is seen as easy, and a quick-fix to hormone driven sexual desire.
If you seriously want to continue pursing this guy, just send him a message or call him. By contacting him in any form, you'll be telling him you're desperate, too, so take that into consideration. The desperation may come off as extremely creepy if he hasn't had two thoughts of you after the conversation. Seriously, there isn't anything else that can be done without you looking like a complete psycho. Just call once or text once.
Lastly, just forget about him if he doesn't return communication. Seriously, is he REALLY that special if he's doing this to you? Do you REALLY want to lose your virginity to a guy who will drop and ignore you for two weeks time afterward?
Hope things go well. Feel free to ask me if you have any more questions.
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What constitutes a reason for living? (link)
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You can change your future, even if your present is complete trash. Death is pretty much the biggest thing that you cannot undo or make right in some fashion. Take for example:
An alcoholic decides to become clean-and-sober one evening after a drunken rampage. During this, he beats up a girl he knows in a bar. The next day he begins to attend AA meetings and, although the addiction is hard to overcome and he feels HORRIBLE going without alcohol for a few days, he sees a light in the end. During his "12-step" program he is instructed to go back and to try to right his wrongs--especially about the need to apologize to people he has negatively affected. He goes back and apologizes to the girl he hurt that one night and she accepts it. He becomes sober and leads a happier life because he is then able to fulfill some of his life-long goals.
Even if you did something terrible, things CAN get better if you try. If you've killed someone, you can repent and start your life anew, only it would be, most likely, in a different setting. You can teach people and they can learn from your mistakes. You can show people what NOT to do, and who NOT to be. You are CONSTANTLY a role model, whether you want to believe that or not.
You never know what will be in you future.
Life is really what you make of it. If you go through life saying, "This isn't good! This isn't good! This isn't good!" then your life isn't going to be good. You subconsciously tell your mind not to try hard enough because it will be bad anyway.
Live each day like you just found out you have 2 weeks to live. Apologize to the people you need to apologize to. Be kind and friendly so people treat you nicely. Smile--what's the use of frowning anyway? Look for the bright side of things. Help others while you have the time (volunteering your time)!
You don't have to have sex, do drugs, experiment, or become a world-famous rock star to have a decent life. There will ALWAYS be hardships. There will ALWAYS be times that you go, "Wow, am I REALLY that stupid?!" and there will be times that you'll say, "Please, give me one more day like this. It was beautiful. It was perfect. This is what I wish EVERY day was like!"
Look at both sides of the picture. You see that it's going to be raining tomorrow and you go, "Darn! I am so upset! I wanted to do my hair up and wear this one outfit but if it rains I can't! Stupid rain!" but the rain does so much good. It helps to give you nourishment. The sky is left with beautiful rainbows.
You say, "I embarrassed myself SO BAD today in front of EVERYONE! I HATE THIS!" but you taught people a lesson on what not to do. You showed people you were human and that it's okay to make mistakes. In time it will be forgotten or you'll see it as just a silly moment, but people get so stuck on the present that they can't see past it.
Relax and change your future.
I also recommend volunteering your extra time to those who could really use it.
You need to make more of your life. By giving to others, you are creating your sense of worth. You will soon realize that YOU DO make a difference and that people appreciate and care about you. You will realize that when you have to skip a volunteer day for a doctor's appointment that many of the people you have been helping will ask what happened to you--Ah-hah, there's your sense of belonging! You will begin to realize that being involved with the care of others can be very fulfilling spiritually.
The people who surround you create your sense of belonging though. Those people help you to see yourself as useful. Those people are the ones that can show care back for you. Without those people, you aren't anything anymore.
Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. You may even consider doing random acts of kindness:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=546646
Keep looking to the future with your head on straight. Don't expect the world of yourself. You're just human like the rest of us and you just need to learn things you don't know just yet.
Learn and go on with life.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME, OR TELL ME ITS WRONG...
okay so i have a best guy friend (who has a girlfriend of two years) lately we've been talking about sexual stuff and we got on the topic of us. i've ALWAYS wanted him, and he is the only guy i could ever see myself doing anything with but i never thought i would actually get the opportunity to. so we were talking about hooking up this weekend. we were talking about it about a week and a half ago but ever since, he hasn't texted me at all or anything. i thought he would for sure text me sometime today or yesterday because he's not one to be like... yeah lets hook up but i wont talk to you at all before, i thought he would be nice and make sure we're still on for this weekend and everything. i mean what guy is going to turn down the opportunity of hooking up with someone and HE brought it up first too its not like i asked him to. i just don't know what to do i DONT text anyone first, even he knows that. i dont want to tell people i can't do anything and then me and him not even end up hanging out this weekend and then not have anything to do but i don't want to make plans and then have him still want to hang out you know? why do you guys think he hasn't been talking to me this is definately not like him. i don't want to text him and ask him because i will feel stupid. i never feel comfortable doing that kind of stuff so please don't say, just text him and ask if you're still on. i just want some opinions on why you think he hasn't been texting me or anything, it's kind of hurting me :[ (link)
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Although Razhie has some really good points, I highly doubt he "feels bad" now so he just stopped communicating. I say this because you clearly state that he does this periodically--talks to you about hoooking-up and then leaves you hanging for a day or more:
"everytime he text's me we'll talk for like a day and then after he wont text me after that for awhile..."
I really think he sees you as a piece of meat, that he can use and leave whenever he wants. He probably is just leading you on enough so when the timing is right on his part, he can use you, and then drop you off. This is, typically, the way friends-with-benefits goes about anyway.
If he was genuinely concerned after telling you that you two could hook up and has changed his mind then he wouldn't be going back-and-forth as he is. Chances are he DOES want to hook-up, it's just that he doesn't care WHO he hooks up with. This means he doesn't care who you are or what you are. You are something he can come play with whenever he wants.
He has no special feelings to you because you aren't special to him. He sees you as someone he can use and drop whenever he wants and someone he can use in the meantime. He'll lead you on, keeping you hanging and hoping, but won't ever develop feelings for you the way you may develop feelings for him.
Friends with benefits basically just means two people meet up to engage in sexual activity and that is all. They rarely go on anything considered as a "date" and typically do not speak to each other more than to set-up a meeting for sex.
The problem with friends with benefits is that people tend to become emotionally attached at some point, usually females. When this happens it seems that the person simply cannot grasp that a real relationship is not forming and is not there. They tend to become very depressed and may even obsess over their sexual partner, hoping for some glimmer of a relationship--which, by the way, can never be strong if it were to form because the entire basis for (at least) one person would be sex.
I believe that communication and overall interaction is cut down so much as to avoid emotional baggage from forming (which usually forms anyway but these sort of people try to avoid it, naturally). The more you interact with someone on a personal basis (ie: getting to know who they are), the more likely it is that you will develop some sort of attachment to them. Attachment is a hard thing while in a friends with benefits situation because the other person typically does not share those same feelings for you.
It simply comes down to cutting personal contact out to be able to have a guilt-free sexual relationship. The more you know about a person, the higher chances there are that you will become emotionally or mentally attached to them. This is why many people say that these kinds of "relationships" are extremely unhealthy--you do not learn how to effectively communicate and interact with a partner at all.
In short, I think he's leading you on. He may not be ready to hook-up, or he may be trying to lessen your communication with him so he doesn't have to deal with your attachment. He knows you're attached and he knows he isn't attached to you. He knows how girls are, he knows he can use you because he got you to say, "Yes!"--which, in turn, was admitting that you had feelings for him. He doesn't want YOU, he wants sex--that is all this is.
Please, spare your own feelings and stop assuming this guy is decent by saying things like "he hasn't texted me at all or anything. i thought he would for sure text me sometime today or yesterday" and "i thought he would be nice and make sure we're still on for this weekend and everything"
He doesn't like you. He isn't going to like you. He sees no point in communicating with you. He is going to get what he wants--WHY should he make any more effort?
He is just a guy, looking for sex.
He would take sex from your sister if he thought she'd say yes.
He'd take sex from your aunt if he thought she'd say yes.
You aren't special to this guy.
He is going to CHEAT on his girlfriend of TWO YEARS so you two can have sex--do you REALLY think he's smart? Nice? Kind? Has his head on straight?
He's young and horny.
Drop this and find someone who cares so you're not left with really stupid baggage.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. I am in no way judging you or telling you this is completely wrong. I am telling you the honest truth so you can make a wise decision about your own emotions and who you want to grow into. I am hear to tell you that if you went through with this, there would be more and more. Guys and guys. Time and time again. Heartbreak. Scared. Broken. Lonely. I can tell you, it isn't what it seems right now.
Please, think it over.
I am just concerned for you.
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im having a party at my house on Halloween and i just had surgery yesterday to have skin cancer deeply removed, im in a lot a pain and on painkillers, but the thing is u can see my ribs and its like a 3 inch scar under my arm over my breast n on my ribs, and in the surgery I was conscious and never went numb now it hurts even more to move. Halloween is my favorite day of the year and I love to party so id probably be moving around a lot, what should I do it hurts so bad to breath without painkiller and with them it makes me very sleepy. Wich Im bipolar with extreme negative ocd so everyone already thinks im a freak but they say im a loveable freak but I make a joke over it, is that bad?
I just came to a brand new school with no one I knew, n I made 3 best friends n only they know that I had surgery, their pretty much gona take over the party n be in charge so I don’t have to worry about that, but its going to hurt so bad if I even dance. Is there any games or stuff we can do that I can also do or any advice at all about my whole situation? I don’t wana tell anyone else I had cancer and had surgery because I don’t want them to feel sorry for me, im only 14 and female (link)
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First, hopefully you have an adult (your mom or dad, preferably) so they know the situation with you. With them you'll be able to "cover" being gone here and there in the party, otherwise your guests are going to start going, "HEY! Where did (you) go off to?!" YOU are throwing the party so people expect to see YOU around a lot.
Have your friends set things up. The less you move, the better off you're going to be. See if you can get them, paired with your parents, to decorate and set out the food/drink.
Next, do not go throughout the party in pain. If something hurts then stop doing it. If someone questions why you're not dancing a lot just say, "I'm just not feeling too well." You don't have to explain anything to them, as they will probably assume you're coming down with the flu (flu season).
This also covers why you might be absent to tend to bandages and stuff. If someone says, "Hey, I haven't seen you around the party much..." just respond with the same, "Yeah, I'm not feeling too well tonight...it's a bummer!" They'll understand--you are only human and humans get sick.
Take your medication if you're not feeling good. If you're in a lot of pain and need it then take it. Have your parents tell party guests that you're ill and went to rest but the party would go as planned.
Try not to overdo it. The last thing you need is ripping something open and bleeding down your top in front of all your friends. Just relax and play it cool. You're just sick tonight ;) that's all. No need to go into detail or explain the situation. It's your business and it should stay that way if that's how you want it.
Make sure to thank people for coming to your party in the beginning in case you won't be up when it ends. Remember to thank friends for helping out too!
The rule is:
Do not overdo it.
It's only one party and there will be others. You'll have another party next Halloween too maybe? No need to stress yourself out or hurt yourself. If you don't feel up to it, don't dance hard. Don't run around. Don't stretch for high things or raise your arms. Don't do anything your body tells you, "NO!" about. If you feel pain that's your body's way of telling you that you need to stop. Just listen to your body tonight.
Things will be just fine.
Let the three friends that know about your surgery know that you'll be a little down physically tonight and you'll need their help extra much.
Let your parents know your concerns so they can help cover for you.
Relax.
Have fun.
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me! :)
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so the guy im talking to wants to have sex and idk. like im scared of the possibilities of getting pregnant and it hurting and i have no idea what to do!! please help (link)
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If you are only "talking" to this guy and there has not been a long-term commitment present then chances are he just wants to use you.
This is exactly how friends-with-benefits relationships start out. A girl likes a guy and he starts pressuring her to have sex--she gives in, thinking it will lead to a relationship, and then he continues to string her on.
Don't do it.
Chances are if you do it you'll really regret it later.
This is probably (9 times out of 10 this is what happens) what will happen:
You will have sex with the guy and feel even more emotionally attached to you. He will say that he is still not ready to go into a relationship right now, but you'll be the first one he chooses. Time will pass, you two will keep having sex, and he will keep telling you that he likes you SO MUCH but cannot do a relationship. Then one day he'll say that Suzy somehow forced a relationship upon him and he is SO unhappy with her--so you keep sleeping with him. You will become his back-up girl. He won't ever date you but will keep sleeping with you behind his girlfriends' backs. You'll feel miserable, cold, lonely, and undesirable. Even if you get away from him, the likelihood of you continuing with another man in this manner has dramatically increased, setting you up for a very miserable future.
This type of relationship tends to mess with a person's ability to effectively communicate with people that they are not engaging in sexual relations with.
Now, I've had a couple of friends who have been in a friends with benefits situation. I don't mean to speak badly of them but they are in a horrible mess in their lives.
First, there is one that has had so many sex partners that she can't remember all of their names--that doesn't count the ones she didn't know the names of, mind you. She lost her virginity because a guy wanted to do the friends with benefits thing. She cannot keep a steady relationship to save her life because she is constantly thinking sex will solve all of their relationship problems. She has been used time and time again. She has HVP--genital warts kind, and I wholeheartedly believe that she cannot become pregnant because of diseases she may carry (she doesn't use protection so you'd think she'd be pregnant by now). She is constantly depressed, drinks insane amounts, and has harmed herself in the past to the point of trying to commit suicide. Why? Because nobody "loves" her. Why don't they love her? Because she thinks sex is love--and it's not.
As a note, the friend above always feels like the guy loves her after she has sex with him. He ends up getting stalked by her for weeks. It's really, really sad that she's that desperate and doesn't realize that to snag a GOOD man then DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM!
Then there is another friend. She was pressured into having sex when she was around 16 by her peers. They were all talking about sex so she thought she might as well start doing it too. She has been used and tossed out so many times. She has done some horrific things that I'm sure she's ashamed of. The first guy dumped her and then she did friends with benefits with a few guys here and there. A group of guys use to say, "When Tiffany is around you know SOMEONE is getting laid!" It was disgusting how low she put herself. She made herself a sex object. She's in the same predicament the first girl is--going from guy to guy, looking for love, having sex with as many people as she can.
Having sex to snag a guy for life is not a good choice, you see.
Pregnant possibilities:
Condoms are 88%, typically, effective on preventing pregnancy. That means that out of every 100 sexual encounters between people, 12 women will become pregnant. Condoms DO NOT protect from STDs--which can be carried by VIRGINS.
The hormonal birth control pill is only 92% effective with typical usage. So, that means that out of every 100 sex encounters, 8 babies will be conceived. The Pill also does NOT protect from STDs--again, which CAN be carried by virgins.
The "pull-out" method is only about 75% highest effective on preventing pregnancy. The number actually fluctuates between 29% and 75%
Abortions can leave your body scarred in such a way that you will NEVER be able to have children when you feel the time is right. There are also cases of women DYING because they had an abortion.
Sperm can live in you for a good 5 - 7 days under normal to good conditions. They have been found very alive inside women after TWO WEEKS from their last intercourse. Even "pre-cum" contains sperm--the guy does not know when he releases this fluid and it is not visibly seen with the naked eye.
STDs can RUIN YOUR LIFE. If you contract, say, herpes (~80% of the United States has a form of herpes right now) then you LEGALLY have to inform every person you ever have ANY sexual contact with or they can sue you. So, say you're 20 years old right now. You contract herpes on your first sexual encounter (happens ALL THE TIME) with this guy who didn't look like he was having an outbreak (HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!). He leaves you and you find another guy that you really, really like. How are you going to tell him that you have the STD herpes? What would that conversation go like? You, LEGALLY, have to tell him before sexual encounters--so how would that go? You two are kissing and you suddenly go, "I have something to tell you...I have herpes!" I mean, what do you think someone's reaction would be?!
Yes, virgins can have STDs. Yes, even if a person has no signs of an STD they could be infected. Males do not, typically, show signs of having contracted strains of HPV. People sometimes go YEARS without having a herpes outbreak. AIDS could hide in the body for years before signs start to appear. A sore throat could be oral gonorrhea. There is one STD, if I recall correctly it is Chlamydia, that can hide "symptom-free" in the body for years--as it deteriorates your BRAIN.
One sexual encounter = STD risk.
Think of this too:
If your "relationship" NEEDS sex to prove love, or to spice things up for interest reasons, then sex is going to break the relationship. This is a FACT.
I say find a guy that doesn't even mention sex. Find a guy who respects you and treats you like a human being and not a sex object. Find a guy that isn't completely obsessed with getting in your pants. Find someone who can have decent conversations with you and not mention sex every five minutes. Good guys do not expect sex. Good guys do not even mention sex. Good guys do not look at you as a way to get sex. Good guys don't hang around with perverted guys. Good guys ARE OUT THERE! Waiting for good girls!
You are worth more than sex.
My suggestion for the time being is simply this:
Make memories of your youth.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex--then were pregnant and..." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 7 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 14 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when that will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 13.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Be 19.
Be 20.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
Make good, lasting memories of the short period of time you get to be together. It may seem like having sex is a big deal and you'll remember it forever but you two, most likely, won't as the years go by. Everyone does it. It isn't special.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Does anyone know a site that is like advicenators?
Please let me know
Thank you (link)
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There are many sites like Advicenators, but it really seems like this place has a better feel. People here take questions and answers seriously, and when things go haywire, they're dealt with immediately and appropriately.
There is always the ever-so-popular:
Yahoo! Answers
answers.yahoo.com http://www.answers.yahoo.com/
(Here is a link as to why Yahoo! Answers is seriously not at all better than Advicenators: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=546023 )
Then we have sites like:
student.com http://www.student.com/
teenhelp.org http://www.teenhelp.org/
cool-teens.com http://www.cool-teens.com/
wiki.answers.com http://www.wiki.answers.com/
answerbag.com http://www.answerbag.com/
girlsteachguys.com http://www.girlsteachguys.com/
teenhut.net http://www.teenhut.net/
golivewire.com http://www.golivewire.com/
datingadviceforums.com http://www.datingadviceforums.com/
Of course there are plenty more free advice sites. Free teen advice that is actually trustworthy and non-harmful is pretty hard to come by. So many people do not take questions asked by teens seriously so you'll find a lot of the websites riddled with name-calling, harassment, jokes, and untrue information.
Advicenators, to my knowledge, is the only website offering free advice (especially free teen advice) about relationships, love, sex, financial issues, etc. with the personalized advice column feature--plus you have completely anonymity here on Advicenators. It's also much cheaper to purchase a paid account on Advicenators than it is on other sites.
With Advicenators, you know that DangerNerd (the owner and, pretty much, King of Advicenators) is only an email away. You know he is a real human being that will answer your email--not some stupid robotic thing. You also know you can make suggestions directly to the head of the site in this way and that they'll be read and responded to. If you read the link above about why Yahoo! Answers clearly stinks compared to Advicenators, you'll understand why so many people stick around here.
I do hope you don't decide to leave Advicenators, but I'm sure you'll find that this is the more intelligent of the free advice websites. People are honest here without being rude, and you can feel free to ask any question while being completely anonymous.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Well, i have this guy friend (more than a friend, less than a boyfriend)
anyways... He recently just got the cloud strife collectible figure with the sword.
And with christmas coming up, i was thinking about getting him the collectible with cloud and his motorcycle.
Now, im not sure if that would be stupid considering he already has the collectible of cloud and his sword.
But, i also know how much he loves the motorcycle, and seriously like everytime he sees it he gets so giddy and goes crazy lol
SO, my question is...Should i get him the collectible with the motorcycle because i know how much he likes it? Or should i not get him it because he already has the collectible with just cloud and his sword?
Thanks! (link)
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I see nothing wrong with getting him the other Cloud collectible with the motorcycle. As a matter of fact, this sound like a terrific idea, as long as nobody else decides to buy it for him as well.
If he really, really likes this Cloud Strife very much then you should definately get him more of what he likes, as long as you don't pick up a duplicate of something he has. He might be thrilled that you noticed how much he liked the other figurine.
You may also look into buying a game or two he doesn't have yet that has Cloud Strife appearing in it. I believe some of the Final Fantasy games (I believe Final Fantasy VII, for sure) and Kingdom Hearts games (I believe Kingdom Hearts I and Kingdom Hearts II, for sure). There is also the idea of purchasing the CGI film Final Fantasy VII Advent Children.
According to Wikipedia:
"Cloud's character has also appeared in games outside of the Final Fantasy VII continuity. He is one of several playable Final Fantasy VII characters in Itadaki Street Special for the PlayStation 2 and Itadaki Street Portable for the PlayStation Portable. In Chocobo Racing, Cloud is a hidden character that rides a motorcycle. Cloud is a playable character in the PlayStation version of Ehrgeiz, but like the other Final Fantasy VII characters present in the game he has no storyline. Cloud and Tifa are the only Final Fantasy VII characters with a third costume; Cloud's depicts him in his Shinra infantryman attire.
In the PlayStation game Final Fantasy Tactics, Cloud is a playable secret character the player can recruit. ...
In Kingdom Hearts, Cloud appears in the Olympus Coliseum world.
...in Kingdom Hearts Final Mix that he's looking for Sephiroth. Cloud appears later in the Coliseum's battle tournaments. During the credit roll at the end of the game, Cloud is shown reuniting with the other Final Fantasy characters in the library at Hollow Bastion. Cloud continued his role in the series in the Game Boy Advance sequel Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories as a boss in the Olympus Coliseum. ...
Cloud appears again in Kingdom Hearts II, depicted in his Advent Children attire.
Cloud was also confirmed to be included in the cast of Dissidia: Final Fantasy at the Tokyo Game Show 2008."
Try to surprise him a little, get him the figurine and then something he wouldn't expect. You might even be able to find a poster featuring Cloud Strife that he could put on his bedroom wall. If you have Photoshop (and the ability) you could make a large collage of Cloud Strife imagines and then have them made into a poster too.
Noticing that he likes something is good. It tells him that you are genuinely interested in him.
I hope things go well and you find the perfect gift for your boyfriend. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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okay theres this boy that i like and we have a very intimate friendship, that whole friends with benefits thing. anyways he told my best friend he likes me but he doesnt know what to do? he flirts alotttt. and he told his psycho ex he just wanted to be friends nothing more than that. so he got her out the way cuz at one point he wanted to ask me out but she got in the way. but that was a few weeks back now its i like her but i dont know what to do... what does that mean? should i keep flirting back and acting like i like him or just leave it alone? i need HELP. i mean like some really good advice, cuz it hurts to just keep messing with him and like him as much as i do. (link)
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He is leading you on with the "I like her but I don't know what to do."
This really translates to: "I like the benefits part of the 'relationship' with this girl but I don't see her as being a good girlfriend, especially long-term. She wants more but I don't want to lose the benefits...I don't know what to do."
He isn't seeing you as compatible, and isn't going to see you that way.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this. Young guys, who tend to be driven by their hormones, key in on this and take it for what it's worth--what you're giving him already.
He really just isn't that into you or he would push for a real relationship with you right now.
Even if this was to spur some sort of real relationship, it simply wouldn't last. The entire basis of the relationship would be sex, and those relationships burn out very quickly. He's interested in what you can give him, not who you are, or he would be WITH YOU by now.
This will always be a friends-with-benefits relationship. Even if it developed into anything more, the basis of it would be sexual so the relationship would quickly burn out, leading to more heart-break.
He has no special feelings to you because you aren't special to him. He sees you as someone he can use and drop whenever he wants and someone he can use in the meantime. He'll lead you on, keeping you hanging and hoping, but won't ever develop feelings for you the way you may develop feelings for him.
Watch and wait. He'll eventually find a new girlfriend--but it won't be you. He'll keep saying he likes you--but he won't be dating you. He will lead you on for awhile, dropping "hints" that he likes you, but will NEVER pursue anything with you. He will always turn you down for a real relationship, or end it quickly, giving some sort of, "We should just be friends with benefits" silly reason. (By the way, that line means, "I don't like you at all. I like using you. Let me use you.")
Stop worrying if he likes you.
He likes that he can have sex with you.
That's all.
Seriously.
I promise.
There is no point in asking him if he likes you. He'll give you answers that will make you "stay" in the situation with him. I promise, they never come out and say to your face that they don't like who you are but only care about what they're getting from you.
"I like you a lot but I just don't know what to do right now."
Will probably be his answer.
What is there to do? It isn't so complicated--you KNOW this! Either he likes you enough to want you to be his girlfriend or he doesn't. What can't he make up his mind about? That he doesn't really like YOU--he only likes what you can give him and that IS ALL.
Drop him and find someone who is willing to make a move now FOR YOU, and not for what you can offer.
I hope things turn around and you realize what sort of situation you have put yourself in. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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im a 20 year old male and i live in Canada
im dating a 14 soon to be 15 year old girl.
i wanna know if this is wrong? and if i have a problem.
i didnt think i did, but all my friends say i do.
so now idont know
i really love this girl (link)
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It is odd only because you are both in very different places in life and quickly growing into who you will become. Neither of you have matured enough to be on the same level (which would probably come around 25/30 or later, depending on your own personalities and life experiences).
I do not have room to say much. I am dating (and have been dating) a 38 year old man and I am a 22 year old woman (actually, JUST turned 22).
The problem we face with age differences is that he knows everything that I haven't gone through yet. He's already had those life-changing experiences that I have no clue are about to hit me. He has grown, seen, learned, done, and I have just been here, growing a little bit here and there.
14 is a big age, and so is 15. She is going through peer pressure. Her body is growing and maturing rapidly. She doesn't have a decent schooling yet. She hasn't done enough bad/good things to know how to avoid accidents, bad consequences, unwanted results, hurt and pain, etc. In essence, she is vulnerable and, well, ignorant.
You have had a lot more time than she has. You know how to step around some things. You know that if you do THIS then THAT will happen so you know to avoid it. You have more abilities--manipulation comes easier, for one, and that is the main thing people think about when it comes to this relationship. Many people will see this as: "He is manipulating a young, fragile girl into being with him so he can use her for sex and hurt her."
It is AGAINST THE LAW to have sex with her or have any sort of physical relationship. Even if "it's a secret" there is a HUGE lesson you need to learn:
She is a 14/15 year old girl. She will write it down somewhere. She will tell ONE friend. She will do something that will make the issue very vulnerable. If it slips out that you two "made-out" (or "more") one night then it can be OVER for you. You WILL go to jail. All that needs to happen is somebody tells the authorities and they will come and arrest you on the spot.
There are simply things you cannot do with her that you could with a girl your age right now. There are so many things you both need to learn, and are going through, that will be difficult to make it through together since you two are in separate areas in life.
No kissing--not anywhere, not even on the face.
No boyfriend/girlfriend affection. You MUST treat her, physically, as a friend, and only a friend.
No "dancing" (what they call dancing now, aka grinding)
No petting or groping.
No dirty talk (including the simple phrase, "I'm horny.")
No hugging beyond something you would do with a friend
No compliments of her body (example: "Wow, you have a nice butt!" or "That makes your chest look good!")
No spending nights--even if you two don't even sleep in the same room!
No sex.
All of the above = ILLEGAL
All of the above = JAIL TIME FOR YOU
You can:
Hold hands.
Spend time together.
Talk about every-day things and get to know each other.
Go on dates.
Things like: Reading together, watching movies or television together, karaoke, volunteering various places together, consoling each other like friends would during rough times.
Being with her isn't going to "ruin her natural development" if you know your boundaries and keep to them. As a matter of fact, you can HELP her grow as a human being by helping her make it through difficult stages. Give her time to mature as you two are together. Do not rush anything. Do not put yourself in a possibly-bad situation. People that go to jail for this usually think, "Oh, she'd NEVER tell that we did this," and by the end of it, they've lost what they thought was life.
Things to think of:
Someone can CLAIM that you two, say, had sex and you and her will be questioned, at the VERY LEAST.
You will ALWAYS be seen as the bad guy.
If ONE person knows, they can "accidentally" mention it to someone else--which will start a chain reaction and will land you in jail.
I know a guy that was seeing a 15 year old girl when he was over 20. She had lied and said she was 18, they even celebrated her "19th" birthday together. Turns out she was 14, going on 15 on that birthday. Well, she got arrested for shoplifting and, while in jail, let it out that she had been with him. He was, IMMEDIATELY, taken into custody. He told the story about her lying and him not knowing it and they didn't care. He now has been pegged with "child molester" for the rest of his life. He is a registered sex offender because A GIRL LIED ABOUT HER AGE! He's now 40 and miserable. He can't find a job because nobody wants to hire a sex offender and he is LEGALLY not allowed to work where minors are (working, hanging out, etc.). He is only allowed to have a computer, which is monitored heavily and someone has to be in the room with him when he surfs the 'net. Women do not want to be with him because he's a registered sex offender. He cannot find a decent place to live (read: he must live with his mother) because people find out about the sex offender thing and harass him. His life is in the toilet.
Keep boundaries and you'll be okay.
Do not make promises like "we'll get married" or "things will be better when..." because it will only cause things to be strained.
Relax and think about this.
Think about the logic.
Is this seriously something you want to do?
It takes a lot to keep those boundaries in this age, but it MUST be done if you want to be with this girl.
Keep your head on straight and take time out to think about the possibilities of this sort of relationship. Can you handle this? If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
P.S. You CAN love her, it isn't like she's 3 and you're 30. When she's 25 and you're 30, this will seem like no big deal, trust me.
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Ok, so my mom had had (mind you, i told her to get checked) shes had diarhea for about a year now...and today she pooped a whole toilete full of blood, any idea of what it might be?
Thank you. (link)
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She needs to go to the emergency room NOW.
If she has "pooped a whole toilete full of blood" then she is in a serious condition.
I know of a man who passed away within HOURS because his intestines were bleeding just like this. His family was not prepared for his death and it came as a great shock to all. Granted, he had cancer (though, in recovery, I believe) and the medication is why his intestines did this, which could be a reason why your mother is also having bowel troubles--cancer, medication, etc.
Please, don't wait, encourage her to go to the ER immediately before things worsen. If you are able to drive, please offer that assistance in case she is weak. If you have to, call a close relative and explain the situation to them, encouraging them to encourage her to seek medical assistance before it's too late and she suffers major complications (if not death).
Please, get your mother help now.
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hey so ive seen the video two girls one cup but i want to show it to my friend, whats the link (link)
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Why in the world would you want to show your friend? Do you actually LIKE it? That's what it sounds like to me.
Watching 2 girls 1 cup is illegal in the United States actually. To my knowledge, pornography is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to view anyway in the United States. Are you seriously going to risk getting in that much trouble just to watch a clip of two very disgusting girls?
So, point blank, what you are wanting to do is illegal and immoral.
You and your friend, even if interested in that type of porn, shouldn't be watching such disgusting things. You are filling your mind with bad images that are tainting your very soul.
I do not understand the appeal of 2girls1cup anyway. It's sick and wrong and I do NOT understand how that could be amusing. When did the world get this bad? When did absolutely disgusting = immensely hilarious?
When were cartoons not cute anymore and girls "playing" in fecal matter was amusing?
When did Leave it to Beaver become boring and illegal pornography viewing became all the rage?
When did 16 year old girls start WANTING to watch pornography of two girls degrading themselves?
Please spare your friend this horror. There is really no point in showing them. You're really not being a good friend if you're wanting to hurt them or embarrass them, which one of those two WILL happen.
Please, grow up and find better things to do with your life.
This is just stupid.
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I got my period september 21st, and have had it since then.
it stopped september 28th (Sunday) and on that following Thursday I missed 2 days of my birth control, I take Lutera, so I took 3 pills. Starting that day I got my period again, full blown. It wasn't spotting, it's heavy. I'm scared, I can't go to the doctor bc my mom doesn't know I'm on the pill, and I work past the hours for the free clinic around my house. Should I stop my birth control? Or continue taking it so that my hormones can get even again?
My boobs have deflated, I went down a whole cup size. That never happens, in fact the birth control makes them larger. And I have no sexual desire anymore - while usually It's pretty strong with me.
I did some research and it said I might have low estrogen due to the pills. If that is the case, should I take estrogen pills?
17/f (link)
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You are bleeding too much for your own health and safety. Please see a doctor right now. Find a way and just do it. Your health is way more important then getting in a little trouble with your mother.
Four days between two full-blown periods is not healthy or safe. Heavy Bleeding longer than 5 days is also not healthy or safe for your body. This is very dangerous to your body.
Your body bleeds quite a bit of blood and uterine lining out during your period. Because of this it will take a good week and 1/2 or more for your body to get back up to "normal" if it was "normal" to begin with. Sometimes we weren't "normal" when we started our period so it will take even longer for our bodies to health back up to normal health. You may FEEL better, but remember that the uterine lining must repair itself in between cycles.
Regardless if the period is light or heavy, this isn't healthy. It's hard on your body and you can develop anemia very quickly allowing this to happen.
It isn't normal, no matter what other users want to say. NOT NORMAL! NOT HEALTHY! YES, DANGEROUS! Your body simply cannot function healthily having a full-on period with 4 days in between of no bleeding. Those 4 days isn't even giving your body enough time to heal, which will lead to complications regarding possible scarring in the uterus--no joke! A scarred uterus will not allow a baby to form properly so you would be considered infertile.
See a doctor. See a doctor NOW. This can become serious in a hurry. You can quickly regret not seeing a doctor when you needed to in a couple of years when you decide to have children and find that your uterus is scarred from periods like this.
Do stop randomly stop your birth control pills now. It isn't good to stop in the middle of taking them; however, the reason you had a second period was simply because you had "stopped" and then "started" taking them again. If you stop taking them now, without consultation with a doctor, then you may end up bleeding for a solid month like this.
If you miss more than one pill you are suppose to give yourself a week and re-start. Hormonal birth control can really mess up your system if you're not taking it appropriately. If you need help remembering when to take the pill then purchase a watch with a timer and have it go off every day at the same time. Messing with your hormones only sends your body out-of-whack.
The pamphlet that comes with the pill usually says something like:
If you miss one pill, it is safe to double-up the next day; however, if you miss more than one pill (2+) discontinue the package and re-start in 7 days to allow your body to regulate.
As a note: You are not considered "protected" by the pill right now. Continue taking them as usual and do not engage in sexual activity without a "back-up" method. Next month (aka next set of pills) wait a week before engaging in sexual activity if you only rely on the pill for pregnancy-protection.
Your body thinks that your hormone levels dropped because it was time to have a period again. Again, this is NOT OK in any way. Do NOT do this again, for any reason. If you miss more than one pill then just wait a week and restart so your body isn't so freaked out.
Please, please see a doctor immediately before you become ill or bad things happen to your body. A doctor is the only person that can ensure your health regarding this. Please, even if you have to tell your mother, good health is worth a few days of punishment for disobeying. Seriously, think about it.
I wish you well and hope your appointment goes smoothly. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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I met a girl a while back, and we started out being good friends. We got along perfectly. We were such good friends. We didn't fight or argue or anything. Well, we started going further with the relationship, and we fell in love.. sorta. Well, I did at least. We were everything except officially bf/gf. We even slept together.
Then she said no. She told me that she didn't want to date me because I have bad communication skills. I told her I would still be friends, because we made good friends. But now, after all this.. we've been fighting more, and arguing. I still want to date her, in a small way. Not so much though now.
I regret sleeping with her, and I wish that the love thing never happened. Last night, we had a big blowout... and I almost called the relationship off totally. What should I do? (link)
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This girl is using you and doesn't care about your feelings on the matter. This will always be a friends-with-benefits relationship. Even if it developed into anything more, the basis of it would be sexual so the relationship would quickly burn out, leading to more heart-break.
If the genders were flipped, and you were a female while she was the male--what would you think? That the guy was using the girl for what he could, while he could. That he was telling her things like, "I DO like you...I just don't want a commitment like you want because of XYZ," so he could KEEP using her.
The fights are just "spats" to her because:
1. She doesn't take them seriously. You do NOT mean anything to her and she knows she can just flip-flop around with you whenever she wants. Why would anything you actually say matter to her? It really doesn't.
2. She wants to make them seem less so you stick around. If you realize how strong the arguments are then you will feel that he "relationship" is on the rocks and may re-evaluate what you've been doing. She REALLY does not want this so she will say whatever it takes to make you feel like everything is going smoothly.
This is what she is doing to you.
She will tell you what she feels you need to hear to keep you trailing behind her. She is using you as a stepping stone--giving her sex makes her feel important. In a sense, she is gaining self-confidence by using you.
The girl really does not like you as much as you like her. This is strictly sexual for her. Even if you were the best communicator alive she wouldn't want a long-term RELATIONSHIP with you. You just aren't her type for whatever reason--and that reason could be something as silly as the sound of your voice. Seriously, she is pretty full of herself to be doing this to you.
To save your sanity, you need to break this off with her and learn a lesson. Having sex doesn't mean someone likes you. If you want something long-term then hold out for the relationship to begin, at least, before you jump into the bed with them. You're only hurting yourself by throwing your body out there for her (or any woman) to use as they please.
Please stop referring to this as a relationship. This is not a relationship. This is a friends-with-benefits--which is really someone-using-someone. She doesn't have emotional attachment to you. She only sees you as sex--a confidence booster for herself.
Tell her it's over. Tell her that you're sick and tired of being led on and used. Tell her that you are human too--that you have feelings just like she does. Tell her that she was completely wrong for lying to you and telling you things to keep you close. Tell her you no longer want this and you are moving on because YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Then stop talking to her.
Stop answering the phone.
Stop chatting with her online.
Stop meeting up with her, even for lunch.
Stop ALL contact with her.
You deserve to be treated fairly and not used-and-left. As one user said, "...in the end, I know I will be played like I'm a piece of meat, used up and discarded of when nothing more can be pulled from the bone." That is what is happening here. She will continue to do this same thing over-and-over until you have nothing left to give. Until she finds someone else. Someone "better" in her eyes.
For a final note:
You are simply her back-up plan. It is fairly common now for men and women to find someone they can use and consider them a back-up. The back-up plan concept means that when there is absolutely nobody that is GOOD ENOUGH for them to be with, then they will have a "companion" out of the person they feel they can drop anytime they want. When she finds someone "better" she WILL leave you and whatever you feel you two have.
Do not bother "confronting" her with questions. She will lie and say whatever it takes to keep you around. Really. I promise.
I had a friend who was in a relationship with a guy for a few short months. She was ONLY with him because she was unable to get someone "worthy" at the time so she used him for what she could. She told me flat-out that she REALLY did not like the guy and was going to dump him, as she was interested in another guy she felt she could snag. The very next day (the day she was going to call and break up with him) he actually called her and dumped her. She proceeded to cry and be oh-so-hurt, but, in reality, she just wanted to make sure she could keep him as a back-up in case the other guy wouldn't take her. It was a mess and the poor guy was left with a lot of emotional scars--but the girl didn't care an ounce about him.
Spare your sanity.
Spare your feelings.
This will only make you a cold person. You are wasting precious time on this loser while you could be with someone who really cares about you. This girl isn't worth the time or effort--please move on.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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okay so im a sophomore in high school, and i play soccer and basketball. I don't really hang out with the "popular" crowd, but i have quite a few friends. Everyone says that high school is the funnest years of your life, but so far I haven't had much fun. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs or anything like that, and i've never been to an actual like 'party'. i just want to make the most out of high school and have a lot of fun! How and what should i do to fulfill that goal?
Anything helps!! =] (link)
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Keep doing what you're doing.
Drinking and drugs is only going to make faded memories of awkward moments. How many times have you heard of girls getting "raped" at a party because they were drinking? (My Answer):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=550497
Drugs get you nowhere too. My cousin started smoking weed CASUALLY when he was a freshmen in high school. He was pretty intelligent and excelled in science and mathematics--he could have really been something. By the time hew as a junior (the first time) he was completely fried. He could no longer remember or recognize his own home phone number. No kidding. (My Answer):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=548441
High school is not meant to be fun or enjoyable actually. It was created to prepare you for the rest of your life. Example:
Elementary school prepares you for middle school.
Middle school prepares you for high school.
High school prepares you for...well, what comes next? The rest of your life.
If you start off drinking/smoking/whoring it up then the rest of your life is going to follow in the same manner. You'll run to drugs when things get hard. You'll drink your life away just to "have fun" which will lead to lost jobs. You'll give your body to men just to feel loved because you can't figure how to get love any other way (The Question):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=551440
In high school you need to be learning how to live. Learning how to make it in this insane world. Learning how to cope with reality.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be having fun, but drugs, sex, and alcohol shouldn't be involved at all. Learning that "fun" means getting wasted and having an orgy at a party is not really preparing you for a great future.
Go to ballgames on the weekends.
Catch a movie or two with some good friends.
Go on a date or two--without sex, without drugs, without alcohol--just you and a guy having some dinner and a movie.
Spend time volunteering at various places. You have no idea how fulfilling this is--and fun at the same time! (How's that for real-world preparation too?!)
Go to local set-ups for bands to play. Most towns, even small ones like the one I live in, have an annual Battle-of-the-LOCAL-Bands. Things like this are usually free and pretty fun, especially if you're sober.
Go to fairs when they come around. There's no shame and having a thing of cotton-candy and riding the ferris wheel like you did when you were six. It's still fun...I promise ;)
Go to prom when it comes. As a sophomore, you can be invited by an upperclassman. No need to sell your body for this either or end up wasted by the end of the night--dances are just fun, plain and simple. (Your high school probably also has other dances you definately should attend.)
Join other clubs. We had a robotics club that seemed super neat and educational at the same time. They took a trip out to go to a convention and everyone had a blast--without drugs, alcohol, or sex too! What a concept!
Go to the beach when it warms up again. Bring a friend or two. Your family probably wouldn't mind if you talked to them about it beforehand--a fun trip for all! :)
Join the school-paper. What's more fun than getting the latest school scoop and writing it up to let your peers know about it too?! If you're school doesn't have a paper yet--address this to the principal and get one started!
If you want to make memories then alcohol and drugs are not going to help at all. Don't waste your time wasting your life away with these things. Spend school time at school, learning. This time is for preparation for when YOU have to rely on YOU to really make it alive.
Don't follow-the-leader like your peers do. Seriously, they are going to end up VERY unhappy and lost in just a few short years. You'll see.
There's just so many things you can do other than having sex, getting plastered, and doing drugs. There is no point in going to parties because that is what happens--people "hook-up" and act a fool.
My suggestion regarding sex and relationships (since I KNOW it's an issue):
Make CLEAR memories of your youth.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Dance in the rain.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
There is absolutely no need to end up like this (My Answer):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543907
It happened. It's true. It's scary and I look back and say, "Thank GOD, I was not one of them. Thank GOD, I kept my head on straight." Those people have to live with that their entire lives. How would you feel if you were one of those that I listed? Happy? Doubtful. Confident? Doubtful. Loved? Doubtful. Smart? Doubtful. Good about yourself? Definitely not.
You don't have to be stupid to have fun. You don't have to kill brain cells to have fun. You don't have to numb yourself to have fun. You don't have to sell yourself to have fun.
Just keep doing what you're doing and memories will happen.
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Sex.
Parties.
The popular crowd.
That's all stupid. Wasteful. Hurtful.
Be smart. Be you.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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over the last few months, specifically, i've realized that most teenage girls are so fake, myself included. for example, all girls... (1) talk without caps but usually in abbreviations or with all correct punctuation, (2) carry tote bags to school, (3) wear hollister & abercrombie, (4) have a manicure, pedicure or combo, (5) have or had side bangs, (6) either "scrunch" or straighten their hair, (7) have or have wanted a tiffany bracelet / necklace, (8) own converse in any color... (9) have / have worn / have wanted to wear mascara and / or eyeliner (1) usually talk with extra letters (e.g., heyy! how are youu?)
all of the above apply to me, but why are girls so obsessed with fitting in with the popular crowd? it's not even state-wide, it's NATIONwide. all teenage girls are skinny and obsessed with their weight and either all or most of the above apply. why is this? what's your opinion on it? i sometimes wonder myself where my individuality has gone, but EVERYONE does it. so why does everyone go along with it? it's so bad that once on advicenators, i was reading a girl's problem and i was going through the exact same thing and -- BECAUSE ALL GIRLS TALK THE SAME WAY -- i actually stopped and asked myself if i submitted that question, and had to check. i can't even recognize my own voice and way of speaking because everyone talks in the same way. (link)
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You are completely right. I was in the exact same place when I realized this very thing. One day, after a few discussions with my boyfriend, everything clicked and it seemed like suddenly my eyes were open for the first time. I looked around and went, "WHOA! Wait a minute..."
The reason is: because we are wanted to become mindless beings so that we are easier to control in the long-run.
It sounds like some conspiracy thing, but it's all so true. Look around you closer. Think of things like this:
EVERYONE "should" have sex. You're pressured to have sex by your peers, television, movies, and even music. The "trojan man" even says that sex is just fine and dandy as long as you have a condom. If condoms are oh-so-effective then why do we have so many teenage pregnancies (condoms = 88% effective w/TYPICAL usage) and why is 80%+ of the United States population afflicted with the herpes virus?
Some people are just "born" being gay. Sure, maybe you can believe one in five thousand babies are born with a mental disorder like this, but why has it suddenly become so outspoken and almost considered normal? Because the media keeps telling us that it's okay. Jeffrey Starr is a big hit and he's flamboyantly gay. Will and Grace was a huge show and the main characters are wonderfully gay. Ellen Degeneres has her own TV show and is a big star now because she's out and gay (seriously, what does she EVER do well that deserved her own television show?). Gay people know that being gay is not "scary" and "hard" because they aren't told that, they're told that it's glamorous, unique, and desirable--that's why there are more and more gay people every day.
If everyone is sick with AIDS, herpes, and other STDs then they will have to lean on the government for assistance. If everyone is gay then birthrates will drop and there will be less people that will need to be brainwashed. If we're so obsessed with ourselves then we won't be able to reach out to others for help. I mean, what happened to visiting the elderly in nursing homes and bringing the sick some food so they didn't have to find/make their own?
You're being told that appearance is everything so that you cannot function in the real world. You worry so much about make-up and hairstyles that when it comes time to actually function as a working adult you'll be stumped and easily lost. You'll get overly stressed trying to flip burgers. You'll get so lost in working a cash register that customers will complain and you'll be fired. You can show up pretty but there isn't much past that. High school education isn't ANYTHING now--I passed high school and went through college and where am I now? I'm a cashier at wal-mart.
You'll then hit a depression and need to seek therapy. You'll be rendered completely useless in the real world, but you'll sure know what was popular when you were a teenager. You begin having panic attacks and need medication just to be able to find food in a grocery store.
And what about children? You'll give birth to one before you hit 18. The poor child won't know anything because you didn't learn anything yourself. They'll grow up being obsessed with their own hair, weight, and style instead of their intellect.
It's the TV. It's the radio. It's your brainwashed peers.
It's even your parents now.
I heard this conversation in the local Curves one evening:
"I didn't let Jerry stay at home even for half an hour alone even after he graduated from college. It's not that I don't trust him, it's that I know that if I am not there that he'll do something wrong. I mean, being a parent takes a lot of time and is HARD WORK..."
If this woman was truly a good parent then she wouldn't have to worry if Jerry was home alone for 30 minutes. Yes, parenting is hard work, but when did the line get crossed to the point where we stopped TEACHING our children right from wrong and assuming they only knew wrong? If you are a good parent then you can be confident that your child isn't going to make irresponsible decisions while being home alone for half an hour. Maybe you're not where I am yet on opening your eyes but, hopefully, you'll understand what I'm saying.
My parents didn't teach me how to grocery shop for lowest prices. My parents didn't teach me that vitamins are my friend when it comes to staying healthy. My parents didn't tell me that coldsores were actually herpes and that it could be passed to the genitals. My parents never told me that throwing my body around would be emotionally devastating so when I was freshly-turned 14, I started having sex. If my parents had preached to me about how special my virginity was and really laid down hardcore rules about boys spending the night then I wouldn't have the emotional baggage regarding sex that I do now.
Check my response to this question out:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543907
When was it funny to see GROSS porn?:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=550797
When did it become acceptable to sleep with random guys? I mean, where the hell did our morals go?:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=551440
When people stopped saying, "Killing an innocent child is wrong! Tell your friend that she is CRAZY!" and started saying, "Oh well...it isn't your kid anyway...just leave them alone...":
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=550330
When even MENTALLY RETARDED people were so pressured to have sex that they become pregnant:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=549668
When doing illegal, harmful drugs (weed) became normal and acceptable by most:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=548441
When it became STRANGE to hear of a person caring about making meaningful conversation before interacting with others:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=548317
When did it become normal to feel slutty after losing your virginity anyway?!:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=510318
When was it okay to stop loving God and start loving porn instead?:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543312
When did we start having to worry about contracting STDs through toilet seats?:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=547807
When it was SO HORRIBLE when our parents actually cared about us and set rules so that we could mature into useful adults at the right speed?:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=551098
I mean, what has the world come to? We're being fed so much crap that we buy into it. Hollister isn't making us cool or sexy. Being bulimic isn't making ANYONE pretty but is killing hundreds, if not thousands, of young girls. Make up only causes wrinkles--which we end up buying MORE products to try to reduce those.
Do the best you can to keep your eyes opened. Stop buying the expensive, trashy clothes. Stop spending time gobbing on make-up. Stop throwing your body around like it was meaningless. Stop making time for TV. Stop typing like a complete idiot. Start learning. Start volunteering at various places. Start caring about everyone else and how people are going to grow up. Start worrying about how you're going to function in a couple of years as an adult.
Stuff like this:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=542216
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=531458
and your question...
gives me hope that things will change some day.
I hope all goes well in your eye-opening journey and you don't end up shutting your mind off again. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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